Candle037 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I am getting to know this coworker and everytime we see eachother sparks fly. Big smiles, flirting, getting to know eachother but he's not making the move to ask me out. When I'm not at work he asks my other coworkers where I am. I recently discovered that he is single, not in the middle of anything or getting over anyone, likes to go out with his guy friends to bars....he's on the market. I let him know that I am single also and he isn't asking me out. Why is he hesitating? All my coworkers say its very obvious that he likes me and is interested and I see that too.
charlietheginger Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Becuase some men have morals And know work is for working Not sleeping with coworkers 1
Esoteric Elf Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Shyness: I myself am a personal example of this. I am painfully shy and visibly shook when I chatted with a girl...online. In real life, if I really like a girl, my knees will become weak and tears will form in my eyes so much so that I have to avert my face. Friend: He may like you as a friend. Anything sexual or intimate may, in his mind, constitutes responsibility, something he may want so shy away from due to his liking you as a friend, without taking it to a higher level. Mistaken: You may be misreading the signs he is sending you. He may not be that interested in you and instead is an overall genial person. Few men flirt without meaning it, but some do it just for grins.
Keenly Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Becuase some men have morals And know work is for working Not sleeping with coworkers so you are basically implying that sleeping with some one you work with is immoral? says who? 1
barbossa Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Flirting is one thing Messing up a good thing @ work is different I am Flirty @ school and work. But even I fear rejection and the stigma that might ensue
MrCastle Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I'm annoyed it took this long for someone to say FEAR OF REJECTION
crude Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 We're living in the 21st Century. Why aren't YOU asking HIM out?
truth_seeker Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 We're living in the 21st Century. Why aren't YOU asking HIM out? Fear of Rejection?
Esoteric Elf Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I'm annoyed it took this long for someone to say FEAR OF REJECTION Where I lurk, I dub it "foreknowledge (or assurance) of rejection".
MrCastle Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 We're living in the 21st Century. Doin' somethin' mean to it?
Author Candle037 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 I asked him to our company christmas party and he said no that he is keeping the night open. So he had an opening and he didn't take it or ask if we can go out another time. So I have nothing to go on here. Really nothing at all. I'm even starting to want to give up on this but he still continually flirts with me and I feel like were in some kind of lingering place. My friends at work don't want me to give up.
IT Geek Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Why bother asking when you know the answer will be "No"? 1
CptObvious Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Listen, even a horny moraless idiot like me knows that things will get really ****ed up if you sleep with a coworker. If you're ready to quit or don't care about your job, then you can swing your bat around as much as you want. But ffs don't laid where you get paid. "Don't get laid where you get paid" damn, I just came up with that. Totally original and I know it because I checked.
Nightsky Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Maybe he doesn't like you but enjoys flirting with you to test the waters with a sexual harassment complain when you get annoyed and turn on him for not asking you out. I would just stop worrying about this.
phineas Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I asked him to our company christmas party and he said no that he is keeping the night open. So he had an opening and he didn't take it or ask if we can go out another time. So I have nothing to go on here. Really nothing at all. I'm even starting to want to give up on this but he still continually flirts with me and I feel like were in some kind of lingering place. My friends at work don't want me to give up. Well, I don't ask out women at work. They ask me out. I've had women flirt with me like crazy on the job, but when I see them out they act like they don't know me or just try to get me to buy them drinks. Personally I would avoid going to a company party with a co-worker who wasn't my GF even if I did like her. People see you together & ask him what's up, what's he supposed to say? Is he just not going to the company party or does he not want to tie himself down with a date? I'd say to just go to the party, if he's there talk with him. Ask him his deal. Seriously.
Author Candle037 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 I'm in a temporary position that can end at any time then I continue my permanent position in another department entirely away from the guy I'm interested in. He knows this also. I don't want to ask him out again. It's been like 3 months of this flirting and I am exhausted really. I think i'll just give up and get a new hobby to meet new guys. So its not a matter really of dating someone I work with because of this reason. If we started dating there is a likelihood if we kept it quiet then I go back to my other department then no one would even know or care really. I think that even a shy guy would have asked me out by now is all and I am really confused that he hasn't taken any initiative but still continually flirts with me. It is very confusing and I am not sure if I want to ask him what his deal is or just move on because asking him out really is not an option to just be shut down again.
LittlePrince Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I am getting to know this coworker and everytime we see eachother sparks fly. Big smiles, flirting, getting to know eachother but he's not making the move to ask me out. When I'm not at work he asks my other coworkers where I am. I recently discovered that he is single, not in the middle of anything or getting over anyone, likes to go out with his guy friends to bars....he's on the market. I let him know that I am single also and he isn't asking me out. Why is he hesitating? All my coworkers say its very obvious that he likes me and is interested and I see that too. It could be so many things. He might just like playing. He might like the idea of fostering and having options. He might not want to jeopardize his job. He might just be flirtatious and it is nothing more. He might be steering clear of work related drama. He might be selectively shy. He might fear rejection. He might not be sure enough of your interest. He might think he could do better or wants better. etc. It can keep going.
Snowman219 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Maybe he doesn't like you but enjoys flirting with you to test the waters with a sexual harassment complain when you get annoyed and turn on him for not asking you out. I would just stop worrying about this. It's pretty obvious he isn't into her, I mean damn, she actually ASKED HIM OUT. He said, in a subtle way, no. I mean wow, I have idiots at my work too that do this very same thing. They kick a dead f***ing horse about some girl that I should ask out. It's mostly to be annoying cause they know **** like this pisses me off. Leave this dude alone, he doesn't like you. 1
ja123 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Yep. Move on. You asked him out to the party and he didn't offer another alternative. If he flirts with you, don't give him eye contact, don't say anything, and walk away. He's stringing you along. Draw the line in the sand and make it very clear that you're not interested.
edgygirl Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Don't get your meat where you get your bread and butter. Will you like seeing him everyday after it doesn't work out?
123321 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Rejection at work along with all the legal hassles that come with workplace romance are a huge barrier, plus some guys never got past that "if I don't ask she can't say no" mindset.
bobsmith76 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I am getting to know this coworker and everytime we see eachother sparks fly. Big smiles, flirting, getting to know eachother but he's not making the move to ask me out. When I'm not at work he asks my other coworkers where I am. I recently discovered that he is single, not in the middle of anything or getting over anyone, likes to go out with his guy friends to bars....he's on the market. I let him know that I am single also and he isn't asking me out. Why is he hesitating? All my coworkers say its very obvious that he likes me and is interested and I see that too. I don't know why he's not asking you out. The big question is why are you not asking him out? Forget about that nonsense that the guy is supposed to make the first move. You can what you want out of life so much easier if you actually PURSUE what you want. If you're just passive and put yourself at the mercy of others you will get no where. You have everything to gain by asking and nothing to lose. You can't catch any fish if you don't go fishing.
phineas Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Rejection at work along with all the legal hassles that come with workplace romance are a huge barrier, plus some guys never got past that "if I don't ask she can't say no" mindset. I had a woman at work ask me out a few times & then flake on me. I ignored her until she finally promised to show. And she did, with her friend. My friend came out then she blew me off & tried to get with him behind my back. He rejected her & told me. She then tried to get back with me & I called her out on her crap. She tried to get me fired by saying I was stalking her. But she was stupid. My phone records clearly showed she was calling me & not the other way around. Plus I had saved numerous voice messages from her. so work told her to STFU or GTFO. Other than that I have only seen guys who keep bugging a woman or men who call out a woman for playing games get in trouble but in the case of the woman being a tease & trying to get someone fired, well, if she has a reputation it usually doesn't go so well for her. Especially if she used company email & found to have been less than truthful in her claims.
Author Candle037 Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 I didn't realize that a lot of people don't like to date where they work. I didn't even consider that this really could have been an issue but it makes sense. I have only did it once before and yes it was not worth it. The guy was a level 5 clinger so I know first hand how sideways a guy can get and then have an awkward workplace after but we still kept it professional just nothing personal. I was however able to do it which is fortunate that nothing did backfire. We even keep some of the same friends. As for this new temporary position I have never considered that it might be misinterpreted as sexual harassment if I was to ask him out especially if I just said to the guy that I am interested in if he wanted to something simple like go for a coffee after work. I am having difficulty accepting that he is not interested in me when I am getting other coworker opinions that he is in fact interested so this is not just me thinking he likes me. Also I have made it clear to him I am single and dating....so Im on the market too. I don't see how he could be playing me. If he was leading me on wouldn't he still ask for a date to see where it went even still?
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Many people meet and date in the workplace, even those workplaces that have policies against it. In those cases, it's simply meant that one person leaves and finds another job once they become engaged. The policies exist to protect the company from liability, not you, should things go awry. Chica, at some point, you're going to have to accept that he's not actually interested in you! You've told him more than once you're single. You've asked him out. He's turned you down. From what you've described you've given him plenty of opportunity over a few months to make this happen. It hasn't. Let it go already. You become less and less attractive when you push for something, and the person isn't interested! Not more. At best you become a groupie to be tolerated. Trust me, when a guy is interested, you have to do very little, if anything, to get things to move forward. Focus on guys where there's mutual interest. You'll have more satisfying, enjoyable relationships that way.
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