Midwestmom12 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I posted information about my crumbling marriage a month or so ago. I am still struggling. My husband and I have been in marriage counseling and I felt it was going well. I started to have hope that we could work things out and then..... We took my son to a birthday party for one of his classmates last weekend. My husband wanted to play video games the whole time. At first I agreed. Our son is 5 and some of the older kids were getting rambunctious so I decided to stay close and keep an eye on my little one. I told my husband to play the game without me. He got upset and walked off and once again shut down. After the party we went to dinner and then we all came home to watch a movie. After I put our son to bed he asked me for sex. I told him I wasn't ready for sex since I feel we have so many issues to work through. He got upset and the insults started flying. The following morning my son was sick. My husband wanted us to go to church I told him maybe next week since the little one was sick. He starts yelling that if our son could go to a party he can go to church. He started snatching on our child and I tried to get him to calm down. It exploded into a shoving match with him kicking and throwing things. I told him I want him to leave after Christmas. Now he is telling me he will do anything to change. My heart is broken. I just can't live like this anymore. I am grieving because of the state of my marriage but I'm so tired of stupid and destructive fights. This is really hard.
jf2good Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 It is good that your both going to counseling as you both need it based upon your post. You can't fix things with sex, but you certainly can screw them up by withholding it. I don't know about your relationship, but to me you both sound childish, just my view of your post.
Author Midwestmom12 Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 No you don't know. He forced me to have sex at one point three weeks post birth and it caused me some damage. Sex with him has been difficult ever since.
jf2good Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 So do you have an anger issue at being raped? It seemed the first post you were doing tit for tat of his obsessive controlling behavior. Still withholding sex for whatever reason can screw up a relationship, there is more than missionary. Like I said it is good your going to counseling, hope it continues.
Author Midwestmom12 Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 (edited) 1. He should move because we live in my Mother's house. Since he has never been able to keep a job and I've had to pay the bills we moved in with my Mom So I could get back on my feet and repair my credit. 2. I am not with holding sex as emotional black mail I just don't appreciate being forced to do it. A little love and concern for me on his part might help. 3. He is not my boyfriend. He is my husband and our son belongs to him hands down. It would be nice if people didn't project their bull onto others. Sorry your wives and girlfriends cheated. I didn't. Edited December 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Midwestmom12 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 How am I lying to someone when I told him I wanted out? He suggested counseling and I agreed because I think we need it whether we stay together or not.
KraftDinner Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 You do have serious issues, DS. How you can dredge up so much hatred and anger for someone you don't know is something I'll never understand. And that whole 'denial of sex' accusation...what you don't know about women is a lot.
TaraMaiden Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 (edited) Midwestmom12 I hate to say it, but no amount of counselling is going to do your H any good at all, if he doesn't implement what he learns and put s it to good use. There comes a time when banging your hard against a wall, is so great when it stops... I think it's high time you stopped beating them bricks.... they've done less to hurt you than he has. It sounds also as if they'd be nicer company. Edited December 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
jf2good Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 And you Ducksoup are a bitter angry man. You clearly hate women. If you could read you would understand what I wrote and what all this is about. I never said he forced me into sex recently. I said he forced himself on me three weeks post the birth of our son. I had to go back to the hospital. We were supposed to wait 6 weeks. Yes our sexual relationship has been strained since because I was and still am angry about his lack of sensitivity but yes I stayed. You know not what you speak of. I actually still find my husband attractive physically it's his sense of entitlement that turns me off. No need to call the police on him since he agreed to move out. I've never abused him. He shoved me and I shoved him back but to call someone a "b"? You have serious issues. So in my second reply to this thread I asked if you were angry, this answers it, clearly you are. Never letting this go has put a strain on your relationship. Also you respond to his controlling behavior tit for tat, that is not a winning combination either. I will say again it is good that you going to counseling, but in the end your relationship is doomed as neither of you are willing to change drastically enough to save it. YES BOTH of you need to change. Both of you behaviors are childish. Getting angry at someone pointing out flaws that need to be corrected isn't fixing anything. Not that people are 100% accurate in pointing out the flaws, but it should give you a chance to reflect and say, am I really like this? Why do other think this? What do I need to change? Keep up your counseling and best of luck. I hope that both of you are willing to step up and make the change for your family.
TaraMaiden Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 She's finally standing up to a bully. I applaud her. 1
Author Midwestmom12 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 I disagree J2good. I try to ignore his controlling behavior not respond tit for tat. I have no desire to argue. I do agree that I need to change but I am not trying to use sex as a weapon. I just no longer feel like being forced by him to do it. He admitted in counseling he resents my career success. He also told the counselor he didn't know how to give love. He said he never had anyone show him kindness like I have, yet he stomped on it as I can never do enough. I love him but he has some growing up to do and I need to stop thinking I can fix him or anyone else. I need to work on myself.
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