BrettLost Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Pre-warning:- this will get deep i'm sure. Two days ago i helped out a fellow poster in the coping section, "my theory of no one better is getting more evidence". I was full of positivity and inspiration at the time and have just recently tried to swallow my own words to him. Its hard to do. I moved on from my exw to what i call a "holiday relationship". She was on holiday, destined to leave, but it happened, it was incredible, she got along with my girls.... Perfect by any standards. Opened my eyes to what was possible post-marriage. Here's the kicker..... She leaves, I'm cut, she's cut, yet we stay in contact. Plans were made to keep it "on" but i knew it was fairly impossible given the international gap between us. Now logically i know its done, but the whole friends with ex comes into play. We got along so good, except now I'm trying to "hide" my true feelings for her in order to keep things "mates". I can't keep it up, it's ripping the sh*t out of me to pretend i dont love her. She on the other hand has pretty much moved on, back home n doing what she does, studying n such, as she has every right to do. She's 19, I'm now 30. I know, lucky as f&ck. NOW- I have to wonder, at 23 I was married and financing a family of 3. In those times, commitment, trust, loyalty, respect and hard work were among my highest values relationship-wise. And because I lived by those values through my 20's they are now kinda set, yet now I'm back in the dating pool maybe it's too much commitment, love, respect....for anyone to handle. But its the only love i know. NO ONS's, flings or any crap, if I feel its real, I'l go in with ALL my heart. And that's what i did. I have to believe most people go through alot of dating etc light-heartedly through their 20's, like she will. My 20's were all family, i just don't know any different, and thus get very hurt. So a) should i stay in contact with her at all? b) has early marriage f%cked me for dating in the future?
HurtinUnit Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I don't know what would be better for you. I think if it's bothering you this much pretending to be perfectly ok... You should probably for your own sanity cut it loose. I absolutely can't deal staying in contact with an ex I'm still painfully in love with. Watching them move on and go on dates while I pine away? No thanks... *Insert requiem for a dream theme song and blades to cut my wrists with* As per your second bit - I think that we all carry some scars from previous relationships. Do I think that makes you completely f@#%ed? No, not unless you convince yourself of that. I've known people who have thrown in the towel after bad relationships/marriages and I've known people who have thrived. That, my dear friend, depends on you. How much you decide to carry with you. I tend to carry things and, right now... Don't see myself ever trusting another man as long as I live, I hope that attitude changes someday. Right now the idea of letting someone in makes me sick to my stomach. Mind you I'm still on day one.
todreaminblue Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 (edited) I dont know if it has messed you up for dating in the future i know from 19 years of age i have been raising a family and been in relationships two notabley till basically halfway through my 30s.I find dating strange, dated two guys after my breakup and wasn't ready, neither was my family ready for me to date they were highly protective......i think these days as a woman its hard to ask a guy to wait for sex......especially when i have five kids they mioght see me as a hypocrite who is playing games,let alone my sexual history is bought to light....i actually have high expectations i dont date unless it were to be a committed relationshipa high probability with me...my expectations might be way too high...dating seems to be a matter of getting to know someone between the sheets.......thats just not me ......i think age does become a part of the mind set in dating....games are crap ...rather play red rover.....in a committed relationship....but ill think on it for a while.....my family want me to find someone, they know i enjoy being in a relationship and that i am ready to be...just dont think anyone could handle me, mesh with me or get me to tell the truth...i drive people nuts...confused the heck out of myself writing this so i am stopping now.......deb Edited December 27, 2012 by todreaminblue
Author BrettLost Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 Thanks guys. That was quick as. I've always played the honesty game and only pursued those who i felt connected to. I don't bother with the bars/clubs, I dont like the shallow game of meeting someone long enough to pursuade them into sleeping with you, as 'todteaminblue' pointed out seems to be current dating protocol. Guys seem to jump through hoops n all kinds of ***** just to get laid, girls def have the power. Not only that, but on the pi$$ people talk utter crap, zero intellegence, just ego stroking bs. I just refuse to play that game. Hurtinunit, If only u read the stuff i posted on the forum i mentioned. Thing is, this girl completely blew me away on what i thought was possible after divorce. Really pushed me into a better view on life and what it offered me, kids n all. So i still have faith that even after HER, there will be another.
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