sharsh Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 We met at work, and I kind of pursued him. The only reason I even did, was because everytime he'd pass in the hall, I'd catch him looking at me. I even heard he thought I was pretty, so I was like, why not? Found out what his name was, added him to facebook, started a conversation, asked for his number. We sent flirty texts back and forth, initiated by him. We made plans to hang out, and go for ice cream. I was under the impression it was a get-to-know-each-other-date. He came to my apartment, picked me up, opened and closed my car door for me, opened any door for me, for that matter, paid for the ice cream. We held a conversation, we were there for about two hours (it was pretty late, I had work the next morning), he dropped me off at my apartment, again with the doors, walked me to my door, hugged me, said we should "definitely" do this again, and I agreed. He did express to me that he was a slow dater, though, which was fine. We went on like this for a little over a month and a half. Always texting, making plans to hang out, he ALWAYS paid for me, bought all of my drinks at bars, ALWAYS came and picked me up. Never let me drive anywhere. He introduced me to his dad, and we kicked back and had some drinks with his dad. Which turned kind of awkward, his dad got drunk, said some things which p*ssed off the guy I was seeing off, and he had a word with him, his dad apologized the next day, and was sincere. HOW COULD I NOT develope feelings for this, I was under the impression we were dating. He spent $60 on me in one night on drinks alone. Always super sweet and nice. Flirty. To the extent of telling me things like when we were supposed to go to a corn maze back in October, he was telling me how he'd like to take me off and kiss me. I was under the impression he was going to make some kind of move soon. So I told him I really really liked him, and wanted to kiss him. He implied he wanted to kiss me too (it's been a while, I don't remember the exact words). Next time we hung out, nothing happened, I called him out on it before he left, saying "Aren't you gonna kiss me?!" Then I got some half-assed excuse about not wanting to date anyone right now, and if I wanted him to explain, just to ask. He left, and I texted him the following day for an explanation. He basically said he needed to concentrate on getting his mcats done (he's going to be a doctor), and needed to study on those, and couldn't focus on a relationship right now. I was a little hurt by this, but I backed off. Gave him space. He still texts me every now and again. Asking me how things are going, if I'm okay, how's the new job, etc. He seems to actually be interested in what I'm saying. It's not just routine or anything.. ANYWAY. Recently he asked me how I was, which led him to asking me to go to church with him, to see him play in the band (they did this really cool trans siberian orchestra stuff). I told him sure, and brought my friend along, to make sure it wouldn't be too awkward. Since I hadn't seen him since our little misunderstanding.. My friend and I arrived at church, and were immediately greeted by name by his mother (who I had never met prior to this), she hugged me saying she's glad to finally meet me. (.....) She told us she saved some seats for my friend and I, and we sat with her. He sat in the middle of his mom and I. He even introduced me to his uncle (just me, not my friend, even though he knows her too) Throughout the service he kept stealing glances at me, even made some of those little excuses guys make to touch you lol, like when his palms were sweaty before going up on stage, he grabbed my hand, and gave me a really nervous look. After it was all over he hugged me tight and said it was so nice of me to come, he's glad I did, etc.. And my friend and I left. Then tonight his dad is messaging me on facebook, just to check up on me, since he hasn't seen me since the night I met him, (because I was giving the guy space. we didn't want the same things) asking me to come over and hang out. Telling me his son always talks about me.. etc. I'M SO CONFUSED. This may sound dumb, but if he's really NOT interested in me, why is he OVERLY sweet, flirty with me, asking me to things, talking about me to his family, introducing me, etc. I don't get it. Usually this is all stuff I do for guys I'm INTERESTED IN, not just friends with. Blah. I'm still crushing hard on him, too.
FitChick Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 He's a virgin. You're the first girl he's ever dated.
Author sharsh Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 He's a virgin. You're the first girl he's ever dated. Hahahaha. He's actually not, at least from what he's said.. And he's had two girlfriends. He's 23, I'm 21.
FitChick Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Talk to those ex-girlfriends or someone who knows them and ask why they split up. Doctors are weird when it comes to relationships. I had a college friend who was dating a med student who was religious and he was a virgin. She was also a virgin so they did a lot of dry humping. He might be gay but in his family that would be verboten.
bolase Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Sounds frustrating! He might be gay. Don't accept his lame a** behaviour. It is making you annoyed, taking up too much space in your mind and you need to let it go so you are free to entertain options that come along! Why not text him: "Hey. I like you, and I've been pretty open about it by now. But you've never made a move on me, even after I mentioned a kiss so I take it you just want to be friends. That hurts, but I need to know if I've got this right. Have I?" if yes he just wants to be friends: "Thanks for being honest. I want to date someone interested in me, so it doesn't hurt my feelings. I'm sure we can catch up soon but I'll need some space." If no, you've got it wrong, he says he does like you: "Well then that is confusing. I want to date someone who is interested in me and who's not afraid to kiss me. "
Easyguy14 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Hahahaha. He's actually not, at least from what he's said.. And he's had two girlfriends. He's 23, I'm 21. kind of wondering why you're crushing on him so hard. is it because he liked you first so now you automatically like anyone that starts liking you?
Author sharsh Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 I actually did consider he COULD be gay. His mother is extremely religious, they go to church every Sunday. I don't know his ex's (he said they had crazy tendencies and that's why they broke up, but, in the dating world, isn't everyone's ex 'crazy') or I would talk to him. I have met his cousin, and COULD ask him, but I'm afraid they'll talk about me, and it'll boil down to, "I already told this girl I can't date right now" or something, I don't know. There was a time, around when we first started talking, I was going to strip clubs about every weekend (love the strippers what can I say?), and actually invited him to come... but he "doesn't enjoy those things/has never been" Just not his scene, I thought it was just because he's so nice/religious... Gay COULD be a possibility...I guess ):
Author sharsh Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 (edited) kind of wondering why you're crushing on him so hard. is it because he liked you first so now you automatically like anyone that starts liking you? .......Uhh, lol? No. It was more than, omg really someone likes me? I like them too then! He was/is totally sweet, and caring. Unlike any other guy I have ever met. Really attentive. We have common interests, and seemed to click very well. Not to mention, he's not bad on the eyes, either. I can't tell if you were just trying to be rude, implying I'd leap into any guys lap that shows me attention, or if you were being serious. Leaning towards rude. Edited December 25, 2012 by sharsh
Easyguy14 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 I actually did consider he COULD be gay. His mother is extremely religious, they go to church every Sunday. I don't know his ex's (he said they had crazy tendencies and that's why they broke up, but, in the dating world, isn't everyone's ex 'crazy') or I would talk to him. I have met his cousin, and COULD ask him, but I'm afraid they'll talk about me, and it'll boil down to, "I already told this girl I can't date right now" or something, I don't know. There was a time, around when we first started talking, I was going to strip clubs about every weekend (love the strippers what can I say?), and actually invited him to come... but he "doesn't enjoy those things/has never been" Just not his scene, I thought it was just because he's so nice/religious... Gay COULD be a possibility...I guess ): doubt he's gay or he wouldn't had been watching you in the first place. he might find you clingy and demanding so he needed to get away. I sense it might be that as the reason so its unfair to resort to a man being gay just because he changed his mind about you. women do it all the time.
Author sharsh Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 doubt he's gay or he wouldn't had been watching you in the first place. he might find you clingy and demanding so he needed to get away. I sense it might be that as the reason so its unfair to resort to a man being gay just because he changed his mind about you. women do it all the time. I didn't label him gay, it could be a possibility. Clingy? Hardly. He made all the plans, invited me out to things, etc. Always texted me first, except for a small handful of times. And demanding? The only time I can think of coming off that way, was about the kiss. He's the one who even brought that up, and implied it was happening, so I was under the impression it was. Maybe if I had been blowing up his phone everyday/every other day even, always asking him to hang out, etc. Then maybe I'd of been clingy/demanding. Not sure where your spidey senses are picking up that from.
edgygirl Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Gaydar on! But Fitchick is right, doctors are really weird emotionally. I was talking with a few in the last year and every.single.one was a weirdo personality-wise. I don't mind their kind of weirdness though. I like shy, nerdy types who have no social clue haha. 1
Author sharsh Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 Gaydar on! But Fitchick is right, doctors are really weird emotionally. I was talking with a few in the last year and every.single.one was a weirdo personality-wise. I don't mind their kind of weirdness though. I like shy, nerdy types who have no social clue haha. He seems rather normal to me haha. Just nicer than the guys I was used to. Which was a nice breath of fresh air.... The only thing that weirds me out is how he's handling this haha. Maybe that's the "weird" part about him. I don't know.
edgygirl Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Yes they seem to be a little awkward in their general behavior and not know social mores, at least the ones I met. I think it's too much time studying and in labs lol. But you're right, I have the impression that they are also nice guys at the same time. Maybe you'll have to accept that he does things a little differently hehe. It's worth it, right? when the guy is a keeper
Author sharsh Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 He's definitely got all the qualities I'd want in a boyfriend, even down to the superficial ones haha, cause we all know those are even just a little important. If he wasn't being so weird about making a move/flirting/keeping this going in one direction only instead two.... he'd be perfect! Haha! I'm not too hung up about him though. Just because he has been acting like this, and I WOULD be okay with being just friends. I'm just confused! Haha. I'm fine either way our relationship goes.
96 assorted Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 leave it to women to be so quick to pull the gay card......can you imagine if all the dudes were like "she's not into me, she must be a lesbian"......lord have mercy 1
bolase Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 If he's straight, won't kiss you even when you bring that up, he's just not that into you.
Later82012 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 You women are horrible. Seriously. So, if people don't visit strip clubs and prostitutes they're gay now? I haven't been to either either and I am not gay.
crude Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 If he's a good looking soon to be doctor, maybe he's starting to realize how many women he could attract, and you might not be good enough for him.
Later82012 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 (edited) .......I am not religious either. The FitChick lady gives some excellent advice, but tread with caution when she advises about dating and relationships because she is biased like a bunch of others here. Edited December 25, 2012 by Later82012
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 I really think he's probably gay and may not be out even to himself. Don't get all defensive, fellows. It's not an insult at all. People who are gay often have quite a journey coming to terms with that, and unfortunately that often includes very confusing dating - and even marriage - situations.
sid3 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 People who are gay often have quite a journey coming to terms with that, As do young women who get rejected. For some its a long fall of the pedestal. 1
Later82012 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 (edited) It's not an insult at all. No. It's not an insult, but when you rush to label someone gay just because he is not interested in you, you are seriously messing up his chances with other girls. As it is it is very tough for guys out there. And why do you care if he is gay or not? If he is not showing sufficient interest in you, take it as he is not interested in you and just move on and find someone else instead of labeling him gay or religious or some other kind of stuff. Edited December 25, 2012 by Later82012 1
Author sharsh Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 That's the thing though. He DOES act like he's interested in me which is why I'm so confused by his behavior. I can take rejection, but he's NOT acting like he's not interested in me. So I'm not sure where you guys are getting this from, just because he didn't kiss me? Then how do you explain the rest of his behavior.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 No. It's not an insult, but when you rush to label someone gay just because he is not interested in you, I'm assuming that the OP is being honest in her description of the circumstances. If she is, she is describing a situation where a guy is showing many signs of being interested in her. He has NOT rejected her. He seems to shy away at every instance of taking their relationship to a physical level, even kissing, yet he keeps acting interested. I know a lot of gay people, and stories like this were part of some of their lives. Gay or not, OP, it doesn't sound like this is going anywhere. 1
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