Credit Score Dating

[scratch]

The NYT printed an article yesterday about discussing credit scores on a date.

 

Perfect 10? Never Mind That. Ask Her for Her Credit Score. - Yahoo! Finance

 

Thoughts on this? Is it as crass as asking about your date's salary, or is it a fair way to deduce how stable and responsible your date is?

 

I lean towards the latter interpretation. Asking for the straight number is probably not ideal, but the general range in which the score falls is probably a decent indicator of how a person conducts their financial affairs, and that should matter much more than the job they have or car they drive.

 

A few noteworthy things from the article:

 

1. The woman with a poor credit score found it discouraging that her date would judge her for that. Why was her credit score poor? She had accumulated credit card debt and fallen behind on bills. Uh, that's exactly the type of person to avoid.

 

2. One of the things she liked about him was that he came from a religious family. I'll take a leap of logic and intuit that she liked that because it indicated responsibility and stability. Cognitive dissonance, anyone?

[TaraMaiden]

Only your damn business if talk gets serious about moving in together/getting engaged.

 

Before then, butt your nose out.

[soccerrprp]

Crazy, just crazy.....i have close to good credit, but my less than stellar score had nothing to do with being irresponsible. Hopefully people understand that not having excellent credit is not always about being financially aloof. I have no debt, own my own home, bring in sizeable disposable income each month, take care two young children, go on vacations every year, have retirement, own my own car...and i have more than some with great credit and make a lot more than i do.

[TheZebra]

I would love finding out that type of information early on. I'm super responsible with credit cards and my remaining debt (Student loans) and it's a turn off if a guy can't get finances in order. To me, it's a big deal. It doesn't have to be perfect, but if it's terrible? Ehhh..

 

It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with salary, though, at least that's what I learned. When I was applying for a mortgage, I didn't have enough work experience so the bank recommended that my dad co-sign so that I could get a better rate. I'm in my early 20s, he's in his mid fifties and makes about 4-5 times as much as I do. We both get a letter in the mail a week later with our credit scores and mine is higher than his! Credit scores are about things like the amount of debt you have, how many credit cards (and how long), and the timeliness of your payments (among other things).

 

My ex? Four years older than me and no credit history. Throughout the relationship I encouraged him to get a credit card, make minor purchases on it and pay it on time to build his credit but he never wanted to take on the responsibility. I don't know how he plans to move out of his mother's house, as most places for rent that he was looking at required a good credit score. Maybe his mother will sign with him? I don't know. All I know is that I'm not getting into THAT mess again..

[TaurusTerp]

Crazy, just crazy.....i have close to good credit, but my less than stellar score had nothing to do with being irresponsible. Hopefully people understand that not having excellent credit is not always about being financially aloof. I have no debt, own my own home, bring in sizeable disposable income each month, take care two young children, go on vacations every year, have retirement, own my own car...and i have more than some with great credit and make a lot more than i do.

 

Please explain how you have a mediocre credit score without being irresponsible. I don't think that is remotely possible.

[Imajerk17]

A woman who is bad with money is a serious red flag for a serious relationship. Whatever the underlying reason, it could cause a whole bunch of problems. BUT even considering that, I don't need to know all that on the first date. She doesn't owe me that information yet no matter how much we like each other. She still hardly knows me! There will be plenty of time to find that out how she treats money and credit later.

 

It would be a little bit about a woman grilling me about commitment, marriage and children right off the bat. I get that is important to the other person, but the first date isn't the time to get so serious.

Edited December 27, 2012 by Imajerk17

[scratch]

Only your damn business if talk gets serious about moving in together/getting engaged.

 

Before then, butt your nose out.

 

I wonder if the same could be said about whether someone wants to have kids, how long they want to live in their current city, etc. A lot of people would say they don't even want to go down the path of developing feelings if the other person isn't on the same page as regards those aspects of compatibility; is credit score any different?

 

I have no debt, own my own home, bring in sizeable disposable income each month, take care two young children, go on vacations every year, have retirement, own my own car...and i have more than some with great credit and make a lot more than i do.

 

This is not possible. You can't have more spending, less income and less debt than someone else. Why is your credit "less than stellar?"

 

Please explain how you have a mediocre credit score without being irresponsible. I don't think that is remotely possible.

 

If you decline to pay certain bills, your credit report suffers. If your position is that it is irresponsible to not pay any bill unless you go through the legal process to get it discharged, I would disagree.

 

I don't need to know all that on the first date. She doesn't owe me that information yet no matter how much we like each other. She still hardly knows me! There will be plenty of time to find that out how she treats money and credit later. It would be a little bit about a woman grilling me about commitment, marriage and children right off the bat.

 

It's okay to bring all of this up on the first date, perhaps, but there's a right way and a wrong way. If anything feels like "grilling" on a date, you're doing something wrong.

[Dreamless Sleep]

Funny. I just saw that piece and thought of LoveShack. It's already a thread.

 

Sounds like a first date fumble by the asker. Not that it might not have an impact in the long term fitness of the couple. But come on man, on the first date!!! He's a social retard

[TaraMaiden]

I wonder if the same could be said about whether someone wants to have kids, how long they want to live in their current city, etc. A lot of people would say they don't even want to go down the path of developing feelings if the other person isn't on the same page as regards those aspects of compatibility; is credit score any different?

These are still not things I'd discuss in any detail on a first date.

The first thing I'd want to know is what kind of food does he like?

What are his hobbies?

What does he like to do?

What kind of job does he have? Not to establish his earnings, but to know what his professional interests/inclinations are.... and what hours he might work.

If he's an accountant, he has pretty standard hours.

if he's a chef, social life is sporadic and hectic, to say the least....

 

But earnings? Debts?

Kids?

 

Let's just take it a little bit slower, shall we?

[MrCastle]

Oh, I thought this was about providing a credit like score for people in the dating world so you know what you're getting into. That would be great.

 

You go online and fill out your profile and it gives you a score on how quality you are. I go on a date with a pretty girl, ask for her credit number, she says 510, I'm like uhhh, wow look at the time, I must be going.

 

Then I date another girl who turns out to be an 805...

[Balzac]

Credit score is one factor and as we all know can be "repaired".

Income to debt ratio is important. In today's world another significant factor for Americans is education debt. At this time not dischargable in bankruptcy and clearly has an effect on spendable income. Often the interest deduction on the 1040 isn't useful. So credit score is interesting but does not reflect the big financial picture.

[Casablanca]

Interesting, never thought of that, I wouldnt ask that....I do like to get information about their finances early on through probing questions, and given what happened with my last ex, I'll probably try to find out earlier on than later.

 

Student loans don't bother me, but if you're going hog wild at the mall and charging it all because you don't have the money, then there is a big issue

[Radu]

You know, it depends on society a lot.

 

In Eastern Europe, it's not horribly impolite to ask about financial situation of the other person.

And in Russia you can expect to be asked that pretty fast.

 

That being said, from what i saw of this credit rating, it is not a good metric to judge someone's financial situation.

Having a good one simply means that you pay your bills on time and you have credit cards.

It could just as well mean that you are drowning in debt but clearing the retirement has saved your ass for a few months.

[Radu]

I re-read the article, and i found 4 very interesting things.

 

1 - most of the ppl interviewed who owned either financial planning companies or just plain were professionals in this were female ... not sure what to make of this.

2 - as someone pointed out, the subject of the article is hardly nice prospects for dating ... the guy made the right decision.

You could even see her being overweight as part of a bigger sign of her not leading a well ordered life.

3 - more and more employees look at your credit score when.

Considering the bad state of the US economy atm, the lack of jobs which puts employers at an advantage it won't be long before credit score discrimination starts taking place [i'm sure it already is taking place].

Anyone caught in the vicious cycle of unemployment and low credit rating would be screwed for life [add to this the fact that you can discharge less debts than you could in the past], which puts even players like cable companies in an advantageous position ... i've seen it happen over here.

4 - some dating sites are focused now on credit score.

I'm sure the serious gold-diggers are jumping with joy.

[todreaminblue]

The NYT printed an article yesterday about discussing credit scores on a date.

 

Perfect 10? Never Mind That. Ask Her for Her Credit Score. - Yahoo! Finance

 

Thoughts on this? Is it as crass as asking about your date's salary, or is it a fair way to deduce how stable and responsible your date is?

 

I lean towards the latter interpretation. Asking for the straight number is probably not ideal, but the general range in which the score falls is probably a decent indicator of how a person conducts their financial affairs, and that should matter much more than the job they have or car they drive.

 

A few noteworthy things from the article:

 

1. The woman with a poor credit score found it discouraging that her date would judge her for that. Why was her credit score poor? She had accumulated credit card debt and fallen behind on bills. Uh, that's exactly the type of person to avoid.

 

2. One of the things she liked about him was that he came from a religious family. I'll take a leap of logic and intuit that she liked that because it indicated responsibility and stability. Cognitive dissonance, anyone?

 

 

bad credit scores can be dealt with and fixed a bankrupt heart or personality flaws are a lot harder to fix than arranging a payment plan.....deb

[Amelie1980]

These are still not things I'd discuss in any detail on a first date.

The first thing I'd want to know is what kind of food does he like?

What are his hobbies?

What does he like to do?

What kind of job does he have? Not to establish his earnings, but to know what his professional interests/inclinations are.... and what hours he might work.

If he's an accountant, he has pretty standard hours.

if he's a chef, social life is sporadic and hectic, to say the least....

 

But earnings? Debts?

Kids?

 

Let's just take it a little bit slower, shall we?

 

I don't think it matters what is asked on your first date.

 

The superficial stuff tells you nothing about a person. food? My last guy made a big deal out of asking me what my favourite 3 course meal would be....well it depends what mood I'm in. I can name a variety of foods I like, can't pin down a favourite. but he wouldn't let it drop.

 

He did the same with music and film and 9 months later wouldn't let it drop. he kept being worried about me not being able to name a favourite film. FFS are we 12 years old or in our 30's? He lost his s--t at the end and said he had no clue who I was or what I liked because of films and bloody music. it tells you nothing about a person. I can tell you many genres and films I like....favourite don't have one. We had the discussion so many times had film & movie days in his home but without being able to pin point a favourite he didn't seem happy.

 

Regarding my interests: I spent most of the relationship taking him to my favourite places, museums, galleries, parks, etc etc etc. I am a keen cyclist but he wouldn't try it. he took up yoga because I did it. but then he told me had no clue who I was or what I liked.

 

He also got the heavy stuff out of me: asked me early on if I own property or rent. he kept going on positively about family life and asking me if I would want to get married in the future. one of the criteria on his dating profile was that he must have a woman with a commitment to home & family life. he spoke positively of relationships saying that when problems arise you work through them.

 

Imagine my surprise when said he didn't see me as a life partner as I didn't keep myself clue up with pop music and our music interests didn't match. he had no idea warmth I liked....see above all the places I took him to share my interests and he seemingly forgot it all.

 

far from working through relationship problems, he told me our relationship was strong and yet blew up with a whole list of things he was worried about and never told me about giving me bo chance to rectify anything or work through it.

 

I've realised it matters not what you discuss on the first date or few. it can still blow yp horribly.

[TaraMaiden]

I don't think it matters what is asked on your first date.

The superficial stuff tells you nothing about a person. food? My last guy made a big deal out of asking me what my favourite 3 course meal would be....well it depends what mood I'm in. I can name a variety of foods I like, can't pin down a favourite. but he wouldn't let it drop.

 

He did the same with music and film and 9 months later wouldn't let it drop. he kept being worried about me not being able to name a favourite film. FFS are we 12 years old or in our 30's? He lost his s--t at the end and said he had no clue who I was or what I liked because of films and bloody music. it tells you nothing about a person. I can tell you many genres and films I like....favourite don't have one. We had the discussion so many times had film & movie days in his home but without being able to pin point a favourite he didn't seem happy.

 

Regarding my interests: I spent most of the relationship taking him to my favourite places, museums, galleries, parks, etc etc etc. I am a keen cyclist but he wouldn't try it. he took up yoga because I did it. but then he told me had no clue who I was or what I liked.

 

He also got the heavy stuff out of me: asked me early on if I own property or rent. he kept going on positively about family life and asking me if I would want to get married in the future. one of the criteria on his dating profile was that he must have a woman with a commitment to home & family life. he spoke positively of relationships saying that when problems arise you work through them.

 

Imagine my surprise when said he didn't see me as a life partner as I didn't keep myself clue up with pop music and our music interests didn't match. he had no idea warmth I liked....see above all the places I took him to share my interests and he seemingly forgot it all.

 

far from working through relationship problems, he told me our relationship was strong and yet blew up with a whole list of things he was worried about and never told me about giving me bo chance to rectify anything or work through it.

 

I've realised it matters not what you discuss on the first date or few. it can still blow yp horribly.

 

You need to put that violin away and quit thread-jacking.

 

After all this crap and you still stuck with him even though he treated you like dirt? What the hell made you stick with a guy who basically beat you around the head so much??

 

FFS!!

[soccerrprp]

I don't think it matters what is asked on your first date.

 

The superficial stuff tells you nothing about a person. food? My last guy made a big deal out of asking me what my favourite 3 course meal would be....well it depends what mood I'm in. I can name a variety of foods I like, can't pin down a favourite. but he wouldn't let it drop.

 

He did the same with music and film and 9 months later wouldn't let it drop. he kept being worried about me not being able to name a favourite film. FFS are we 12 years old or in our 30's? He lost his s--t at the end and said he had no clue who I was or what I liked because of films and bloody music. it tells you nothing about a person. I can tell you many genres and films I like....favourite don't have one. We had the discussion so many times had film & movie days in his home but without being able to pin point a favourite he didn't seem happy.

 

Regarding my interests: I spent most of the relationship taking him to my favourite places, museums, galleries, parks, etc etc etc. I am a keen cyclist but he wouldn't try it. he took up yoga because I did it. but then he told me had no clue who I was or what I liked.

 

He also got the heavy stuff out of me: asked me early on if I own property or rent. he kept going on positively about family life and asking me if I would want to get married in the future. one of the criteria on his dating profile was that he must have a woman with a commitment to home & family life. he spoke positively of relationships saying that when problems arise you work through them.

 

Imagine my surprise when said he didn't see me as a life partner as I didn't keep myself clue up with pop music and our music interests didn't match. he had no idea warmth I liked....see above all the places I took him to share my interests and he seemingly forgot it all.

 

far from working through relationship problems, he told me our relationship was strong and yet blew up with a whole list of things he was worried about and never told me about giving me bo chance to rectify anything or work through it.

 

I've realised it matters not what you discuss on the first date or few. it can still blow yp horribly.

 

sorry about this... it sucks!

[Amelie1980]

You need to put that violin away and quit thread-jacking.

 

After all this crap and you still stuck with him even though he treated you like dirt? What the hell made you stick with a guy who basically beat you around the head so much??

 

FFS!!

 

I didn't know about it until the end. well had I known my favourite film meant so much to him I Would've made something up!! I wasn't being treated like crap all alone, treated well but he kept these things to himself.

 

that's the problem....I had no clue for 9 months as it seemingly wasn't important. I told him I didn't have favourites and he didn't say anything. it wasn't until the end that it all came tumbling out at the end as he lost his marbles and said he didn't know who I was.

 

it's a good point, no matter what you share with someone be it first date or not it call all be for nothing later on.

[Amelie1980]

Sorry.....I would say I didn't have a favourite and he didn't say anything. I never knew it was an issue until it all came out at the end. that's why its shocked me to the core. something so trivial.

 

lacking in social skill is all I can say.

[soccerrprp]

"Amelie1980: Sorry.....I would say I didn't have a favourite and he didn't say anything. I never knew it was an issue until it all came out at the end. that's why its shocked me to the core. something so trivial.

 

lacking in social skill is all I can say."

 

 

 

As I pointed out to a female friend of mine who recently ended a relationship with a jack-wagon.... classic passive aggressive. Bad news and good riddance.

[TaraMaiden]

I didn't know about it until the end. well had I known my favourite film meant so much to him I Would've made something up!! I wasn't being treated like crap all alone, treated well but he kept these things to himself.

 

that's the problem....I had no clue for 9 months as it seemingly wasn't important. I told him I didn't have favourites and he didn't say anything. it wasn't until the end that it all came tumbling out at the end as he lost his marbles and said he didn't know who I was.

 

it's a good point, no matter what you share with someone be it first date or not it call all be for nothing later on.

 

See?

 

THis is threadjacking.

 

This thread is about what is appropriate to ask on a first date, and whether finances should feature - not about your failed relationship.

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but you need to step off your carousel of self-pity (I hate that there's no other term for it) and get motivated...

 

Little steps - remember?

What happened to the nice hot bath?

The make-up?

The gym?

The going out with buddies??

 

If you'd like to continue this discussion, I'll meet you back in your thread. But this isn't the place for this!!

[Taramere]

I think if it's got to the point where two people are talking about making a life together, then discussion about finances is a must. Finances are, after all, among the main things that place strains on relationships. However, I doubt blurting out "what's your credit score?" on a date, as described in the article linked in the opening post, would either be conducive to a good date with the average person or necessarily give you a great picture as to how good with money that person is. I know a lot of people who have had a period where they got into a mess financially. I've been there myself. Often it can happen when a lot of bad things have hit a person at once (relationship break-ups, job loss, health problems etc) as these things often tend to. Others are just eternally bad with money, but might have a great credit score because they have a range of credit cards that they're making the minimum payment on every month.

 

The article seems very much in keeping with a very formalised approach to dating that I've always associated (rightly or wrongly) with the US dating process. ie that it's almost like going for an interview. From a purely logical perspective, it makes sense to find out these things early on so that you don't get embroiled with somebody who ultimately you would never want to make a life with. The trouble is of course that the things you most want to know about another person you're potentially going to get involved with tend to often be tied up with very personal matters that might be difficult for them to discuss. If the person has a great credit score then maybe they won't worry about the question. If they have a terrible credit score then it's going to be anxiety provoking which raises the question of whether your right to know whether your date is financially stable before you spend/waste any more time on them takes priority over their right to go out on a date without being interrogated about matters that might be sensitive/distressing for them.

 

Whatever the answer about whose rights (if it's even correct to talk about "rights" in this context) takes priority, I think that for initial dates to be fun and pleasant it's probably better to steer clear of bringing the interviewing element into play unless it's clear from the outset that both parties have a preference for that approach. The thing is that I think most people have areas they are sensitive about, and would probably not respond to very blunt questioning over - so it's probably generally better with potentially sensitive areas (finances, health, family relationships etc) to exercise a combination of patience and vigilance and, if you have concerns, wait for opportunities that person gives you to explore those areas in a bit more depth. That's also more conducive to showing more genuine interest in a person than the "what's your credit score?" approach, and you're also liable to get a fuller picture of the person than you would with the checklist approach to questioning that I think that article linked in the OP deals with. The downside is, of course, that it's more consuming. It's something that people have to make a judgement call on based on how they feel about the prospect of getting attached to somebody only to discover a dealbreaker six months down the line.

Edited December 28, 2012 by Taramere

[Yookie]

Please explain how you have a mediocre credit score without being irresponsible. I don't think that is remotely possible.

 

Most people don't even realize how credit scores are calculated. It certainly IS possible to have a mediocre score without being irresponsible.

 

1) Take the case of someone who pays cash for everything. That person would have either no score or a low score because they never apply for credit in the first place. You have to have debt first to show that you can pay off debt in a timely manner.

 

2) The highest rated are those who have at least 2 major credit cards (revolving accounts) and 1 or 2 installment accounts (student loan, auto loan or mortgage) with significant history of on-time payments.

 

3) Having lots of revolving credit is good for your score but USING it is bad. Most people don't realize that for the best scores you need to keep your revolving credit usage under 10%.

 

4) Taking on a new debt will LOWER your score in the short term. This year I financed a car (20K). My score was excellent but took a 40 point drop AFTER the loan was approved because it changed my debt to income ratio and it changed the number of open installment accounts (3 or more decreases your score). Now 8 months later my score is slowly creeping back up as the loan is being repaid LOL. As I get closer to paying off the car, my score will be even better than before because I will have an additional account showing on time payments.

[musemaj11]

I dont think its going to be easy to find a hot woman with high credit score. LOL