What do i do????

[Justtiredofit]

Before I get into the questions, I need to give you a little background on my situation:

 

-Married coming up on 19 years, wife's second marriage, my first.

 

-While she was in school in 2010, she engrossed herself into school and I engrossed myself in hobbies and we grew apart.

 

-Mid 2010, she said if I didn't quit spending so much time w/ hobbies, she would leave.

 

-Jan 2011, she left (after I quit my hobbies and began spending more time with her). I later found out she was texting another man, sending naked pics, and making plans to meet up, but never did (my daughter lived with her). I began an EA with a woman from college (Amber).

 

-Feb 2011, she found out other women were after me and she wanted me back.

 

-March 2011 we moved back in together.

 

-Nov 2011, I stupidly left her thinking I wanted to be with Amber. Amber and I had been talking/texting again since October, making plans to start a life together. (Stupid, I know). Wife fought and fought and fought for our marriage, threatened Amber and everything.

 

-Jan 2012, I went back to my wife.

 

-August 2012, wife was texting a man that she "had an interest in". I left and she begged, screamed, and pleaded for me to come back, to the point that I could hear her throwing up on the phone. I stayed at a friends house for two weeks, then we reconciled and went on a cruise.

 

-October 2012, on the cruise, we vow to put our marriage back together for good, no matter what it takes.

 

-December 2012, (yesterday), after "Honey, baby, love of my life"-ing me since October, great sex, wonderful times together, she says "I don't know what I want".

 

She says "I love you...I don't want you to leave.....I can't see my life without you.....I just don't know what I want." I pressed her on it and she says our marriage has come to an end and that we will both need to find places to live soon. So I left that day December 13.

 

-Called my bubby (the man she's been thinking about) and he was livid. He said this is just some sick game for her to get me back for what I did to her.

 

-On the 19th, she texted this man telling him she was humiliated that he knew all of this, and he let her have it. She tried to cover it all up saying that I was a liar and made it all up into something it was not. He has ignored her telling her that he will be civil to her and say hi to her at church and church only, but to leave him alone, etc (he sent me the text.....good man). She BLASTED me....pissed off, etc. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her now, and that I would be sending the divorce agreement to her mother, and established NC. She said "well I guess since he is gone now and you want nothing to do with me then I'm hung, huh? I DON'T THINK SO! It doesn't change anything, I'm at peace with all of this!"

 

Well, on Christmas Eve, I sent a text saying that "people are telling me that it would be a mistake for us to rush into a divorce so I am going to just do nothing right now with the divorce papers, just gonna go on with my life." No response.

 

After being together almost 20 YEARS and married almost 19, with her "fantasy" gone, is she missing me? Or am I the only one missing her? She had to miss me yesterday morning at Christmas....right? After telling me 4 days before I left that she really didn't want me to go, could NOT say that she didn't love me anymore, cried when I said that there was no chance for reconciliation after this.......? WTF????

 

I AM GOING INSANE HERE! I MISS HER SO BADLY! But if it is OVER, then I want to move on. IT's just SO HARD to after 20 years!

 

HELP!!!!!!

[Appleness]

What is 20 years compared to this drama for the rest of your life?

 

As I a father, you owe it to her to show her what a normal, healthy relationship should be like. Believe me, kids tend to retain more than you think they ever will. How would you like it if your daughter become like this at 20? and you had to watch her go through the same thing for the next 20 years with her kids?

 

I'm younger than you and I've never been married so I can't and won't judge. However, I think life is too short to spend it with people who don't get a twit about you and think that they can waltz in and and out of your life while using you as their personal doormat. Granted, you made some mistakes too but you have to learn from them so that you don't repeat them. Sit down and evaluate your life and how you want to live it from now on. Be a good person and live a healthy happy life. She doesn't sound like the right person for you.

 

Good luck...and I hope you have a happy new year.

[Mr. Lucky]

Justtiredofit, not sure I'd want to be married to either of you. Lot's of game playing, brinksmanship and passive/aggressive behavior has poisoned the well. Given what has taken place, how could either one of you trust the other?

 

No idea if you should stay together or go your separate ways. My only suggestion, should you want to try and salvage your marriage, would be to start MC immediately. Left to your own devices, you seem to be driving each other crazy...

 

Mr. Lucky