maria gostrey Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 so i am a 25 year old middle eastern girl who has never been loved romantically. i am very blessed in that i grew up in a beautiful family and raised with so much love and care. i was however, always told to stay away from boys because of religious and cultural issues. throughout college i never interacted with boys because a. i didn't know how to and b. i was scared to upset my parents. now I live by myself and have been dating for the first time in my life. i thought finding a boyfriend would be easy because love seems to come so naturally to everyone around me. people pair up and fall in love all around me every day but love seems to dodge and allude me. in an effort to find love i tried to "put myself out there" by creating an okcupid profile. here is my brief dating experience so far. guy 1. dated for 2 weeks after which sent me the "i dont want a serious relationship text". guy 2. dated for 7 months but i never really liked him. he was a great guy and treated me well but no matter how much i waited and tired to, i couldnt and didnt fall in love with him.something about it just never clicked and i couldnt sleep with him. he said he couldnt be in a sexless relationship and dumped me. guy 3. for the first time in my life i felt strong enough feelings for someone to consider it having "fallen in love". recently he came back into my life, took me out on a couple of dates and then disappeared. when i finally managed to ask him what happened he told me he still has feelings for his ex gf who he was in a relationship for 4 years in college. he then gave me the whole "you deserve so much better someone who can give you his all" speech. i'm heart broken and shocked and feel really ****ty. even tho this girl apparently didn't treat him very well and made him feel miserable he never gave me an honest shot and now even stopped trying getting to know me. i just feel so unlovable- not only was he never really interested in me but he picked her over me. so because i didnt meet guys in college, i now have to compete with people's college gfs?! is there any romantic hope for me at all?will a guy ever fall in love with me? because right now it just feels like i am not lovable- so much so that the only and first guy i fell in love with jerked me around and used me like some toy while he was trying to get over his apparently VERY lovable college gf. ive never been treated like this before and along with trying to deal with being flat out rejected im trying to figure out why guys seem to be in love with anyone else BUT me! So much so that they are leaving ME to go pursue these other very lovable girls. There are so many guys walking around pining for all these apparently amazing and incredible girls and here I am open hearted and offering all my love and I get rejected. How does this make any sense? please help me what is wrong with me? **tl:dr** fell in love with someone who used me as a rebound while still in love with his college gf. ive never had a bf and never been loved romantically. don't know whats wrong with me and feel ****ty and unlovable. WHY is it that every other girl seems to have guys all over her and here i am open hearted and ready to love and be loved and...get flat out rejected. What gives?!
zebracolors Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 The only reason you feel unlovable is because your telling yourself that you are not. I'd say give yourself a few months to collect yourself emotionally. Don't worry about dating as you may just emotionally exhaust yourself trying to find someone who is compatible. And your feelings of depression may only get worse and that will affect how men perceive you. Your family did well to take great care of you growing up but you didn't get chances to explore your femininity in that situation. Considering the situation you grew up in, I would suggest that for now just expand your social circles. I know it is usually easier said than done, but see if you can make new friends locally, which can really help your self esteem. Over time, the friends you make can help you begin to see your worth and a woman who is genuinely happy and confident in herself, is highly attractive to men. I suggest checking out "meet up.com" to see if there are local groups that do things you're interested in. I hope this helps, best of luck.
IT Geek Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Guy #2 seemed to have possibly been in love with you. It was your choice not to pursue it. So you can't be moaning that no guy will ever fall in love with you. 4
Keenly Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I feel the same way you do OP, but you just gotta keep going. We are both young, and opportunities will continue to come, even if at a slow pace. If you stop focusing on the relationship or lack thereof, it will go by faster.
Aslanbek Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Guy #2 seemed to have possibly been in love with you. It was your choice not to pursue it. So you can't be moaning that no guy will ever fall in love with you. Yes, like so many other women - and I remember you from another forum doing this same inane complaining - you conveniently forget the good men you reject and pine over the bad ones who reject you. Get your stuff together, Maria. 1
Redbirdinabrightsky Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 As-salaam 'alaykum. This is how it goes. You are starting out pretty fresh, and you have a lot to learn. I know this because what you have to say about wanting that ex who dumped you, and then having dumped that guy after 7 months and not falling in love with him? The same shoe fits me too, and I felt the same way, unlovable. We want the ones who turn us away and mess with our heads. We don't want the people who treat us like gods. At some point, this too shall pass. I think that our story, if meaning can be gained from our sadness, is about equilibrium, in terms of finding that one out there that has that same feeling, in terms of controlling our own perceptions and feelings, emotions especially. We have to control our emotion as much as we can, play the long game, hit the gym and MeetUp.com. Take time to examine your life, make choices you know will make you happy, be a little selfish, and build yourself up into the woman you know you are deep down. Be strong, and please stop telling yourself that you are unlovable. That is not true.
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