JuneJulySeptember Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 (edited) This is specifically for guys who struggle with women, but really for everybody else too. I've learned something very recently that is a cold, hard truth of the world. Nobody cares about you. Let me clarify. It doesn't matter if you are 30 years old and are a virgin, have never had a girlfriend, and have been rejected by over 100 women. Nobody cares. Other guys don't care. The women who reject you don't care. They're out there looking for and FINDING guys that they think are hot, interesting, and successful. The truth is, that if you are in your mid to late 20s and have never been good with women, you probably will continue to suck with women. It might be your looks, or your personality, but how drastically is either of those things going to change, try as you might. You might spend the next 10 years desperately trying to connect with women in every which way possible, and continued failure will bring you down even more. So, really, the key is to find a way to be happy with your situation. In other words, being happy with nothing. It's hard being happy when you see other people who have no problems attracting people and have happy relationships, but tough, that's how it is. This is not encouraging you to give up. Not by any means. But just saying, find a way to not let your happiness be tied down to your success (or failure) with women. It might take a new religion, a shrink, or a prescription drug to do it, but the bottom line is, you cannot let your failures with women rule your daily thoughts and turn you into an unhappy person. You must find a way. Edited December 26, 2012 by JuneJulySeptember 4
Sun Devil Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 That is an unacceptable solution. I would suggest trying to improve yourself. There is no substitute for a relationship, and if you want one and are not getting it, nothing will cover it up. I never met anyone who was happy being single unless they were not into romance or came from numerous bad relationships. There is a reason why suicide rates are higher for single people 2
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 That is an unacceptable solution. I would suggest trying to improve yourself. There is no substitute for a relationship, and if you want one and are not getting it, nothing will cover it up. I never met anyone who was happy being single unless they were not into romance or came from numerous bad relationships. There is a reason why suicide rates are higher for single people The unhappiness doesn't come from being single itself I don't think though. I think a lot of it comes from rejection. That will either stay with you when you find someone or will come back when you are single again. That is what you have to try and erase.
ThaWholigan Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Perseverance through acceptance - that can be a way to go about it. Focusing on ones own personal goals, something I advocate a lot. Creating a life that's exciting enough for you to enjoy and for others to be attracted to. I wouldn't suggest that nobody cares (certainly I care enough to keep coming back and giving advice over and over again because I actually want to help and see them succeed). However, I think that in the event that they wish to further entrench themselves in the mires of stagnancy because they think it's always going to be like this, and either shun advice from well-meaning people or simply decide to label the majority of one gender as shallow or other vaguely insulting things, or misguidedly spout the "Top 20%" theory as gospel, then people start to get a little bit annoyed. It gets old . 2
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 Perseverance through acceptance - that can be a way to go about it. Focusing on ones own personal goals, something I advocate a lot. Creating a life that's exciting enough for you to enjoy and for others to be attracted to. I wouldn't suggest that nobody cares (certainly I care enough to keep coming back and giving advice over and over again because I actually want to help and see them succeed). However, I think that in the event that they wish to further entrench themselves in the mires of stagnancy because they think it's always going to be like this, and either shun advice from well-meaning people or simply decide to label the majority of one gender as shallow or other vaguely insulting things, or misguidedly spout the "Top 20%" theory as gospel, then people start to get a little bit annoyed. It gets old . I think every guy who struggles is trying to turn himself into a better person that women will like better. But that alone sometimes is not enough. If that goal ends up not being met, the journey will seem empty and cause more sadness. I think you need to find a way to stay happy no matter what type of success or failure you meet, if that is possible.
ThaWholigan Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I think every guy who struggles is trying to turn himself into a better person that women will like better. But that alone sometimes is not enough. If that goal ends up not being met, the journey will seem empty and cause more sadness. I think you need to find a way to stay happy no matter what type of success or failure you meet, if that is possible. I understand you and I agree. I think the focus is better turned inward, and without blame or anger. That is difficult, and I advocate a channel for such energy to be released. One that is better than LS .
somedude81 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Not a chance . Rather die than accept being alone.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Not a chance . Rather die than accept being alone. Not to sound mean, but it is something everyone has to come to terms with. Doesn't matter if you have had no dates or a thousand, This is a potential issue for everyone. A relationship requires two people to both want to be in it. I think this is the biggest issue a lot of guys on LS face. They haven't learned to be happy on their own, so when they are single they get angry and then direct that anger at women as a whole. What so many of them seem to miss, is that anger is counter productive. 4
PIM Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Not sure about the premise about finding happiness being alone but I will say that just because you have not had success by your mid twenties doesn't, necessarily, mean you're doomed. I didn't kiss a girl until I was 28. Was in my first relationship when I was 29 that I basically broke off due to me not being ready to settle down. Went on plenty of dates until I found my current gf. I remember the feeling of being hopeless and helpless but you have to fight through that and you'll see that there is no great joy than feeling that you have the power to change your lot in life.
somedude81 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Not to sound mean, but it is something everyone has to come to terms with. Doesn't matter if you have had no dates or a thousand, This is a potential issue for everyone. A relationship requires two people to both want to be in it. As I said already. Not a chance. I will not come to terms with being alone, I will not accept being alone. I will not be happy being alone. I think this is the biggest issue a lot of guys on LS face. They haven't learned to be happy on their own, so when they are single they get angry and then direct that anger at women as a whole. What so many of them seem to miss, is that anger is counter productive. IMO, very few people are truly happy being alone. Think for a second why there are so many of us on this forum. People happy being alone? Yeah right.
LittlePrince Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Not a chance . Rather die than accept being alone. You'll find even after getting a woman you'll still be alone.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 As I said already. Not a chance. I will not come to terms with being alone, I will not accept being alone. I will not be happy being alone. Well unless you found a way to brainwash a woman into loving you, you MUST recognize the possibility exists, because you can't force a woman to love you. I do pretty damn well with women, but I have not been in a relationship in over two years. Who knows how long it will be before I'm in another one, maybe it will never happen. Speaking specifically about you, you must come to terms that it's ok to be alone. I mean honestly some time I wish I could reach through the screen and punch you in the face, because you routinely shoot your self in the foot. Like when you said 'she just has to meet the minimum physical requirements', that entire way of thinking is never going to get you anywhere. That kind of thinking tells people that she isn't really special to you, and no woman is going to touch you with a ten foot pole if she isn't special to you. IMO, very few people are truly happy being alone. Happy doesn't mean, they are deliriously happy, it just mean they can enjoy life while they are single. Because they don't need to be in a relationship to be happy, they don't put nearly as much pressure on dating. Because there is no pressure, dating is more fun for both parties. I know it sound completely counter intuitive, but people who are happy alone, usually end up in relationships more often than people who aren't. Think for a second why there are so many of us on this forum. Personally I'm on LS, because I'm picky, and difficult to handle. 3
Sun Devil Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Living loife alone is something I cannot tolerate. One of my biggest goals is to have a family of my own. When my parents die of old age, then I will have no family whatsoever. I decided that if I am still singlee when I am in my 40's, I will commit suicide. I will end my life on my own terms and will not be that old guy with no family. People say that life is a gift, but if you are living without a family or love, you cant be happy.
Feelin Frisky Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 You were almost on to something very important that could greatly improve your chances. But then you went ahead and effed it up. The fact is that more than caring at all about you (or anyone else for that matter), people far more often care first and foremost about themselves. This is not a "fault" per se, it is just a fact. And if you learn to turn it to your advantage you can become very successful at winning favor and becoming popular in a number of ways. The fact is that nearly all of us are consumed with how other people will perceive us--and most of us do so silently inside our own heads with no help or input from anyone else--without input as to how much is too much, when we've gotten stuck in what others "might" think while forgetting or never ever learning that other people are doing the same thing that you are--sweating over how well they look, whether or not they are liked, if they've said all the right things the right way without tipping their hand that they are insecure and by virtue of that fact have given other people power over them that has as yet been unearned. I know I used to have this problem because of my blushing (which medication has cured me of entirely and I used to get nervous if I had to, say, light a cigarette or joint for a woman--it was all I could do to get through it without my hand shaking--even the slightest--which would, in my mind give me completely away as a wuss. Because of my self esteem issues as a child because my mother typically quieted me down with addictive pleasure foods which caused me to know the social pain of obesity, the humiliation I suffered in earnest as a fat child set me up to be one of those people consumed with how others perceived me with nary a thought that maybe they had hidden insecurities as well. If through therapy, medication or sheer will you are able to overcome this, unless you are grotesque and have green teeth and B.O. or w/e social mobility should begin to come as a snap.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 (edited) As I said already. Not a chance. I will not come to terms with being alone, I will not accept being alone. I will not be happy being alone. IMO, very few people are truly happy being alone. Think for a second why there are so many of us on this forum. People happy being alone? Yeah right. Being happy being alone doesn't mean that you condemn yourself to a life of solitude the rest of your life. It means you have to be happy with your lot in life. When you do find someone, I bet anything you still won't be that happy. Part of the reason you are unhappy is because of the rejection you have faced over many years. Maybe you have been hung up on a few women you really liked. Getting one woman won't erase all of that damage. Believe me. You need to find a way to, in your head, be happy with where you are in life, no matter how much worse you may have it. Find a way to block out all of the negativity, rejection, and damage to your self esteem. I'll let you know if I find the answer. Edited December 26, 2012 by JuneJulySeptember
KungFuJoe Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 If you need to be with someone to be happy....you will never be happy. 3
LittlePrince Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 If you need to be with someone to be happy....you will never be happy. People evolved to need other people for survival, procreation, etc. so as I have always held no one is capable of happiness.
grkBoy Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I agree with JuneJulySeptember in that if you can't be happy and fulfilled alone, then you'll never do well in relationships. You can't lump that responsibility on someone else. 1
somedude81 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Then I ask. All you people who are happy alone. Why are you on a relationship forum?
ThaWholigan Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Then I ask. All you people who are happy alone. Why are you on a relationship forum? Yes.........
crude Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Now you've done it! Since your grim post was indexed by Google, the sales of date rape drugs are up 56%.
somedude81 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Now you've done it! Since your grim post was indexed by Google, the sales of date rape drugs are up 56%. http://pics.myspew.com/var/albums/geek/roofies.jpg?m=1301364956
terlislee Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Then I ask. All you people who are happy alone. Why are you on a relationship forum? I think everybody has their own reasons, I'd say 98% of the time they came here for advice, the other 2% to whine about the unfairness of the world. Having troubles with relationships doesn't mean you're unhappy with your life as a whole, but I guess that way of thinking might be hard for you to understand. Personally, I came here because of a bad break up, it's not easy to deal with the loss of a loved one. The thing is I'm content on my own, I like myself most of the time, I know I can have a fulfilling life even if no one special turns up again, I have other things that give me purpose and bring me happiness. I have goals, interests, friends... Relationships are important for most people and at different times of our life we asign them a different priority, but it'll never be the make it or break of having a happy life for me. You have to have something else that sustains you as a human being, as a man. You have to want to be awesome and lead an interesting life for your own sake, partners are just someone you decide to share it with, they come and go, whereas you stay with yourself until you die. SD I can almost tell that once you're in a relationship you'll sooner or later kill it with your I need you to make me happy philosophy. And once that happens will you be miserable again for how many more years until the next girl comes along? Why not make the best of your limited time in this world instead? Chances are as soon as you start doing that someone special will turn up on her own.
somedude81 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I think everybody has their own reasons, I'd say 98% of the time they came here for advice, the other 2% to whine about the unfairness of the world. Having troubles with relationships doesn't mean you're unhappy with your life as a whole, but I guess that way of thinking might be hard for you to understand. Personally, I came here because of a bad break up, it's not easy to deal with the loss of a loved one. The thing is I'm content on my own, I like myself most of the time, I know I can have a fulfilling life even if no one special turns up again, I have other things that give me purpose and bring me happiness. I have goals, interests, friends... Relationships are important for most people and at different times of our life we asign them a different priority, but it'll never be the make it or break of having a happy life for me. You have to have something else that sustains you as a human being, as a man. You have to want to be awesome and lead an interesting life for your own sake, partners are just someone you decide to share it with, they come and go, whereas you stay with yourself until you die. SD I can almost tell that once you're in a relationship you'll sooner or later kill it with your I need you to make me happy philosophy. And once that happens will you be miserable again for how many more years until the next girl comes along? Why not make the best of your limited time in this world instead? Chances are as soon as you start doing that someone special will turn up on her own. The way I see it. If one were truly happy on their own, they'd willingly stay single and abstain from sex. Why be in a relationship if you're already happy?
terlislee Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 The way I see it. If one were truly happy on their own, they'd willingly stay single and abstain from sex. Why be in a relationship if you're already happy? Because being in love and having someone love you back feels amazing? Doesn't mean I cannot be happy without it. 1
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