Daffodil74 Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I posted a while ago about my gay friend. He now has a new partner. I think I no longer have my feelings for him. The issue is he is getting closer with my friends. He chat with them everyday about random things (I know this because I am also included in the chatroom - but I was silent most of the time). He shows he cares for them. He asks them to join his shopping and day trips. And my friends appear to like his personality as well. (Note: all my friends are married). The more he chats with my friends, the more I realize that I wasn't that 'special' to him as I thought. It seems to be his nature that he could talk with anyone about his life. He also can hang out with anyone. How silly I was to think that I was a 'special' friend They are organizing a year-end party tomorrow at one of my friend's place. The gay friend actively participates in organization part. I said I had an appointment on the day and thus couldn't join them, which seems weird to my friends (They didn't know that I had a crush on this gay friend. When I introduced him to them, our relationship was almost ended). I don't want to go. I know that I would feel hurt after seeing him with his partner. I know that he would be side-by-side with his partner all the times, just as he did with me before. He would be sweet and chatty with my friends, just he did with me before. It will just show me how silly I was. I am curious how you can maintain NC when you have mutual friends.
Renard99 Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 It's a difficult one and it ultimately comes down to what you value more, the peace that NC gives you or those mutual friends. You have to remember that it was you who fell for a someone who was unavailable (through his sexual preference). He cannot be viewed as the bad guy in this situation. It's very easy to see the person 'stealing' your friends when in this situation, that person is just being themselves. If you don't feel that you can handle it I'm afraid to say that it's probably best that you do not socialise with these mutual friends anymore.
Author Daffodil74 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Thanks Renard99. I don't want to discuss as to whether he is a bad or good guy here. I also don't think he is 'stealing' my friends. I just want nothing to do with him, and move on. And I find NC helped me. Well honestly, there were times I felt so low, so depressed...to the point that I wished I went to sleep and never woke up again. But NC helped me step back, reflect on what happened and realized he didn't consider me 'a special friend' as I thought. His emotional connection was good with me as with anyone else. Nothing more, nothing less. It's just me who imagined a 'soul mate'. This reflection helped me heal and feel optimistic that one day I will find someone who cares for me and who I can connect emotionally with. I just need time. However, I am not fully recovered yet. Seeing him and his partner rubs my wound. Thus, I'd better maintain NC. The issue is we have mutual friends and I don't have many friends. Anyway, I know there is no solution for my situation other than either sucking it up and seeing him and his partner, or opting not to socialize with the mutual friends. Since I even don't have a friend to discuss this limbo with, I just vent it here. Thanks for listening.
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