Missing Him Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 (edited) So my ex and I have a similar circle of friends. Immediately after the break up, I avoided this circle of friends. They aren't extremely close friends of mine but I still like to see them on occasions. Anyway, today I went and saw some of those friends for a bit and he was there as well. It was a very short time that I was there with them and my ex and I did not speak to each other and I hardly even acknowledged him when he said hello. I also ignored his text from last night wishing me a Merry Christmas. I left pretty shortly after because I was uncomfortable, and I felt bad about myself. My ex not even attempting to reach out to me hurt my feelings, although I think that most of it was because he was respecting my wish to not have contact. Still, I left feeling kind of bummed because while I didn't actually contact him, I think in my heart I was hoping he would reach out to me (I know, stupid. I need to give up the HOPE). Did I break No Contact? Should I just avoid this group of people because of their connection to my ex? I just want to get to the point where I don't care if he's thinking about me or not. Edited December 26, 2012 by Missing Him
geegirl Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 The thing to have done was to stay away from triggers until you are completely indifferent to an ex. They aren't even close, so why would you jeopardize yourself? There must have been a part of you that wondered if he would be there? No? If yes, maybe deep down inside you wanted to take that chance because as you were hurt that he didn't contact you, seeing him would have somehow alleviated a fix that you needed? Avoid them until you can be around them without being affected when he is present. Doesn't matter how you define it, breaking NC or not, just don't put yourself in a situation like that again.
Author Missing Him Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 I guess I did expect him to be there, and I could have just not gone, that's true. And in hindsight, I shouldn't have. I guess I know now to just kind of avoid those people and that situation. It sucks though because I feel like I have to completely rearrange my entire life just to avoid him. I can't even enjoy things that I used to do to pass time just for fear of running into him. I think the worst thing about seeing him or hearing from him is that each time, it's a reminder that he's still sticking to his decision to break up
geegirl Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I guess I did expect him to be there, and I could have just not gone, that's true. And in hindsight, I shouldn't have. I guess I know now to just kind of avoid those people and that situation. It sucks though because I feel like I have to completely rearrange my entire life just to avoid him. I can't even enjoy things that I used to do to pass time just for fear of running into him. I think the worst thing about seeing him or hearing from him is that each time, it's a reminder that he's still sticking to his decision to break up I don't think you have to completely rearrange your life, just look at it as a break in your routine until you get to where you need to be. If you bike down a path you think he'll be on, take another path. If you watch a movie at a certain location, go somewhere else. You get the point. How big is you town/city that you can't enjoy things that you used to do to pass time?
Author Missing Him Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 It's more a situation of this group of people. They're not extremely "close" friends in that they aren't the ones that I turn to when something is wrong, but they were people that I used to go out with a lot and do things with. It was actually through this that I met my ex. He wants to be "good friends" still, so he has no reason to avoid these people in order to not see me. So I have to be the one to avoid these people.
geegirl Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 It's more a situation of this group of people. They're not extremely "close" friends in that they aren't the ones that I turn to when something is wrong, but they were people that I used to go out with a lot and do things with. It was actually through this that I met my ex. He wants to be "good friends" still, so he has no reason to avoid these people in order to not see me. So I have to be the one to avoid these people. So, you can still do those things but just not with them. You can't depend on others to fulfill YOU. Have your own friends take part in the things you like to do. There is a site called meetup.com and there are many activities that you can partake in and even start making new friends.
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