GoodOnPaper Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 It's not as hard as some men here think it is It was really hard . . . enough for me to bail at the first reasonable opportunity. Logically if you have nothing to offer and expect some dream girl to fall for you anyway, that's not very probable. There seems to be this paradox that I've never been able to unravel -- you have to "earn" attraction but ultimately want to end up in a relationship where you can be completely open and free of inhibition with your partner . . . and be loved in return just for who you are. I don't see how one can lead to the other. Seems to me that you either have to forfeit the attraction game to get the LTR/marriage (like I did) or win the attraction game and have a difficult time committing.
Author LittlePrince Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 That fact only confirms the biological and social reality that women on average mature a few years earlier than men. Physically women develop earlier and they get treated as if they were older since guys just want to fck them but women don't mature faster in any other regard. If anything they remain immature for longer.
iris219 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Seems to me that you either have to forfeit the attraction game to get the LTR/marriage (like I did) or win the attraction game and have a difficult time committing. Are you saying you married a woman you aren't attracted to or that she isn't attracted to you? Or both? Are you guys happy?
Author LittlePrince Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 Are you saying you married a woman you aren't attracted to or that she isn't attracted to you? Or both? Are you guys happy? Marital bliss isn't about being happy.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Are you saying you married a woman you aren't attracted to or that she isn't attracted to you? Or both? Are you guys happy? From my observation, there is quite a few marriages like that- where at least one partner has never been really attracted. I am still on the fence about doing this myself. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 From my observation, there is quite a few marriages like that- where at least one partner has never been really attracted. I am still on the fence about doing this myself. I just lost so much respect for you, why in the hell would you do something that stupid?
GoodOnPaper Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Are you saying you married a woman you aren't attracted to or that she isn't attracted to you? Or both? Are you guys happy? She was more into me than I was into her. On the happiness side, there are ups and downs just like most marriages.
iris219 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 From my observation, there is quite a few marriages like that- where at least one partner has never been really attracted. I am still on the fence about doing this myself. I would do it, as long as I wasn't physically repulsed. I would take stability and a guy who treats me well over lust. I'm curious what Lonely Ronin thinks is wrong with this. I'd rather marry a guy I can respect and who can hold an intelligent conversation, but I don't meet guys who offer this. If someone was what I wanted emotionally and intellectually, but not physically, that would be fine. I have always had a harder time finding guys who are emotionally and intellectually attractive; physically attractive has never been a problem.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 She was more into me than I was into her. On the happiness side, there are ups and downs just like most marriages. How is your sex life? Do you regret marrying her? 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Being the lonely ronin you sure don't understand loneliness. lonely does not equal desperate 1
Author LittlePrince Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 lonely does not equal desperate Desperation is already built into the love game no matter what part you play in it.
iris219 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 How is your sex life? Do you regret marrying her? I am wondering the same thing. GoP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I suspect that he was happy having his wife to spend the holidays with. He's happy to have someone to have regular sex with. I am guessing that he wouldn't trade his marriage for the single life.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I would do it, as long as I wasn't physically repulsed. I would take stability and a guy who treats me well over lust. I'm curious what Lonely Ronin thinks is wrong with this. I'd rather marry a guy I can respect and who can hold an intelligent conversation, but I don't meet guys who offer this. If someone was what I wanted emotionally and intellectually, but not physically, that would be fine. I have always had a harder time finding guys who are emotionally and intellectually attractive; physically attractive has never been a problem. Same for me. Having all 3 (physical, emotional and intellectual) seems nearly as hard to find as winning the lottery. I perhaps met one man in my lifetime that had all 3.....I know I will end up alone if I wait for that. So I need to compromise. I would rather take lust out of the the equation. Lust dies down anyway....
Author LittlePrince Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 I am wondering the same thing. GoP can correct me if I'm wrong, but I suspect that he was happy having his wife to spend the holidays with. He's happy to have someone to have regular sex with. I am guessing that he wouldn't trade his marriage for the single life. It can also be nice to be wanted more but that will come along with guilt and feeling not as fulfilled from a lack in desire.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I'm curious what Lonely Ronin thinks is wrong with this. I have yet to see a relationship in which someone settled for a mate that didn't check off all the requirements, that didn't end badly, or result in a cold & distant relationship. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Desperation is already built into the love game no matter what part you play in it. You have already lost, if that's how you approach the 'love' game!
Author LittlePrince Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 Same for me. Having all 3 (physical, emotional and intellectual) seems nearly as hard to find as winning the lottery. I perhaps met one man in my lifetime that had all 3.....I know I will end up alone if I wait for that. So I need to compromise. I would rather take lust out of the the equation. Lust dies down anyway.... Not as much as you would hope.
Author LittlePrince Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 You have already lost, if that's how you approach the 'love' game! There are no winners when it comes to love.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 There are no winners when it comes to love. I completely disagree! 1
Author LittlePrince Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 I completely disagree! I already know.
iris219 Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Same for me. Having all 3 (physical, emotional and intellectual) seems nearly as hard to find as winning the lottery. I perhaps met one man in my lifetime that had all 3.....I know I will end up alone if I wait for that. So I need to compromise. I would rather take lust out of the the equation. Lust dies down anyway.... I don't think I've ever met a man who had all three. I agree--it's definitely like winning the lottery. My most recent ex had the potential, but ended up treating me like crap. My ex before that was great in many ways, but he was not intellectual or ambitious. It got the point where we had nothing to talk about and he was barely working. I used to not understand why it's so hard for some people and so easy for others, but now I truly believe it's because some people learn to settle earlier than others. I have yet to see a relationship in which someone settled for a mate that didn't check off all the requirements, that didn't end badly, or result in a cold & distant relationship. I have yet to see a relationship where the people in it didn't settle in some way! I don't in any way expect to get exactly what I want in a mate. It's just not realistic to expect your mate to be perfect for you.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I don't in any way expect to get exactly what I want in a mate. It's just not realistic to expect your mate to be perfect for you. True, But I don't think settling/compromising, on items at the top of the requirement list is a good idea.
Author LittlePrince Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 I think quite a few of the people who find someone don't use a checklist but how they feel in general. You start becoming too goal oriented with I need this, this, and that to be happy with my SO as if you were grocery shopping or buying a car for the features you are heading towards trouble. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I think quite a few of the people who find someone don't use a checklist but how they feel in general. You start becoming too goal oriented with I need this, this, and that to be happy with my SO as if you were grocery shopping or buying a car for the features you are heading towards trouble. I didn't mean a literal checklist........... After you have dated enough, you learn what does and doesn't work for you. Thus while you might not be consciously checking items off the list, you are still doing it.
edgygirl Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I've won the lottery a few times but lost the tickets 1
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