labryinth Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Hey guys.. i am in so confused state of mind .. that I just can't figure out where my life is going.. Request you to kindly help me out.. (its a bit garbled and lengthy .. pardon me) So .. basically I started dating this guy in May 2011 whom I knew for a pretty long time ..say 3 years. In August 2011 he flew for higher studies in an altogether different continent. There was no future in our relationship ...we wouldn't have got married ever because we belonged to different religions. And i always told him this.. but he used to say "hey, nothing is impossible" . Well.. then there were fights and love and ups and downs ..in the relationship from aug 11 to mar 2012... There were constant fights and bickering since he used to not msg or call.. and when i used to say i will leave u .. he would just shout and yell .. and tell me to be with him in this difficult times. in all of this midst .. whenever we used to skype .. he as well as me .. used to cry thinking as to how we will live withhout each other .. and i used to tell him "listen, if you get someone better out there .. who is worth marrying and staying then please go ahead.. but do me a favour let me know when you do so" In march 2012 .. he after going on a vacation with his classmate "Ms X" ..started cutting me off. I like a mad person hysterically used to try his cell .. but to no avail. When he used to pick up the call he used to shout and yell and wouldnt speak to me. He went off saying we need to be apart.. Enough of life in uncertainty. I was shattered.. I followed like anything .. but he didnt budge. During those times when i did not call him he would drop me an email or msg ... and i would read between the lines and fall for him. This happened until august 2012... when for the last time (when he called me for my bday) i asked him please can we be together .. he blasted me off.. and then i decided i need to cut off which i did.. he called me once or twice .. but i kept it low (he always said .. you can call me .. u dont need to cut off). [ah! well not to forget .. Ms X and him went for another vacation in august 2012] one fine day he fwds me his tickets that he is visiting hometown. I didnt reply. Obviously i was excited .. just 15 days before when he was to visit i called him up and asked about his plans.. I got the shock of my life .. Ms X will also be visiting her .. .. I got mad .. I asked him "why" he said "i am very close to her .. and no one could take away that fact.. she wanted to visit my country and i am more than happy to show her" i asked him "do u love me" and he said "no" i hung up then when he visited his hometown.. he pretty much spent all the time with her .. showing her places .. (i happened to see his fb page and they did seem like happy couple). he did take out time to meet me .. i gifted him (and no he didnt get me anything). He cried saying "i didnt know what our future was .. I am sorry for whatever wrong i did to u" We kissed (know it ,, big mistake) he went back and Ms X went back as well to her homecountry (mind you she flew from there to visit him .. specially. He says that Ms X loves him and wants to marry him i asked him u want to as well to which he replied i just want to keep her happy *confused*) On and off we do call each other .. say on a scale of 10 he calls me once and I call him 10 times. Whenever we talk we do talk as friends but he does give me mixed signals which i try hard not to misinterpret. he asked me to add him on fb which i am turning down because i know i cant see him and ms X together .. I told him so .. he says be unhappy seeing incidental things.. (and they are together that is so obvious). right now .. I am purely responsible for being hurt .. since i am the one who is contacting him, calling .. and he speaks nicely.. we do fight he also tells "fight as much as u want on weekends .. but not during weekdays, i have to work then" LOL.. We hang up saying "thanks for talking" (he doesn't ever messages on his own never).. He hasnt said that he loves me since mar 2012 (i know it sounds childish .. but those three words reinforces feelings and rejuvenates u somehow). I do check his fb page ..now and then but now i have blocked him so as to avoid seeing him with Ms X. Whenever i call him.. I feel .. that he might be speaking to Ms X with much more passion and love he might be saying "I love u and miss u" to her .. I am just someone who calls and he speaks out of basic courtesy (our calls do last for one -two hours) .. I am so confused .. I want myself to stop loving him .. i dont want to contact himm but so helpless.. that i dont want to not hear him even as a friend ! Ps: and as i was jotting this down .. I called him twice .. but seems he is fast asleep.
th90 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 How old are you dear? Are you still in school? You need to stop contacting him. He is obviously just stringing you along. This guy has no respect for you whatsoever. He is already seeing someone and you need to accept that it's over between you two. You don't want him back. If he left you for Ms X, he is bound to leave her for someone else. Trust me. Go NC. Next time he's back, it's his bloody business. You are not obliged to fulfill and satisfy his need to see you. The more you contact him, the more you're letting him know how little self-respect you have. It only reflects your desperation. Few years down the road, you'd be hating yourself for making yourself his doormat. Before you sink deeper into this pile of crap, get out. Start working on yourself. Get help from your friends and family!
Author labryinth Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 Thank you th90. I am 25 and he is turning 30 soon. I sometime understand his side of the story that there was pressure of work and studies .. and he needs to tc of all those jazz .. and i was being the biggest uncertainty of his life needed to eliminate .. my friends have helped a lot to sail through my break up .. but now even though i am not expecting nothing of him .. I end up seeing my handphone every single moment to see his call or message .. but no there is none .. I just cant come to terms with the fact that he is stringing me along. But I dont know .. I get myself engrossed in work, work in gym, hang out with my friends .. but i just not able to not think about him.. Just cant imagine him not being there !!!!!
Author labryinth Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 Just yesterday this guy mentioned "there is no friend of urs who could be like me .. none at all .. I am the one who took care of ur tantrums and no one could live up to that"
th90 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Just yesterday this guy mentioned "there is no friend of urs who could be like me .. none at all .. I am the one who took care of ur tantrums and no one could live up to that" Oh tell him to **** off already! How can you even put up with that? He's a jerk! The reason why you couldn't move on after so many months is because you keep contacting him. You need to stop doing it and value yourself more. Find the strength, be it in God or yourself. You can definitely do it! 1
Author labryinth Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 :'( .. I am tired. he has been a part of my life for frigging 4 years .. every waking hour was spent talking to him; and he is an intelligent and a nice person (which i admire to no end).. though its hard to count the times that he has been a rude person and insulted me. (It may seem that i dont have no self respect .. but the feelings for him are just so jaded to see the negatives) and, th90, believe me .. I tore myself apart by going NC from sept to nov 2012. its been just 20 days since he flew back. Sometimes, I justify calling him by thinking i need to push myself to an extent that i dont feel a thing and one fine day i would just not feel the urge to hear from him or contact him. Not that there are no guys out there who dont want to date me .. but i am just not interested in them. Sigh.. Just waiting for the time when my parents find a suitor for me ..at least it would be 'certain' future with him i miss being in love or rather being loved by him
th90 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I know how you feel. I got dumped after 7 years. The last 4 years was LDR as he left for another country. I know how helpless it is not able to reach out face-to-face to settle things or to get closure. Truth is, nothing matters anymore the moment he decided he wanted me out of his life and that's exactly what I'm gonna give him, complete absence from his life. It takes a lot of determination everyday to go without contacting him and crying and asking why did he choose to leave. But I actually find it easier to get by now. I think I don't really want to know anymore and it's been only 8 weeks for me. I picked myself up really fast because I learn to let go everyday. I keep reminding myself it's over. You have to do it. I have no interested in meeting new people or dating now. Honestly I still love my ex a hell lot and that's not gonna change. But I'm just trying my best to make myself happy again and live each day without feeling miserable and desperate for him. I'm learning to let go of him everyday of my life and I believe there will be one day in the future that I'll stop thinking about him. It's been dragging on for months on your end. Why not put a stop to it? Go NC first. Then work on everything that's holding you back. Let him go. He has already moved on. Don't let him hurt you again and again. Everything has an end to it so does this. It just won't end unless you allow it. You can be happy again. You can be yourself again. Have faith. 1
Author labryinth Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 I know how you feel. I got dumped after 7 years. The last 4 years was LDR as he left for another country. I know how helpless it is not able to reach out face-to-face to settle things or to get closure. Truth is, nothing matters anymore the moment he decided he wanted me out of his life and that's exactly what I'm gonna give him, complete absence from his life. It takes a lot of determination everyday to go without contacting him and crying and asking why did he choose to leave. But I actually find it easier to get by now. I think I don't really want to know anymore and it's been only 8 weeks for me. I picked myself up really fast because I learn to let go everyday. I keep reminding myself it's over. You have to do it. I have no interested in meeting new people or dating now. Honestly I still love my ex a hell lot and that's not gonna change. But I'm just trying my best to make myself happy again and live each day without feeling miserable and desperate for him. I'm learning to let go of him everyday of my life and I believe there will be one day in the future that I'll stop thinking about him. It's been dragging on for months on your end. Why not put a stop to it? Go NC first. Then work on everything that's holding you back. Let him go. He has already moved on. Don't let him hurt you again and again. Everything has an end to it so does this. It just won't end unless you allow it. You can be happy again. You can be yourself again. Have faith. Bravo! that's a great thing .. and I wish you all the best and God's blessings for going through this patch!!!! thank you so much .. I will definitely set targets of 'NC' and try and achieve them .. !!!! and I sure can be happy ... God please bless me as well
th90 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Bravo! that's a great thing .. and I wish you all the best and God's blessings for going through this patch!!!! thank you so much .. I will definitely set targets of 'NC' and try and achieve them .. !!!! and I sure can be happy ... God please bless me as well God bless Don't give up! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!
MyAngel Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 . Truth is, nothing matters anymore the moment he decided he wanted me out of his life and that's exactly what I'm gonna give him, complete absence from his life. It takes a lot of determination everyday to go without contacting him and crying and asking why did he choose to leave. But I actually find it easier to get by now. I think I don't really want to know anymore and it's been only 8 weeks for me. I picked myself up really fast because I learn to let go everyday. I keep reminding myself it's over. You have to do it. . This makes so much sense to me and reading words like this makes me realise what I need to do to move forward. These words can help so many people! 1
th90 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 This makes so much sense to me and reading words like this makes me realise what I need to do to move forward. These words can help so many people! Thank you I feel motivated to motivate people lol It's just unfair that we are the ones left behind to pick up the pieces. But if we look at it in a positive point of view, we should be thankful for this opportunity to learn such a priceless experience.
MyAngel Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Thank you I feel motivated to motivate people lol It's just unfair that we are the ones left behind to pick up the pieces. But if we look at it in a positive point of view, we should be thankful for this opportunity to learn such a priceless experience. Yep, we're left behind to figure it all out by ourselves. I'm still yet to find the positive side to this, but hopefully in time I can learn from it. Thank you I've just read a few of your older posts. I hope you are doing much better xx
th90 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Yep, we're left behind to figure it all out by ourselves. I'm still yet to find the positive side to this, but hopefully in time I can learn from it. Thank you I've just read a few of your older posts. I hope you are doing much better xx Time will get us through. I'm doing better, thanks. It's been an emotional roller-coaster ride, indeed. I still have depressed days but they are getting fewer now. Well Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!
MyAngel Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Time will get us through. I'm doing better, thanks. It's been an emotional roller-coaster ride, indeed. I still have depressed days but they are getting fewer now. Well Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you! Same to you sweetie you give me hope that I will be feeling much better eventually.
Author labryinth Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 .. Merry Christmas to you too and a happy new year!
Minka333 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Sometimes it's hard to let go of of relationships grown out of habit. But you must have the will and determination to try and make some positive changes in your life. So, Each time you want to call him make it a habit to remind yourself that you should not waste your effort on someone who barely thinks of you. Each time you miss him, make it a habit to remember that you are just wasting your energy to a person who is exerting his energy to someone else. Each time you feel like you can't live without him, make it a habit to remember that life is too short to waste on someone who CAN live without you. It's not easy, but the results are worth it. Goodluck
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