FE20 Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Well, the title itself gives away the basis of what I want to ask, so I'll break down the situation so people are able to decode it. Basically, I'm a first year drama student studying in London. I met this girl during a social event the school of drama within my Uni throws to get the first year drama students to bond and get to know each other. We got along, laughed, joked, talked, all that jazz. Next thing I know we are in the same seminar classes as each other. This helped build a more solid social relationship with this girl. It was at this point that I started developing feelings for this girl. In seminar and on Facebook, we would constantly "abuse" the other, playfully trying to get reactions out of the other. At times in seminar she would start touching my hair trying to "get something out of it" or because "a piece of hair was sticking up" She even created a pet nickname which stuck to me to glue, to the point others began using it too, becoming a sort of "in" joke. Likewise I got her a white bed sheet as a reference to an "in" joke she was the punch line of.When we were put in the same group for a practical assessment, the social aspect became more private and personal in its subject matter. She would start talking to me about drunken one night stands, or a boy who said fancied her, but she did not like back. The boy in question was someone who I saw as competition for the girl, and she did not hide her feelings towards the boy, especially when she found out my dislike for the boy ( for other reasons besides potential competition). Likewise during extra rehearsal sessions during the weekend, she would ring me on the assumption I was the first to arrive, to ask me to open the doors as they were often locked. This feels odd when seen in the context of why ring me up, if the doors are all locked, then how would I be able to find my way in. It was sheep luck rather than anything else whether someone got in or not. During a post show party, the girl decided to have an early night, despite the protests of the rest of the group to come and drink till the early hours. When it came to the end of sememster, and people going their seperate ways, I found on Facebook she had messaged me asking for help with a written assignment explaining our performance. I found this most strange, not least because of her intelligence, but because the performance concept was her her brain-child. I private messaged her on Facebook. After helping her, she started to first, in caps start talking about how stressed she was, and thanks for listening to her. We then had a short conversation about friends coming back from uni, and how it would be nice to meet up and go to the pub with them. There was an excessive amount of emoticons on both sides of the converstaion. She ended up by the general hope you have a good break etc, and threw in a kiss. Around this time, she started deleting messages on Twitter about other boys. My friends likewise, egging on to the fact I fancied her, thought it would be funny to frape me, and make me like random photos of her, trying to force me to bring the isssue to the surface. I gave a semi-plausable scenario, and we both laughed it off. Since then neither one of us has contacted the other, mainly due to wanting to give the other one space. The issue I have is that although I fancy her, I'm scared to play my hand as it might compromise the friendship we already have. Likewise, I don't won't to sit there if she does fancy me, watching her attraction to me expire as another guy who is alot quicker to act jumps in.
Casablanca Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Go for it, you'll kick your self later if you dont wondering what if
IT Geek Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I'm in the same boat you are. There is this GREAT woman in a weekly dinner group I'm part of. Perfect for me and I love the fact that she has a bit of a sci-fi geeky side as well. We've talked a lot at dinner, friends on FB/4square and poke each other back and forth on FB. But deep inside I know she's way out of my league physically. She's absolutely gorgeous and could probably have any guy she wanted. Me? About a 3 on the 1-10 scale. LOL So, rather than risk a paradigm shift in the friendship, I pretty much keep my feeling to myself. I think a friend told her that I wanted to ask her out but I was too shy, so she may know I like her but hasn't mentioned it. So, the status quo maintains....
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) Well, the title itself gives away the basis of what I want to ask, so I'll break down the situation so people are able to decode it. Basically, I'm a first year drama student studying in London. I met this girl during a social event the school of drama within my Uni throws to get the first year drama students to bond and get to know each other. We got along, laughed, joked, talked, all that jazz. Next thing I know we are in the same seminar classes as each other. This helped build a more solid social relationship with this girl. It was at this point that I started developing feelings for this girl. In seminar and on Facebook, we would constantly "abuse" the other, playfully trying to get reactions out of the other. At times in seminar she would start touching my hair trying to "get something out of it" or because "a piece of hair was sticking up" She even created a pet nickname which stuck to me to glue, to the point others began using it too, becoming a sort of "in" joke. Likewise I got her a white bed sheet as a reference to an "in" joke she was the punch line of.When we were put in the same group for a practical assessment, the social aspect became more private and personal in its subject matter. She would start talking to me about drunken one night stands, or a boy who said fancied her, but she did not like back. The boy in question was someone who I saw as competition for the girl, and she did not hide her feelings towards the boy, especially when she found out my dislike for the boy ( for other reasons besides potential competition). Likewise during extra rehearsal sessions during the weekend, she would ring me on the assumption I was the first to arrive, to ask me to open the doors as they were often locked. This feels odd when seen in the context of why ring me up, if the doors are all locked, then how would I be able to find my way in. It was sheep luck rather than anything else whether someone got in or not. During a post show party, the girl decided to have an early night, despite the protests of the rest of the group to come and drink till the early hours. When it came to the end of sememster, and people going their seperate ways, I found on Facebook she had messaged me asking for help with a written assignment explaining our performance. I found this most strange, not least because of her intelligence, but because the performance concept was her her brain-child. I private messaged her on Facebook. After helping her, she started to first, in caps start talking about how stressed she was, and thanks for listening to her. We then had a short conversation about friends coming back from uni, and how it would be nice to meet up and go to the pub with them. There was an excessive amount of emoticons on both sides of the converstaion. She ended up by the general hope you have a good break etc, and threw in a kiss. Around this time, she started deleting messages on Twitter about other boys. My friends likewise, egging on to the fact I fancied her, thought it would be funny to frape me, and make me like random photos of her, trying to force me to bring the isssue to the surface. I gave a semi-plausable scenario, and we both laughed it off. Since then neither one of us has contacted the other, mainly due to wanting to give the other one space. The issue I have is that although I fancy her, I'm scared to play my hand as it might compromise the friendship we already have. Likewise, I don't won't to sit there if she does fancy me, watching her attraction to me expire as another guy who is alot quicker to act jumps in. You've f@cked in so many ways, it's difficult to know where to begin with telling you. You should have moved on her the second you knew she was sorta cool, and cute. It sounds to me like you would have been rejected, but that's OK. Now, you have feelings for her, and she will in all likelihood, reject you, based on what you have written. And it will mess you up. Read the thread about not getting friendzoned, I think it's the "I wish women would flat out say no" thread. It will teach you much about women. I'm in the same boat you are. There is this GREAT woman in a weekly dinner group I'm part of. Perfect for me and I love the fact that she has a bit of a sci-fi geeky side as well. We've talked a lot at dinner, friends on FB/4square and poke each other back and forth on FB. But deep inside I know she's way out of my league physically. She's absolutely gorgeous and could probably have any guy she wanted. Me? About a 3 on the 1-10 scale. LOL So, rather than risk a paradigm shift in the friendship, I pretty much keep my feeling to myself. I think a friend told her that I wanted to ask her out but I was too shy, so she may know I like her but hasn't mentioned it. So, the status quo maintains.... Same goes for you. Go for it, you'll kick your self later if you dont wondering what if I wouldn't if I was either of them. Getting friendzoned has messed me up pretty good a few times when I had feelings for the women. Other times, I have logically decided to pass, and never have I thought anything bad of the woman or the situation. A tinge of regret maybe. Way better than the former. But that is just me. If they decide they can handle it emotionally, then go for it. Edited December 28, 2012 by JuneJulySeptember
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I'm in the same boat you are. There is this GREAT woman in a weekly dinner group I'm part of. Perfect for me and I love the fact that she has a bit of a sci-fi geeky side as well. We've talked a lot at dinner, friends on FB/4square and poke each other back and forth on FB. But deep inside I know she's way out of my league physically. She's absolutely gorgeous and could probably have any guy she wanted. Me? About a 3 on the 1-10 scale. LOL So, rather than risk a paradigm shift in the friendship, I pretty much keep my feeling to myself. I think a friend told her that I wanted to ask her out but I was too shy, so she may know I like her but hasn't mentioned it. So, the status quo maintains.... BTW, you in particular, you're on the path road to being a lonely, unhappy male. SO MANY mistakes here. -Putting woman on a pedestal. -Zero self esteem -Passive -Lionizing woman's friendship -Calling yourself shy as a man All really bad.
Casablanca Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I wouldn't if I was either of them. Getting friendzoned has messed me up pretty good a few times when I had feelings for the women. Other times, I have logically decided to pass, and never have I thought anything bad of the woman or the situation. A tinge of regret maybe. Way better than the former. But that is just me. If they decide they can handle it emotionally, then go for it. People only get "friendzoned" if the other person isn't attracted to the other person in some way...there isn't some magical time frame to become lovers or else you are friends forever...a woman saying she only likes you as a friend is her way of rejecting you nicely, there was never a shot to begin with anyway. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 People only get "friendzoned" if the other person isn't attracted to the other person in some way...there isn't some magical time frame to become lovers or else you are friends forever...a woman saying she only likes you as a friend is her way of rejecting you nicely, there was never a shot to begin with anyway. Oh, I agree. I'm just saying that if they asked earlier, they would have no feelings for the woman and it would have been squashed right there. Because, they waited, they now have strong feelings for the women, and a lot of pain and bitterness could be involved when rejected.
Casablanca Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Oh, I agree. I'm just saying that if they asked earlier, they would have no feelings for the woman and it would have been squashed right there. Because, they waited, they now have strong feelings for the women, and a lot of pain and bitterness could be involved when rejected. Oh I see....I still say its better to find out, those feelings wont go away at least if she rejects him he can move on and realize there is no potential
IT Geek Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 BTW, you in particular, you're on the path road to being a lonely, unhappy male. SO MANY mistakes here. -Putting woman on a pedestal. -Zero self esteem -Passive -Lionizing woman's friendship -Calling yourself shy as a man All really bad. I never said I was shy. My FRIEND told her that. And I have reason to have low self-esteem. Having been told I'm unattractive by women many times doesn't exactly help the fact. And yes, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I'm undateable and have come to terms with it. It makes things much easier to handle one you realize it.
IT Geek Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Oh, I agree. I'm just saying that if they asked earlier, they would have no feelings for the woman and it would have been squashed right there. Because, they waited, they now have strong feelings for the women, and a lot of pain and bitterness could be involved when rejected. I don't have strong feelings for her, because I know there would be no chance for anything other than heartache if I did have feelings for her.
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