Tinyrain Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Hi guys, its been 3 months since me and my ex broke up and I'm still struggling a lot. We had one amazing year together. We clicked so well from the beginning, never had any fights or issues. It was like no other relationship I've ever had, the one that felt like it was meant to be. I felt so lucky, almost like I didn't deserve it. I know I was a really good girlfriend and his friends really liked me as well. I met his parents and even his mother said I can tell shes different. But then he moved away for grad school very close to our 1 yr anniversary and started to feel himself changing. He suddenly didn't feel the same way about me anymore, didn't love me the way he used to. He said it wasn't about me and wasn't my fault. He couldn't even give me an explanation. And I know he did not expect/want this to happen because we never questioned whether we would continue dating while he was away at school. It was a complete shock to him and me. Lately I've been feeling incredibly insecure. I'm successful career wise, have a lot of friends etc. But I feel like in comparison to him I'm barely anything. He worked in investment banking so he was incredibly smart and thats one of the things I loved most abt him. He knew everything about the way the world works, finance, news, the best bars/restaurants. He got into an ivy league grad school so I feel like he went there and saw these amazing girls doing amazing things with their lives and maybe he subconsciously felt like I didn't measure up. I just feel so crappy about myself everyday. I wish I could've been smarter, more confident, had more opinions etc. He never said any of those things was the reason he broke up with me. But I've been racking my brains for something and thats all I could come up with. We haven't talked since the day we broke up. I haven't called or texted him once. I defriended him and his friends off facebook almost immediately after (i felt so awful for that bc i really loved his friends but I told my ex I would have to) But I wonder if he ever wonders how I'm doing. We said we'd be friends when I felt less miserable. I haven't felt less miserable and I feel like he doesn't care either way (which is shocking to me because he was the most caring loving bf ever). This has been like the headache that won't go away. I go from depressed, to angry at myself, missing the good times like crazy, hating myself, crying at the drop a dime etc. Im not angry at him, anger is just a way of holding on and he has every right to his own happiness and if its not me anymore than he shouldnt suffer. I just wish I couldve been more amazing and worth holding onto. And I feel like I can't attract the kind of guy I want without being smarter, more confidant etc. I don't know how to stop feeling like crap. Any thoughts? I'm driving my friends mad so I've stopped talking to them about this. Thanks everyone for reading, really do appreciate it.
blotter Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Hey tiny sorry you are feeling like crap. But keep your head up, because you are doing everything right, you just need to give it more time. Going NC, defriending him and his friends from facebook were all great moves to do right after the break up. Just keep living your life, meet new people, take up new hobby's, and before you know it he will be a distant memory and you will probably will have met someone better. Just give it more time, you are almost there.
Author Tinyrain Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 Thanks blotter! Sometimes it feels like the greatest relationship I will ever have and that scares me but hopefully that's not the case. I cant stop blaming myself for messing it up even though i did nothing wrong. I also don't know how I can trust anyone ever again. I had no warning signs except the fact that his life was changing. But like you said I guess I just need some more time.
MyAngel Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 It's so hard when you look back and think of the things you could have done differently to keep them but I think the truth is, if they wanted out then they wanted out. Nothing you could do would change their mind, and if it did it would just be temporary. It sucks that he couldn't give you an explanation it's been a while since your break up... Are you feeling any better, even just a bit? It is a long process unfortunately. I hope you manage to come out of this soon.
Author Tinyrain Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 I haven't felt much better mostly because I feel like I'm missing out on a truly great person. One that is hard to find. He was a good worker, son, friend, brother etc. I never doubted him or his love. I'm getting headaches trying to figure out what I did because he was so in love with me before he moved. He gave me a picture frame of the two of us before he left so I wouldn't be sad that we weren't in the same city anymore. And then suddenly things changed as he got to school. I sound like a broken record. I'm not sure what to do. I feel better in the sense that I know talking to him is useless. I don't sit around waiting to hear from him and I dont have any urge to call/text him. Because it will change nothing. But that doesn't make the pain or heartbreak go away. Thanks for reading MyAngel :-)
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