TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 You really want to know what this situation looks like to him, given the very non-specific "date". Men - We don't know what we did - YouTube Like that. This guy...dosen't know what he did. If he calls give him one more chance, just one more chance, with a specific time and place to meet him. If you cannot set a specific time and place to meet then you both are better off walking away. I mean what.. you'll agree to get married somewhere sometime then not tell him when to be at the church or the churches address? THis is one dumb post. Like it's the same thing..... HE blew HER off - got it?
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 So shy was she upset? He never blew her off. If she was aware on Saturday that he wasn't providing any details, why did she assume the date was going ahead anyway? I don't get it. If a guy does not seem enthusiastic about providing details or asking me "what do YOU want us to do? YOU pick!", I would assume he's not interested, rather than assume that we had a date but we hadn't decided on where we were going. The more I think about this, the more I can see that she sounded like a nutter. It's one thing to ask for respect , it's another to completely miss the hints, and then accuse someone of blowing you off. That's not called blowing off. He never specified a date nor did he confirm it. That's called disinterest. Did he string her along? Not sure. It was clear from his behaviour that he was not interested in going out with her... He stopped texting her much, etc. Instead she acted like that crazy obsessed gf, the one on youtube / imgur... whatever they call her... I mean, they haven't done anything more than 1 date, and he didn't seem enthusiastic about date 2. He didn't owe her anything, and did not blow her off after making plans. If someone does not confirm details of a date to me 2 days beforehand, I schedule something else with my friends, etc. If, however, the details were set, and THEN he cancelled on me, that's a different story altogether, and THAT is disrespectful of her time (barring REALLY unforseen and IMPORTANT circumstances like an emergency). Nope. Sorry. Not convinced. He blew her off. Oh yes, I think he did.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 You really want to know what this situation looks like to him, given the very non-specific "date". Men - We don't know what we did - YouTube Like that. This guy...dosen't know what he did. If he calls give him one more chance, just one more chance, with a specific time and place to meet him. If you cannot set a specific time and place to meet then you both are better off walking away. I mean what.. you'll agree to get married somewhere sometime then not tell him when to be at the church or the churches address? lol, that's a very appropriate clip for this situation.
Divasu Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 So shy was she upset? He never blew her off. We also made plans for another date on the 26th. So, yesterday rolls around, and I don't hear anything from him until 5:45 P.M. (the day of their 'date') See? Nonetheless, it need not be this 'difficult' to plan a date. Hell, I've done it and I am a woman.
smellybelly Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 No No NO people- he was not blowing you off! Men are different from Women- they don't need to confirm a date every single day till the date rolls around. Women tend to look for confirmation, but men once they agree to it don't need to confirmation- for them it's a given. We operate differently. This is how I read your text conversation... he was making small talk... instead of saying the thing you said about being "blown off" you could have simply said "what time did you want to meet?" You assumed he was blowing you off, sent a hostile message, and that scared him. If some guy I was seeing did that to me, I would be offended and would think it was hostile and wouldn't respond back. Reverse the situation and think about it? Instead of feeling insecure and thinking he's trying to blow you off, what if you had interpreted that situation from a position of power and strength and self confidence? I assure you it would have turned out very differently. Communicate like a man- be straightforward. You had a date planned- just say what time and where? No need for small talk in the middle. And then meet him on the date. Period
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 lol, that's a very appropriate clip for this situation. Men - would you like me to explain it to you? (I promise to only use words of three syllables or less.)
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 No No NO people- he was not blowing you off! Men are different from Women- they don't need to confirm a date every single day till the date rolls around. Women tend to look for confirmation, but men once they agree to it don't need to confirmation- for them it's a given. We operate differently. This is how I read your text conversation... he was making small talk... instead of saying the thing you said about being "blown off" you could have simply said "what time did you want to meet?" You assumed he was blowing you off, sent a hostile message, and that scared him. If some guy I was seeing did that to me, I would be offended and would think it was hostile and wouldn't respond back. Reverse the situation and think about it? Instead of feeling insecure and thinking he's trying to blow you off, what if you had interpreted that situation from a position of power and strength and self confidence? I assure you it would have turned out very differently. Communicate like a man- be straightforward. You had a date planned- just say what time and where? No need for small talk in the middle. And then meet him on the date. Period If men are different to women - why is it up to the woman to communicate like a man? It's hard for us to be insensitive, unthinking inconsiderate and flippant....
NoMoreJerks Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 (the day of their 'date') See? Nonetheless, it need not be this 'difficult' to plan a date. Hell, I've done it and I am a woman. Yeah, he texted her about something unrelated. He had assumed that the date wasn't going to go ahead, because neither had prvoided details. She hadn't suggested anything, and he wasn't interested enough to suggest something. Maybe because he has other options, etc. But it was wrong of her to assume that he owed her anything at that point, or that he blew her off. It was her fault and she sounded crazy and desperate in her text to him where she accused him of blowing her off... The guy's last text mssg was dickish, not in the sense that he said that he didn't blow her off, or didn't know why she was so mad at him (which might be the case), but the fact that he made things worse by mentioning it. But clearly, at this point, he's just chuckling at her crazy behaviour and probably trying to deliberately rile her up...
TaraMaiden Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 So, all things considered (your name included...) How would YOU deal with this, NoMoreJerks.....?
NoMoreJerks Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Men - would you like me to explain it to you? (I promise to only use words of three syllables or less.) Eh? I 'm a woman, and I think OP is off her rocker...
Mrlonelyone Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Men - would you like me to explain it to you? (I promise to only use words of three syllables or less.) Yes please explain to me. As I am only a transwoman I did not get the mental telepathy that real women have. You know...where everyone just knows what your thinking and feeling without ever having to directly say anything. Really detailed things like where and when to meet..well he should just know that from the set of her posture and angle of her head. 1
Divasu Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Yeah, he texted her about something unrelated. He had assumed that the date wasn't going to go ahead, because neither had prvoided details. She hadn't suggested anything, and he wasn't interested enough to suggest something. Maybe because he has other options, etc. But it was wrong of her to assume that he owed her anything at that point, or that he blew her off. It was her fault and she sounded crazy and desperate in her text to him where she accused him of blowing her off... The guy's last text mssg was dickish, not in the sense that he said that he didn't blow her off, or didn't know why she was so mad at him (which might be the case), but the fact that he made things worse by mentioning it. But clearly, at this point, he's just chuckling at her crazy behaviour and probably trying to deliberately rile her up... Well, let's just agree that we both see this situation very differently.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 So, all things considered (your name included...) How would YOU deal with this, NoMoreJerks.....? Move on and ignore the guy.I would've done that as soon as I tried to confirm the details and he seemed unenthusiastic. Heck, I had one guy who REALLY blew me off last minute. We had set a date (location, time, restaurant, etc.) and then the morning of, he texted me and said he couldn't make it (for one reason or another). I was pissed, but just texted, no problem, some other time maybe. A few days later, he texted me, but I had deleted his number, and did not respond to him. 1
TaraMaiden Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 As a smellybellystated - men and women think differently. They also suggested a woman should communicate like a man. Like that's perfect - every woman knows men suck at communication, preferring to retreat into their man-dens, ands so many guys here admit to it anyway. What he needed to do was to communicate like a woman. She tried on at least one occasion, to confirm. He replied in a vague way. What he should have done was to listen - and state - "OK, look, it's possible something may come up - if we can't do it that day, let's try another day." As it was, he didn't try to 're-schedule' when he rang her, or make any apology when he texted back. That's typically male behaviour. If he'd been thinking like a woman - he wouldn't have done that.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 As a smellybellystated - men and women think differently. They also suggested a woman should communicate like a man. Like that's perfect - every woman knows men suck at communication, preferring to retreat into their man-dens, ands so many guys here admit to it anyway. What he needed to do was to communicate like a woman. She tried on at least one occasion, to confirm. He replied in a vague way. What he should have done was to listen - and state - "OK, look, it's possible something may come up - if we can't do it that day, let's try another day." As it was, he didn't try to 're-schedule' when he rang her, or make any apology when he texted back. That's typically male behaviour. If he'd been thinking like a woman - he wouldn't have done that. You can't CONFIRM something that wasn't SET to begin with. What was she trying to confirm? Only that they might , at some point, on Wednesday, have a date. OK... great... That's not a confirmation OF a date. I think OP likes drama, and this guy might be into that as well. Frankly, if I were this guy, I'd have stopped texting her after she sent that rude and bat**** crazy mssg to him... but he might just be chuckling at this and having some fun while he can. 1
TaraMaiden Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Well, I'm having fun on this thread. No point wasting it......
phineas Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 It's the man's job to lead. If they made plans for a specific day & confirmed those plans & he didn't follow through then he obviously had something better to do & didn't feel it was important to tell her. People are getting hung up on the word "details" I think & the OP's lack of specifics. She said they discussed what they were going to do but no details. I take that to men they had a plan just not a specific time. Which is perfectly fine as long as the man nails down that final detail. I made plans to go christmas shopping with a woman last Wed after work. Those plans were confirmed. The actual time was not set in stone nor the place. (I had to let my dog out & she was working late) But I verified during the day & she gave me an update on when she was out. If a woman I was interested in said she would do something with me on a certain day & we verified it later, contact would be made by me that day. Period. 1
Divasu Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 NoMoreJerks, your first response to the OP was: OMG, lol, sounds like my ex -- he made me doubt things I had seen / heard.... He made me wonder if I had been going crazy. And then you respond with: I 'm a woman, and I think OP is off her rocker... Why the switch in gears?
mortensorchid Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I agree with Phineas that men like to take the lead, and when they are confronted with an agressive woman who demands and wants and threatens if they don't get something they want, they will naturally retreat or break it off somehow. In this situation, however, I would just forget him. If he is not going to follow up with it then he's not that interested in you. Chances are he would not treat someone he was interested in doing something professionally with like this. If he does, then he's a double loser!
TaraMaiden Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 It's the man's job to lead. If they made plans for a specific day & confirmed those plans & he didn't follow through then he obviously had something better to do & didn't feel it was important to tell her. People are getting hung up on the word "details" I think & the OP's lack of specifics. She said they discussed what they were going to do but no details. I take that to men they had a plan just not a specific time. Which is perfectly fine as long as the man nails down that final detail. I made plans to go christmas shopping with a woman last Wed after work. Those plans were confirmed. The actual time was not set in stone nor the place. (I had to let my dog out & she was working late) But I verified during the day & she gave me an update on when she was out. If a woman I was interested in said she would do something with me on a certain day & we verified it later, contact would be made by me that day. Period. See? Now that's logical. Good post, phineas.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) NoMoreJerks, your first response to the OP was: And then you respond with: Why the switch in gears? I hadn't noticed that she never actually had a date to go on. I thought he had confirmed the details, but he never had. They just had some day in mind, no more. OP is too desperate / bat**** crazy. She should've taken the hint and removed this guy's number off her phone, at the first or second hint that he didn't want to go out with her. I understand that she might've gotten pissed off at his lack of enthusiasm, but her reaction was so inappropriate and made it look like she was crazy and desperate... it wasn't a dignified response. I have too much dignity to scream at a guy the way that she did. I do my own thing in relative quiet (delete his number and move on to the next one who will appreciate me and make the time for me). She responded to his perceived disrespect by disrespecting herself even more. Wow, how mature. Edited December 28, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
Divasu Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 She should've taken the hint and removed this guy's number off her phone, at the first or second hint that he didn't want to go out with her. Oh I agree. They had 'one' date, this would have been the second... Sometimes people say/do things that 'make you think' he/she is interested, but other things aren't adding up so you're left on the fence not wanting to make a hasty decision.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I agree with Phineas that men like to take the lead, and when they are confronted with an agressive woman who demands and wants and threatens if they don't get something they want, they will naturally retreat or break it off somehow. In this situation, however, I would just forget him. If he is not going to follow up with it then he's not that interested in you. Chances are he would not treat someone he was interested in doing something professionally with like this. If he does, then he's a double loser! Follow up? Lets try to understand why the man did what he did by switching up one other detail. Suppose she just wasnt that into him. Every man, even a "hot" man, experiences a woman not being into him at the very least 2 to 3 times more ofthen than not. In those situations if he "follows up" he's a creep, stalker, pervert, rapist, stalker, child molester, serial killer, creep, pervert... you get the idea. No one, no matter how cool and calm on the outside wants to deal with that BS. So, when the woman dosen't at least agree to a specific time and place...he quite understandably lets it go and treats it as a rejection. As has been said to many a man here on LS.. "if she's anything but enthuisastic about seeing you take it as a rejection". 1
Axee Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I am sorry but I understand her situation, she isnt being crazy or needy ... Any sensible guy or girl , if one makes plans with definetly responds to the situation , or atleast "acknowledges" else its a clear indication of lack of interest. She did realise that and so only she responded that her time is valuable. Does she always have to keep wondering whether he got the message or not.. and yes He knew it was gonna be a no show... Now he is just passing his time, possibly he was waiting for someone and decided to pass time by texting her.. If she does respond, trust me HE will respond when its convenient for HIM .. Believe in actions , not in words ... Why didnt he reschedule or provide an alternative .. NOW thats called being a genuine reason, and the rest excuses.Long term relationship?? No ways.. He is still immature...
Axee Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I encountered same situation.. "Sunday good for you?" "Sure, will let you know " Sunday - Nothing on Monday he texts late at night " So you were very busy today looks like " And I was like "What the hell? " (Its a different matter that i indeed replied and learnt from my mistakes ) Eventually , long story short, he says he wastnt interested in the first place.
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