Has it been over a long time ago?

[Esd1988]

My boyfriend and I were together for 4 yrs n something months... We live about 1 hr n 20 mins away but somehow managed to work it out. About a year ago, I found out that he went to visit some girl he had met in some club, out of state. So he had pretty much gone out of his way to see her. After a few months, I found out about it and was totally crushed. He chose to work things out with me n I gave him another chance, which is probably the worst mistake I have ever made. Since then, our relationship has been rockier than ever. I found him lying more n more but I have managed to somewhat forgive him. We had decided to work around our differences for a few months now. Recently he bought a place in downtown, and I felt like I was extremely supportive about it. Then school had started getting busier for me n he became a little distant... About almost a week ago, I caught him in another lie, about going out to downtown, he denied it until I was able to prove it to him, he never said sorry n just told me to leave him alone. I did not contact him for 2 days, and neither did he. totally crushed but it wasn't the first time he had done something n ignored me . It was even more depressing cause Christmas was days away n we had already made plans with our couple friend for New Year's Eve. After 2 days of no contact, I relapsed really bad and decided to text him. I told him that I know he had his reasons for his lying though I am not saying that was ok... He responded, to my surprise n said the reply was to not initiate a convo so don't call him, he said "we needed space" twice in his message but if I still wanna stay in touch as friends we could. He wrote more bout wishing me a good holiday n such. All I said was I would love to stay in touch as friends but I am afraid that it'll be harder for me to start rebuilding my self... I'm just extremely confused about how I am feeling. I feel sorta mad, sad n kind of relieved that I had some kind of closure if that's the proper word for it. Now, I keep thinking, when he tries to see me again, I wanna be so much better.. I can't let him see me looking like crap. I keep on thinking what I would say when I see him, a part of me is telling my self that I should not even give him an option to lie to me again. A part of me is saying, that the reason he has been so distant n the reason y it is easy for him to not be with me during the holidays is because he is already dating someone else. We have never really done the no contact on mutual terms. I almost don't want him to comeback if he ever does just be because I feel like the only reason he would is be cause it didn't work out with the other person. For the past year, I was constantly miserable n he doesn't understand that trust isn't something given, it is earned. I'm not sure if we were already over a long time ago but we are just trying to hold on to something that is already done a long time ago:-/.

[KatZee]

Honestly, your mistake was giving him that second chance... but I get it because I made that mistake too with my last ex. He cheated on me with HIS ex girlfriend and then came out and "confessed" around our two year anniversary. At that point it had happened so long ago so I decided to forgive him and give him a second chance.

 

Worst mistake ever b/c as you're saying, things got even rockier.

 

And I have to say yes, things were probably over a long time ago and you're just noticing it now. With me, even though I stayed and forgave, my feelings for him changed. I kind of hated him. The love just shriveled. I didn't trust him, I didn't respect him. I no longer admired him. I was always looking over my shoulder to see what he was doing, if he was lying, if he was cheating again. I couldn't even take it and even though I stayed, I was pretty much dead inside.

 

To the point that when he dumped me, not even one tear came out of my eye. I threw his crap on the ground in a garbage bag, he said whatever he needed to say as he stood there and sobbed (please) and then I just walked out of his house and he never saw me again.

 

As the days, weeks and then months passed, I realized how much happier, healthier and more sane I was WITHOUT him. I never thought there would be a day I'd be without him, or that there would be a day I didn't love him or a day I was able to spend without him without missing him. But here I am. The holidays have had absolutely no affect, I still think of him but when I do, I just think of him. I don't think of what he's doing, I'm not curious about him, I don't love him, the angers gone... he's just a name in my head that sometimes pops up.

 

I think your ex was probably lying for a lot longer than you know but you only found out about it at that time he went to meet the girl. He never stopped lying or doing shady things, so I'm going to say he was probably cheating and being sneaky the whole time. Add that in with the LDR where he had so much free time to do whatever... you'll see as time goes on more red flags, more signs you should have paid attention to...

 

It'll get much easier.

[Hopeful714]

Same deal here. Constant lies and cheating while all the while being told "I'm not like that." "I wouldn't do that." As time went on I got sicker and sicker (losing hair, digestive issues, depression) because my body and gut were trying to tell me something my head refused to see and believe.

 

When I caught him the last time, I too received no apology and felt there was no remorse from him. Finally I had to "SEE" him for what he is and leave. We have now been broken up for 4 months.

 

These are the worst BU's. Dealing with the betrayal from someone you were close to is a difficult pill to swallow. For what its worth to you, it will get better, although you will run through a gamut of emotions and it may take quite a while for you to feel normal again. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time to heal.

 

I thought this holiday would be rough, but actually it hasn't been too bad. My only feelings left are disgust for him, and a bit of anger left at myself for not leaving earlier.

 

I too could care less what my ex does at this point or whom he's dating. For I know who ever she is, she WILL go through the same thing I did. As did girls prior to me. I keep telling myself..."he's someone else's problem now." And I know in my heart that is true.

 

Stay NC. Never speak to him again. Come here to vent when you need, and take care of yourself. As you can see, your not alone.