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In a relationship with two men

Ophelia11

By Ophelia11
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Ophelia11 Member

Ophelia11

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Last July I had gotten out of a serious relationship and started texting and having sex with a guy who is very obese, unemployed and lives with a parent. Im very fit attractive, employed; I have a lot of options. However, he and I had a great amount of sexual tension/chemistry. We have never been on a date and never talk on the phone. We have hung out together and sometimes I have dinner with him. I sometimes sleep over at his house. Our sex is incredible!

 

During this time I have been dating (not having sex) with several men and was mostly open about it with him but realized he'd rather not hear it. Often I would end up with him afterwards. As I developed more feelings I shared that I preferred to be with him, but he made it clear he wasnt available for a serious relationship, and he more or less pulled away. His unavailablity frustrated me to no end. I'm crazy over him!

 

In Sept. a guy from my gym ( who I've actually crushed on for over a year) began showing interest in me. He has an amazingly fit chiseled body-- eight pack. He's 11 years younger than me. I started dating him, staying over at his house, and it has turned into more than I was expecting. He is successful, lives in an affluent area, and treats me very well. He has a fun personality, he likes my kids and he is head over heels ready to be in a relationship with me. However, we have only had sex a handful of times and it's been disastrous.

 

While things were progressing with guy#2, I continued to see guy #1 when he would see me. Always aware that I'm crazy over #1 but that our relationship was mostly just sex. I was hurt by this. I figured I deserved better. Friends advised the same. Guy #2 is clearly that.

 

Now recently I've been spending a lot of time with #2 and things are feeling more serious. He considers me his gf. I still text daily and see #1 about once a week and sleep over every other weekend.

 

I'm torn because I think I need to break it off with one and I still prefer #1 who has so little to offer. However, i feel like he's more open to the idea of being with me. Also, it's Christmas and #1 is coming to our family Christmas (he's a family friend) and #2 is hurt that I haven't invited him. #2 has also bought all my kids gifts and expects to spend time with me and my family.

 

I think the seriousness of #2 has me freaked out and that maybe less is what I need.....I also feel like I'm cheating on both of them. I'm so confused and troubled.

 

These two men are such opposites.....to the point of one being black and one white....it makes me feel like I'm in some parody.

lovebug1234 Established Member

lovebug1234

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if you're looking for a relationship, leave the fat unemployed guy since he doesn't even want to be in a relationship with you and give the other guy a real chance.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Women never cease to amaze me.

 

Anyways, you should really think about why you want to be with the first guy.

eleanorhurting Established Member

eleanorhurting

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Women never cease to amaze me.

 

Anyways, you should really think about why you want to be with the first guy.

 

For once I am siding with you.

 

What do you want in a relationship? What is most important to you? You come across as a little superficial to be honest. Are looks and sex really that important to you?

 

Also, break it off with guy #2! If he wants a committed relationship he is not getting it from you at the moment and that is just not fair to him

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fabulousgal Established Member

fabulousgal

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What is #1 adding to your life other than good sex? Do you expect more of your partner? No dates? C'mon!!!

 

My philosophy is that I try to be the best me and want who ever I am with to be the best them, and together we are a complement that can take over the world. You describe yourself as someone who does try to be the best you can be, plus you have kids involved! I am not saying #2 is it for you, but it sounds puzzling that #1 would even be in a competitve position as the guy for you, not just a temporary f* buddy.

iris219 Established Member

iris219

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Guy #1 doesn't want you and you don't want Guy #2.

 

It's possible to find a guy like Guy #2 who you feel what you feel for Guy #1. Neither guy is the one for you.

 

Break it off with both of them. Being single for awhile might help you figure out what you want.

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xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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Guy #2 hands down! You need either need better people picker or you just deserve to be alone.

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Ophelia11 Member

Ophelia11

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I honestly appreciate everyone's response. It is refreshing to hear opinions of those other than my friends and family. I guess I thought I wanted a relationship but now that I'm in one I'm getting scared. I don't want my kids getting too attached and sharing my family with someone is difficult for me still.

 

I don't know what I see in guy #1! I like the person he is. I like being with him. I like that there is no pressure, I guess. But my attraction to him truly baffles me. In some ways I feel the need to prove to him that he is worthy of me. I don't know if he believes that.

 

For once I am siding with you.

 

What do you want in a relationship? What is most important to you? You come across as a little superficial to be honest. Are looks and sex really that important to you?

 

I don't think I am being superficial, at least I'm certainly trying not to be. I think the superficial thing to do would be to choose #2 for those superficial reasons ie. his body, how looks, his car, his job etc. I think these things are standard desires for most people. On the other hand, #2 has other wonderful qualities that I am attracted to. He treats me with kindness, respect, and he cares about me. However, he seems to want to spend all his time with me. He gives me little space and I'm a busy working mom of three. He's a lot younger and looks like a God.....but I don't need a trophy. That's not what I see in him. And in spite of how great he is and how gorgeous he is, the sex is off. He was sexually abused as a child and has serious issues with intimacy.

 

Guy #1 is nothing to look at, I admit. I mean he is 400 pounds Im sure. But the physical attraction, can't explain. Is that superficial? It's been the most satisfying sexual relationship I've ever had....and I was married to a man for 16?years who cheated on me with a men. So yes....sex is important.

 

I'm trying to use my head, but my heart is in the way. My guess is that neither are truly right for me.......:(:(:(

mitchell Established Member

mitchell

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I'm still trying to figure out how you even have sex with a 400lb guy let alone how it can be so fantastic. What is so special??

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eleanorhurting Established Member

eleanorhurting

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I honestly appreciate everyone's response. It is refreshing to hear opinions of those other than my friends and family. I guess I thought I wanted a relationship but now that I'm in one I'm getting scared. I don't want my kids getting too attached and sharing my family with someone is difficult for me still.

 

I don't know what I see in guy #1! I like the person he is. I like being with him. I like that there is no pressure, I guess. But my attraction to him truly baffles me. In some ways I feel the need to prove to him that he is worthy of me. I don't know if he believes that.

 

 

 

I don't think I am being superficial, at least I'm certainly trying not to be. I think the superficial thing to do would be to choose #2 for those superficial reasons ie. his body, how looks, his car, his job etc. I think these things are standard desires for most people. On the other hand, #2 has other wonderful qualities that I am attracted to. He treats me with kindness, respect, and he cares about me. However, he seems to want to spend all his time with me. He gives me little space and I'm a busy working mom of three. He's a lot younger and looks like a God.....but I don't need a trophy. That's not what I see in him. And in spite of how great he is and how gorgeous he is, the sex is off. He was sexually abused as a child and has serious issues with intimacy.

 

Guy #1 is nothing to look at, I admit. I mean he is 400 pounds Im sure. But the physical attraction, can't explain. Is that superficial? It's been the most satisfying sexual relationship I've ever had....and I was married to a man for 16?years who cheated on me with a men. So yes....sex is important.

 

I'm trying to use my head, but my heart is in the way. My guess is that neither are truly right for me.......:(:(:(

 

you are right if you pick number 1 you would definitely not be taking the superficial route. I said that because you put a lot on emphasis in the first post on abs, being aflluent, etc vs. being obese instead of talking about things that to me at least would be more important in a relationship.

But, to each their own.

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Ophelia11 Member

Ophelia11

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Well....I don't know for certain but ill try to explain. There is chemistry. He kisses well. His voice is deep and sexy. He lets me know how much he likes it.

 

I'm a small girl and being with such a large guy is a huge turn on for me. The flesh is makes it easy to bounce up and down on top. Being on the bottom I feel totally dominated and being on top let's me completely take charge.

 

We sext a lot so there is a lot of anticipation in between seeing each other. We don't make definite plans often, so seeing each other is spontaneous and fun. I'm a highly sexual person and he is very open to trying different things. We are both somewhat dirty. I guess we are just compatible in this way.

edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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I know what you see in guy #1. It's not the amazing sex only. You want him because he doesn't want you and it bothers you that he doesn't care. He's a challenge. Would you really be that into him if he was after you and wanted commitment? Don't think so. This shows you have work to do on yourself. Are you a commitment-phobe or insecure and need validation through proving you can get someone to love you? I don't know. Whatever it is, wanting someone because they don't want us is unhealthy. This kind of situation doesn't bring happiness in the long term, only frustration, which seems to be exactly what you're feeling right now.

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LittlePrince Established Member

LittlePrince

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You do have an orifice for a third.

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LittlePrince Established Member

LittlePrince

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These two men are such opposites.....to the point of one being black and one white....it makes me feel like I'm in some parody.

Is one literally black and the other white?

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Sunfire73 Established Member

Sunfire73

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If you're not ready for a relationship, stick with guy 1. You are not too much into Guy 2, so let him go so he can find someone who deserves him. Also, don't introduce any guys to your children unless you have a serious relationship with them.

LittlePrince Established Member

LittlePrince

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If you're not ready for a relationship, stick with guy 1. You are not too much into Guy 2, so let him go so he can find someone who deserves him. Also, don't introduce any guys to your children unless you have a serious relationship with them.

I'd wait until when you start seriously planning your wedding keeping in mind a proper wedding takes at least a year to plan.

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SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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I say you stick with dude #1 since I don't think you deserve better. Well your post is telling enough. Let dude #2 go find someone who isn't technically cheating on him.

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Ophelia11 Member

Ophelia11

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Is one literally black and the other white?

 

Yes #1 is white, #2 is black.

LittlePrince Established Member

LittlePrince

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Yes #1 is white, #2 is black.

So for #3 were you thinking Indian, East Asian, or Latino?

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edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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I'm a small girl and being with such a large guy is a huge turn on for me. Being on the bottom I feel totally dominated and being on top let's me completely take charge.

 

I get this part though. For people with sub side, a big man is the best. I used to have a 250 pound bf and ohmygawd... nothing compares :love:

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Ophelia11 Member

Ophelia11

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I say you stick with dude #1 since I don't think you deserve better. Well your post is telling enough. Let dude #2 go find someone who isn't technically cheating on him.

 

I know am a worthy. I am not trying to be a bad person at all, I was just casually dating and now I've met someone who wants something real with me and I don't know if it's right. Especially because I still have feeling for someone else....regardless of what it is. I know I can have #1 on the side until I decide not to. I need to cut one out. I want something real and I really like #2 but now I'm not sure. I not a piece of crap, I'm just in a weird situation and it is getting to the point it has to end.

 

For awhile I just liked the what they both had to offer. One filled the void for the other....but now it's starting to feel wrong.

Edited by Ophelia11
LittlePrince Established Member

LittlePrince

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I know am a worthy. I am not trying to be a bad person at all, I was just casually dating and now I've met someone who wants something real with me and I don't know if it's right. Especially because I still have feeling for someone else....regardless of what it is. I know I can have #1 on the side until I decide not to. I need to cut one out. I want something real and I really like #2 but now I'm not sure. I not a piece of crap, I'm just in a weird situation and it is getting to the point it has to end.

 

For awhile I just liked the what they both had to offer. One filled the void for the other....but now it's starting to feel wrong.

There is a third option. Dump both. You need to be alone for awhile.

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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I know am a worthy. I am not trying to be a bad person at all, I was just casually dating and now I've met someone who wants something real with me and I don't know if it's right. Especially because I still have feeling for someone else....regardless of what it is. I know I can have #1 on the side until I decide not to. I need to cut one out. I want something real and I really like #2 but now I'm not sure. I not a piece of crap, I'm just in a weird situation and it is getting to the point it has to end.

I didn't say you were a bad person. However you shouldn't be dating when have feelings for some one else. It isn't fair to someone who may want more from you when you are giving that impression. Until this isn't even a question and you realize you deserve better you do not deserve guy number two. You are not ready for a relationship. You can't build a relationship on this type of foundation. We all end up in weird situation. I am not judging you but the situation at hand.

LittlePrince Established Member

LittlePrince

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I get this part though. For people with sub side, a big man is the best. I used to have a 250 pound bf and ohmygawd... nothing compares :love:

And when he does it doggy style with you just to use you as a dinner table how much of a turn on is that?

LittlePrince Established Member

LittlePrince

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I didn't say you were a bad person. However you shouldn't be dating when have feelings for some one else. It isn't fair to someone who may want more from you when you are giving that impression. Until this isn't even a question and you realize you deserve better you do not deserve guy number two. You are not ready for a relationship. You can't build a relationship on this type of foundation. We all end up in weird situation. I am not judging you but the situation at hand.

Life isn't about deserving. If it was then those who deserve the least wouldn't get the most, e.g. OP.

 

"Guys I am getting great sex and a beautiful romance. Let me go cry about it on the internet."

 

Guy 1 and 2 know what they are getting into. They and the op have nothing to get teary about. I should be the one crying for humanity :(

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