Lonely Ronin Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Not really my problem. If she misunderstood my intentions that's her fault. I certainly don't try to pretend that I just want to be friends. Actually it is your problem, If you get a women's phone number, It's your job to be clear what your intentions are. Most women won't give you there phone number if they know you are interested and they aren't. The fact that they gave it to you and then do't respond says a lot. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Not really my fault if she's naive and thinks that men just want to be friends. Again man, this is your issue, not women's. Your the one that thinks women are only for dating. If you learned to be less socially awkward, and this is a socially awkward thing you would see that most guys have female friends.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 What male in his right mind tries to be only friends with women?, women know that men want more and take advantage of it. You know, I think this is why have the guys on LS have such a problem with dating. Your view on male female relations is not normal. 2
Eclypse Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Maybe you didn't make your intentions clear. She could be thinking, "What a jerk. I'd thought he was trying to be my friend." You make it sound like dating is bad. Should men be ashamed to look for a girlfriend?
iris219 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 You make it sound like dating is bad. Should men be ashamed to look for a girlfriend? How did I make dating sound bad? Men should make it clear they have romantic intentions if they do. Also, it would be prudent to learn to read women better so that you aren't wasting your time asking out women who have no interest whatsoever.
El Brujo Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 I ignore people anyways unless someone's talking to me... so WTF are you other guys complaining about??? You sound like one of those 2-yo boys who's lost in a crowd and you think one of those women has got to be your mommy.
Imajerk17 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 First of all, a woman giving you her number and not responding is not unusual if you met her via a cold approach. You don't need to "let a woman know your intentions" per se. You just have to compliment her and show interest in her as a person, and maybe tease her a little bit. She will know what's up and she will respond back if she is interested.
johan Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 You're better off getting into a state of mind where you don't take it personally. Don't even think about it. It's a fact of life. You might as well criticize cats for meowing or cows for crapping in the field. Just assume when you ask her out that it's maybe a 10% chance you'll actually ever get anywhere with her. Learn to enjoy the process. If you think that the fact that you finally worked up the courage to put yourself out there means the world owes you a woman, think again. That's just step one. I prescribe a thicker skin. 4
bolase Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 It's totally your fault for being frustrated about text messages and signals. YOU have no BALLS for asking her out by text. Ask her out in person. And as someone says, if she doesn't reply it says a lot at your body language and how much you hinted to her when you asked for her number. She wouldnt give you her number if she wasn't keen and thought that you were. Ever. So my advice to you is to either do it in person (best) or when asking for her number, you say "If you want to go and get a drink sometime, give me you number and we'll hang out/meet up/I'll text you" Source: 28 yr old female
Imajerk17 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 (edited) I actually think people are being too harsh on SD. He asked a girl for her contact info. There are things SD could have done better, but he DID ask a girl for her contact info. Give him props for putting himself out there! Taking it personally is normal too. Edited December 25, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
Teknoe Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Taking it personally is normal too. Oh it is, but that doesn't mean someone should stay in that place mentally forever, either. If so, that shows a lack of growth and adaptation ability, which is critical to being able to live a content life, significant other or not. SD's trials and tribulations are plenty, but it always comes down to a matter of the heart. If one is overly consumed by this stuff, it will snuff out any light you carry internally. No light, no happiness. No happiness, no life. Life is too short to make getting a GF the be-all, end-all. Have some balance and you'll be healthier for it. Take care of yourself. 1
gaius Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 When women ignore you they mean no. When they say no, they mean maybe if you work for it. 2
Els Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You're not going to like this, but I'd wager the main reason you're encountering this so much is because of the age group you're going for. Young women in their early twenties are just beginning to learn about the world and how to enforce their boundaries; little girls are often socialized to be people-pleasers and not to be assertive, so as they grow up they need to learn these skills by themselves. Usually college age is where they start learning, so they aren't very good at it yet. It is perfectly fine to date college age girls but it's just one of the things you need to deal with. When I was in college, I used to go the ignore method with guys who were very persistent, because I did not know what else to do after they stampeded through my nice refusals to go out with them. Now, even a scant few years out of college, I'd know better.
96 assorted Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) what about women (college age women)who ignore when you ask them out, and then she initiates contact a week later when she finds out you have a date with someone she knows.....so you ask her out again a couple days later like the ******* you are......and then she dips out again Edited December 28, 2012 by 96 assorted
Author somedude81 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 You're not going to like this, but I'd wager the main reason you're encountering this so much is because of the age group you're going for. Young women in their early twenties are just beginning to learn about the world and how to enforce their boundaries; little girls are often socialized to be people-pleasers and not to be assertive, so as they grow up they need to learn these skills by themselves. Usually college age is where they start learning, so they aren't very good at it yet. It is perfectly fine to date college age girls but it's just one of the things you need to deal with. When I was in college, I used to go the ignore method with guys who were very persistent, because I did not know what else to do after they stampeded through my nice refusals to go out with them. Now, even a scant few years out of college, I'd know better. Nice refusels? Most girls I've encountered don't even do that and jump straight to ignore. Though you're probably right about the age thing. Guess the talk about girls maturing earlier than boys is complete BS. what about women (college age women)who ignore when you ask them out, and then she initiates contact a week later when she finds out you have a date with someone she knows.....so you ask her out again a couple days later like the ******* you are......and then she dips out again Sounds like an attention whore to me.
MrCastle Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Couple of things. First of all, SD's concept of women is not wrong. He's a single, heterosexual man. Single, heterosexual men are not looking for female friends. I have, currently, exactly 0 female friends. I'm looking to hook up, you're not interested? There's the door. No interest whatsoever in befriending a member of the opposite sex. I can understand remaining friends after you tried the dating thing and it didn't work out, but to 1.) Go out and actively find women to be friends with or 2.) Accept the friend zone as a consolation prize after they turned down my advances??? You have to be kidding me. Also, the cynical part of me thinks some women ignore because they know if they come out and actually say no, the gravy train stops. The attention, the ego boosting, the favors, that all goes away. Being ambiguous and leaving it open ended leaves room to squeeze some more friendzone goodness out of her latest sap. On the other hand, who cares how she handles it. Anything that isn't a yes or an obvious sign of interest is a no. Also, some people don't handle rejection very well so some women avoid conflict to prevent messiness. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I'm not trying to date men. All I know is that the vast majority of women I've tried to interact with in a romantic way always played the ignore card. I can really only think of one girl in the past four or so years who actually told me that she wasn't interested. I was so proud of her. Why do you care? A rejection is a rejection. Being ignored is the same as saying 'not interested'. What don't want to do is prod. Because then the real reason will come out, "She's not physically attracted" or something equally demoralizing. Do you really want that? You don't. Trust me. BTW, I hope you are realizing something from the female responses here. They have all been approached and rejected many men. It's how the game is. Get used to it. Again man, this is your issue, not women's. Your the one that thinks women are only for dating. If you learned to be less socially awkward, and this is a socially awkward thing you would see that most guys have female friends. Cut the guy some slack. I'm sure that if he had girlfriends since high school and college, that he'd have female friends too. Socially inept men have the double whammy of having difficulty making friends and having difficulty attracting women. I'm sure the guy is trying. I mean, it's different for you. You've slept with so many women, you don't remember their names. Not trying to talk bad, just saying it's different for you than him.
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Also, the cynical part of me thinks some women ignore because they know if they come out and actually say no, the gravy train stops. The attention, the ego boosting, the favors, that all goes away. Being ambiguous and leaving it open ended leaves room to squeeze some more friendzone goodness out of her latest sap. On the other hand, who cares how she handles it. Anything that isn't a yes or an obvious sign of interest is a no. Also, some people don't handle rejection very well so some women avoid conflict to prevent messiness. Such a sad world. Some women have so much attention that they hang on to a guy just to pump up their ego until someone they really like comes along. Meanwhile the guy is like so in love with her. Makes me so depressed.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Single, heterosexual men are not looking for female friends. I have, currently, exactly 0 female friends. I'm looking to hook up, you're not interested? There's the door. No interest whatsoever in befriending a member of the opposite sex. Lol what, don't try and project your lifestyle onto all men. All the men I know,even the guys that are only looking to hook up have at least a couple of female friends. They might not be close, but they know a woman or two they can have a drink at a bar with. Secondly, SD has said a few thousand times no that he wants a GF. Also, the cynical part of me thinks some women ignore because they know if they come out and actually say no, the gravy train stops. The attention, the ego boosting, the favors, that all goes away. Being ambiguous and leaving it open ended leaves room to squeeze some more friendzone goodness out of her latest sap. On the other hand, who cares how she handles it. Anything that isn't a yes or an obvious sign of interest is a no. Also, some people don't handle rejection very well so some women avoid conflict to prevent messiness. If this how you think it goes, you are wrong. A female friend doesn't get any perks, or special treatment. She gets treated the same way a guy friend does. What your describing sounds a lot like a guy acting as an orbiter, not a friend. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I mean, it's different for you. You've slept with so many women, you don't remember their names. Not trying to talk bad, just saying it's different for you than him. It's not because of the number that I can't remember some of the names.
todreaminblue Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Eh, it's fine to ignore the Why text or whatever. I much rather know that she's not interested instead of keep trying to communicate and not knowing what the heck is going on. Which I'm starting to figure out more now. Bunch of cowards. cough splutter....cowards hey??? not a good attitude to have going in to the dating realm....have you ever thought you are in defeatist mode before you start...men do it to you know women arent the only ones.......you just have to try again with someone new...... and dont give up ....just because one wont date you doesnt mean another wont.....all men are not the same and all women are not the same you jsut have to find the ones that are attracted to you and hopefully you are attracted to them.thanks for posting this thread though ...it did help me with something.....cheers to ya good luck deb
TheFinalWord Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 It never stops being frustrating. Guess it takes balls to say no, which is why many women can't do it. Many reasons, not necessarily cowardice: 1) From a rational perspective, they don't know why. Chemistry isn't something that is logical. It can be hard to put into words. Some women require instant chemistry and if they don't feel something immediately, then you are no longer a potential romantic interest. Think of a work of art or a genre of music. One person can see it and think it's a masterpiece, someone else can think it is atrocious. You can't really explain why rationally. 2) Reason for rejection is shallow, and they are ashamed. This applies to men too. How many women have you turned down that were nice women with many positive characteristics, but had some physical attribute you did not find attractive. It's interesting, because most people think of themselves as a good and morally justified. When we reject someone based on something shallow like a physical attribute, we are forced to acknowledge we are shallow Most people don't want to reflect in such a way, and it is easier just to stay in a mental comfort zone. 3) They don't want to hurt your feelings. We live in a very politically correct society teaches us to put a filter on our words. To tell someone, I'm rejecting you because you have a pimple on your face/ too chubby/ too whatever, is to fight against our own behavioral programming. Not easy to do, and most people go towards the path of least resistance: comfort. Especially since there is nothing to gain. 1
Els Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Nice refusels? Most girls I've encountered don't even do that and jump straight to ignore. Though you're probably right about the age thing. Guess the talk about girls maturing earlier than boys is complete BS. Girls do 'mature' earlier - but we're talking about puberty here, between the ages of 10-16. Once you hit college age, it's experience and social interactions that dictates one's level of maturity, not gender. It's just one of those things that you've gotta grin and bear with if you want to date the college demographic. To be fair, college boys are not usually the best boyfriends either.
MrCastle Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) Lol what, don't try and project your lifestyle onto all men. All the men I know,even the guys that are only looking to hook up have at least a couple of female friends. They might not be close, but they know a woman or two they can have a drink at a bar with. Secondly, SD has said a few thousand times no that he wants a GF.[/Quote] Maybe I should have been more specific. I can certainly be friends with women I'm not sexually attracted to/have no plans of dating. But you can't have one person that legit wants to be friends, and another who says they want to be friends, but secretly wants to date the other person and just hangs around in the hopes that one day they'll get their shot. That's not a friendship and it doesn't work. I certainly am not the only one who feels this way. I don't know any single men who have female friends. If this how you think it goes, you are wrong. A female friend doesn't get any perks, or special treatment. She gets treated the same way a guy friend does. What your describing sounds a lot like a guy acting as an orbiter, not a friend. Yeah, and some women use men for that. They call them friends and use them to serve whatever needs or wants they may have, all along the guy thinks he's getting closer to the girl when in reality he's hurting his chances with every move. Sure there can exist two people who share a mutual unattraction to each other, and just like each other for their comany. That can certainly work. But you can't have a man ask a woman out, get turned down, and then say "alright, well then let's just be friends :)". You also don't have very many single men going out there with the intention of finding attraction women to be their friends. No single straight man looks to make friends with attractive women. He settles for it. Edited December 28, 2012 by MrCastle
Els Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Couple of things. First of all, SD's concept of women is not wrong. He's a single, heterosexual man. Single, heterosexual men are not looking for female friends. I have, currently, exactly 0 female friends. I'm looking to hook up, you're not interested? There's the door. No interest whatsoever in befriending a member of the opposite sex. As Ronin says, I think you're projecting a lot here. The single, heterosexual men whom YOU know and identify with probably view opposite sex friendships in this manner. That doesn't mean that all men are the same. Your recent explanation (which I agree with, re: imbalanced feelings) doesn't justify having '0 female friends' either. Most healthy adults don't have literally 0 friends of one particular gender.
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