planC Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 (edited) Since falling into depression in July (the break up)... I have been "out" with friends like maybe 5 times... I haven't been out over christmas, and I'm debating what to do for new years eve.. It's because I can't stand the end of the night, when I'm out and it gets to like 4am and the night comes to a close.. the best part is calling that person to meet up and go back to my place, her place, hotel, wherever and ending the night... 4 out of the last 5 times I've been out, I ended up sleeping with a skank I not only have no feelings for, but am REPULSED by, or a one night stand with a random girl from the club we were in... even organised seeing an escort with a friend for "a joke" on one night, and another night I just went home alone "the worst"... This literally used to be my life, and I used to love it, from 18 to 20 I was a highgrade junior bachelor loving this life style... Then I fell in love for the first time this year, and experienced losing love for the first time too... Now I realize how much I actually hate single life, It's been 5 months since the break up, I'm bored of one night stands and seeing random girls I have no interest in... And I think about dating almost every day, but I've built a wall around my emotional availability and sub consciously I know it's not going to come down any time soon.. or maybe for the right girl, but she could come along tomorrow, or in 5years.. I can't seem to enjoy life as it is right now, I'm irritated Edited December 27, 2012 by planC
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