My reaction and response to our 2 year break up

[RockLee'sNinjaPals]

Hi all,

 

So a couple of weeks ago, my gf decided to end our relationship. I wasn't really stricken by it because the reason she wanted to break up was for her to figure things out for herself or in other words "find herself." (Maybe in my mind I feel like there is still hope for us? Please enlighten me!)

 

Because I love her so much, I told her I respected her decision. She tells me that she's never really been able to figure herself on her own or be herself without having to be in a relationship. She was always involved in a relationship in her late teens to now. (She's 21) I have a feeling it could be gigs. So I told her to just live her life and enjoy it. Because you know, we only live once. As for me, I am doing my best for self improvement. Dating again is another story lol

 

But the reason why I feel this break up is confusing is because she still keeps in contact with me. Calls, texts, etc. and that she tells me she still loves me and misses me a lot. I figure this is just the beginning phase of a break up. I try so hard to resist but I always feel like she just needs someone to talk to. I might be too nice. But i'm guessing she's lonely and misses the good times we had because our relationship was really a great one (until the last couple of weeks before she decided to end it)

 

But back to the topic. Right now i'm trying to at least Limit my contact with her. She's been telling me things like "If we ever got back together I would not take you for granted etc. and that I was perfect to her." (Note the IF) Things like that. But I feel like if we got back together when it has not even been a month will be too soon and I don't want to jeopardize what we have by getting back together right away.

 

So everything is all confusing to me. Am I just clinging on to our relationship? I've been sad about the break up, but I haven't lost sleep or grieved over it. I feel like I'm the one that did the breaking up but the outcome was reversed.

 

I'm just really confused with the whole situation. Does she want us to be together in the near/close future? Maybe I'm hoping that absence WILL make the heart grow fonder. Who knows. For now, I'm going to keep trying my best to not contact her much or for a while. I think it would be for the best of us and maybe time will tell when we are a little more mature and know what we really want.

 

I appreciate any input!

 

Happy holidays!

[Keenly]

You know man, the best advice I can really give... is basically just text her back, tell her how you feel (If you love her, tell her that) But then end that text with "But you chose to end our relationship, you must have had reasons to do it. So unless we are getting back together, it's for the best that we do not communicate, I'm sorry."

 

 

 

 

if you send a message like that, and then, this is the important part, DO NOT TEXT ANYTHING ELSE, EVER. Unless of course the message is lets get back together (if thats what you want)

 

She is going to go insane lol

[KatZee]

You need full NC. Block her.

 

Usually when someone says, "I need to find myself, I've never been single" etc, etc... there is someone else. Look through these threads you will find dozens of dumpers saying this exact same thing. MY ex said that exact same thing, come to find out he had met someone at his new job. So much for "wanting to be single to find himself." It's a load of BS.

 

Basically what she's doing now is trying to relieve her own guilt. She wants to see what else is out there while keeping YOU on the back burner. That's why she says things like, "If we got back together..." and it's why she's keeping you in her life in this small capacity. Just in case this new guy, or whatever new guy comes along doesn't work out... there you are.

 

She's not keeping in touch because she cares about you. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Loads of dumpers do this. They want their safety net right there waiting for them for when they're done doing whatever they feel they need to do.

 

It's not fair to you because it keeps you hoping and wishing and it prevents you from moving on because you'll sit around with your thumb up your a.ss waiting for her to come back, and one day you'll get the text that says, "I'm in a relationship with someone else, I'm sorry if I mislead you."

 

Full NC. Telling her you respect her decision was fine. She's entitled to go "discover" whatever she wants to discover but that doesn't mean you sit around being her new best friend. Tell her it's best for you if there is no contact as you need to get over her. Then block her and start moving on.

[Missing Him]

aw It's always the hardest when they want to be friends.

 

From experience with this similar situation: I fought to keep the relationship, and he didn't want it. He asked me to stay friends, and I fought to figure out how to do that but no matter what I was willing to do to try to stay in his life, he wasn't happy with. I honestly did not begin to feel better until I told him that I was leaving his life for good and could not stay friends. As soon as I implemented no contact, I felt better. It really is the best thing you can do for yourself.

[Chi townD]

Finding yourself usually translates into finding myself in someone elses bed. Sorry, but that's the short and long of it.

[RockLee'sNinjaPals]

Thanks for all the input guys. It seems like I will have to go complete full NC here for this situation. I'm not gonna like it, but its probably the only and wisest choice.

 

But I will have to disagree with something here.

 

As far as people trying to "find themselves," not all are wanting to go sleep with other people right away or even at all. Yes, most of the time it is an excuse to end a relationship but I don't believe so with my case. I think I can also speak for a few others out there as well.

 

You might say i'm in denial or so on, but I really do know this girl. She was raised in a good Christian home with good values and beliefs. One reason why I fell in love with her was because she was a smart woman. She's just not the type to do those kinds of things. But what do I know, right?

 

I go off topic a lot. My apologies. And I understand why people automatically assume when people "find themselves" they think they want to date others or sleep around. It just seems like the perfect excuse!

 

I see it a lot on these forums. Quite a lot lol

Before replying with a "Oh, yea she's definitely going to go sleep with someone."

Maybe try to hold your past experience back and input with something more helpful.

You don't want your experience to ruin another person's experience by making them assume their ex/bf/gf will be rolling in the sheets with another person lol it'll probably make them think things and just go crazy! They did just go through a break up after-all.

 

I just don't want the whole "I need to find myself" to be the general break up line. Where the dumpee automatically assumes they're getting dumped for another guy/girl. Because that could possibly ruin any future chance with that person again. When all they truly wanted was some self finding.

 

But yeah just my 2 cents on this term lol

I appreciated all the input! It helped me understand a lot more.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Thanks for all the input guys. It seems like I will have to go complete full NC here for this situation. I'm not gonna like it, but its probably the only and wisest choice.

 

But I will have to disagree with something here.

 

As far as people trying to "find themselves," not all are wanting to go sleep with other people right away or even at all. Yes, most of the time it is an excuse to end a relationship but I don't believe so with my case. I think I can also speak for a few others out there as well.

 

You might say i'm in denial or so on, but I really do know this girl. She was raised in a good Christian home with good values and beliefs. One reason why I fell in love with her was because she was a smart woman. She's just not the type to do those kinds of things. But what do I know, right?

 

I go off topic a lot. My apologies. And I understand why people automatically assume when people "find themselves" they think they want to date others or sleep around. It just seems like the perfect excuse!

 

I see it a lot on these forums. Quite a lot lol

Before replying with a "Oh, yea she's definitely going to go sleep with someone."

Maybe try to hold your past experience back and input with something more helpful.

You don't want your experience to ruin another person's experience by making them assume their ex/bf/gf will be rolling in the sheets with another person lol it'll probably make them think things and just go crazy! They did just go through a break up after-all.

 

I just don't want the whole "I need to find myself" to be the general break up line. Where the dumpee automatically assumes they're getting dumped for another guy/girl. Because that could possibly ruin any future chance with that person again. When all they truly wanted was some self finding.

 

But yeah just my 2 cents on this term lol

I appreciated all the input! It helped me understand a lot more.

 

I can't wait to read this post in about a month. I can put my entire life savings into the "I need to find myself" line is she is confused/doubt her true feelings for you. Even the sweetest girl who has the highest of morals can do this. We.say it on here because it's happened to all of us. My GF was so madly.in love with me and said I was the one and how she was my future. She cried one day and said she needs to find herself and she relied on me so much and she wanted to find herself. Could a person not "find themselves" with you? Texted me everyday saying I'm coming back and you are everything to me.....weeks later said she doesnt feel the same and.found out she has been seeing a guy and having sex with him. Yeah, I'm sure she found herself too....it's an easy way to break it gently to you. It's hard to take, and I argued with everyone on here saying they were wrong and didnt know her......they were right.

[LostOne1]

Thanks for all the input guys. It seems like I will have to go complete full NC here for this situation. I'm not gonna like it, but its probably the only and wisest choice.

 

But I will have to disagree with something here.

 

As far as people trying to "find themselves," not all are wanting to go sleep with other people right away or even at all. Yes, most of the time it is an excuse to end a relationship but I don't believe so with my case. I think I can also speak for a few others out there as well.

 

You might say i'm in denial or so on, but I really do know this girl. She was raised in a good Christian home with good values and beliefs. One reason why I fell in love with her was because she was a smart woman. She's just not the type to do those kinds of things. But what do I know, right?

 

I go off topic a lot. My apologies. And I understand why people automatically assume when people "find themselves" they think they want to date others or sleep around. It just seems like the perfect excuse!

 

I see it a lot on these forums. Quite a lot lol

Before replying with a "Oh, yea she's definitely going to go sleep with someone."

Maybe try to hold your past experience back and input with something more helpful.

You don't want your experience to ruin another person's experience by making them assume their ex/bf/gf will be rolling in the sheets with another person lol it'll probably make them think things and just go crazy! They did just go through a break up after-all.

 

I just don't want the whole "I need to find myself" to be the general break up line. Where the dumpee automatically assumes they're getting dumped for another guy/girl. Because that could possibly ruin any future chance with that person again. When all they truly wanted was some self finding.

 

But yeah just my 2 cents on this term lol

I appreciated all the input! It helped me understand a lot more.

 

I can tell you my best friends girlfriend was a good Christian girl. But when she went on a trip alone for a month in a new city. She CHANGED... she did some wild things he thought she'd never do.. she went into a party animal mode.

 

I agree with you that not ALL people, who want space or a break etc.. want to sleep or be with someone else. It might actually mean they "really" need the break or space away. But the thing is... we won't know for sure, because our ex's never tell us the truth. They make up something or push us away far enough for us to not know or understand them anymore.

 

I think going NC is the best way man. My ex wanted space and I didn't give it, and I fought for us. But in the end I guess she didn't want it anymore, so she never worked it out nor did she ever sit down and talk. She always made excuses of not seeing me and all.

 

All I can say is and learning this just recently. If someone wants out.. LET them out, show them the door and say have a nice life. If someone really wants to be with another person, they would NEVER want out. They would be mad and all, but at least talk it out. When someone wants to walk out... it's their loss.

 

So if there is one thing I would change.. it would be too give my ex space and let her know she's walking out, that I'll hold the door for her and I can live without her fine.

[LostOne1]

I can't wait to read this post in about a month. I can put my entire life savings into the "I need to find myself" line is she is confused/doubt her true feelings for you. Even the sweetest girl who has the highest of morals can do this. We.say it on here because it's happened to all of us. My GF was so madly.in love with me and said I was the one and how she was my future. She cried one day and said she needs to find herself and she relied on me so much and she wanted to find herself. Could a person not "find themselves" with you? Texted me everyday saying I'm coming back and you are everything to me.....weeks later said she doesnt feel the same and.found out she has been seeing a guy and having sex with him. Yeah, I'm sure she found herself too....it's an easy way to break it gently to you. It's hard to take, and I argued with everyone on here saying they were wrong and didnt know her......they were right.

And the sad part is.. be let them do that to us.

 

Which is why I wish I had gone NC the day she BU with me. I would've healed faster and I would've kept my self respect.

 

I see my new relationships now as if the girl wants to walk out.. I'll gladly hold the door for her. If she wants to leave.. then she's not worth my time and love. I want someone who isn't going to just walk out like that.. but rather stick it through it all. Someone that will love me and with no conditions. Someone that wouldn't cheat..

 

But I guess it's hard to find people like that these days. It's too easy for people to leave another.

[GLDheart]

Don't kid yourself bud.

 

Girls break up when they want to date other guys. They usually discover that "they want to date other guys" when they find themselves attracted to OTHER GUYS.... It's the old chicken and the egg story and YOU are the LAST one to get the truth.

 

The moment this little circle of confusion enters your life the only thing to do is EXIT THE SITUATION. Have the strength to stand like a man and say goodbye.