What's up with myself for all the years?!

[paratoxical]

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 7 years.

 

7 years ago, my girlfriend was my schoolmate. I didn't have feelings for her at first, but we got along very well. We always had a lot of things to talk in our conversations, and we still do today. Soon, we became best friends. Things went on very quickly and she became my first girlfriend. I haven't had a girlfriend before her and when I have one, I was thrilled! I was excited because I have a girlfriend, albeit I wasn't sure if I'm in love. We were both young then.

 

Today, I'm 27 yr old. For the past 7 years, our relationship has been surprisingly strong, given that she has a somewhat cranky temper that I've to endure. We have a lot of trust for each other in many aspects (financially, being with other girl/guy friends, etc). Her family seems to like me too. We had fun, we travel quite a bit, she visits me on most weekends. She is a decent and nice girl too. Everything seems good.

 

Over the years, I'm starting to feel that she is my best friend, but I'm not sure if she is who I want to have as my partner and eventual wife. I feel deep inside me that I'm still longing for the feeling of love. It's like "What?! Haven't I felt in love with her yet, after seven years?" I find myself subconsciously still waiting to find a girl who I truly love. Sometimes, I even wished my girlfriend was a girl whom I admire. And I feel very guilty when I do.

 

In the past 7 years, we accompanied each other in many ways. I promised myself that I'll be a nice boyfriend before I had a girlfriend and I hope I am to her. Despite how I feel about us, I still make sure I fulfil her wishes and do my part to make her happy. I spent a lot of my time on her that I soon find myself distancing from my other friends. My already small social circle got even smaller, and within 7 years, my girlfriend became my only friend. Our lives became very dependent on each other.

 

Here's the problem: Throughout the 7 years, I find that we have been more like companions for each other. We cared and helped each other in many ways. I don't know if she thinks the same, but I think we are really awesome companions and best friends for each other. Now, only if love is merely just companionship, I wouldn't be so troubled. I find our relationship rather platonic. Sometimes, I find it difficult to bring myself to do something romantic for her. I could do all that silly and embarrassing stuns in front of her that I would never do in public, but not little things like saying "I love you". We never had sex nor talk dirty. Not a big issue for this one though; perhaps we are conservatives. We can talk about almost anything under the sun and we don't feel awkward at all even when we've nothing to talk. But we hardly talk romantically or about our relationship in our conversations. The fact that we don't talk much about our relationship in our conversations makes it difficult for me to understand how she thinks about us. And the most bothersome thing of all is my longing to be in love.

 

We carry on with our lives as normal every day like super lovely couple in everyone's eyes. And I continue to quietly struggle with the same thoughts every day. I envy those loving couples I see on the streets. I feel happy for them and wonder when I would feel the same for myself. It's Christmas soon, and these depressive feelings, for some reason, become stronger.

 

Is how I feel normal in a relationship? This is my first relationship, and I don't know. I'm confused.

 

I needed a place to rant about my feelings and hope that this would be it. Thanks for reading. Feel free to share your thoughts. And Merry Christmas to everyone on this board! Glad that I've found this place.

Edited December 24, 2012 by paratoxical

[PogoStick]

Time to move on. You stayed in this one for wayyy too long. You're never supposed to end up with your 1st girlfriend. Not even your 2nd or 3rd. It's going to be hard for you to detach and move on, but eventually you'll be glad. You need the rush of someone who makes your heart race.

 

The question is, why did you stay so long? What confidence or fear issues are holding you back?

[TheZebra]

I've been there, bud. I just got out of a nearly 5 year relationship with my first real boyfriend. Even before we broke up I was feeling the same way as you are right now... that we were awesome friends and companions but that there was just something missing. I found myself fantasizing about being with other men and I hated myself for it. After all, I had a great guy who loved me and treated me like a queen, how could I complain? I tried to stay for as long as I could... telling myself it was the right thing to do. But we were both unhappy and I chose not to see it.

 

My advice to you, as hard as it is, is to break it off. It's going to be painful at first, but it'll be worth it. In these last few months of dating other guys it's like a wake-up call of everything I had been missing these past few years. I also realized just how much of a bad idea it would've been if we had stayed together, or worse, gotten married. We would both be miserable.

[paratoxical]

Time to move on. You stayed in this one for wayyy too long. You're never supposed to end up with your 1st girlfriend. Not even your 2nd or 3rd. It's going to be hard for you to detach and move on, but eventually you'll be glad. You need the rush of someone who makes your heart race.

 

The question is, why did you stay so long? What confidence or fear issues are holding you back?

 

I think it would be hurtful to have met someone who makes my heart race but I'm in an inappropriate position to approach her because I'm attached by mistake.

 

My girlfriend and I are very comfortable being together. We may have little in common when it comes to TV, movies, musics, etc, but we are just very comfortable being together and enjoy each other's companion. I thought this is love and went on with it.

 

Along the years, we had fun together, But I'm always having the "strange feeling" of still looking for the missing piece of my life despite already having her. It just doesn't feel too right. It's strange, sometimes guilty, and mostly, sad. On top of this, she has a cranky temper and would often vent her anger on me, sometimes even on the streets! She would cry and other things. I put up with her and console her every time when she does that, and things will go back to normal. I admit I feel a little weary about having to pacify her all the time, but I still do it because I agree it's my responsibility being her bf. But I shouldn't feel tired at all if I'd loved her. Recently, I'm starting to think if I was just persevering to be that good guy of hers.

 

There are a few things holding me back. First, as I have said at the start of my thread, she has not just become my only friend, but also my only best friend. We have been together for so long and she has become like one of my family members. I cannot bear to loose this best friend. Second, I don't know how she feels about us. I think she loves me. Telling her how I feel would hurt her terribly. I can't bring myself to do that on her. It would be so cruel. Third, she is a kind and decent girl. Her family seems to like me, and I get along with them pretty well. I don't know if I can meet another girl with these virtues. I'm afraid I would regret.

[CptSaveAho]

Uh oh....

 

I've done this before... all I can say is good luck to you...

 

It's best to pull the plug now and quickly and then let her go and find her own happiness

[movingon12]

That sounds like my relationship with my first husband (also my first real relationship). We married in the end. Big mistake. We split 18 months later.

 

Real love is simple and all consuming. What you have is not that. What you have is a best friend who is a girl. You need to end this so you can both find someone who you truly love. She deserves that as much as you do.