Worst Christmas Ever

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

This story is long, but interesting. Please read

 

December 25th, 2012 might go down as one of the worst days in my 26 year career. This was so much worse than the actual breakup.....HONESTLY EVERYONE IS 100 PERCENT RIGHT. NC IS THE WAY TO GO! DERAILING FROM THAT, AND YOU WILL GET MESSED UP!

 

For those who dont know

(GF of three years broke up in September--had lots of childhood issues and was depressed so went to therapy--said she swore she would come back and loved me, I was the one, etc--She parties hard every weekend and dresses different and hangs with a bunch of new friends--I got depressed, lost my job, apartment,etc. Week before a full month, she is still saying how much she loves me and has a huge hole in her heart--after a month, she says she doesn't love me anymore and feelings have changed randomly--I beg, whine, moan, scream, all rookie mistakes--week after tells me to stop holding on she is done and there is a guy she likes but does not want to date him--I go NC for a month--she throws breadcrumbs I didn't respond--finally, I respond to one and we have LC through text for a couple weeks)

 

Which leads us to now. Now, I'm fully aware of all the mistakes I've made yesterday and these lovely people at LS have helped me cope with this BU for the longest time so for that, I thank them. Okay, so we've just been kinda texting the past week and a half about nothing important. I never wanted to bring up the past or anything of the sort. So the monday before last, we text and she seems down. I ask her if everything is good and she goes "yeah just going through some stuff I guess." After talking, she mentions the same guy from above and says "its not really a relationship. Its stupid" and I dig a little more and she just says "I don't know what it is." I told her I was going through the same thing (DUMB MOVE I WASNT) and she got interested in this. I asked her what the issue was with her stuff and she said "I dont want to talk about it" (I figured out later that this guy HAS a GF already), so I say "Well hope it works out" and she goes "yours too" and I said well it already has (meaning I'm in a relationship). She doesn't like that and sends like five text saying "Well I hope you are happy" and "It bothers me actually" and she goes "It didnt take you really long to move along from me. I guess I thought I was worth more than that." And I said "Well you are wanting to date this new guy" and she quickly goes "I dont want to date him or be in a relationship with him" WHAT?!?!

 

I'll speed this story up....I tell her Wednesday that it's not a full blown relationship just dating. She goes "Oh you can do what you want." and then mentions "I would like for things to work out and me be with this new guy at some point" lol okay whatever. Later on in the week, I told her that I stopped seeing the one girl I was and she goes "Oh sorry to hear that. The next one will work I'm sure. I ask her if her situation is any better, and she goes "nope" and I say that sucks, and she replies "No worries. I dont care about it anymore" For some unknown reason, I keep texting her throughout the next couple of days because I have this notion that I keep building the bricks slowly, she will realize she wants us again. NEVER think that way EVER. I've noticed when texting, I start the convo and she responds, but its usually only a couple of words and not very much substance. So Christmas Eve, I told myself do not text her and see if she text you and the same goes for Christmas Day......

 

FINALLY, I've arrived at Christmas Day (I hate backstories). As I thought, she did not text anytime on Christmas Eve. I woke up on Christmas and did the thing with the family and it was fun as usual. About noon, I take a nap and wake up around like 2pm. Still no text from her. I KNEW she did not go home for Christmas (she is not close to her family) and everyone around her college town is at their homes so I knew she had oodles of time to text two words. So, mistake 1 of 1000 of the night, I text her Merry Christmas. She responds back with "You too"...short convo goes as shown below:

 

Me: To be honest, I was kinda hoping to hear from you today

Her: I haven't texted anyone today, but I was going to

Me: Yeah

Her: its true. I had plans to spend it with someone and they fell through so I'm going to my friends house

Me: Someone eh? I'm assuming that is your new guy?

Her: He is not my guy, but yes

Me: Did he not leave town like most people?

Her: No, he has a lot of family spread out. He went to a friends house.

Me: I know its hard for you to grasp because you don't care, but days like today, I do miss you because we've spend the last three Christmases together.

Her: I do care *myname* You do mean a lot to me

 

So, I'm on this slippery slope because I know she was going to hang out with another guy on Christmas. That upset me greatly. I'm not stupid and I know that in the three months we have been broken up, she has probably had sex with someone else. It sucked because I was her first and what not (LOVED it and became a huge nympho after that) so I tried to get it through my head that she has had sex with someone else. Anyways, she seemed upset that her "new guy" ditched her for other people. She again mentioned "I don't care about that anymore." and I said "Well you obviously do if you were wanting to spend Christmas with him" and she goes "I guess. Its complicated. I'm just stubborn"...this leads me to ask the question "Are you guys having sex?" WHY WOULD I WANT TO KNOW THIS?????? She goes "That is really none of your business" which I totally agree with but I was not in the frame of mind to think that. I said "So yes?" and she goes "I didn't say that" and I said "If you didn't, you would be quick to say no lol" She just said "I'm not going to tell you that" which I wouldn't either so its fine.

 

THAT then in turn, leads to me doing something else I regret and will forever. So still texting, I was talking to her about about some Christmases that we had and how nice they were. She was agreeing and what not....so my dumbass decides to tell her this:

 

Me: "I know things have changed between us and the feelings have faded and what not. We are both different people since we last saw eachother. I'm not actively looking for a new relationship and not even necessarily us being friends, I just want us to go out and reacquaint ourselves with eachother. I just want to have fun like we use to. Before the days of all this stress."

Her:"*myname*, I'm afraid that I will only see you as a friend if we do this because my feelings have changed"

Me:"Yeah this is true, and I understand being leery because of the situation. We had something great at one time and I know that I didn't show enough affection and I took you for granted. I understand this and I kick myself everyday for it. I want to start fresh."

Her: "What do you want me to say?"

Me: "I want you to say I know things have changed and we are different people now, and while nothing is ever going to be like it was, going to meet up with you to reintroduce ourselves is not a bad idea"

Her: "hmmmmm......*myname* I still dont want to be like that with you anymore. I like other people"

Me: "More than one?"

Her: "Yeah like three or four, but one person overall"

 

She has ALWAYS had incredibly low self esteem. In fact, probably clinically depressed as well, but she has a lot of confidence now in how she dresses, how she acts towards people, etc. So obviously, this upsets me and I ask is it because of the "new guy" and she goes partly. She said the other half is she just doesn't want that. The new guy who she is chasing is what is on her mind right now and I know this. I know for a fact what I said was not going to work with her and I knew it going it, but that 1 percent chance of it actually working made me ask it. When I dumped my previous ex, I really didn't care what she said because I was too busy chasing others and I knew that what she is doing here. So, I'm hurt and start crying and drinking.......which leads to me texting her a BUNCH!!!!!!

 

Nothing of importance really....just texting her that I havent fully moved on yet from us and that I do still really care about her. I try to ask every single question that went unanswered from our breakup. I ask her if she was "talking" to this new guy when she first left to "go to therapy" and she said "Sorta. He was I wasnt. He knew I wasnt interested in a relationship" So I know figured out that when she was texting me saying "I love you so much I'll be back I swear" and it just dropped in one week, its safe to say this new guy is the reason. Its ALWAYS usually someone else. I know he has a GF and more than likely using her as a booty call, and it really doesnt matter because its not me, but still I was upset. In my drunken stupor, I said "You are probably going to his house all the time" and she was like "I haven't been over there a lot. We don't hang out a bunch of what you are probably thinking" and I said "You are probably doing the same stuff we use to do. Watch TV, play games, have sex, etc....." She just goes "We do a lot of different stuff :/" I said "Does he know we text?" and she goes "Yeah he knows but knows nothing is going on." ......UGH that broke me. So I go into more drunken text just saying how much I still care, how it hurts me that she doesn't want this, how far we have fallen, etc etc etc....she just keeps saying I'm sorry and that she does feel bad, but she doesn't want that. She should have stopped texting almost an hour before that, but didn't. Just kept answering my questions and whatever. She said that she left because I didn't show her affection at all the last couple of months and I was unappreciative of the things she was doing for me, and I will take the blame on that, but I think it was more than just that. I apologized to her during when she first broke up and she accepted my apology and says "It's okay I forgive you because I love you." She is saying she likes this new guy, but she knows it wont work out....and there are opportunities to date other guys but she likes this guy so its whatever. I told her that she graduates in May and that she might just want to have fun and go from there. She goes "I dont just want to have fun." I said do you really need a BF?? She goes "Meh. We might be actually going to the same graduate school so who knows." A graduate school with this new guy in a state FAR away from where we are currently. Someone (her) with not a lot of money, no car, and yet wants to move across the country with this guy who she thinks it wont work out with anyways........ She said they weren't planning it like that she just applied for a couple of places the same that he did...it's just disheartening to hear because that was our plan after she graduated. I'm feeling the desperation of wanting to be in her life so bad that I am acting out so much that its doing nothing but pushing her farther away and farther away if not already gone. I told her I have to stop planning to have a future with her with moving and whatever and tell her that its not going to happen and she just says yeah........

 

About 1am, she stops texting and probably goes to bed. I'm destroyed from her rejecting me AGAIN and sad to know that she is having sex with someone else and is close to dating/not dating someone. I think its stupid to try to go after someone who already has a GF, but its not my business. My Mom's BF comes in the room around 1am, knows I'm destroyed from the conversations, and we talk until like 6AM trying to calm me down a bit. I woke up today and just felt my heart sink. I imagined her having sex in every possible position with this guy and its was murder for me. I tried to prepare myself and you still cant. Such a GREAT relationship just ended out of nowhere and now with her future plans of "moving far away" and possibly with this new guy. Not even dating and yet wants to move far away with this guy. I don't understand and I guess I will never understand. She might be playing games with me or whatever because she is immature and loves drama but I dont even know. Hell, I dont think she even knows to be honest. There are times where she seems lost or confused, and other times where she seems to know exactly what she is doing. I want her back more than I want anything in the entire world, and she obviously doesnt want that and I cannot get it through my f***ing skull. She keeps telling me and I can't do anything. I'm going to call my phone company tomorrow and block her number. I can't keep doing this. It's hurting me so much and I keep texting her and annoying her to the point she will stop talking to me anyways. NC day 1......sigh

[cavalier99]

This story is long, but interesting. Please read

 

December 25th, 2012 might go down as one of the worst days in my 26 year career. This was so much worse than the actual breakup.....HONESTLY EVERYONE IS 100 PERCENT RIGHT. NC IS THE WAY TO GO! DERAILING FROM THAT, AND YOU WILL GET MESSED UP!

 

For those who dont know

(GF of three years broke up in September--had lots of childhood issues and was depressed so went to therapy--said she swore she would come back and loved me, I was the one, etc--She parties hard every weekend and dresses different and hangs with a bunch of new friends--I got depressed, lost my job, apartment,etc. Week before a full month, she is still saying how much she loves me and has a huge hole in her heart--after a month, she says she doesn't love me anymore and feelings have changed randomly--I beg, whine, moan, scream, all rookie mistakes--week after tells me to stop holding on she is done and there is a guy she likes but does not want to date him--I go NC for a month--she throws breadcrumbs I didn't respond--finally, I respond to one and we have LC through text for a couple weeks)

 

Which leads us to now. Now, I'm fully aware of all the mistakes I've made yesterday and these lovely people at LS have helped me cope with this BU for the longest time so for that, I thank them. Okay, so we've just been kinda texting the past week and a half about nothing important. I never wanted to bring up the past or anything of the sort. So the monday before last, we text and she seems down. I ask her if everything is good and she goes "yeah just going through some stuff I guess." After talking, she mentions the same guy from above and says "its not really a relationship. Its stupid" and I dig a little more and she just says "I don't know what it is." I told her I was going through the same thing (DUMB MOVE I WASNT) and she got interested in this. I asked her what the issue was with her stuff and she said "I dont want to talk about it" (I figured out later that this guy HAS a GF already), so I say "Well hope it works out" and she goes "yours too" and I said well it already has (meaning I'm in a relationship). She doesn't like that and sends like five text saying "Well I hope you are happy" and "It bothers me actually" and she goes "It didnt take you really long to move along from me. I guess I thought I was worth more than that." And I said "Well you are wanting to date this new guy" and she quickly goes "I dont want to date him or be in a relationship with him" WHAT?!?!

 

I'll speed this story up....I tell her Wednesday that it's not a full blown relationship just dating. She goes "Oh you can do what you want." and then mentions "I would like for things to work out and me be with this new guy at some point" lol okay whatever. Later on in the week, I told her that I stopped seeing the one girl I was and she goes "Oh sorry to hear that. The next one will work I'm sure. I ask her if her situation is any better, and she goes "nope" and I say that sucks, and she replies "No worries. I dont care about it anymore" For some unknown reason, I keep texting her throughout the next couple of days because I have this notion that I keep building the bricks slowly, she will realize she wants us again. NEVER think that way EVER. I've noticed when texting, I start the convo and she responds, but its usually only a couple of words and not very much substance. So Christmas Eve, I told myself do not text her and see if she text you and the same goes for Christmas Day......

 

FINALLY, I've arrived at Christmas Day (I hate backstories). As I thought, she did not text anytime on Christmas Eve. I woke up on Christmas and did the thing with the family and it was fun as usual. About noon, I take a nap and wake up around like 2pm. Still no text from her. I KNEW she did not go home for Christmas (she is not close to her family) and everyone around her college town is at their homes so I knew she had oodles of time to text two words. So, mistake 1 of 1000 of the night, I text her Merry Christmas. She responds back with "You too"...short convo goes as shown below:

 

Me: To be honest, I was kinda hoping to hear from you today

Her: I haven't texted anyone today, but I was going to

Me: Yeah

Her: its true. I had plans to spend it with someone and they fell through so I'm going to my friends house

Me: Someone eh? I'm assuming that is your new guy?

Her: He is not my guy, but yes

Me: Did he not leave town like most people?

Her: No, he has a lot of family spread out. He went to a friends house.

Me: I know its hard for you to grasp because you don't care, but days like today, I do miss you because we've spend the last three Christmases together.

Her: I do care *myname* You do mean a lot to me

 

So, I'm on this slippery slope because I know she was going to hang out with another guy on Christmas. That upset me greatly. I'm not stupid and I know that in the three months we have been broken up, she has probably had sex with someone else. It sucked because I was her first and what not (LOVED it and became a huge nympho after that) so I tried to get it through my head that she has had sex with someone else. Anyways, she seemed upset that her "new guy" ditched her for other people. She again mentioned "I don't care about that anymore." and I said "Well you obviously do if you were wanting to spend Christmas with him" and she goes "I guess. Its complicated. I'm just stubborn"...this leads me to ask the question "Are you guys having sex?" WHY WOULD I WANT TO KNOW THIS?????? She goes "That is really none of your business" which I totally agree with but I was not in the frame of mind to think that. I said "So yes?" and she goes "I didn't say that" and I said "If you didn't, you would be quick to say no lol" She just said "I'm not going to tell you that" which I wouldn't either so its fine.

 

THAT then in turn, leads to me doing something else I regret and will forever. So still texting, I was talking to her about about some Christmases that we had and how nice they were. She was agreeing and what not....so my dumbass decides to tell her this:

 

Me: "I know things have changed between us and the feelings have faded and what not. We are both different people since we last saw eachother. I'm not actively looking for a new relationship and not even necessarily us being friends, I just want us to go out and reacquaint ourselves with eachother. I just want to have fun like we use to. Before the days of all this stress."

Her:"*myname*, I'm afraid that I will only see you as a friend if we do this because my feelings have changed"

Me:"Yeah this is true, and I understand being leery because of the situation. We had something great at one time and I know that I didn't show enough affection and I took you for granted. I understand this and I kick myself everyday for it. I want to start fresh."

Her: "What do you want me to say?"

Me: "I want you to say I know things have changed and we are different people now, and while nothing is ever going to be like it was, going to meet up with you to reintroduce ourselves is not a bad idea"

Her: "hmmmmm......*myname* I still dont want to be like that with you anymore. I like other people"

Me: "More than one?"

Her: "Yeah like three or four, but one person overall"

 

She has ALWAYS had incredibly low self esteem. In fact, probably clinically depressed as well, but she has a lot of confidence now in how she dresses, how she acts towards people, etc. So obviously, this upsets me and I ask is it because of the "new guy" and she goes partly. She said the other half is she just doesn't want that. The new guy who she is chasing is what is on her mind right now and I know this. I know for a fact what I said was not going to work with her and I knew it going it, but that 1 percent chance of it actually working made me ask it. When I dumped my previous ex, I really didn't care what she said because I was too busy chasing others and I knew that what she is doing here. So, I'm hurt and start crying and drinking.......which leads to me texting her a BUNCH!!!!!!

 

Nothing of importance really....just texting her that I havent fully moved on yet from us and that I do still really care about her. I try to ask every single question that went unanswered from our breakup. I ask her if she was "talking" to this new guy when she first left to "go to therapy" and she said "Sorta. He was I wasnt. He knew I wasnt interested in a relationship" So I know figured out that when she was texting me saying "I love you so much I'll be back I swear" and it just dropped in one week, its safe to say this new guy is the reason. Its ALWAYS usually someone else. I know he has a GF and more than likely using her as a booty call, and it really doesnt matter because its not me, but still I was upset. In my drunken stupor, I said "You are probably going to his house all the time" and she was like "I haven't been over there a lot. We don't hang out a bunch of what you are probably thinking" and I said "You are probably doing the same stuff we use to do. Watch TV, play games, have sex, etc....." She just goes "We do a lot of different stuff :/" I said "Does he know we text?" and she goes "Yeah he knows but knows nothing is going on." ......UGH that broke me. So I go into more drunken text just saying how much I still care, how it hurts me that she doesn't want this, how far we have fallen, etc etc etc....she just keeps saying I'm sorry and that she does feel bad, but she doesn't want that. She should have stopped texting almost an hour before that, but didn't. Just kept answering my questions and whatever. She said that she left because I didn't show her affection at all the last couple of months and I was unappreciative of the things she was doing for me, and I will take the blame on that, but I think it was more than just that. I apologized to her during when she first broke up and she accepted my apology and says "It's okay I forgive you because I love you." She is saying she likes this new guy, but she knows it wont work out....and there are opportunities to date other guys but she likes this guy so its whatever. I told her that she graduates in May and that she might just want to have fun and go from there. She goes "I dont just want to have fun." I said do you really need a BF?? She goes "Meh. We might be actually going to the same graduate school so who knows." A graduate school with this new guy in a state FAR away from where we are currently. Someone (her) with not a lot of money, no car, and yet wants to move across the country with this guy who she thinks it wont work out with anyways........ She said they weren't planning it like that she just applied for a couple of places the same that he did...it's just disheartening to hear because that was our plan after she graduated. I'm feeling the desperation of wanting to be in her life so bad that I am acting out so much that its doing nothing but pushing her farther away and farther away if not already gone. I told her I have to stop planning to have a future with her with moving and whatever and tell her that its not going to happen and she just says yeah........

 

About 1am, she stops texting and probably goes to bed. I'm destroyed from her rejecting me AGAIN and sad to know that she is having sex with someone else and is close to dating/not dating someone. I think its stupid to try to go after someone who already has a GF, but its not my business. My Mom's BF comes in the room around 1am, knows I'm destroyed from the conversations, and we talk until like 6AM trying to calm me down a bit. I woke up today and just felt my heart sink. I imagined her having sex in every possible position with this guy and its was murder for me. I tried to prepare myself and you still cant. Such a GREAT relationship just ended out of nowhere and now with her future plans of "moving far away" and possibly with this new guy. Not even dating and yet wants to move far away with this guy. I don't understand and I guess I will never understand. She might be playing games with me or whatever because she is immature and loves drama but I dont even know. Hell, I dont think she even knows to be honest. There are times where she seems lost or confused, and other times where she seems to know exactly what she is doing. I want her back more than I want anything in the entire world, and she obviously doesnt want that and I cannot get it through my f***ing skull. She keeps telling me and I can't do anything. I'm going to call my phone company tomorrow and block her number. I can't keep doing this. It's hurting me so much and I keep texting her and annoying her to the point she will stop talking to me anyways. NC day 1......sigh

 

Sounds pretty normal. All i can say is. NC

 

And it gets better

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Thanks Cav.....I have not been able to think of anyone BUT her. I'm going to therapy tomorrow because its just too much to grasp. She said she will NEVER want a romantic relationship again, and I still have this stupid notion that maybe later on down the road if I just leave her alone and MAYBE and its so dumb to think like that......

[cavalier99]

Thanks Cav.....I have not been able to think of anyone BUT her. I'm going to therapy tomorrow because its just too much to grasp. She said she will NEVER want a romantic relationship again, and I still have this stupid notion that maybe later on down the road if I just leave her alone and MAYBE and its so dumb to think like that......

 

This is about as bad as it gets. At least now you know that you cant EVER communicate with her and there is NO HOPE. Hope is the worst. In the end all this painful information will benefit you. You now know you have to move on. Stick to NC like your life depends on it. Im serious. It is pure survival time. ANY contact will just f-kin kill you.

 

The good news is now you can start to recover. You will see that all this drama is sooooo bad. Better not to know anything and suffer with dignity and eventually get better. You can do it! And i promise it does get better. One day at a time..ok

[cavalier99]

Thanks Cav.....I have not been able to think of anyone BUT her. I'm going to therapy tomorrow because its just too much to grasp. She said she will NEVER want a romantic relationship again, and I still have this stupid notion that maybe later on down the road if I just leave her alone and MAYBE and its so dumb to think like that......

 

By the way. If she texts you tommorow and you cant control your self. This is the ONLY time you should break NC. Write the following.

 

"We will not be communicating any more. I need to move on. Please respect my wishes and do not contact me ever again. Thank you for respecting my wishes. Good Bye"

 

Then block EVERYTHING.

 

I sent a final communication like this but said only contact me if you are dying, have cancer, sever car crash and and even in these cases get support else where. I dont regret sending this. She still wished me a happy b-day a few days ago after 3 months NC and would like to talk one day and she remembers me fondly.

 

So dont worry about hurting her feelings lol. Wish she didnt email me but i can deal with it now. After 3 months NC

Edited December 27, 2012 by cavalier99

[todreaminblue]

When you really care for someone its hard going nc I think it is the only way to move on.With some people they can get over things pretty easily , others struggle, like me, and seemingly like you as well as the majority on this board.I am not a no contact person when i care about someone and to do it, i have to absolutely believe there is no hope of even pulling it back to friendship.I dont attach to many people so that makes it harder for me

 

 

 

.I am sorry your xmas has been difficult, i always believe when you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up,i have hit rock bottom many times and through the grace of god, he gives me the strength to hang on when i start climbing again.......and i have had some doozies of falls.....every fall i have had managed to claw my way back, sometimes with help and support sometimes by myself and prayer...

 

 

 

at the moment i am going it alone with prayer and sitting in church on sunday surrounded by people who arent even aware they lift me up, with the way they live their lives and make a truth rock solid, their testimonies bouy me when i am down they make me freaking cry but they do lift me and give me hope....,......I am not letting anyone in to know that fact, what i really feel, bar praying and my journal.I am letting people know when i am down but not what or why i am down......this story i have told is too try and empathise with you going through the rock bottom phase, it hurts when you hit concrete and cant fall any further, all you have to know is this fact, that even though you are hurt and a few scars are forming, you cannot fall any further, its up to you when you start to climb back, take the time you need to heal, go no contact, i am seriously considering that at the moment....fighting my heart on that one the no contact meat grinder, but whatever happens i know i am a survivor, what doesnt kill me makes me pretty much invincible as fart as my heart goes...it has been through many heartaches......same with you.......the more knocks you get the tougher the skin on the outside yeah you might bruise up but it wont hurt like it used too.....

 

 

keep trekkin....i wish you a better 2013 filled with good times good friends a kick ass job a brand new car...etc..etc....whatever it is that makes you happy you dont really know if it is around the corner for you or not or if it is up the ladder a couple of rungs.....but most of all I WISH YOU PEACE....hugs....deb

Edited December 27, 2012 by todreaminblue

[suladas]

That sucks but as said you have only one choice, NC and move on you got all your answers. I do sympathize with you though, imagining they are having sex with someone else hurts so dahm bad.

 

We all make mistakes, and i'm guessing it was your first break up? If so you are learning a tough but good lesson and sure it may prolong healing it will likely serve you well in future break ups.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Thanks guys I LOVE the help and the advice. I hope to get more too. LS is the only thing that is keeping me going lol.

 

Cav-Yeah, I will defiantly do that. I honestly don't think she will EVER text back again. She threw breadcumbs after three weeks of NC and thats because I wasn't being needy anymore. Once she texted, I answered and kept doing it and doing it and pushed her to say those things. She is answering back to almost everything just to relieve guilt. She became very cold to me after the BU, but said she wanted to be friends and I said no again. My original goal was to go NC after the BU until she texted me (she did), casually talk to her every once and while (I did) and when Christmas time rolled around, reminder of all the great times of stuff and ask her if she wanted to go do something sometime (did). Mixed in with that was jealously, envy, she already is chasing someone, etc. It's all moot anyways.

 

dream-Thank you for such the kind words. I thought Rock bottom was the BU, but its so much worse. I lost her, lost my job, lost my apartment, moved, etc....and the ONLY thing I wanted was her. Rejection is such an awful feeling. I never been dumped before and it feels awful that I've been replaced with someone who does the exact same things that I did. I read stuff on these boards all the time where people say their relationship where they get dumped and their EX and their EX gets with someone else and they see the pictures on FB kissing. I could NEVER EVER see that. Just thinking about them having sex is way too much. I should have stopped texting her a long time ago.

 

I don't think she will ever change her mind about. I pushed her away a lot with my actions....too far? I don't even know and it hurts a LOT.

Edited December 27, 2012 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[cavalier99]

Well get thru this. Try reading NavyAirTraffic giude to getting over them fast is his signature. This seemed to help me mourn the loss. You really need to delve into the pain and even imagine your ex with new guys. You do this until it loses its impact. Sort of counter intuitive but it helped a lot.

[suladas]

Ya man you don't want to see their FB or anything, block it. Speaking as someone who seen their ex in person with a new guy, it feels like your heart is getting ripped out, and it was 3 months after the BU. It does get easier, each day you are NC it gets better. Also don't keep thinking about the what if's, they are dead. It's not easy to accept but when someone breaks up with you, nothing before that matters anymore.

 

Just make sure you learn from this. I promised myself the next time someone breaks up with me (let's face it, it's very likely to happen again for all of us in our lifetime) I will accept it move on and never contact them again. But being the first time it's ok to make mistakes, keep contacting them, etc and fail, and learn it's best just to walk away right away and get on with your life.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Ya man you don't want to see their FB or anything, block it. Speaking as someone who seen their ex in person with a new guy, it feels like your heart is getting ripped out, and it was 3 months after the BU. It does get easier, each day you are NC it gets better. Also don't keep thinking about the what if's, they are dead. It's not easy to accept but when someone breaks up with you, nothing before that matters anymore.

 

Just make sure you learn from this. I promised myself the next time someone breaks up with me (let's face it, it's very likely to happen again for all of us in our lifetime) I will accept it move on and never contact them again. But being the first time it's ok to make mistakes, keep contacting them, etc and fail, and learn it's best just to walk away right away and get on with your life.

 

I love you guys. Honestly, this page helps me out SO SO much. I'm a 26 year old man sitting on the couch crying as hard as I can. In fact, it kind of helps to cry. I don't know if crying releases something in the body, but it helps. Yes, this is my first actual BU. I'm usually the dumper so I know what she is going through. You think about it for a while in the relationship, finally do it, and you know its fine and what not. She obviously didn't/doesn't want to hear from me. It goes against the grain of what I did/have been doing. She kept saying I didn't show enough affection and wasn't very appreciative....She forgave me, then blamed the breakup on it.....looking back, I really see that now. I was just in such a funk from work, I let it mess with the relationship. Again, the what if game as mentioned will do nothing but just hurt more. There is nothing more I can do anymore but just not talk to her. I kept in contact with her because IF the reason was not showing enough attention, then I figured NC would hammer that point home to her more. REALLY should have kept doing that.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Sorry for double posting......I can't stop this and getting it out of my head. She likes other people now and says she doesnt want this again. She said she thinks that if we ever did, things will not change. I know I did not show enough affection to her at the end months of the relationship...I KNOW that I was not grateful for what she did for me at the end months. It sucks SO much to know those things could have been fixed really easily. She said she told me all the time but I honestly didn't know I really really didn't. I didn't sense anything. All she wanted was some attention and be cared for. Even during when she left, she was saying how much she loved me and I told her how beautiful she was and she said WHY DIDNT YOU SAY THAT BEFORE and I told her I was a moron and she forgave me saying "It's okay I forgive you I love you. This time away will be good for us." I was hoping to show her the mistakes I corrected and how different it was. Then one week, just stopped talking like that to me. I'm assuming someone showed her that affection and she jumped on it and won't let go. If she would have just seen the differences, I would still be happy.

 

WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF! I hate myself right now. I hate how I've wasted all my time on this. I hate the fact I lost the love of my life while she is under some guy right now! I hate the fact that I've lost EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE for HER!!!! I've let her run me down, abuse me mentally, and I honestly.....I don't want to live anymore. I'm not going to so don't panic, but I want to stay asleep and not wake up. I can't get out of bed in the mornings! Facing another day of hell is something I cannot do anymore. I want to stop this madness I really do but it keeps going and going....She does NOT give to s***s about me at all! She has made it very VERY VERY clear that she wants nothing anymore. Friendship or nothing is what she says....And what am I still doing?!?!?!?! I"M STILL TRYING TO FIND WAYS TO GET HER BACK!!!!!! Nothing will ever work and yet I have this in my mind that it can. IT WON'T HAPPEN! She likes someone else so much that she is chasing him and knows it probably wont work, but would rather do THAT then try and work it out with someone who loves her unconditionally. It makes no sense to me that we were so happy, she leaves for therapy and says she misses me, loves me, I'm the one......and then she doesn't love me, the feelings are gone, she never wants a romantic relationship with me again, and she has had sex with this new guy on different occasions and might move away with him. I want this to end.....I want to be me again. I'm so depressed and down.....no amount of friends, family, sports, entertainment, etc can break this. I dont know what to do anymore. All I can do is just cry. I hate myself....I need help so bad........

Edited December 27, 2012 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[mandey]

Sheesh, I really feel bad for you...I know 100% what you're going through and these next few days/months may be the hardest of your life.

 

Being the one who's dumped, sucks! But to be honest, if you never experience heartbreak, it's hard to really treat the woman you're with as if they're you're everything. I don't know about this girl, but obviously you will NEVER treat a woman like you treated your ex ever again, because now you see what will happen if you start to neglect their needs.

 

In my honest opinion (and from a woman's standpoint) what she is saying is that she's over it. I can see myself leading a guy on a few days after we broke up and then thinking about taking him back, but if she has gone on weeks doing this to you, then she's over it. I don't think any girl would be as brutal as she is being, if there were still hope.

 

Then again, she could be making a mistake too, by leaving a man who still really loves her. But she won't realize THIS until you have moved on and she then will be watching her 'guy' be happy with someone else.

 

I'm not going to say 'this will get better' because right now you just need to sulk, cry and eat whatever the hell you want. Surround yourself with people, complain about her to your friends, whine about how much you miss her to your family & you will start to see how sick and tired you will become of talking about her and you'll then want to move on. DO NOT allow yourself to stay inside and be alone...it's the worst and it could really hurt you. Start a new tv season, something you like (did this in a previous break up)

 

My current BF is treating me the same way you /treated/ your GF however, I don't want to leave - so in all honesty I wish I was in your position. I love him, but he doesn't realize what he has at all and he wants to be free after six years together when he knows I treat him like a prince *shrug*

 

Update me, I'll check back to see how you're doin (:

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Sheesh, I really feel bad for you...I know 100% what you're going through and these next few days/months may be the hardest of your life.

 

Being the one who's dumped, sucks! But to be honest, if you never experience heartbreak, it's hard to really treat the woman you're with as if they're you're everything. I don't know about this girl, but obviously you will NEVER treat a woman like you treated your ex ever again, because now you see what will happen if you start to neglect their needs.

 

In my honest opinion (and from a woman's standpoint) what she is saying is that she's over it. I can see myself leading a guy on a few days after we broke up and then thinking about taking him back, but if she has gone on weeks doing this to you, then she's over it. I don't think any girl would be as brutal as she is being, if there were still hope.

 

Then again, she could be making a mistake too, by leaving a man who still really loves her. But she won't realize THIS until you have moved on and she then will be watching her 'guy' be happy with someone else.

 

I'm not going to say 'this will get better' because right now you just need to sulk, cry and eat whatever the hell you want. Surround yourself with people, complain about her to your friends, whine about how much you miss her to your family & you will start to see how sick and tired you will become of talking about her and you'll then want to move on. DO NOT allow yourself to stay inside and be alone...it's the worst and it could really hurt you. Start a new tv season, something you like (did this in a previous break up)

 

My current BF is treating me the same way you /treated/ your GF however, I don't want to leave - so in all honesty I wish I was in your position. I love him, but he doesn't realize what he has at all and he wants to be free after six years together when he knows I treat him like a prince *shrug*

 

Update me, I'll check back to see how you're doin (:

 

Thank you for the kind words. This is the worst thing I've ever felt. I don't feel like getting out of bed anymore to be honest.

[suladas]

It's not easy, I still remember the hardest days like they were yesterday, but you just have to power through them, I can tell you each and every day it gets better, there will probably be some setbacks but overall time helps a lot.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

It's not easy, I still remember the hardest days like they were yesterday, but you just have to power through them, I can tell you each and every day it gets better, there will probably be some setbacks but overall time helps a lot.

 

Thank you for that. It's been such a rough day. It's been three months she left me and I cannot handle it. I had a panic attack last night...I couldn't do anything. I had to wake up my roommate at 1:30 in tears just needing to talk to someone. I was shaking in fear like a poodle......I've been to therapy and it doesn't help. It helps at the time and when I leave for about an hour, then it just goes RIGHT back to me wigging out. I'm thinking about going to do more radical treatment like in-patient type stuff. I can't think anymore. I stay up until 5am....sleep till 4pm, wake up, sit on the couch, go here or watch sports, and repeat every single day of my life. I

m on different medication to calm me down, and it works for a couple of hours, and I'm back to where I am......I've tried to go out with friends, but I've found out I can't do very much social settings anymore because I think about it too much until I wig myself out. I went shopping for Christmas gifts and I sat in my car for an hour because I was scared to leave the car....My reprieve is texting her SOMETHING. She text back and is nice and what not, but obviously made it clear she likes this new guy (who doesnt want her lol) and no matter what I say or do, it wont matter to her because she is thinking of him and being with him and having sex with him......You know whats sad to me? As I said, in May, she graduates college, then goes overseas for three months for a school program like she did last summer , THEN from what she is saying (she does change her mind everyday), she is going to move away forever. IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAYS BECAUSE SHE DOESNT WANT ME WHEN I AM AROUND MUCH LESS WHEN SHE LEAVES! It will undoubtedly be out of my life if she moves away. It scares me so so much. She is ALREADY gone so why am I worrying about it?

 

I've always been an outgoing person with no worries. Thats what attracted her to me in the first place. I am a huge wreck and I'm so in over my head

[hudson701]

Going through this now...for second time in 6 months with same girl. Rejected twice. Boy is it hard, I'm literally taking it hour by hour. Being clinically depressed doesn't help either.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Going through this now...for second time in 6 months with same girl. Rejected twice. Boy is it hard, I'm literally taking it hour by hour. Being clinically depressed doesn't help either.

 

I hear you.....I'm suffocating

[na49]

Her: I do care *myname* You do mean a lot to me

 

I threw up in my mouth when I read that. She doesn't care about you, and you don't mean squat to her. What did you honestly expect from her though? For her to be honest and hurt your feelings more? "I don't care about you anymore *yourname* Your existence doesn't mean much to me anymore, you're kind of just an ex of mine. I'm dating new guys who I like more than you"

 

You know what you did wrong. Try your best not to do it again. You can do this.

[HARPER100]

I've just read through your posts and I can sympathies 100%. It's devastating when someone you love leaves you so all the emotions/thoughts you're having right now are natural and part of the process. From my experience there is very little, if anything, you can do to change it so all you're left with is moving past it. Easy to say I know.

 

I found my self in much the same situation about 5 years ago when my gf finished our relationship out of the blue. She gave me 10 minutes of her time and no answers that made any sense and it nearly wrecked me. I lost weight, stopped going out, fell out with family and friends and if it wasn't for my boss being a mate I would have lost my job too.

 

While you're still in contact with her I don't see how you can make any progress. You need to stop the texts and get her out of your life completely. I know sending texts/e-mails provides a temporary high but in my experience they're usually followed by a much bigger crash if you don't get the response you wanted or no response at all.

 

For the first month or so I couldn't see how I was ever going to move on but it did happen, albeit slowly, and it will for you.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Her: I do care *myname* You do mean a lot to me

 

I threw up in my mouth when I read that. She doesn't care about you, and you don't mean squat to her. What did you honestly expect from her though? For her to be honest and hurt your feelings more? "I don't care about you anymore *yourname* Your existence doesn't mean much to me anymore, you're kind of just an ex of mine. I'm dating new guys who I like more than you"

 

You know what you did wrong. Try your best not to do it again. You can do this.

 

Thanks NA. I love when I can talk to people. Yeah, I know I messed it up and it just hurt more . I know asking her she would say no. She broke up with me in the first place. When someone likes someone else, you could look like Brad Pitt and it wouldn't matter because she doesn't want it. Ive stopped texting so that's good. If she leaves in 5 months and I can't do anything until to stop. I hope it changes her mind, but it won't so I need to keep NC and hope for the best I guess.

[bpdr]

Hey Confused, I have read your story. Your timeline is identical to mine - and the situation up until mid November for me was almost verbatim - the very same crap. I can honestly tell you, that this LS is a form of therapeutic reckoning - but I must be honest and forthright that I have never seen a story like ours ever turn out well. They always turn out very badly, but seemingly start out with all of the "I can change" begging, pleading, game playing etc. and the result is always the same. The only common denominator in the end is....The "OM" ----> That's it! End of story.

 

You have to remember that this is not so much about us - as it is about them. These girls have their eye on another conquest, and that is exciting for them. They will not experience the anxiety, or bouts of obsessing over love lost. It no longer matters to them - and you must always remember that. If I could rewind back to the beginning - I would go NC 180 Hard, and NEVER look back.

 

Now, I see that you are struggling with precisely the phase I went through in November. I am now three months total - with nearly half of that NC with her constantly shooting emails (That land in the spam folder) Phone calls that never get picked up - and Texts that never receive reply. For me what did it - was the OM. Once that happened - and mutual friends confirmed it, I was completely sickened by it - and it became more disgusting to digest, especially since we are married.

 

Everyday that passes now - finds me more and more comfortable and less anxious than the week prior. You will get there too - and it will become very noticeable too. I must say - that you cannot immerse yourself in the hurt by coming here all the time either. No matter how good this forum has been for me - I simply refuse to be constantly reminded of the heartbreak.

 

But, reading stories like yours - is precisely why I come back. NC 180 Hard is my motto now. It works. It heals. It helps. Please stay strong, and do not waver once you commit to NC 180. If you must, say ONE FINAL piece - then do it, and be done with her. For, truthfully and honestly - she's already gone. Only YOUR HEART was fool enough to stay behind. Move on, move up and beyond to better things that await you. I promise you - it does get better. Best wishes for a stompin' 2013 for the BOTH of us. We deserve that.

 

BP

[Oberfeldwebel]

As you already know her leaving is not the problem. The problem is your continuing to self destruct to the point of being nonfunctional. Your self esteem is such that you do not think you deserve anything more than to continue in this self destructive pattern. You are in serious need of counseling.

 

First off you have to say a final goodbye to this individual, she is like an addictive drug to you. You need to look at it in that light to rid yourself of this drug. Next you need to get into a regular exercise routine, this will help to relieve stress and make you more fit and attractive to the next new lady in your life. Additionally, you have too much time on your hand if you can sit around and cry about her. Recommend concentrating on your career, hobbies, volunteer work, etc. These things will give you avenues to meet other people, with which you have things in common and will make you a more interesting you.

 

Does she care for you? Yes, you are someone she shared an intimate relationship. While she doesn't want a romantic relationship, she does not want to see you self destruct as you appear to be doing right now. You deserve better than playing second fiddle to some Barney. Best wishes to you.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

As you already know her leaving is not the problem. The problem is your continuing to self destruct to the point of being nonfunctional. Your self esteem is such that you do not think you deserve anything more than to continue in this self destructive pattern. You are in serious need of counseling.

 

First off you have to say a final goodbye to this individual, she is like an addictive drug to you. You need to look at it in that light to rid yourself of this drug. Next you need to get into a regular exercise routine, this will help to relieve stress and make you more fit and attractive to the next new lady in your life. Additionally, you have too much time on your hand if you can sit around and cry about her. Recommend concentrating on your career, hobbies, volunteer work, etc. These things will give you avenues to meet other people, with which you have things in common and will make you a more interesting you.

 

Does she care for you? Yes, you are someone she shared an intimate relationship. While she doesn't want a romantic relationship, she does not want to see you self destruct as you appear to be doing right now. You deserve better than playing second fiddle to some Barney. Best wishes to you.

 

Thank you for all the advice! LS is keeping me well I assure you. In terms of your idea of counseling, I have already began the calls to get that sorted out. I've been to a therapist since this whole thing started and though it is good, it only last for so long. I might need something way more drastic at this point. I honestly cannot function....

 

I like all of the idea that you have stated like working out and everything and I will do that.....but I have not gotten to the point where I cannot be out in a social setting. I will be okay for a couple of minutes, and then I will have a panic attack because I think about it so much. I don't know what else to do anymore. As I said, I went Christmas shopping the other day and just sat in the car forever because I couldnt move. I finally went into the mall and could only be there for so long until I started to go crazy again overthinking. Seeing everything around me just made me so nervous. The most outgoing person I know (me) is afraid to walk in a mall anymore. All because I lost my girlfriend. It's probably something deeper than just that, but it's awful. Knowing she is having sex with someone currently is killing me inside right now. Just murdering me.

[Inviv_girl]

I like all of the idea that you have stated like working out and everything and I will do that.....but I have not gotten to the point where I cannot be out in a social setting. I will be okay for a couple of minutes, and then I will have a panic attack because I think about it so much. I don't know what else to do anymore. As I said, I went Christmas shopping the other day and just sat in the car forever because I couldnt move. I finally went into the mall and could only be there for so long until I started to go crazy again overthinking. Seeing everything around me just made me so nervous. The most outgoing person I know (me) is afraid to walk in a mall anymore. All because I lost my girlfriend. It's probably something deeper than just that, but it's awful. Knowing she is having sex with someone currently is killing me inside right now. Just murdering me.

 

Hey you're not alone! I am in an exact situation as you. Im lost and cant do anything right! I do exactly what you do and I wish I didnt! Im doing NC now and its really hard. I cried each time I think of him and the though he's sleeping with another girl always in my mind. Its holiday now and I cant stop myself going crazy thinking who is he spending the holiday with!?

 

Lets get through this together and dont be tempted to contact her! I still have some stuff at my ex and Im not sure if I will get them back. I love him to the moon and back but he trash me now like Im somekind of disposable toy! He is my first real relationship and I fall so hard for him. 4 months and Im still crying! pathetic aye.. oh my life..