MrHX Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 (edited) Let me begin things by saying, it's been one hell of a time this past month trying to cope with my ex breaking up with me. It's been almost a month since my ex and I broke up. We were together for four and half years. I admit, I had my fair share in contributing to the break up. There was an incident in July where she believed I was cheating on her. I brushed it off, assuming that she could never really believe that I was cheating. I loved her too much to ever betray her. However, according to her, this consumed her until our break up. So, one Saturday Evening, she broke up with me. She gave me numerous reasons why our relationship was over. There were so many I couldn't even grasp how we were ending. I just knew, it was over. I thought what we had was special and we went through a lot both good and bad experiences together. I actually saw us getting married at some point. I have tried to maintain no contact since the break up. I was doing well until she started to make her presence know on my facebook, instagram, and cell phone. Once I broke, I found myself talking to her more often. We discussed the issues of our relationship such as, miscommunication, lack of independence for both of us, to issues dealing with intimacy. It started to feel as if we were rekindling our now dead relationship. But... About a month before our breakup, she started communicating with a guy she had a relationship with in the past. I found out about this after we broke up, when I received the last bill for her cellphone. I confronted her about this, and at first she denied it. A day later, she admitted she was talking to another guy. She states it started off as her trying to get another guy's interpretation of what was going on in our relationship. She stated she started to feel a connection with him but didn't know in what direction it was headed. This now leads me to events which occurred last weekend. Last Friday, she gave me a copy of the letter she wanted to give me, explaining our issues. We started talking and ended up talking for the whole night while in a parking lot. As we talked, she indicated she made a mistake and couldn't believe how much things have spiraled with the other guy. She felt as if she was being cornered and did not know what to do. We began to talk about us, and both of us started to become emotional. It felt as if we had a chance on working things out. The following day, the other guy visits her with plans to take her away for the weekend. He did this by surprise, according to her. She sent me a text asking me to please remember everything we had talked about the past few conversations we had. We then talked on the phone, and she said she just needed to get through this trip and after she needed to be alone. She said she needed to work on herself and that I would know what it meant in the near future. At this point, I told myself I will go back to no contact. What the heck is going on at this point? Is she playing mind games with me? Is she unsure of her decision? Or, is she following "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" in order to hurt my feelings one last time? Edited December 25, 2012 by MrHX
Keenly Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Dude, I understand that you love her... and that she may or may not want you back, but lets take a look at the facts... She wrote you a letter explaining the things that she wanted say, quite a healthy exercise. However she failed to give it to you, instead she just broke up with you. More importantly, and this is one you are seriously going to have to process..... She left you for another man. That journey didn't work out. She only wants you back because she is alone, she does not want you for you, she doesnt want to be with you because she WANTS YOU, only because she took a risk, leaving you behind in life, and it failed. Tell that bitch to take a hike. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 She left you for another man. That journey didn't work out. She only wants you back because she is alone, she does not want you for you, she doesnt want to be with you because she WANTS YOU, only because she took a risk, leaving you behind in life, and it failed. Yup. This.
Keenly Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Just send her a messages next time she brings this up "I will not be some ones second choice" and then never talk to her again
Author MrHX Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 Those are hard words to swallow, but I appreciate it. What gets me is that she always deflects the break up to what I said or did. She said, "you taught me, once you make a decision, you have to stick with it". Another instance is where she says she wishes she could take everything back and then reverts to the statement above. I'm not going to respond to any text messages. I deleted my instagram and deactivated my facebook. I simply cannot sit back and wait for her... I loved the times we spent together, and wish things did not end the way they did. But, that's part of this journey, I suppose.
Keenly Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Those are hard words to swallow, but I appreciate it. What gets me is that she always deflects the break up to what I said or did. She said, "you taught me, once you make a decision, you have to stick with it". Another instance is where she says she wishes she could take everything back and then reverts to the statement above. I'm not going to respond to any text messages. I deleted my instagram and deactivated my facebook. I simply cannot sit back and wait for her... I loved the times we spent together, and wish things did not end the way they did. But, that's part of this journey, I suppose. alright be strong.... I imagine that if you continue to not speaking to her after deleting this profiles, she is going to come at your pretty hard. Fight the inner urge to go back.
movingon12 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 I don't understand why people think she wants to go back to the OP. Apparently she said she "wanted to be alone" - in what way is that asking to reconcile?
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 I don't understand why people think she wants to go back to the OP. Apparently she said she "wanted to be alone" - in what way is that asking to reconcile? Where was this said by anyone?
movingon12 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 [ Where was this said by anyone? Here: (1st reply) She left you for another man. That journey didn't work out. She only wants you back because she is alone, she does not want you for you, she doesnt want to be with you because she WANTS YOU, only because she took a risk, leaving you behind in life, and it failed. Tell that bitch to take a hike. And here: Yup. This.
Author MrHX Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 I don't understand why people think she wants to go back to the OP. Apparently she said she "wanted to be alone" - in what way is that asking to reconcile? She actually indicated there might be a chance in the future. She wanted to be alone because she said she needed to just disappear for a while. Whatever that means at this point...
movingon12 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 She actually indicated there might be a chance in the future. She wanted to be alone because she said she needed to just disappear for a while. Whatever that means at this point... Tbh indicating there might be a chance in the future is fairly standard in 'civil' break ups. It's what dumpers say to 'lessen the pain'. It doesn't mean anything. If she wanted to be with you she wouldn't have broken up with you and then started dating someone else.
Author MrHX Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 Tbh indicating there might be a chance in the future is fairly standard in 'civil' break ups. It's what dumpers say to 'lessen the pain'. It doesn't mean anything. If she wanted to be with you she wouldn't have broken up with you and then started dating someone else. True and I assumed that might be the case when I decided to go no contact again. Even after our subsequent conversations prior to the "other guy visit", I have been guarded in assuming we actually had a chance.
movingon12 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 True and I assumed that might be the case when I decided to go no contact again. Even after our subsequent conversations prior to the "other guy visit", I have been guarded in assuming we actually had a chance. Very wise!
Author MrHX Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 What still confuses me is why make all the effort to speak with me, text me, and basically stalk me on social media. What does she gain by all of this?
naviis Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Keeps you under her thumb. If you don't move on from her she still has a security blanket.
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