KissMyTiara Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 I'm 27, he's 35 with two children (6 and 10) from a previous marriage (fairly amicable divorce, they are friends, she is remarried). I really, really like this guy, but friends and family say that the relationship carries too much baggage (his baggage, really). Any thoughts?
Pocky Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 Well if he's actually divorced and not in a committed relationship then I'd say he has less baggage than the MM you're having a relationship with.
meanon Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 Are you prepared to share your life with his children and to accept that they will come first? Do you know what he wants out of a relationship? Is he prepared to share his life (including the responsibility for his kids) with you? Having kids sometimes makes second relationships more difficult in the early stages but many couples succeed and thrive despite this. If you love him enough it won't matter what anyone else thinks, you'll want to make it work. Personally, I find people who have seen a bit of life more interesting. Some will see this as "baggage", it all depends on your perspective.
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 15, 2004 Author Posted August 15, 2004 Originally posted by Pocky Well if he's actually divorced and not in a committed relationship then I'd say he has less baggage than the MM you're having a relationship with. Yes, Pocky, he's been divorced for a couple years - very, very single. But, since you know my situation, let me ask you this...is this just another version of the truly unavailable man? I'll never really be first here either...
UCFKevin Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 There's honestly no way in hell of knowing unless you find out for yourself. Test the waters. First of all, when did they get divorced?
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 15, 2004 Author Posted August 15, 2004 Almost 4 years ago. Problem is, I have a tendency to turn into a prune just by testing the waters. I stay in for too long, even when it's not so good. I'm trying to prevent future heartache. Also, he "doesn't know" if he wants more children. I don't know if I want to give birth myself, but I don't like the thought that the option could be taken away from me in the future, once I have fallen in love with the guy, ya know?
meanon Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 Love's always a risk. It's quite likely that you will want children. I'd be honest about how you feel and if you have not already done so, try to get him to elaborate on his feelings too. "I don't know" could mean anything from "extremely unlikely" to "maybe one day". You sound scared. Is it him or past heartache? If it's you then be aware that whilst these are real issues you may have a tendency to hide behind them. Good luck
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 15, 2004 Author Posted August 15, 2004 Definately not him, absolutely my past heartache. It's haunts me. When I was like 20-24 or so, I thought, "ok, ok, I have time, it's ok." The older I get (and I know I'm still young!), I start to worry that I'll pass up the "right one," that one day I'll wake up with 50 relationships that broke my heart, and not one that really meant something.
Pocky Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 So if you're feeling your internal clock ticking why do you spend time your time with an MM?
Author KissMyTiara Posted August 15, 2004 Author Posted August 15, 2004 Exactly, hence my search for someone else!
meanon Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 A disclaimer to start: this may not apply to you I start to worry that I'll pass up the "right one," that one day I'll wake up with 50 relationships that broke my heart, and not one that really meant something. I've seen this before. The feeling can induce a fear of commitment, how do you know if this is the one? Better hedge your bets in case he isn't etc. It can also be the reason why people go for unavailable men. I know it's paradoxical because they are the heart breakers but you will never commit fully to them and hence will still be available for Mr. Right. The best way of finding someone that's right for you is to decide what fundamental qualities he should have (your must haves rather than your would be nice to have). Don't compromise on these. If this guy meets your fundamentals and you really like him then go for it.
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