Day three of NC and freaking out, doing "drive bys," and being an overall psycho...

[Storm_Chaser]

For those of you who are unaware of my situation, I was dating an abusive guy who was playing his ex and I both. We started "exclusively dating" again, but I didn't feel it was working, so I broke things off. He went back over to his ex's the same day I broke it off with him. She showed him all of our correspondence (she and I had become friends at one point) and he freaked out on me saying that I betrayed him, that he loved me, wanted to be with me, but never wanted to talk to me again--that he wants both me and his ex out of his life. (Mind you, he's the reason the ex and I started talking to begin with.) Later on, he told me that he would eventually like to have me in his life, but "just needs time."

 

(The guy is just a little inconsistent.)

 

So, we decided to go NC. The longest he's ever been able to go without calling, texting, or emailing me is less than 24 hours. Since we've been together, we've never gone any longer than 24 hours without communicating in some respect.

 

Well, we're going on day three now and I'm having major withdraws. Last night I blocked his facebook--I thought for sure that would get a response out of him. Nothing. So, I ended up getting so bad that I drove by his apartment something like three times. He wasn't there between 8 and 11pm, but his lights were on. I drove by his ex's house too. (She lives really close to him, whereas I do not.) She was home, but I don't know if he was with her or not, because she has a two car garage.

 

I am going to do a quick drive by this morning to see if he stayed out all night--if he's still at someone's house.

 

God, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I have turned into a legit psycho stalker! If he had any pets, they seriously might be boiling right now.

 

What I don't understand is how I got to this place...I mean, when we first started dating, I wasn't that interested in him, but he pursued me so hard and was so sweet, caring, thoughtful and attentive that I fell hard for him. And then I agreed to marry the lying @sshole and now, somehow, I'm the one who is fully invested in this entirely toxic relationship, doing "drive bys," while he's probably off with his ex or some other girl not even thinking about me!

 

My life has turned into a Taylor Swift song! :mad:

 

What the %$&@ do I do?!

 

I'm seriously losing it.

 

Does NC get easier?

 

Please help...

Edited December 23, 2012 by Storm_Chaser

[movingon12]

For those of you who are unaware of my situation, I was dating an abusive guy who was playing his ex and I both.

...

And then I agreed to marry the lying @sshole and now

 

Write down, in big letters, what exactly he did to you that was abusive. Stick them on your computer, phone, door, steering wheel, anywhere you might need to see them.

 

Before you do anything - read them. Aloud ideally. Then decide whether you really want to know what's he's doing.

 

Does NC get easier?

Yeah, it does, it takes time, but it does. But the faster you can get control of yourself the faster it will get easier.

[sotoman]

i read somewhere, that the person who cares less is in control of the relationship.

 

just the fact that you CARE what hes doing gives him control.

 

plus, since he treated you that way, i dont think he deserves the attention from you.

 

you seem like you were a good partner, and he was a bad one.

 

i suggest an account on a dating site.

get him out of your system!

[NoMoreJerks]

don't. just don't do this to yourself. let go. he's not coming back. and honestly, if he does, would you take him back, after he was with another girl? I wouldn't, even now, a day after he dumped me. god knows how much i miss him and miss the times we had together, but no, i would not take him back if he were with another girl after dumping me..

 

stop driving by his or his ex's place. stop going to places that you used to go together. or maybe, if you want closure, go there a few times. when we broke up for the first time, i went to the pub where we met, and the other pub where we used to go have beer the days he arrived in my country (LDR). i did that a few times, and it gave me some comfort and a bit of closure. just the idea that he can take himself away from me but he can't take the memories away from me, and i can always go to those places and think about us, about what we had together, all the fun and nice and happy times. do that instead of stalking your ex and his gf. trust me, it made me feel so much better.

 

xoxo