Sequinstar Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 My ex left me three years ago after 11 years together, very abrupt ending and no real reason - he'd just had enough. He was in love with someone else three months after he left - its a distance relationship but they see each other most weekends and they are still together. Its taken me a long time to get back on my feet, his behavior throughout has been unreasonable and at times irrational but I have always maintained a balanced perspective as difficult as it has been. I now feel its time to move on and close the door on what was, it's clear we're never going to be friends so there's no point staying around and I told him this about two weeks ago. Since then he has bombarded me with messages telling me I'm the love of his life and he regrets leaving me on a daily basis. He has called to my house crying uncontrollably telling me he can't live without me but he has never said he wants me back. I have helped to calm him down and given him a rational perspective to the current situation and now his gf has arrived in town for the holidays he seems much happier and I've had no contact from him. This has made me realize that I still love him although I'm no longer in love with him. I'm too lost in all of his confusion to make sense of this behavior and really would appreciate an outsiders perspective on what's going on here. Does he want me back? Or is this just a knee jerk reaction to me walking away? All messages would be gratefully received - thank you!
Grendelsmom Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Things must be going downhill with the other person! there is no real reason why these jerks come crying back. but to be fair to him.. he must be missing the ease and comfort he had with you which may be lacking in the new relationship. But they all go through this phase where they leech off their exs for comfort and security but still pursue the new relationship so they get the best of both worlds. good thing is you are no longer in love with him! thank god for that dont entertain him...not worth the mental peace
Author Sequinstar Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 Thank you for taking the time to respond, that's very kind of you! Of course, he's just looking for comfort and I feel like a fool for not standing my ground. I suppose I just thought this far down the line I wouldn't fall for his manipulation again, how wrong. Its so difficult to see him looking so vulnerable, I'll just have to toughen up for next time, as I've no doubt there will be a next time!
ItsTricky Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 do you want to hear him say he wants you back?
Author Sequinstar Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Yes, sadly I want to hear that he has left his gf and wants to make things work with me. Sadly that isn't possible. I need to cut all contact with him and move on. And that, above all else will be my new year promise to myself.
shalisha42 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Hi Sequinstar. I'm confused. If you love him but are not in love with him, why are you posting? I say this with all due respect. Why do you care? Also, how do you know he's happier now that the new girl is back in town? You said you haven't spoken to him in 2 weeks. Maybe I'm misunderstanding?
Author Sequinstar Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 Hey Shalisha, thanks for your message, I appreciate your time. I think you have picked up on my confusion, hence the post! It seems like everytime I get back on my feet and start to truly detach, he comes with something that knocks me back to square one. How can I still be grieving for a relationship that ended so long ago? I guess the truth is I still want him back and I hate myself for feeling that way because I feel weak and vulnerable. I really thought I had moved on but I've cried so much over the last week. I'm assuming that he is happier with the new gf in town as I haven't heard anything more from him and our mutual friends all tell me he's happy with his life. I guess I'm just a little bit lost and don't know where to turn.
shalisha42 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Hi Sequin. Thanks for clarifying. You know, I know it's really painful. If you want him back, you need to be very clear on why you want him back. When I say clear, I mean write out exactly why you want him back. Many times I thought I wanted an ex back, but when I actually got honest, I realized I wanted them back for the wrong reasons. If you like, you may PM me. I don't know if that's allowed. I want to share some pretty personal things to you about my own experience, and I don't feel comfortable posting it on here.
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