BetrayedH Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 since the blog-reading, couch-burning, wife-tossing, going directly to jail incident. Remarkable how time flies. Special thanks to those that have helped me thru it. 2
buckeyeblue Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I was not here back then, but I can definitely relate. I hope that the new year brings a great year for all of us BSs.
drifter777 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Lousy anniversary but you've come along way. Keep moving forward. 1
Author BetrayedH Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 I was not here back then, but I can definitely relate. I hope that the new year brings a great year for all of us BSs. You know, I discovered my W's affair in May of 2011. I was convinced 2012 would have to be better. No such luck but I can certainly say that I have no doubt about 2013 being better than both. And yeah, I sure hope the same for my fellow BSs (and anyone trying to recover their marriage after infidelity). 1
Author BetrayedH Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 Lousy anniversary but you've come along way. Keep moving forward. Thanks Drifter. Hope things are improving for you as well. Just glad to be done with freakin' BS fog and PTSD. Good grief. Nothing like going from a normal life to insanity out of nowhere. 1
96nole Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 You know, I discovered my W's affair in May of 2011. I was convinced 2012 would have to be better. No such luck but I can certainly say that I have no doubt about 2013 being better than both. And yeah, I sure hope the same for my fellow BSs (and anyone trying to recover their marriage after infidelity). Same here. First Dday was May 2011. Grandma passed in July 2011. Thought 2012 was going to be much better. Feb 2012, dday #2. Divorced end of May 2012. 2013 will be much better. My New Years resolution is just a simple one word statement. "New" I got rid of a lot of useless sh*t and a useless whore. Now it time for some new things. Same for you BH 2
Author BetrayedH Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 You've come a long way . . . hope 2013 is a good one for you! Thanks Alice. I tried to come up with a joke about you finding a smaller purse this year but it escaped me. Besides, I suspect you can handle the heavier load anyway. Have a good new year.
Furious Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 since the blog-reading, couch-burning, wife-tossing, going directly to jail incident. Remarkable how time flies. Special thanks to those that have helped me thru it. BH Being betrayed is bad enough, but to have been gaslighted throughout a false reconciliation is beyond cruel and abusive. The lies are what can crush your soul. If anything, you showed an enormous amount of constraint considering the nightmare you found yourself in. The scope of the enormous lies you were told would have made anyone snap in pain. You've come a long way since last year. You have worked so hard to move forward and with great introspection and kind generosity in helping others here at the same time. You've shown that as difficult as it is, there will be better days and years ahead. Cheers to you BH, and to the best new year and every new year to come. Hugs 6
Author BetrayedH Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Thanks Furious. You're always very kind. My fingers are crossed for your reconciliation. 1
AllieKat Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I have not commited adultery but i have lied and my hubby isnt forgiving me. Im curious on your perspective betrayed? In a nut shell i got preggo and should of gone to dr asap for bloodwork but didnt instead i lied to hubby and said i went and let him think everything was ok, which i thought it was till i miscarried. I then cane clean i never went to get bloodwork. That was 7 mths ago he hasnt forgiven me since. He took his ring off when i confessed and has not put it back on. No affection and he sleeps on couch. He says he just cant trust me and ges not sure if time will help or not. Im terrified hell cheat on me now because we are having issues. Im trying to earn his trust but its hard because he doesnt seem to care about what i do or where i go. Hes changed all his passwords now and is quiet with me. Occasionally hell do something like a few weeks ago he made me dinner. Ive gotten a few male perspectives on this but was looking for more
Author BetrayedH Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 I have not commited adultery but i have lied and my hubby isnt forgiving me. Im curious on your perspective betrayed? In a nut shell i got preggo and should of gone to dr asap for bloodwork but didnt instead i lied to hubby and said i went and let him think everything was ok, which i thought it was till i miscarried. I then cane clean i never went to get bloodwork. That was 7 mths ago he hasnt forgiven me since. He took his ring off when i confessed and has not put it back on. No affection and he sleeps on couch. He says he just cant trust me and ges not sure if time will help or not. Im terrified hell cheat on me now because we are having issues. Im trying to earn his trust but its hard because he doesnt seem to care about what i do or where i go. Hes changed all his passwords now and is quiet with me. Occasionally hell do something like a few weeks ago he made me dinner. Ive gotten a few male perspectives on this but was looking for more I've spent a few minutes reviewing the original posts on the threads you've started. Give me some time and later tonight I'll send you a private message with some thoughts. Sorry you haven't seen more progress.
Decorative Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I have not commited adultery but i have lied and my hubby isnt forgiving me. Im curious on your perspective betrayed? In a nut shell i got preggo and should of gone to dr asap for bloodwork but didnt instead i lied to hubby and said i went and let him think everything was ok, which i thought it was till i miscarried. I then cane clean i never went to get bloodwork. That was 7 mths ago he hasnt forgiven me since. He took his ring off when i confessed and has not put it back on. No affection and he sleeps on couch. He says he just cant trust me and ges not sure if time will help or not. Im terrified hell cheat on me now because we are having issues. Im trying to earn his trust but its hard because he doesnt seem to care about what i do or where i go. Hes changed all his passwords now and is quiet with me. Occasionally hell do something like a few weeks ago he made me dinner. Ive gotten a few male perspectives on this but was looking for more Not a male, and I don't want to hijack this thread, so why don't you start a thread of your own? I have some ideas on what's up with that.
Steen719 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Betrayed H and 96Noles, All three of us had d-days in May 2011 and I have followed both of you as you have gone through a lot. All of us are now divorced. It seems impossible that in just 4 more months, we will have been embroiled in this for 2 years. I think it just shows how resilient people can be. My life is significantly different and my living arrangements have gone from the nicest home I will most likely live in to a 2 bedroom apartment, but my XH is gone and he took his unhappiness with him. I have just begun to realize what a drag that was on me. I'm glad you are doing well. You are one of the good guys (you, too, 96 - and a bunch of others!) :love: (bunch of nice gals here, too) :bunny:2013:bunny: 6
AllieKat Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Not a male, and I don't want to hijack this thread, so why don't you start a thread of your own? I have some ideas on what's up with that. Geez I was just asking for a perspective from someone whod been betrayed! I have a thread thank you! Just like others i was trying to get help. Sorry you see it as hijacking
Author BetrayedH Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Betrayed H and 96Noles, All three of us had d-days in May 2011 and I have followed both of you as you have gone through a lot. All of us are now divorced. It seems impossible that in just 4 more months, we will have been embroiled in this for 2 years. I think it just shows how resilient people can be. My life is significantly different and my living arrangements have gone from the nicest home I will most likely live in to a 2 bedroom apartment, but my XH is gone and he took his unhappiness with him. I have just begun to realize what a drag that was on me. I'm glad you are doing well. You are one of the good guys (you, too, 96 - and a bunch of others!) :love: (bunch of nice gals here, too) :bunny:2013:bunny: Great post. I've also started to realize what a drag my spouse was on me. Guess we must both be turning a corner at about the same time. Good for us. 1
Spark1111 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Great post. I've also started to realize what a drag my spouse was on me. Guess we must both be turning a corner at about the same time. Good for us. And you haven't had a REASON to burn a damn couch in almost a year! That's progress in my book! Be proud. And I mean that sincerely. 5
Decorative Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Geez I was just asking for a perspective from someone whod been betrayed! I have a thread thank you! Just like others i was trying to get help. Sorry you see it as hijacking I was actually being kind to you, so the moderators would not remove the off topic posts- which if people had good information for you, might be lost. So you could get help. Goodness. Never mind. 1
ComingInHot Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 BetrayedH; It HAS been a year (actually two)! Just wanted to say thank you! Thank you for being here on LS. when I First posted here, You were one of the first "responders" who asked me the right questions so I could "get out" my story and why I was feeling the way I was. I was absolutely Mortified that I had gotten SO angry w/FWH that I chucked his laptop but you related your story and it made me feel less crazy. You supported me But also pushed me (along w/others) to make the change to better my situation. With your support ( and others **) I was able to pull on my "big girl pants" and give an ultimatum that I could finally follow through with. Here I am now, giving credit to you (& others) that my near death marriage is breathing new life and I attribute my ability to WANT to help others! I know we had different outcomes, but your strength has helped me ( and others ) in a way you may never truly know. Cheers to you for an awesome New year!! 1
Author BetrayedH Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 CIH, I am very happy to see what's happened with your marriage since you've been here. I love to see a success story (they can be pretty rare). But boy, what a complete change in your situation once you put your foot down, huh? It was remarkable to read how you had a spouse that wouldn't even go to counseling but once you set your boundaries for what was acceptable to you, everything changed. And now you're giving solid advice yourself (and seem quite happy). I hope things just continue to improve for you. 2
JamesM Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I have not been in your shoes, but you have been in mine. Your advice has helped me many times. While your road has been painful and hard, rest assured that what you have learned has helped me (so far) avoid going down it. We may have disagreed here and there on a thread or two, but not only do I respect your opinion...I listen to it. Thank you.
Author BetrayedH Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 you're doing great, and while you may have had your low points ( we all have) you've come through it with an awful lot of good reasons to hold your head high...you're a great dad who has worked hard to recover from a real blow and who will be an excellent role model to your kids of how a man should act... ( sorry I used to give you such a hard time ) No apologies necessary. I think you gave me a hard time when I had it coming.
Author BetrayedH Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 I have not been in your shoes, but you have been in mine. Your advice has helped me many times. While your road has been painful and hard, rest assured that what you have learned has helped me (so far) avoid going down it. We may have disagreed here and there on a thread or two, but not only do I respect your opinion...I listen to it. Thank you. Always well spoken, James. I blew my shot at my marriage. You're a man of integrity. Keep that. And keep fighting for your marriage. I'm one of many in your corner. Do me one favor and let me know when you get that dilemma figured out. I have a feeling that you'll be the one to do it. 1
JamesM Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Always well spoken, James. Do me one favor and let me know when you get that dilemma figured out. I have a feeling that you'll be the one to do it. BH, I will. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Fact is...things are going very well, and if it continues, then I will start a thread as to why I think it is...or know it is. Use what you learned and who knows what your future will hold. I (being an optimist) believe that this experience will help you make a happier future...soon. 1
WifeCheatedOnMe Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 BetrayedH, Just wanted to personally thank you for being on LS and posting on my own thread. You seem to be genuinely concerned and not judgemental like some that will go nameless. And you have suffered through your own false R and severe gaslighting and I think have some insight into my own personal struggles. Here's hoping we both have better 2013's.
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