RebuildingMom Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Hi there, It's been a month or so since I posted. My question is how do I show or communicate support to my estranged H without looking like a doormat(weak)? Since my last post I've had ups and downs emotionally but I'm doing well overall. I have very minimal contact just exchange of DS, I ask no questions and do not volunteer info. I just learned that H got a DWI recently (before Xmas), and will be going through a major upheaval for the next... 1-4 years? This did not surprise me but I'm very, very concerned for him. This will definitely change how things are for all of us including his family and mine, not to mention DS! I guess I want him to know that I care but I'm not sure how or if I should tell him that. Brief recap: he left me less than 2 months ago I did not do any "holiday" activities with him (see previous post), he had DS for Christmas Eve dinner, I had DS for Christmas Day. Me and the kids had a great Christmas - I've lost lots of weight and have been working out and feel great physically =)
Mr. Lucky Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I guess I want him to know that I care but I'm not sure how or if I should tell him that. Short answer - you don't! That's one of the things he gave up when he left. Save your support - moral and otherwise - for your kids. Stay NC with him except matters involving your son... Mr. Lucky 4
UpwardForward Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Also you could take it for the sign it appears to be: He's unhappy.
Author RebuildingMom Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Thanks for the responses. I know you are all right. It's just so hard when you've been with someone for so long (and you still care about them) and then trying to deal with how to interact with them. I'm glad I asked it's helpful to bounce things off others who aren't involved. I'm sorry about what happened to him but it was his choice. Thanks again for the feedback! 1
Author RebuildingMom Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Thanks Duck, I'll think about what you posted. I'm not sure me telling him to get a good lawyer and not drink will appear "helpful" or "supportive". I don't think he'd "hear" me... He's the kind of guy who'll beat himself up - I'm hoping this is his wake-up call. Like HELLO? What are you doing with your life!
UpwardForward Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Thanks for the responses. I know you are all right. It's just so hard when you've been with someone for so long (and you still care about them) and then trying to deal with how to interact with them. I'm glad I asked it's helpful to bounce things off others who aren't involved. I'm sorry about what happened to him but it was his choice. Thanks again for the feedback! Imo, there will come an opportunity when you can discuss it with him - and with all aspects of the situation. Seems like there's always an opening eventually.
Author RebuildingMom Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Yes I hear you Barnacle Bob. I do NOT want anything bad to happen to him. Since he left me I'm just not sure how to be there for him right now. I do love and care for him and want the best for him but I'm afraid to show that. He made his choices, whether they are good or bad is not for me to decide. Obviously I'll keep thinking about this...
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