What do i do?

[Justtiredofit]

Before I get into the questions, I need to give you a little background on my situation:

 

-Married coming up on 19 years, wife's second marriage, my first.

 

-While she was in school in 2010, she engrossed herself into school and I engrossed myself in hobbies and we grew apart.

 

-Mid 2010, she said if I didn't quit spending so much time w/ hobbies, she would leave.

 

-Jan 2011, she left (after I quit my hobbies and began spending more time with her#. I later found out she was texting another man, sending naked pics, and making plans to meet up, but never did #my daughter lived with her#. I began an EA with a woman from college #Amber#.

 

-Feb 2011, she found out other women were after me and she wanted me back.

 

-March 2011 we moved back in together.

 

-Nov 2011, I stupidly left her thinking I wanted to be with Amber. Amber and I had been talking/texting again since October, making plans to start a life together. #Stupid, I know). Wife fought and fought and fought for our marriage, threatened Amber and everything.

 

-Jan 2012, I went back to my wife.

 

-August 2012, wife was texting a man that she "had an interest in". I left and she begged, screamed, and pleaded for me to come back, to the point that I could hear her throwing up on the phone. I stayed at a friends house for two weeks, then we reconciled and went on a cruise.

 

-October 2012, on the cruise, we vow to put our marriage back together for good, no matter what it takes.

 

-December 2012, (yesterday), after "Honey, baby, love of my life"-ing me since October, great sex, wonderful times together, she says "I don't know what I want".

 

She says "I love you...I don't want you to leave.....I can't see my life without you.....I just don't know what I want." I pressed her on it and she says our marriage has come to an end and that we will both need to find places to live soon. So I left that day December 13.

 

-Called my bubby (the man she's been thinking about# and he was livid. He said this is just some sick game for her to get me back for what I did to her.

 

-On the 19th, she texted this man telling him she was humiliated that he knew all of this, and he let her have it. She tried to cover it all up saying that I was a liar and made it all up into something it was not. He has ignored her telling her that he will be civil to her and say hi to her at church and church only, but to leave him alone, etc #he sent me the text.....good man). She BLASTED me....pissed off, etc. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her now, and that I would be sending the divorce agreement to her mother, and established NC. She said "well I guess since he is gone now and you want nothing to do with me then I'm hung, huh? I DON'T THINK SO! It doesn't change anything, I'm at peace with all of this!"

 

Well, on Christmas Eve, I sent a text saying that "people are telling me that it would be a mistake for us to rush into a divorce so I am going to just do nothing right now with the divorce papers, just gonna go on with my life." No response.

 

After being together almost 20 YEARS and married almost 19, with her "fantasy" gone, is she missing me? Or am I the only one missing her? She had to miss me yesterday morning at Christmas....right? After telling me 4 days before I left that she really didn't want me to go, could NOT say that she didn't love me anymore, cried when I said that there was no chance for reconciliation after this.......? WTF????

 

I AM GOING INSANE HERE! I MISS HER SO BADLY! But if it is OVER, then I want to move on. IT's just SO HARD to after 20 years!

 

HELP!!!!!!

[aMguilts]

Before I get into the questions, I need to give you a little background on my situation:

 

-Married coming up on 19 years, wife's second marriage, my first.

 

-While she was in school in 2010, she engrossed herself into school and I engrossed myself in hobbies and we grew apart.

 

-Mid 2010, she said if I didn't quit spending so much time w/ hobbies, she would leave.

 

-Jan 2011, she left (after I quit my hobbies and began spending more time with her#. I later found out she was texting another man, sending naked pics, and making plans to meet up, but never did #my daughter lived with her#. I began an EA with a woman from college #Amber#.

 

-Feb 2011, she found out other women were after me and she wanted me back.

 

-March 2011 we moved back in together.

 

-Nov 2011, I stupidly left her thinking I wanted to be with Amber. Amber and I had been talking/texting again since October, making plans to start a life together. #Stupid, I know). Wife fought and fought and fought for our marriage, threatened Amber and everything.

 

-Jan 2012, I went back to my wife.

 

-August 2012, wife was texting a man that she "had an interest in". I left and she begged, screamed, and pleaded for me to come back, to the point that I could hear her throwing up on the phone. I stayed at a friends house for two weeks, then we reconciled and went on a cruise.

 

-October 2012, on the cruise, we vow to put our marriage back together for good, no matter what it takes.

 

-December 2012, (yesterday), after "Honey, baby, love of my life"-ing me since October, great sex, wonderful times together, she says "I don't know what I want".

 

She says "I love you...I don't want you to leave.....I can't see my life without you.....I just don't know what I want." I pressed her on it and she says our marriage has come to an end and that we will both need to find places to live soon. So I left that day December 13.

 

-Called my bubby (the man she's been thinking about# and he was livid. He said this is just some sick game for her to get me back for what I did to her.

 

-On the 19th, she texted this man telling him she was humiliated that he knew all of this, and he let her have it. She tried to cover it all up saying that I was a liar and made it all up into something it was not. He has ignored her telling her that he will be civil to her and say hi to her at church and church only, but to leave him alone, etc #he sent me the text.....good man). She BLASTED me....pissed off, etc. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her now, and that I would be sending the divorce agreement to her mother, and established NC. She said "well I guess since he is gone now and you want nothing to do with me then I'm hung, huh? I DON'T THINK SO! It doesn't change anything, I'm at peace with all of this!"

 

Well, on Christmas Eve, I sent a text saying that "people are telling me that it would be a mistake for us to rush into a divorce so I am going to just do nothing right now with the divorce papers, just gonna go on with my life." No response.

 

After being together almost 20 YEARS and married almost 19, with her "fantasy" gone, is she missing me? Or am I the only one missing her? She had to miss me yesterday morning at Christmas....right? After telling me 4 days before I left that she really didn't want me to go, could NOT say that she didn't love me anymore, cried when I said that there was no chance for reconciliation after this.......? WTF????

 

I AM GOING INSANE HERE! I MISS HER SO BADLY! But if it is OVER, then I want to move on. IT's just SO HARD to after 20 years!

 

HELP!!!!!!

 

Help with what??

 

You BOTH need to grow up/ heads banging together, or probably both

Is this a healthy relationship?

From what you posted you are just as bad as each other?

 

And WHY? did she HAVE to miss you?

 

Are you with her now? Is she with you right now?

 

Sorry for being blunt , but i don`t get what you need help on

 

aM

[BeerCheeseSoup]

You BOTH need to grow up/ heads banging together, or probably both ... From what you posted you are just as bad as each other?

 

It doesn't sound like he did anything wrong. She sounds psycho.

[revitup]

Ok ,now I see your posts.

 

Maybe you two need to get into some counseling.Hard to say how this story ends,but if you want her,tell her.

 

Don't use divorce papers, 180's or NC as a "weapon" to manipulate.

 

Do you want the marriage to be strong or over ?

[Justtiredofit]

Brother, the more I tell her, the more she walks away. On Chritmas Eve, I ASKED her if she would be willing to just be separated for an indefinite period of time. NO RESPONSE. So I told her Christmas morning that I will not be moving forward with the divorce, but that she could. NO RESPONSE.

 

So Wednesday night I put the papers in the mailbox. Then sent her a text saying that I tried to do it as people suggested but I just can't and that I just want out. NO RESPONSE.

 

Then yesterday (Thursday) she texts "I can't turn them in by Friday bc my schedule is so hectic". I didn't respond. Then last night: "I need 50/50 this, 50/50 that, hope you are agreeable to these additions." I didn't respond. 20 minutes later: "Are you not going to say anything". So I texted back just sign & turn in the papers with the additions. Then she texts "What is the hurry".

 

This just seems like another one of her SICK games......?

[Yasuandio]

In addition to my post on your other thread....

 

You just have to stop the game - as I explained in your other post. Just stop the game, period. Clean slate - as of now. Proceed, don't backtrack now that you started the legal divorce process or you will really be perceived as a pu$$y (as of now - you are gaining some respect for taking a stand). IMO you must stay action oriented, and stick to it. No-more talkie-talkie, no more questions/inquiries - that will effectively shut down the passive-aggressive non-responses that have been driving you crazy. You are where you are - just stay the course now. Yas

[Justtiredofit]

You are sooo right. I now have the upper hand and will maintain it. If I don't then you're right......I'll be the pu$$y. I don't wanna be the pu$$y anymore, I'm gonna maintain control.