When you feel like you miss them, remember all the little irritating things...

[Keenly]

This morning I woke up and was getting a really bad "missing her" feeling.

 

 

However, in the shower I remembered 2 instances that really pissed me off, and help me remember what was happening, why it was happening, and kept me from contacting her.

 

 

1. A little back story first, I am the kind of guy who loves to buy flowers for his girl, especially if I really like you. I love giving surprises. Anyway, one day I bought a dozen red roses and a dozen white ones. I arranged all the red ones together in the middle in the shape of a heart and the roses on the outside were white. I handed these to her hoping to see the biggest smile on her face, instead she only said exactly this. "Stop buying me flowers, all they do is die."

 

2. One time, I heard he say about a picture of the two of us "I really like this picture." I took it to kinkos, got it printed out, bought a really nice frame for it "the kind you put on a table or desk." When I handed it to her she said "I don't have anywhere to put it, you go ahead and keep it."

 

 

Do you have any similar experiences that you could remember to help keep you from contacting them?

[soccerrprp]

Sorry Keenly,

 

But remembering the reasons why you aren't together does help at times. It's llike you "dodged a bullet." I'm friends with an ex like that. I think about us at times, but only wake up to the fact that it wouldn't have worked, don't want it to work and......WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???!?!?!?!?

[geegirl]

Any woman would love to have a man so thoughtful as you. Realize you aren't missing a prize. There are very few of you out there, at least from my perspective. The right one will appreciate and reciprocate your acts of love.

 

It's normal to miss her but don't give into those emotions. Let them come and let them pass.

 

You deserve better. You know this.

[Casablanca]

Sorry Keenly,

 

But remembering the reasons why you aren't together does help at times. It's llike you "dodged a bullet." I'm friends with an ex like that. I think about us at times, but only wake up to the fact that it wouldn't have worked, don't want it to work and......WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???!?!?!?!?

Yeah

 

I do this a lot, not only with ex's, but I've been doing it about a girl I dated for a month, she was perfect on paper, but I just didn't get that spark so I called it off, well now, almost a year later, I think, I wonder what she is up to and if we could "catch up", but then I remember, I didn't feel the spark then, I probably will not feel it again...ugh, stupid brain

[Amelie1980]

Yeah

 

I do this a lot, not only with ex's, but I've been doing it about a girl I dated for a month, she was perfect on paper, but I just didn't get that spark so I called it off, well now, almost a year later, I think, I wonder what she is up to and if we could "catch up", but then I remember, I didn't feel the spark then, I probably will not feel it again...ugh, stupid brain

 

IMO the spark is over rated. The chemistry between me and my last bf was incredible right from the first date. he turned out to be an a$$.

[NoMoreJerks]

IMO the spark is over rated. The chemistry between me and my last bf was incredible right from the first date. he turned out to be an a$$.

Yeah. This. Massively overrated. It's really stupid, to be honest. The so-called "spark", whatever the hell it is, and if it exists, would wear off eventually anyway. A few months down the line. I never understood the whole "spark" thing, really. Sometimes I think it's just an excuse for people to dump others, when their heart is not in the relationship and for some reason they feel it's not right but can't put their finger on it. If I'm not attracted to a guy and do not feel like we could have a LTR together, when I first meet him, I wouldn't keep on dating him anyway. IMO: "spark" is a word used by people who date/have relationships with people they are not attracted to, and who then realize that the attraction was never there. They just settled for it at the start, for one reason or another. My ex was like this too.

Edited December 26, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[itsmyfault]

I have plenty of things. I hate about my ex.

 

Mainly the hard man act she uses and her craving for male attention.

So I guess insecurity covers them both.

[Harradin]

The things (she was flirty, sometimes I had to make the effort to arrange to do things with her) I hated about my ex, I told her about and she stopped doing those things so in all fairness I can't use those.

 

She did insult too much though, that used to do my head in, as if I/anyone gave it back she'd throw a strop like a kid. She didn't like coming to my house either, and I couldn't get her to explain why. The main one I like to use is the fact that she'd left me for someone else.

[Casablanca]

Yeah. This. Massively overrated. It's really stupid, to be honest. The so-called "spark", whatever the hell it is, and if it exists, would wear off eventually anyway. A few months down the line. I never understood the whole "spark" thing, really. Sometimes I think it's just an excuse for people to dump others, when their heart is not in the relationship and for some reason they feel it's not right but can't put their finger on it. If I'm not attracted to a guy and do not feel like we could have a LTR together, when I first meet him, I wouldn't keep on dating him anyway. IMO: "spark" is a word used by people who date/have relationships with people they are not attracted to, and who then realize that the attraction was never there. They just settled for it at the start, for one reason or another. My ex was like this too.

For me spark=chemistry...sure the spark does go away, but at least for me, if there is no spark it means there is no chemistry and we're best left as friends

[NoMoreJerks]

For me spark=chemistry...sure the spark does go away, but at least for me, if there is no spark it means there is no chemistry and we're best left as friends

But that is the thing -- how/why would you even continue dating / or go on to have a relationship with someone that you never had chemistry with? I don't get it. Do men do this often, because of lack of other options / need for sex (if they are unsuccessful in talking to women for ONS)? I have a hard time understanding how anyone would not recognize, from the very start, that there was no chemistry. It's not like it's so hard to recognize whether or not it's there... or is it that a lot of men recognize that there's no chemistry but have a pseudo-relationship with someone, because of all the benefits (sex, companionship)? A sort of undeclared FWB which his gf might be unaware she's involved in?

 

If the spark disappears in almost all instances where you've been in a long relationship, and you'd rather break up with that person than stay in the relationship, then doesn't that make you a GIGS type person?

 

My ex gave me this as one of his excuses for breaking up with me, and I really find that this is a bull**** excuse , to be honest. And you know what? Any guy who drops me like a hot pot because the spark is supposedly gone, is a player, IMO. No offense, but that's my opinion. He either is the type who will keep jumping from one woman to another every 5-6 months because of the alleged "spark" disappearing, or he gets involved with women he has no spark with, because he wants to use them for sex/companionship, until he finds another person. Either way, it makes him a terrible person and I would consider myself lucky that I had a timely escape from him (though not lucky enough not to have met him).

Edited December 26, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[Casablanca]

But that is the thing -- how/why would you even continue dating / or go on to have a relationship with someone that you never had chemistry with? I don't get it.

 

If the spark disappears in almost all instances where you've been in a long relationship, and you'd rather break up with that person than stay in the relationship, then doesn't that make you a GIGS type person?

 

I went out on 5 or 6 dates with them because everything about her was what I was looking for, but I didn't feel any romantic inclinations, no chemistry, etc. We got a long, and I had fun, but would only make good friends. So I went out with her a few more times just to see if it ever clicked for me because she was a great prospect. There was no sex or anything, just trying to get to know her and see if I felt anything to her

 

On your second part I quoted, spark does disappear, but if there is chemistry I have no problem continuing on. For me, I need a spark to light the fire...sure the fire may dim some, but the fire can keep burning without the spark, but for me that spark is very important in the beginning...it is a spark because of chemistry we have.

 

Now I did fall into GIGOS once, and it hurt when I realized what I had done and by that time it was too late, so I have done that once, but never again. My last relationship, yeah the "spark" was gone, but we had great chemistry together and fun and was attracted to her, but we could not come to terms on her spending habits and her debt so I ended it since I didn't want to potentially marry someone who buys high priced stuff while they have a lot of debt.

 

Hope that makes some sense...

[Keenly]

Thanks guys I'm flattered to hear such nice things, but I'd really like to hear about similar experiences. Think for a minute. Think about the horrible things that happened but you forgot about, whether intentionally or unintentionally. And then tell me about them :b

[NoMoreJerks]

Thanks guys I'm flattered to hear such nice things, but I'd really like to hear about similar experiences. Think for a minute. Think about the horrible things that happened but you forgot about, whether intentionally or unintentionally. And then tell me about them :b

My ex asked for a threesome the day after I was stupid enough to confide in him that I had kissed a woman in the past (many years ago, when I was in college -- looooong before I met him). At first he said: I would understand if you will say no, and it won't mean we can't be together anymore.. When I said I was uncomfortable with the idea (which was a hint that it was a "no"), he still kept pushing (for months), putting immense pressure on me. All his conversations with me, when we were together, became about that. EVERYTHING I brought up that was unrelated to a threesome? He SOMEHOW found a way to link it to a threesome. Say if I talked about potatoes or tomatoes, he'd somehow find a way to link it to a threesome. I am NOT kidding. Swear to God. He even kicked me out of his hotel room once, because he was upset I was coming up with excuses not to go find a girl at a lesbian pub. I had told him that I had back pain (which was true). He said, if you have back pain, go home, and don't contact me until you find a girl..... He also said that if he wanted something, he'd go out and get it even if he had back pain. When I didn't text him the following day, he contacted me and said , come over today at 6, I will be home then. Booty call, I guess. When I went there that day, he didn't apologize for what he'd done the previous day.

Edited December 27, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[th90]

My ex asked for a threesome the day after I was stupid enough to confide in him that I had kissed a woman in the past (many years ago, when I was in college -- looooong before I met him). At first he said: I would understand if you will say no, and it won't mean we can't be together anymore.. When I said I was uncomfortable with the idea (which was a hint that it was a "no"), he still kept pushing (for months), putting immense pressure on me. All his conversations with me, when we were together, became about that. EVERYTHING I brought up that was unrelated to a threesome? He SOMEHOW found a way to link it to a threesome. Say if I talked about potatoes or tomatoes, he'd somehow find a way to link it to a threesome. I am NOT kidding. Swear to God. He even kicked me out of his hotel room once, because he was upset I was coming up with excuses not to go find a girl at a lesbian pub. I had told him that I had back pain (which was true). He said, if you have back pain, go home, and don't contact me until you find a girl..... He also said that if he wanted something, he'd go out and get it even if he had back pain. When I didn't text him the following day, he contacted me and said , come over today at 6, I will be home then. Booty call, I guess. When I went there that day, he didn't apologize for what he'd done the previous day.

 

Wow. You made my ex sounds like a saint. Glad your stupid ex is out of your life now. Now if only I can find terrible things to say about my ex.

[NoMoreJerks]

Wow. You made my ex sounds like a saint. Glad your stupid ex is out of your life now.

And there's plenty more where that came from...... So much more of the same... oh god.... where do I start....

 

This thread is pretty therapeutic, actually. It reminds me of all the crappy things he did to me, when I had loved him so much, cared for him when he was sick and was all alone in Canada (I was the only person he knew outside of work), etc. Makes my blood boil, when I think about it -- that after all this, he dumped me 2 days before Christmas for no good reason other than his claim that I had stressed him out and that I was too moody (!). What a cold-hearted prick.

 

He's a narcissist, so the above threesome episode was the devaluation stage in his "devalue & discard" cycle, I believe.

Edited December 27, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[th90]

And there's plenty more where that came from...... So much more of the same... oh god.... where do I start....

 

This thread is pretty therapeutic, actually. It reminds me of all the crappy things he did to me, when I had loved him so much, cared for him when he was sick and was all alone in Canada (I was the only person he knew outside of work), etc. Makes my blood boil, when I think about it -- that after all this, he dumped me 2 days before Christmas for no good reason other than his claim that I had stressed him out and that I was too moody (!). What a cold-hearted prick.

 

He's a narcissist, so the above threesome episode was the devaluation stage in his "devalue & discard" cycle, I believe.

 

He totally doesn't deserve you. You've "dodged a bullet" indeed. If I were you, my only regret would be staying in the relationship long enough to be dumped. You would have felt like you were on top of the world had you been the one to dump him and shut him off.

[NoMoreJerks]

He totally doesn't deserve you. You've "dodged a bullet" indeed. If I were you, my only regret would be staying in the relationship long enough to be dumped. You would have felt like you were on top of the world had you been the one to dump him and shut him off.

The thing is, though, I was totally in love with him. I know it makes no sense, but it's true.. in the battle between my heart and my mind, my heart won. Also, we mutually dumped each other 3 months before the current break-up. He then texted me a week later, and when I didn't respond, called me 2 days after that, and we got back together. I think he couldn't swallow the bitter pill of being dumped (he dumped me, I begged him to take me back, he relented, and then I dumped him after I asked if we could talk on the phone, and he said he had to go get some stuff from the market).

[Don't]

And there's plenty more where that came from...... So much more of the same... oh god.... where do I start....

 

This thread is pretty therapeutic, actually. It reminds me of all the crappy things he did to me, when I had loved him so much, cared for him when he was sick and was all alone in Canada (I was the only person he knew outside of work), etc. Makes my blood boil, when I think about it -- that after all this, he dumped me 2 days before Christmas for no good reason other than his claim that I had stressed him out and that I was too moody (!). What a cold-hearted prick.

 

He's a narcissist, so the above threesome episode was the devaluation stage in his "devalue & discard" cycle, I believe.

 

You are lucky that he is gone. I want to punch these kind of people in the face. So annoying. My ex was like come pick me up bla bla. You are so demanding. I was maybe because I wanted her get to cuddle with me and she was like I don't like cuddling depending on her mood and sometimes asked her to help my research papers (fix the grammars) and she hated computer games she called me weirdo from time to time. Ummm let me think what else I treated her like a princess taking her out to dinner movies sometimes I got her roses but she told me she likes other kinds so I apologised. Sometimes she says can you get me coffee I go outside grab her coffee or whatever she desires. Sometimes she asks me why are you so nice to me. These were the annoying parts of her but I didn't mind it much. But in general she is a great girl she helped me and loved me etc.. .she made me food cleaned the house when I was busy supported me when I was having hard time in school and so on. Every birthday she baked me a cake. She had financial issues so all she got me were a USB stick which I use it all the time and a back scratcher. I never cared about gifts because all I wanted was her presence and love now that's gone nothing else left. I'm sure it was her last gift . Everything hacienda for a reason. Hope I will understand that reason soon.

[Keenly]

Got another one. My ex loved to get what she called "attention" by texting other guys. I guess my attention wasn't enough ? And then the hypocrisy, I sent two facebook messages to a girl I went to high school with and all of a sudden I must be cheating.

[NoMoreJerks]

Got another one. My ex loved to get what she called "attention" by texting other guys. I guess my attention wasn't enough ? And then the hypocrisy, I sent two facebook messages to a girl I went to high school with and all of a sudden I must be cheating.

Ah. That one. Yup. My ex used to always ask me about my male colleagues, and also, sometimes in the mornings, if I didn't text him before he did, or if I didn't answer his mssges shortly after he sent them, he'd text me "i hope you are not in bed with another man, sexy lady -- a woman is ok." On the other hand, though, when he was i nTurkey for a job, he would call me and complain about how there were no women to talk to in bars, that women in Turkey would not look at or talk to Western men (like him), etc. :confused: His flight departing from my city was cancelled once, and he had to be put in a hotel near the airport. I couldn't go see him there, since it was too far for me . Then, when he arrived home, he told me stories about what happened after the flight cancellation. He told me that some 50-year-old woman who was supposed to be on that flight saw him in the elevator and suggested that they go grab a drink at her hotel room. He told me " she was clearly hinting at sex... but I was too tired so I said no thanks." :confused: (he's 40, and I'm 29 btw). I think he was playing mind games and making me insecure and trying to break my self-esteem. Either that, or he did do it but changed the "ending." He's such a narcissist, omg...

Edited December 27, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[Keenly]

Ah. That one. Yup. My ex used to always ask me about my male colleagues, and also, sometimes in the mornings, if I didn't text him before he did, or if I didn't answer his mssges shortly after he sent them, he'd text me "i hope you are not in bed with another man, sexy lady -- a woman is ok." On the other hand, though, when he was i nTurkey for a job, he would call me and complain about how there were no women to talk to in bars, that women in Turkey would not look at or talk to Western men (like him), etc. :confused: His flight departing from my city was cancelled once, and he had to be put in a hotel near the airport. I couldn't go see him there, since it was too far for me . Then, when he arrived home, he told me stories about what happened after the flight cancellation. He told me that some 50-year-old woman who was supposed to be on that flight saw him in the elevator and suggested that they go grab a drink at her place. He told me " she was clearly hinting at sex... but I was too tired so I said no thanks." :confused: (he's 40, and I'm 29 btw). I think he was playing mind games and making me insecure and trying to break my self-esteem. He's such a narcissist, omg...

 

Sounds like we really know how to pick some winners eh?

[th90]

Ah. That one. Yup. My ex used to always ask me about my male colleagues, and also, sometimes in the mornings, if I didn't text him before he did, or if I didn't answer his mssges shortly after he sent them, he'd text me "i hope you are not in bed with another man, sexy lady -- a woman is ok." On the other hand, though, when he was i nTurkey for a job, he would call me and complain about how there were no women to talk to in bars, that women in Turkey would not look at or talk to Western men (like him), etc. :confused: His flight departing from my city was cancelled once, and he had to be put in a hotel near the airport. I couldn't go see him there, since it was too far for me . Then, when he arrived home, he told me stories about what happened after the flight cancellation. He told me that some 50-year-old woman who was supposed to be on that flight saw him in the elevator and suggested that they go grab a drink at her hotel room. He told me " she was clearly hinting at sex... but I was too tired so I said no thanks." :confused: (he's 40, and I'm 29 btw). I think he was playing mind games and making me insecure and trying to break my self-esteem. Either that, or he did do it but changed the "ending." He's such a narcissist, omg...

 

Hahaha what a boy!

My ex slept with a girl cuddling(no sex) and told me that was just a friendly sleepover. Men, they just had to do things to hurt us, don't they?

[NoMoreJerks]

Sounds like we really know how to pick some winners eh?

Yup. Deep down, that kills me. Really does. I am so ashamed of myself and my stupidity. Even now after all that he's done to me, and even after posting about that stuff, I still love him and would take him back in a heartbeat. What does that say about me?

[th90]

Yup. Deep down, that kills me. Really does. I am so ashamed of myself and my stupidity. Even now after all that he's done to me, and even after posting about that stuff, I still love him and would take him back in a heartbeat. What does that say about me?

 

It's ok. You just need more time to clear your head and you'll see, you dont want to be with a jerk like him anymore.

[suladas]

I really can't think of much. A few times she pushed me away by saying things can't work out between us, but all the doubts were things I had thought about to. The worst thing was how she ended things, by just ignoring me instead of saying anything, and after a few days finally told me. But compared to what is here it's nothing, and I don't think anything was meant to hurt me even though it did so can't really place any blame for it. Probably the worst thing was forgetting my birthday, but then again she made it up pretty well, so again doesn't help me.