Angel Heart Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I'm assuming men prefer a challenge when it comes to first meeting gals and when start seeing them. Being new to the dating world, please share some suggestions which may assist me in being a bit of a challenge. I don't want to be the gal who is always available at his whim. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
Author Angel Heart Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 Don't have sex on the first date. Besides this obvious suggestion, do you have other ways a gal, after having sex with the person, stay a bit of a challenge?
TheZebra Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 You don't have to try to not be available, just have your own natural life. Don't be sitting at home waiting for him to call, or running out from your friends' events just to see him. Do your own thing - he has to fit in, not take over. For example, this one guy has randomly called me up for lunch/dinner/whatever at a moment's notice a couple of times now, but both times I was already busy. I made it pretty clear to him that if he wanted to see me he'd have to plan it out more than five minutes in advanced. I'm not trying to be 'hard to get', I just have my own life. Do the same and he'll respect you. 9
Lonely Ronin Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I'm not trying to be 'hard to get', I just have my own life. Do the same and he'll respect you. What she said. I'm not sure where the myth that guys like a challenge came from, but it's pretty retarded.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Besides this obvious suggestion, do you have other ways a gal, after having sex with the person, stay a bit of a challenge? Once you've given up the booty the challenge is complete. It would be like reconquering a country after you've invaded it and stuck your flag in it...there's no reason to reconquer a territory, unless you pull away and the guy feels the desire to lock you down again, but he'll revert back to the same ole laziness and indifference once you're back under his thumb...so It's a temporary fix. If all a guy wants is sex from you or a FWB type situation...then that's all he wants, that was the goal, and the challenge in itself...there is nothing further you can do to manipulate a man into wanting more with you because he's already determined what you are...the sooner you figure that out, the easier things will be for you...all this "fighting for his love and attention" type of things to keep him interested is just something that will prolong the situation, and at best get him to commit to something he never wanted but settled into. 2
ThaWholigan Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 You don't have to try to not be available, just have your own natural life. Don't be sitting at home waiting for him to call, or running out from your friends' events just to see him. Do your own thing - he has to fit in, not take over. For example, this one guy has randomly called me up for lunch/dinner/whatever at a moment's notice a couple of times now, but both times I was already busy. I made it pretty clear to him that if he wanted to see me he'd have to plan it out more than five minutes in advanced. I'm not trying to be 'hard to get', I just have my own life. Do the same and he'll respect you. This ^^^^ Also, it kinda depends on the guy and what kind of "challenges" he likes . 1
Woggle Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Not this guy. Just be you and don't resort to playing stupid games. Why is all this drama even worth it. If you have to do this in order to keep his interest don't bother with him. 6
Dreamless Sleep Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 “It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.” ― André Gide, Autumn Leaves Be yourself 2
rocketman122 Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I'm assuming men prefer a challenge when it comes to first meeting gals and when start seeing them. Being new to the dating world, please share some suggestions which may assist me in being a bit of a challenge. I don't want to be the gal who is always available at his whim. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. dont. I dont like when a woman plays hard to get. I do believe as a man I am the persuer, but no stupid mind games or you will get the boot instantly. I walked away from many women I dated through old. too much BS with them. I have very little patience. im a very straightforward person. I like taking the shortest route to the destination and hate drama.
MrCastle Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 You have to be natural. What you're looking for sounds an awful lot like game playing. There's a difference between being legitimately busy and forgetting to respond to a text, and seeing a text and saying "oh, let me respond in two hours so I seem hard to get!" Once I get the feeling that a girl is playing games, she's dropped. If you want to be a tease, that's different, but proper teasing leads to rewards down the road. Teasing is like sending a naughty text at the beginning of the week, to keep a guy thinking about you until you meet on the weekend--but that weekend, you hook up. Maybe not full out sex, but a little something. Anything less is just attention whoring/cock teasing and that, too, is unacceptable behavior. Bottom line, just be yourself. 1
KungFuJoe Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Not me. I don't need or want a "challenge". And to be quite honest, I hardly ever initiate. Most of the time, the women have initiated with me. First time I had sex was with a girl I was dating for barely a week...maybe two...and she attacked me. And that was the longest I've had to wait to have sex. I mean, don't get me wrong...I would have no problem dating a woman and not having sex for a while, if that was the "natural" course of things. But, playing games or trying to be a "challenge"? Nah...I ain't got time for that.
soccerrprp Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 All this challenge stuff is a mystery to me. If I like a woman then why would I want a challenge? Sleep on the first date, second or fifth, it has no bearing on my overall goal and that is a healthy relationship. I find too many women to be "challenging" and not only about the sex, in other emotional and mental ways as well. Don't like the games and if you have to go to that length to feel challenging, so sad.... Just my 2-cents. 3
ScreamingTrees Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I agree that one has to have a life, but you do have to reciprocate and actually act genuinely interested, assuming you are. If a girl seems luke warm from the get go, I'm not going to be too enthusiastic myself because I won't see how it's going to lead anywhere.
truth_seeker Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Intentionally playing hard to get equates to playing games. Good luck meeting a quality guy doing that. 1
Author Angel Heart Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 Intentionally playing hard to get equates to playing games. Good luck meeting a quality guy doing that. I've met a nice guy and am not sure how often we should contact one another, see one another, whether I should be available and such...
Lonely Ronin Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I've met a nice guy and am not sure how often we should contact one another, see one another, whether I should be available and such... I have the best tip you are ever going to get on this topic. STOP OVER THINKING THE SITUATION if you want to talk to him, talk to him. If you want to see him, go see him. he will most likely do the same if he is normal. It's either going to work or it's not, if you stop over-thinking the issue, you will find out much much faster. 3
NoMoreJerks Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Once you've given up the booty the challenge is complete. It would be like reconquering a country after you've invaded it and stuck your flag in it...there's no reason to reconquer a territory, unless you pull away and the guy feels the desire to lock you down again, but he'll revert back to the same ole laziness and indifference once you're back under his thumb...so It's a temporary fix. If all a guy wants is sex from you or a FWB type situation...then that's all he wants, that was the goal, and the challenge in itself...there is nothing further you can do to manipulate a man into wanting more with you because he's already determined what you are...the sooner you figure that out, the easier things will be for you...all this "fighting for his love and attention" type of things to keep him interested is just something that will prolong the situation, and at best get him to commit to something he never wanted but settled into. This is so true.. Well said.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I have the best tip you are ever going to get on this topic. STOP OVER THINKING THE SITUATION if you want to talk to him, talk to him. If you want to see him, go see him. he will most likely do the same if he is normal. It's either going to work or it's not, if you stop over-thinking the issue, you will find out much much faster. Yup, and if , by acting normal, and being neither too clingy nor too distant, you manage to turn him off , then he's not normal and you don't want to be walking on eggshells the whole time, just to be with him, do you? My ex was like this. I never knew how much texting was "ok" with him. He got upset if I texted too little, too much, or average amount.... I think he expected me to guess his moods every day and send a certain amount of texts (or not call, or call him once) depending on that... He seemed to have some sort of a formula in his head that I was supposed to guess, and use in my dealings with him. You can never win with these sorts of people. With normal people, on the other hand, acting normal should work just fine. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Yup, and if , by acting normal, and being neither too clingy nor too distant, you manage to turn him off , then he's not normal and you don't want to be walking on eggshells the whole time, just to be with him, do you? If for example, you are more clingy by nature and he isn't, when you eventually revert back to being yourself months down the line and get dumped you will have wasted vast amounts of time. Just be yourself from the start and you will learn if you are compatible with the other person much faster. 1
ScreamingTrees Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 This is so true.. Well said. Yes, you might identify with it if you're a douchebag who will not be honest about only wanting sex when you're aware that the other person isn't likely to only want sex.
Imported Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Just don't confuse trying to be a challenge with using jealousy, i hate women that try to make me jealous. **** them. Also, if I sniff that you are purposely ignoring me, holding back attention, turning me down when I ask you out because you want to be "a challenge"....its probably not gonna go the way you think, I probably won't ask you again and instead take you pretending a lack of interest to be a lack of interest.
mortensorchid Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Being "a challenge" is something that we were taught at one point as women, rebel against, then have to decide after so many experiences why and how it has been passed down from generation to generation. What exactly does it mean for women? Being a challenge is about having an active life in work and other things rather than sitting around waiting for someone to call / notice you. It's also about being able to weed out the good from the bad out there as well. Quite honestly, I have learned a few things over the years thanks to RW and online dating, and it goes like this: 1) Paying - Say you were going to meet the person for a drink, coffee or a meal. I believe the man should pay for it. If he does not want to pay for such a small thing, he will prove himself to be miserly in other things. 2) Calling - Say you have gotten together with a person. If he has not called within 48 hours after the get together, then he probably won't ever again. He might call after a week or two just to see what you were doing, and you might have another get together with him, but chances are you aren't going to hear from him again after that second call/get together. Why? Well there could be a few reasons why, but the bottom line is that he's just not that into you. 3) Talking - Don't open up too quickly and tell every bit of your life story or how your day was. They will then think that there is not that much that they can offer you if you have been through whatever it is that they have to offer. Those are really the only two definates that I have come across in this world in terms of dating. Everything else is up in the air. But as to the challenge factor, men are actually opposite on what they do/say. They say that they like it when women chase them, but they really don't. If you act like you like them, they will suddenly not appreciate you and take you for granted. And another point on acting - It's not acting a role like you are in a play, pretending to be something that you aren't aka game playing - you're not playing games if you are busy and involved in lots of things. You do have other things to do outside of this aspect, so do other things than that. 1
normal person Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You don't have to try to not be available, just have your own natural life. Don't be sitting at home waiting for him to call, or running out from your friends' events just to see him. Do your own thing - he has to fit in, not take over. For example, this one guy has randomly called me up for lunch/dinner/whatever at a moment's notice a couple of times now, but both times I was already busy. I made it pretty clear to him that if he wanted to see me he'd have to plan it out more than five minutes in advanced. I'm not trying to be 'hard to get', I just have my own life. Do the same and he'll respect you. This sounds pretty spot on. Personally speaking, if there's a girl throwing herself at me, it might make her seem a little boring in my eyes. I enjoy the "challenge;" the process of pursuing a girl I like and winning her over. If I don't have to work for something, it's not as gratifying when I get it. It's like winning the lottery vs. going to school, working your way up the ladder, and earning money for yourself.
joystickd Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Being a challenge is the reason I'm having problems now.
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