I'm done with this...wait I'm not...no I am...crap nevermind I'm not yet

December 24, 2012

Today marks three months that my girlfriend turned my life around. We had an apartment, I had a job that I liked, she was in school, we had plans to GTFO of the town we were in when she graduated in May 2013 and start something new.....GF gives the "I need to go on my own personal journey" kick. Past two months have been stressful for me at work, so I show NO signs of love to her...She was freaking out about college and her future and her parents, etc....Calls everyday, text everyday saying "I'll come back to you I promise. I love you SO much. You are what makes me me. You are the one" .....I bought it. Every single word of it. She never had an actual BF before, so of course she would mean those words. I would go to friends for advice and they would say she is toying with me, and I would get SO mad at them lol. I was standing up for her because we loved eachother. She would NEVER do that to me, especially with such STRONG words she was telling me on her own accord. I'm so depressed by the tugging of her that I lose my job of three years. Boss says my work has lacked and its time for me to go. I have student loans due this month and nowhere to live. Have to shack up with my folks again at 26 years old. Embarrassing.......Finally, after about a month and a half, she says "I don't love you anymore and the feelings are not the same I'm sorry." So wait....you love me SO much two weeks ago, and NOW you dont love me anymore and the feelings are not the same???? Probably another guy she is with/has been with/wanting to be with. Curiosity gets the best of her to see what else is out there. I go crazy begging, kicking, screaming.....the usual "I can change please don't go" routine, but das we all know, IT DOESN'T WORK. I go NC for a month. KILLS me. Thanksgiving was a bust .She throws breacrumbs...I ignore them AND then answer them a week later. Then I text her almost every day with small stuff and she responds and is cordial, but obviously not reaching out to me everyday.

I try to go NC again....one day. Texted her again. She says she is "going through some stuff" and that convo. goes into a circle that she likes someone but its not even a relationship and its stupid. I tell her I'm dating/had a GF, she is not pleased at ALL but says she hopes I'm happy and then goes "I dont want to date this new person at all." and "I thought I was better than that for you to find someone else that fast.... Doesn't text for two days, so I call her. Apologized like a b**ch for my role in her feelings changing ...regret the call as soon as she answered....I tell her I dont want to be her friend and tell her this new girl just kinda happened and we are not in a full on relationship, just going on dates. She goes "Oh I mean I don't care" then says "Well this new person I do want to get with but it wont happen anyways, and ive already pushed the envelope too far (He has a GF already of two years...who knows if she is even telling the truth or playing games to make me angry). She tells me that it just didnt feel the same about us and that I changed as a person the past couple of months in our relationship. No real argument from me, I agreed and said I wish I could change the past I really do.....Again, just texting casual stuff every day (like friends so I'm a going against my own word) and she doesn't initiate converstation so why I keep f***ing doing it is beyond me. Everyone on here says STOP TALKING TO HER and I go yeah I know right??.....and THEN I go against the grain like a dumb b***ard so why do I even ask for advice if I'm going to be dumb?????? Asked her yesterday if her situation is any better with new guy and she goes "nope" and says "It doesn't matter anyways. I dont care very much." Told her I stopped dating new girl because its not fair to her even though she is very nice and very attractive. She says "Im sorry things didnt work out. The next one will I am sure." Then goes "Everytime you tell me about her, you always say she is attractive." :l

This isn't really much of a question, just me complaining in internet form. I NEED to go NC right now. She will never respect me at all IF I keep doing what I'm doing if she even does ever want to come back anyways...not only that, NC is for ME anyways. She likes this guy right now even if they aren't "together" so her mind is not really focusing on me at all. I don't even know if I'm the backup plan, third plan, even on the damn roster. I don't need to be worrying about this at all. I have MUCH bigger fish to fry currently, but she swims in my head every single minute of the day!!!!! Literally EVERY SINGLE MINUTE. Its annoying as balls. Trying to watch my Seahawks destroy the 49ers tonight, and all I can think about doing is trying to get with her again. I text her about the game and she is at the bar watching it and I'm assuming the dude friend/whoever is there too since he likes football. Awesome....

I wont see her at Christmas. Thats the worst part for me and probably most on here. She is doing nothing on that day since she doesnt have a car and her parents live on the exact opposite of the U.S. I want to see her so bad and ask if she wants to grab some food or do something fun like the old days... BUT I KNOW THE ANSWER AND IT WILL BE NO....and it will just show her I'm more of a doormat than anything. I want to be done with this crap I really do. I just dont want to sit around and wait and she grabs a new BF while I keep thinking "Maybe there was something I could have done"

Fin

Edited December 24, 2012 by ConfusedHumanBeing

December 25, 2012

My bad for double posting....exactly what I said, I didn't text her today at all and I heard nothing. Most ex's don't talk to eachother obviously but if she is such a bi**h and doesn't text on Christmas on all days, she can go to hell. Maybe I need to get mad to fully get over it. Today sucked for me so much......

December 25, 2012

You know what you have to do. I understand it's easier said than done, but you're just hurting yourself. The holidays are a very difficult time for all of us, so we'll all get through it. As for her not texting you tomorrow? Umm... she doesn't owe you sh*t. You're not a part of her life anymore. She's allowed to do whatever she wants to. She doesn't want to talk to you, if she wanted to, she would. But here's the cool part. You're allowed to do whatever you want. You don't have to text her Merry Christmas tomorrow. You don't have to chase after her like a dog. You are free to date who you want, or not date who you want. Hell date yourself, love yourself.

As for wanting to hang out with your ex, I never understood this. I would never want to hang out with my ex. She's my ex. If it wasn't going to go anywhere, I don't see what the point would be for me. You HAVE to stop talking to her, and don't say you will and end up texting her back. Have some self respect, have some self control. You're only prolonging your ability to move on. You can't talk to your ex right now, you can't be friends with her, no matter what she says, don't bother with her anymore. It doesn't matter to her whether you talk to her or not. Want to know why? She's over you. So she's not analyzing what you say, or thinking about you as much as you think about her. As painful as it is, those are all her rights. Nothing out of line there really.

You're making yourself look horrible for no reason. She'll think you're a needy annoying ex boyfriend if she doesn't already. Show her you don't need her, and disappear from her life. I know it's tough, but you have to man up. (lol me telling others to man up, I should take my own advice) It's also okay to get mad, I find when I remind myself of what my ex did to me, it makes me angry. It makes me hate her. It makes me miss her less. Which is what I'm going for, and you should too.

Also the "if I only did "x" or "y" differently.." STOP doing this. You did everything you could, and it wasn't enough. There's nothing you could've done differently, so don't tell yourself that. Unless you were abusive, you treated her as best as you possibly could, and it STILL wasn't enough. She chose to dump you, it was her decision and had nothing to do with you as a person. So why have regrets? You will find a girl eventually when you're not even planning on it and she'll feel lucky to have you.

December 25, 2012

She is fooling around with another guy and you are watching/waiting on the sideline, you know it and she knows it.

She knows how you feel about her, anything you say or do right now will only make matters worst.

Pick-up whatever dignity you have left and walk away.

In the end she will respect you for it and someday may come to her senses.

December 25, 2012

You know what you have to do. I understand it's easier said than done, but you're just hurting yourself. The holidays are a very difficult time for all of us, so we'll all get through it. As for her not texting you tomorrow? Umm... she doesn't owe you sh*t. You're not a part of her life anymore. She's allowed to do whatever she wants to. She doesn't want to talk to you, if she wanted to, she would. But here's the cool part. You're allowed to do whatever you want. You don't have to text her Merry Christmas tomorrow. You don't have to chase after her like a dog. You are free to date who you want, or not date who you want. Hell date yourself, love yourself.

As for wanting to hang out with your ex, I never understood this. I would never want to hang out with my ex. She's my ex. If it wasn't going to go anywhere, I don't see what the point would be for me. You HAVE to stop talking to her, and don't say you will and end up texting her back. Have some self respect, have some self control. You're only prolonging your ability to move on. You can't talk to your ex right now, you can't be friends with her, no matter what she says, don't bother with her anymore. It doesn't matter to her whether you talk to her or not. Want to know why? She's over you. So she's not analyzing what you say, or thinking about you as much as you think about her. As painful as it is, those are all her rights. Nothing out of line there really.

You're making yourself look horrible for no reason. She'll think you're a needy annoying ex boyfriend if she doesn't already. Show her you don't need her, and disappear from her life. I know it's tough, but you have to man up. (lol me telling others to man up, I should take my own advice) It's also okay to get mad, I find when I remind myself of what my ex did to me, it makes me angry. It makes me hate her. It makes me miss her less. Which is what I'm going for, and you should too.

Also the "if I only did "x" or "y" differently.." STOP doing this. You did everything you could, and it wasn't enough. There's nothing you could've done differently, so don't tell yourself that. Unless you were abusive, you treated her as best as you possibly could, and it STILL wasn't enough. She chose to dump you, it was her decision and had nothing to do with you as a person. So why have regrets? You will find a girl eventually when you're not even planning on it and she'll feel lucky to have you.

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate the help honestly. That's why I come here lol. Everything you said I agree with, its just annoying to me to follow through with it. One person can go saying "you are the one I love you so much" then in two weeks, feelings gone. She was probably blowing smoke or whatever crap it was. I thought it was GIGS at first where she changed her entire personality overnight, gave like 900 reason why she left, changed here wardrobe and partied every single weekend which she never did before. It might probably be that, but it doesnt matter the reason.....the only actual reason she repeated of breaking up was "it wasnt the same anymore" or "you changed". In the end, again, it really doesn't matter because she is gone. I agree things changed in me the couple months before the BU because I was checked out of everything minus work. It sucked and I didn't realize the "damage" I was doing until she left. I didn't see the signs, but they were clearly there. I understand the dumper never wants to feel like the dumpee has moved on before them, and it obviously hasnt happened....when I mentioned I was dating, those were the times I got a rise out of her. Sent like 5 straight messages angry that I moved on from her so fast and wasn't mourning anymore lol. Every once and a while, I would mention her name and hanging out and she would respond VERY quickly to those messages lol. She feels insecure because (almost certain) she left for this other guy and this other guy is not budging on his previous relationship....I know (knew) her, I know she doesnt feel like anyone cares, but NOT MY ISSUE anymore lol. That makes me happy to feel that way like I have an upper hand. Everytime I do, I fudged it up by texting too much, asking too many nosey questions, etc etc etc.

Haha yeah I know she doesn't HAVE to care its her right...it would just make me upset to have spent so much time together with no arguments and "best friends" to not even acknowledge the biggest occasion of the year. It's not like I WANT to hang out with the ex either just to do it (I'd like to hang out with her to shake her lol). The only part of me she remembers was the last couple of months and after breakup. I cannot convince anyone to care about me just like no one can convince me to care about another person. I would love for her to see things the way they use to be because we had fun. I just want to have fun with her ya know? I know its dumb to even suggest such a thing and if they wanted you, they know where you are and its RETARDED to hold on to the last sprinkle of hope..... that's just something I FEEL like doing, but its the doormat part of it I don't want. I look VERY weak I am FULLY aware of this. My emotions build up SO much that I text her....its annoying to keep thinking about it and its up to ME to do that.

Edited December 25, 2012 by ConfusedHumanBeing

December 25, 2012

No problem, I find giving advice to others helps me cope with my own situation. Don't let her sell you on the "you changed" BS. She's a coward who is putting the BU completely on you, like it's your fault that she doesn't love you anymore. Like if YOU did this or that she'd still be with you. That's horse sh*t. You're you. That's the only person you can be. If she doesn't like that anymore, it's not your fault, it's hers. My ex tried telling me the same thing, I never bought it though, I changed how exactly? The only thing that's changed are your feelings towards me.

There were things about you that bothered, but she was too stupid to tell you about them. Communication is key. I found myself in a similar situation, everything was great one day and then the next day we're broken up. Why? How? Well apparently my ex had problems with me that I never heard about. Instead she told me everything was great, that she loved me more than anything, etc. So naturally, I felt everything was cool. We're not psychic or mind readers, if you don't tell us what's wrong. We can't fix it.

Because of that, we're heartbroken. Oh well, that's life.

December 25, 2012

No problem, I find giving advice to others helps me cope with my own situation. Don't let her sell you on the "you changed" BS. She's a coward who is putting the BU completely on you, like it's your fault that she doesn't love you anymore. Like if YOU did this or that she'd still be with you. That's horse sh*t. You're you. That's the only person you can be. If she doesn't like that anymore, it's not your fault, it's hers. My ex tried telling me the same thing, I never bought it though, I changed how exactly? The only thing that's changed are your feelings towards me.

There were things about you that bothered, but she was too stupid to tell you about them. Communication is key. I found myself in a similar situation, everything was great one day and then the next day we're broken up. Why? How? Well apparently my ex had problems with me that I never heard about. Instead she told me everything was great, that she loved me more than anything, etc. So naturally, I felt everything was cool. We're not psychic or mind readers, if you don't tell us what's wrong. We can't fix it.

Because of that, we're heartbroken. Oh well, that's life.

Isn't that the TRUTH lol. It was so weird and quick. She was borderline obsessed with me. She never wanted to do anything without me and one of her main reasons she left at the time was because she said "she was so obsessed with me and had childhood issues so she went to therapy." (I know she was going to therapy because I went to see one for a couple of weeks after because I was upset with everything and I saw her named signed in lol. Ironcally, we had the same therapy person so I stopped going because it would be conflicting) She NEVER communicated with me because she was so timid and shy. There was one time (ive mentioned this on the board before) where....lets say I was looking at "fun stuff on the internet" and forgot I still had it pulled up on the computer. She is VERY insecure (way more confidence now), and told me she didn't like me looking at that stuff at one point which is fine I respect that. Well, I didn't respect it enough and she found out.....well instead of yelling at me or telling me, she puts the computer down and just says "im going for a walk." After she came back didnt talk to me and I asked whats wrong 900 times until she broke down and cried until she told me. I felt bad and apologized and things were forgiven pretty soon. She always seemed out of it like clinically depressed type stuff. Even now that we are broken up, she still finds ways to cut herself down about herself. I think she relied on my for her happiness and when I was down, she was too and vise versa.

The more I play the situation in my mind, the more I figure out she is blaming me for it. When she left for a "break' or her "therapy" or whatever, she took all of the blame. As soon as the official BU happened, it was my fault. She told me the other day that it wasn't all my fault and that she just didn't feel the same anymore....then followed it up with "you just changed" so who the hell knows. I'm honestly so broken down with this whole thing, I'm willing to take all the blame if it means we can try and work it out. No self respect and that's a problem I need to work on. I know things were SOOOO great and even though the relationship would NEVER be the same, god willing, that ever happens, I know it can be something special again. I want it to work so bad....apparently she doesn't want it bad enough. Will she ever? I would like to think so because I'm willing to work for it. Being 21 years old is a time where people grow and I feel like it would be even better down the road. I was broke as sh** when dating her. We didn't do anything because I had no money. Not like materials matter, but we did almost everything you could do that was free lol and did it repeatedly. Things got boring and tiresome and that is why the feelings changed. I cant change it and I wish I could change the past

Edited December 25, 2012 by ConfusedHumanBeing

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