Dupontman 289 Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 My wife just admitted in August to cheating on me 15 years ago with a coworker. Said they had sex one time. Kept asking if there was anymore and she kept denying it. Til I mentioned a lie detector test. She said they were a waste of money. Told her the only reason she wouldn't take it is if she was lying! She finally said there was another. Another coworker 3 years from the first. Says she was scared to tell me that she thought I would leave her. She says the second guy was a one time thing as well. She has told me all the details and said she would have no problem with a lie detector test now. I do love her and she does show remorse. We have 3 grown children all out of the house. We are going on 30 years of marriage shortly. She is still somewhat defensive. So what do you think?
Balzac Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Welcome to LS. I guess your question relates specifically to validating her honesty? Most here will tell you that cheaters lie. Lots to consider w 30 years in invested. What are your thoughts n feelings? Harsh news.
silvermercy Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Please schedule the lie detector test. It's totally possible she's still bluffing. Don't even think of cancelling the test until you both get in the car and you're on the way there! She will confess to much more before you reach your destination. P.S. Yeah right... only once... Please don't fall for this crap.
BetrayedH Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Please schedule the lie detector test. It's totally possible she's still bluffing. Don't even think of cancelling the test until you both get in the car and you're on the way there! She will confess to much more before you reach your destination. P.S. Yeah right... only once... Please don't fall for this crap. There's a lot of truth in this response. The "only once" nonsense is a quote straight out of the cheater's handbook. You are getting "trickle truth" which is also a universal approach. As for th lie detector, you've already gotten a version of what we call, "a parking lot confession" where they finally give you some more "truth" in the parking lot. Unfortunately, it's rarely all of the truth but yet one more attempt to get you to shut up and believe this one morsel more than what you already know. Schedule the test, continue to listen to her "now you know everything" confessions, and keep the appt no matter what happens. The only way she stays with you is to pass the test and a truly remorseful wayward will understand that this is a win-win opportunity for them. Those with nothing to hide will hide nothing. Your W has now got a reputation for hiding plenty. 2
standtall Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Dupot...Sorry to say, but most likely she has had a lot..a lot more sex than you've had in the last 30yrs. Heck..I would start DNA testing the kids. 2
Author Dupontman 289 Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 I had a suspicion she had cheated with the first guy. He was a friend of mine. I have been questioning her off and on over the years til one time i asked her she finally confessed. Six weeks later.she.confessed the second one. She says.she is willing to take a.lie.detector test now. But where can you do this at. One guy close to home says he will do it but its.750.00 dollars. While there is no price.for my sanity, does anyone have any suggestions! I heard the local police offices might do it.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 While there is no price.for my sanity, does anyone have any suggestions! I'm curious what you're going to to do with any knowledge gained through a test? You already know she cheated twice and with 2 different partners - is that survivable where double-dipping with one of the guys isn't? Kids out of the house, so would I be. Save the $750, use it as a down payment on your new place... Mr. Lucky
Bryanp Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Why did she cheat, betray you and put your health at risk for STD's twice? Would she be so forgiving if the roles were reversed?
Bryanp Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 In addition, the fact that she has sex with a friend of yours is unforgivable. She must have some sort of perverse thrill to humiliate you in such a way with a friend of yours. What has been the consequences to her for these betrayals?
drifter777 Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I had a suspicion she had cheated with the first guy. He was a friend of mine. I have been questioning her off and on over the years til one time i asked her she finally confessed. Six weeks later.she.confessed the second one. She says.she is willing to take a.lie.detector test now. But where can you do this at. One guy close to home says he will do it but its.750.00 dollars. While there is no price.for my sanity, does anyone have any suggestions! I heard the local police offices might do it. I'm not sure about the police but there are plenty of polygraph services that provide "infidelity" examinations. Like you said, how much is your sanity worth? One more thing about polygraphs; they can only verify her truthfulness on the questions she is asked. Since you don't know what you don't know it is impossible to format questions that will get the whole truth. The examiner has a lot of experience, but even after the lie-detector there will still be facts and details she is hiding. This is only an educated guess but she probably told you about the second guy and seems to be giving you all the "details" to keep you from making her take the lie-detector test. All of my experience with betrayed husbands and cheating wives tell me that your wife is in panic mode and is showing you phony remorse and "honesty" to get you to accept that it is in the past and convince you to just move on. This is called "gas lighting" and you should look it up and prepare yourself to defend against this nonsense. Speaking of nonsense, one time each with 2 different guys? Really? A cheating wife will lie, lie, and then lie some more. If you work to resolve this and try to reconcile then maybe at some point she will fill in a lot more details and swear that you now know the "whole truth". She's still lying about things she is certain you can never verify, but it's as good as your going to get.
road Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) I had a suspicion she had cheated with the first guy. He was a friend of mine. I have been questioning her off and on over the years til one time i asked her she finally confessed. Six weeks later.she.confessed the second one. She says.she is willing to take a.lie.detector test now. But where can you do this at. One guy close to home says he will do it but its.750.00 dollars. While there is no price.for my sanity, does anyone have any suggestions! I heard the local police offices might do it. What ever happened to this friend? Police dept's do not do the test. Contact your police dept for recomendations. As said when a WW hears test they trickle truth some more info to get you to not follow through on the test. This is why it is important to schedule a test, then tell WW the date. As the time gets close the WW usually tells more. Don't cancel. You still need to confirm what WW has told you. Also time to get DNA paternity tests done. It seems every WW has unprotected sex with their OM. They will swear that they used rubbers but that is a lie. Your WW had at least two OM. You and your WW need STD tests. Not all symptoms get noticed. Edited December 28, 2012 by road
BetrayedH Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You're getting a lot of solid advice here that is sadly quite standard in the event of old indescretions where you can't investigate and find out the truth by other means. For me, I needed to know the truth to determine if I had a truthful and remorseful spouse standing in front of me or someone else. I would take the advice you've been given, well, maybe except the hooker piece. But DuckSoup is entitled to his opinion and wow, wouldn't that be something? On a side note, not that it's scientific evidence by any means, but I recently watched an episode of Myth Busters on polygraphs. I was pretty skeptical on their reliability and have to admit that the episode changed my perspective a bit. Oh, and if Alice has anything to say about polys, I would listen. She's the resident expert here.
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