soonerfan77 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 (edited) Well I guess it wasn't dating like the title says since it went so quick, but anyway please read. I will try and keep this short. I e-mailed this girl at work a couple months ago basically asking her out. I don't know her that well or see her much so figured this was a decent route. She said she was in a relationship, but thanks for the compliment. I gave her my number and never expected to hear from her. Fast forward to last Thursday (December 20th). She texts me and what ensues is basically a 4 day straight texting/phone call marathon. We never stopped unless we were sleeping and even sacrificed several hours sleep just to talk. She brought me lunch at work this past Sunday. We both have mutual attractions for each other and told each other that. While eating Sunday she was constantly smiling at me and staring at me. She invited me over to her house that afternoon and I stayed for literally like 24 hours until early afternoon on Christmas Eve. We had an amazing 24 hours. Right after I got to her house we were affectionate ie. kissing, touching etc. We even had sex which I now regret. It's just one of those things that happened. So we have physical attraction and compatability along with a strong emotional connection. I was floored that when I left Christmas Eve early afternoon that she said she has mixed feelings. We went VERY VERY fast in the 5 days. I am bad about this, but she was actually faster than me so I went along with it. So here is her story. 27 year old with 3 kids. She just got out of a 3 year long off and on relationship a week before she texted me. She has a very good job and makes good money. She has her own car payment and house payment. I figured hey this is good. This guy had just moved out a week before she texted me so I know all about the rebound stuff possibilities etc. She said she was over this guy and that if she continued down this path with him she would end up dead. She got involved in drugs etc. I will never make the mistake of dating somebody/meeting somebody new unless they have been out of a relationship at least a couple months. What I don't understand is we connected both physicall and mentally so well that I was caught off guard. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship, had never been single and wanted to focus on her and her kids. I know I am not ready for a relationship usually means she don't want one with YOU. However, since we got along so well and all of a sudden bam it's like hitting a brick wall I don't understand. I told her I cared for her and if she ever got her head on straight to contact me and I would love to talk to her and hang out with her again. She said she would get better but needed to figure things out. She knows my feelings and where I stand so I left it at that. I guess I need some feeback on this. I know a rebound is possible and don't want in a relationship could just mean with me. However, we got along great emotionally and all the signs of physical attraction were there and I know she was attracted to me. I am just confused. Any input would be helpful!! Edited December 25, 2012 by soonerfan77 spelling
SJC2008 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 I'm not ready for a relationship doesn't always mean "I don't want one with you". Given she JUST got out of one she's probably telling the truth. Run for the hills and don't look back!!! When you like someone you go into denial and hope they'll come around. This just happened to me: I met a woman online and she was 100% open that she wanted to date around and didn't know what she was looking for as she just got out of her first and only R. A long one at 6 years. Well I should of bailed because I don't like to multi date but she showed a lot of interest in me and I thought she was starting to like me. Long story short it fell apart after we had sex go figure but she was making sure I wasn't getting strong feelings because she didn't want to hurt me as she was figuring out what she wants. In the end I respect that about her as she was up front but I still feel a little used, that I was just a warm body but she WARNED me herself and I didn't listen because I liked her and wasn't in a rush to jump into and R anyway. So getting laid wasn't worth it for what I'm going through now.
Author soonerfan77 Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 Thanks for the reply SJC. Sometimes we know better but just can't back off. This girl I was talking to actually pursued me more than I did her. I wasn't used to that. Things went VERY quickly and she pushed most of it so I just went with it. I agree about running for the hills. You tend to put somebody on a pedastal since everything since all is going great. She had some issues and wasn't perfect by no means. I was able to overlook that stuff though, but now I am just ready to forget it and move. I am not going to wait and hope that she contacts me. If it happens I will see where I am then and respond accordingly. I feel used too and I guess I was, but who knows if it was intentional or not. I guess we just need to stick to the rule of not dating/talking to somebody that is fresh out of a relationship!!
SJC2008 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Thanks for the reply SJC. Sometimes we know better but just can't back off. This girl I was talking to actually pursued me more than I did her. I wasn't used to that. Things went VERY quickly and she pushed most of it so I just went with it. I agree about running for the hills. You tend to put somebody on a pedastal since everything since all is going great. She had some issues and wasn't perfect by no means. I was able to overlook that stuff though, but now I am just ready to forget it and move. I am not going to wait and hope that she contacts me. If it happens I will see where I am then and respond accordingly. I feel used too and I guess I was, but who knows if it was intentional or not. I guess we just need to stick to the rule of not dating/talking to somebody that is fresh out of a relationship!! It's intentional trust me, they may not realize it consciously but it's intentional. In my case she jumped in when she realized I was liking her but I still think her comming on strong was to keep me around but who knows. It's a win win though because looking back this woman was not for me as her true colors were starting to show. She started to make snide comments, she tried to change my plans A LOT so she's a control freak and a public criticizer.
veggirl Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 good god run like the wind! She hasn't been alone in at least 3 yrs, and doesn't want to be now. That's all. You are her rebound. where were her kids when you were over there? Do you think she got over a 3 yr "off and on" relationship in a WEEK? No. They are just "off" right now, they've gotten back "on" every other time, what makes you think you aren't just the in-between for the moment? Don't get involved in this mess. This chick needs to be single. "sometimes we know better but can't back off" ?? What? Yes you can. Anytime you want. she just wanted attention, that's all. She got it from you. 1
CptSaveAho Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I know I am not ready for a relationship usually means she don't want one with YOU. However, since we got along so well and all of a sudden bam it's like hitting a brick wall I don't understand. I told her I cared for her and if she ever got her head on straight to contact me and I would love to talk to her and hang out with her again. She said she would get better but needed to figure things out. She knows my feelings and where I stand so I left it at that. Actually it does... if you "LIKE" somebody, you let them go, you don't pull the stunt she did on you. She used you because you were easy and readily available. Go ahead, keep lying to yourself though She waited till her relationship was over and boom called you into rescue her, if you actually liked her, the smart thing to have done is pushed her away
SJC2008 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Actually it does... if you "LIKE" somebody, you let them go, you don't pull the stunt she did on you. She used you because you were easy and readily available. Go ahead, keep lying to yourself though She waited till her relationship was over and boom called you into rescue her, if you actually liked her, the smart thing to have done is pushed her away So users have morals and pick and choose who they wanna use? I don't think they'd care. I'm pretty sure I was used but she did a good job at covering it up. But I guess they have to so you don't catch on and to help their guilt at the same time. The funny thing is I even told her on our 3rd date when she said she wants to date around and find out what she wants that I'm not here for and ego boost etc lol. I need to learn when to walk away and it was then. TBS I didn't just stick around becuase I thought she liked me which I thought she did but I also did to get the dating exp which I lacked.
Author soonerfan77 Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 Actually it does... if you "LIKE" somebody, you let them go, you don't pull the stunt she did on you. She used you because you were easy and readily available. Go ahead, keep lying to yourself though She waited till her relationship was over and boom called you into rescue her, if you actually liked her, the smart thing to have done is pushed her away Thanks for the response. Love the username BTW. LOL At this point I just no longer care. I have moved on from wanting another chance in the future to just being pissed off. I can tell you I will never get in another relationship with somebody fresh out of one or off and on. Easier said than done, but I have been burned too many times. It's time to get smart and say no to the BS that I put myself through!!
Author soonerfan77 Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 good god run like the wind! She hasn't been alone in at least 3 yrs, and doesn't want to be now. That's all. You are her rebound. where were her kids when you were over there? Do you think she got over a 3 yr "off and on" relationship in a WEEK? No. They are just "off" right now, they've gotten back "on" every other time, what makes you think you aren't just the in-between for the moment? Don't get involved in this mess. This chick needs to be single. "sometimes we know better but can't back off" ?? What? Yes you can. Anytime you want. she just wanted attention, that's all. She got it from you. Thanks for being so blunt veggirl. You are absolutely right. No need to get involved in this mess and you are right, I can back off at anytime I want I am just pissed off now which is good. I honestly have no desire with this girl anymore. The kids were at their dads for the holidays so they weren't there. It was just her and I.
Author soonerfan77 Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 Thanks for all the responses guys. It really helps to hear different points of views on everything. In the end it doesn't really matter what happened. Life is all about lessons so chalk it up to a learning experience. I don't have much dating experience either so everything I can get will help. I am sure this is a blessing in disguise. Actually I have no doubt it is!!
Casablanca Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I'm not ready for a relationship doesn't always mean "I don't want one with you". Given she JUST got out of one she's probably telling the truth. Great quote, very true and I'd stay away for awhile as well...everyones needed buffer zone between relationships is different, but as long as a relationship she has had, she needs more than a week whether she knows it or not
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