BritRN Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 I have been on two dates with a guy and we get on well and talk on the phone for hours, however it feels different to me. He is good looking, however I do not lust after him. I guess I am just aprehensive. I am 33 yrs old, and it feels different than when I was young. I know dating is difficult at any age, but this makes me stressed out a bit. Any advice welcome....
marina17103 Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 I wonder how often you see each other. I am in my early 30s too and dating a man of my own age. I have found there is a lack of intensity on both side. We meet once in 2 or 3 weeks time, been to holiday trips and had spent one week together just me and him. still i feel something is missing. i like him very much and mentally we both like deep discussions. but i wonder why he is not into meeting me more. of course he has busy work and lots of travelling. still i am wondering why he cant make the time or effort to see me more. Is it the age or others?
Reckless Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 When you are young you date like you eat, with gusto, enthusiasm and little thought for what it's doing to your insides. You follow your instincts happy and hopeful because it's mostly in the 'belly' and not in the head. You don't have expectations just urges. When you get older you've learnt what following urges gets you; so you cautiously feel your way having tasted disappointment you are not so eager to sample 'unemployed Joe soup' or 'psycho woman delight'. You can't expect to date like a sixteen year old when you're thirty, to mix my metaphors, you can only dive head first into a pool without checking the depth of the water so many times. People in their thirties (and forties) will hedge their bets, think things through and take their time when it comes to relationships because they know what's at stake. Two dates and a couple of phone calls might just not be enough time. What the thirtysomething lacks in spontaneity they make up for in intensity so I think that marina has some legitimate concerns. Once two people find what they are looking for they usually head for the diving board just as quickly. It may take a little longer but once the heart is engaged love feels like love, and passion burns hot whatever the age. For example long-term studies have found that a majority of long and satisfying partnerships began with considerable passion on both sides; although the love might not be 'at first sight' both partners usually sense very early on that a relationship is going to be 'important' so, feet dragging (and lack of passion) is a bad sign whatever the age and usually means that the person, deep down, does not feel they have a good match. In short intensity and passion are not age related but reckless abandon is best tried young and stupid.
marina17103 Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 well, in my case, i have a kid. and he said that he wants to get to know me first and then my kid. so he is seeing me every other weekend basically. of course he met my child couple of times and has been very nice to her. i know that intensity at the beginning does not neccesarily lead to a long-term relationship. he also mentioned that he wants to use his head this time. is this something positive or should i worry about our few meeting time?
moimeme Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 For example long-term studies have found that a majority of long and satisfying partnerships began with considerable passion on both sides Really? That's not what I've read. Got links?
HokeyReligions Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 Originally posted by marina17103 he also mentioned that he wants to use his head this time. is this something positive or should i worry about our few meeting time? A man who wants to use the head with the brain in it!!! I wouldn't worry about it at all. He's taking his time so he can be sure. If your relationship does progress and he professes love for you at some point, or asks you to marry him, you will know that he's thought about it and it's not just some lust-filled proposal.
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