KatZee Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Katzee, is this the narcissistic ex of yours that you're talking about? If so, I totally sympathize with your experience. Mine appears to have been a narcissist as well. He dumped me as soon as he realized his company was no longer going to send him to my country for work. He probably needs a more practical and closer source of narcissistic supply... Is my ex special to me? In some ways, he is. He was my first love and guy I lost my virginity to, and we had some great times and memories together, but also some really bad ones. I was also very stressed by his behaviour a lot of the time, so that really makes me more hesitant to say that he's that special. Still, the fact that I was dumped only 2 days ago means that it's still so fresh in my mind and I will definitely miss him more than i would a year down the line, I guess. I don't know. But I have my ups and downs, one minute I feel like I miss him and that he will always be special to me, and another minute I just lose all feelings for him, and he's just someone that I used to know, who is out of my life for good (he's in another country so that makes it more "final" I guess). Yep, he's the only one I've talked about on here. Narcissist, emotionally unavailable, selfish, self-absorbed, liar, cheater, emotional abuser... blah blah blah. My ex and I had great times as well, or so I thought. After I found out he cheated everything became a lie to me. Every word he ever said to me became a lie. The words "I love you" meant nothing from his mouth anymore, because what are words when actions scream something else? If all of the bad stuff hadn't have gone down, I'm sure we'd be friends now, or I'd still be pining for him, or we'd still be together, but even when you do love someone, once they cross certain lines and do so much wrong, those good times become distant memories and the good doesn't make up for all the crap they put you through. It's only been two days for you so it's normal for you to still care for him, want him, miss him etc. I went through a ton of emotion the first couple months and the rest of the time was then massive anger which ended months ago. I'm 7 months post break up now and I'm like 95% over it. The 5% is still because his name pops up into my head pretty often. I wish that would stop, but I'm sure it will once I get a new boyfriend.
Author heartbroken1004 Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 Nope, a week before she left me, I was her shoulder to cry on/I was there and looked after her when she found out her parents were getting divorced. She told me how grateful she was that I was being there for her etc, I wasn't around during the weekend, when I came back the Monday after the weekend, she repaid me by leaving me for my 'friend.' She kept texting me and finding excuses to text me, got fed up and tried to get her back a month later (assumed her parents getting divorced messed her mind up,) only for her to lead me on then tell me she was staying with the 'friend' she left me for. She tried really hard to try and be 'friends' with me but Not spoken to her since (been about 2 months NC,) I shouldn't love her but I keep holding out hope that she was messed up from her parents being divorced and it was just the honeymoon stage. But even if she does come back I'm not gonna come running back. I think it's really hard for someone to be friends with someone else right after the break up...it can lead to confusing thoughts and emotions can fly around. That's what happened to me, but after taking time apart from mine for 5-6 months I can honestly say I'm doing better emotionally and not as dependent as I used to be. I realized if I kept talking with him, it'd be torture for me and I'd never heal and I'm sure that's the same with you guys. I'm sure she will eventually get in contact with you in the future if you had a really good relationship with her, exes don't just completely disappear and never come back...it happens to some people, but MOST come back one way or another just to talk to you again. (if you know what you guys had was real and the connection was strong)
Author heartbroken1004 Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 He cheated on me with his ex girlfriend one month after he told me he "loved me" for the first time. Cheated on me right after we came back from our first vacation in the Bahamas. He cheated on me right after New Years where we spent an "amazing" time in Atlantic City. Everything and anyone always came before me, even when he cheated (before I found out) he never had guilt, and he always kept telling me how she was his "friend" and that he'd never not be her friend and he'd always talk to her. He's disrespected my family to their faces, he's emotionally unavailable, he's a constant liar, everything was always my fault, he'd pull the "hot and cold" thing with me and ignore me for days and then act like nothing happened, he'd constantly criticize me, my lifestyle, my job, anything he felt was "flawed" would be under his critical eye, yet nothing HE did was ever wrong. He never took responsibility for anything he ever did to me, never showed true remorse for him cheating, he is immature, extremely irresponsible, financially unstable, lacks common sense, allowed his friends to disrespect me, never stood up for me... yeah I could go on and on about my ex, and this is why he means dick to me. I can't really relate with your situation because I've never been cheated on. And I hope I never go through that ever. Breaking up for me was already bad enough, I can't imagine what I would have to go through if I found out mine left me for another person. I think it's best if you don't talk to someone like him. If he was a decent person then maybe you two could have been friends down the road and work things out, but if someone cheats on me that is a huge dealbreaker and I rarely go back to that person.
Harradin Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I think it's really hard for someone to be friends with someone else right after the break up...it can lead to confusing thoughts and emotions can fly around. That's what happened to me, but after taking time apart from mine for 5-6 months I can honestly say I'm doing better emotionally and not as dependent as I used to be. I realized if I kept talking with him, it'd be torture for me and I'd never heal and I'm sure that's the same with you guys. I'm sure she will eventually get in contact with you in the future if you had a really good relationship with her, exes don't just completely disappear and never come back...it happens to some people, but MOST come back one way or another just to talk to you again. (if you know what you guys had was real and the connection was strong) I realised in the quote I never finished it, I refused to be friends with her. I am in a better place then I would be if I was still in touch with her, I just wouldn't want her to get in touch to try and be friends as I'm going to always love her. But what we did have was real and the connection was strong, I just worry that because of what she did to me, I'm going to be so wary and untrusting, but I suppose she deserves it really.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Hey wait a minute. I never even said you shouldn't respect yourself, or love yourself. I did say true love never goes away. There is a difference between the human sense of love and well, the agape. As a matter of fact I did say that despite all of that, you should respect yourself. You can care for the cold monster that stabs you in the back, and yet still respect yourself. The two can be seperate. Trust me...I'd rather have my balls cut off with a spoon than get back with my lying, cheating, and rather heartless ex. Doesn't mean I don't love her. They say there is a fine line between love and hate. But I say there is a thin line between love and everything else.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 None of my exs are special to me in any way. I could look at their wedding pictures and feel nothing. I realized that I never loved any of them.
Kouch Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 Yep, he's the only one I've talked about on here. Narcissist, emotionally unavailable, selfish, self-absorbed, liar, cheater, emotional abuser... blah blah blah. My ex and I had great times as well, or so I thought. After I found out he cheated everything became a lie to me. Every word he ever said to me became a lie. The words "I love you" meant nothing from his mouth anymore, because what are words when actions scream something else? If all of the bad stuff hadn't have gone down, I'm sure we'd be friends now, or I'd still be pining for him, or we'd still be together, but even when you do love someone, once they cross certain lines and do so much wrong, those good times become distant memories and the good doesn't make up for all the crap they put you through. It's only been two days for you so it's normal for you to still care for him, want him, miss him etc. I went through a ton of emotion the first couple months and the rest of the time was then massive anger which ended months ago. I'm 7 months post break up now and I'm like 95% over it. The 5% is still because his name pops up into my head pretty often. I wish that would stop, but I'm sure it will once I get a new boyfriend. You sound more like my ex than any other poster I've read in awhile. My relationship was full of her deciet, and wanting me to ... well I could never make her happy so anyway. Somehow I want to argue with you. I've been considering who was the abuser in my relationship, and I know once I lost respect for her (via her cheating, etc.) that my behavior/effort really took a turn. I know I 'explored' after she tossed me aside, and it's funny to think she threw that in my face. I know I considered what it'd be like to sit and do nothing, and wait for us to re-unite. But I'm glad I lived my life, and I could care less about her. I miss what we could have had, but it was ruined so that we could never be truly happy around the other. Weird stuff.
KatZee Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 You sound more like my ex than any other poster I've read in awhile. My relationship was full of her deciet, and wanting me to ... well I could never make her happy so anyway. Somehow I want to argue with you. I've been considering who was the abuser in my relationship, and I know once I lost respect for her (via her cheating, etc.) that my behavior/effort really took a turn. I know I 'explored' after she tossed me aside, and it's funny to think she threw that in my face. I know I considered what it'd be like to sit and do nothing, and wait for us to re-unite. But I'm glad I lived my life, and I could care less about her. I miss what we could have had, but it was ruined so that we could never be truly happy around the other. Weird stuff. What would you possibly have to argue with me about?
KatZee Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I can't really relate with your situation because I've never been cheated on. And I hope I never go through that ever. Breaking up for me was already bad enough, I can't imagine what I would have to go through if I found out mine left me for another person. I think it's best if you don't talk to someone like him. If he was a decent person then maybe you two could have been friends down the road and work things out, but if someone cheats on me that is a huge dealbreaker and I rarely go back to that person. Yeah. I always had the mentality that if I was cheated on, the guy would be done. But then once you're in the situation everything just goes out the window and what you thought you would have done, winds up being something you don't do. I thought it would be so easy to leave but it wasn't, but after I gave him the second chance it just changed. Cheating really does ruin everything and I haven't talked to him in 7 months and have no desire to at all. He makes me sick and I can't believe I spent almost 3 years trying to make that work.
Love Bites Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 No because she left me for some cunt just to teach me a lesson..**** her
soccerrprp Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 In a "friend" relationship with an ex now. We both have kids and she really needs some help and escape. Yes, she is special to me, but would not want to get back together. Too many things about us that are not compatible but didn't see while dating (common theme, huh? ). I to this day, can't figure out why i dated her, but friends we are....
radiodarcy Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 not really. i feel like he should be but after awhile i realized he never really valued me the way i valued him. so it's kind of hard for me to continue to value someone who never really felt the same way for me - - if that makes sense... 1
catluvr2 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) My ex is soooo special to me. He broke up with me a month ago due to his Depression after 2 and a half years. He is the only decent guy I've ever dated and we still talk every day and I truly and deeply care for him and probably always will. He's pretty much my best friend. I believe the truth is that he cared for me enough to let me go because the depression was taking over him and he can't give me the better version of himself so it's just not fair for me to stick around. I'm so blessed to still have him as a friend. Edited December 28, 2012 by catluvr2
thembones Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 She will always have a special place in my heart. She left me five months ago and we've only spoken a couple times but been in no contact for the last two months. The relationship wasn't completely broken but she just gave up on me and I don't think I can ever forgive her for that. I could go the rest my life never speaking to her again and that would be fine. She crushed me. All I ever wanted to do was try. Sure, I still love her.
Author heartbroken1004 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 She will always have a special place in my heart. She left me five months ago and we've only spoken a couple times but been in no contact for the last two months. The relationship wasn't completely broken but she just gave up on me and I don't think I can ever forgive her for that. I could go the rest my life never speaking to her again and that would be fine. She crushed me. All I ever wanted to do was try. Sure, I still love her. Yeah its tough. I haven't really talked to mine in 6 months already, and i really do miss him.
LostOne1 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Mine was special and in some ways for now still is... I did a lot!! with her that I've never done with anyone else. I traveled with her, spent a few months in the same school, met a girls family 1st time, was invited to a girls house 1st time, went to a girls business dinner as her date and so much more... Lot's of things I think her and I had never done with anyone else. So till I do those things again with someone else.. those moments will remain special for me too. I know my ex ripped all the cards and threw away all the gifts or at least that's what she told me. So I know she is trying hard to get rid of those moments. But yeah I do miss her sometimes, but then I look up and smile and say.. hey she's gone now and I gotta go on with my life now without her. It hurts some days and some days I just smile and accept this is how life is... and you can accept life currently with a smile and try to be happy or u can cry all day long and not accept it. And the only good thing I see is to remain positive and move on.
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