jtree Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 I need some advice, I am 29 yrs old and was dating a girl who was 26, she broke up with me because she said she wasn't happy. She treated me badly the last couple of weeks before breaking up with me, by ditching me, lyeing, and just being a bitch. Plus she made me buy her $1200 worth of furniture 2 weeks before she broke it off and hasn't paid me anything. I spent well over $5-6K on her in almost 2 years we were together, and have never seen any of it. Plus she stopped having sex with me for the last 4wks of the relationship. Right after the breakup she wanted nothing to do with me, I mean nothing. Said "she would rather die than be with me again." Then turns around and calls me when she had to get rid of her dog, and continues to communicate with me thru emails. One morning I went by her house after she told me she had no water, and didn't want to shower at my place because she was too tired and didn't feel like driving, but wasn't home a couple hours later around 1:30. i came back by around 7am and called her from my car down the block, she got angry and called the police. Nothing happened to me and this was only a week and a half after the breakup. then she calls me and emails between each other start and nothing was bad up til this past Friday, I went to her work on Sat. to give her the rest of her stuff and left, then later her dad calls saying she tells him I am calling her and is frantic, eventhough I never called. I called her 10-15 times from Sunday afternoon til Monday night, Teusday morning I get arrested for stalking and terroist threats against her. I go to jail, post a $12,500 bond to get released and then get a restraint order from her to have no contact with her. All this within 2.5 weeks of breaking up. and she was all cool and nice the last week or so, emailing me and ****. now I face either felony or misdimeaners for the 2 charges and have to go to court for the restraining order. Plus i had to pay a lawyer $3K. All the statements she made were lies and I have emails to prove that, but $15K I have already spent just because she lied and charged me with some bull****. I know everyone can see she used me and screwed me hard, but I really love her. she has destroyed me and may ruin my life because she isn't dropping the charges. there is more but it would take pages to fill. Anyone have advice besides stay away from her?
pitprincess Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 I so hope the new furniture you paid for you did it with a credit card so you can get that money back.. Maybe someone can offer you some advice on this
Author jtree Posted August 16, 2004 Author Posted August 16, 2004 furniture is the least of my worries. thought Id send some flowers today. Not cause I am wrong just cause.
YellowLioness Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 First things first: Stop talking to her. She doesn't want you, any more. Yes, she used you, and yes, she threw you away, but there isn't a d*mn thing you can do about it. You two weren't married, so she doesn't owe you anything. Second of all: Stop stalking her. If you now know how she will react to any type of attempt at contact from you, then don't take the bait. Don't give her to oppertunity to send the cops after you. Leave her alone, and move on. In this situation, and I hate to say this, but your feelings don't matter. I know its hard to accept when someone you absolutely adore no longer has feelings for you, but you HAVE to move on. Its not healthy to become obsessed with this girl. She obviously is a game player.
unclejo23 Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 You gotta back off man... I would avoid contact with her... ALL CONTACT... Wouldnt send those flowers either man... you didnt make out very well when you returned stuff that was hers... don't think she's gonna want to except gifts either. Cut your losses and move on... hard i know, but have faith in yourself to do it.
Craig Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 It's wake up time. You're not in love with your ex but you could be obsessed with what you think she could be. Assuming that what you say is true and you didn't threaten her, your ex sounds like she has psychiatric problems and anything that you do to contact her, her family or her friends could be used against you in ways that you can't possibly begin to imagine. Put on your seat belt because you are in for one heck of a wild and eye opening experience. It looks like you were set up. Your ex breaks up with you and then calls the police on you for calling her one morning at 7 am from a block away from her house. Then she calls you and emails you and there is nothing bad between you two until you return her stuff to her at her work this last Saturday. After you return her stuff to her she tells her father that you are calling her and she is frantic. Then you call her (or did she call you too) 10 to 15 times from Sunday afternoon till Monday night. Tuesday morning you are arrested for stalking and making terrorist threats. Hmm let me guess, the police didn't ask for your side of the story and they just arrested you. Okay, here are some things you can do. 1. Go to the court house or where ever the records of civil litigation are kept and find out what civil actions your ex has been involved in as either a plaintiff or defendant. You may have to go to several different locations and the searches may have a fee attached to them. If there is some history there you may be able to learn more about your ex's thinking and behavior that you didn't know before. It may also help to do similar searches on her family members. 2. Find out what your attorney says about getting information about any previous charges your ex may have attempted to file against other people. Can your attorney find out what her history of contacting the police has been? For example has she called them numerous times in the past for things that they weren't able to help her with? 3. Immediately, as in the next ten minutes start writing down everything you can remember about the events from about 6 weeks before your breakup and after your breakup until your arrest. Write down the facts not things like "she was a b*tch today but where you were, why you were there, who saw you there, what she did and said and what you did and said. Your ex may have said things about you in her complaint to the police that are complete fabrications. For example she may have said that you were outside her bedroom window at a specific date and time. If you have credible witnesses or other evidence that places you in a different location then her credibility in court starts to go down. 4. Find out what evidence the prosecutor has against you (they have to disclose this to you--usually through your attorney). If you have done nothing as you say then the only usable evidence that the prosecutor is likely to have is your ex's word against yours. 5. If you are truly innocent then do not take the "deal" that the prosecutor is likely to offer you. Those so called deals have a way of following you around for the rest of your life and surfacing at the worst possible moments. 6. Your attorney isn't God. You have to use your head too. If your attorney suggests a course of action to you that doesn't seem in your best interests like taking a deal when you are innocent then maybe you need to give them more direction, get another attorney or something else. 7. Start doing a lot of research into false claims of stalking. It happens every day. 8. Start thinking about what kind of civil action you are going to take against your ex. Remember you have to do the right thing here and give her a good reason not to do the same thing to her next bf. Are you going to sue her for the money you spent on her or for your costs to defend yourself? Is is possible in your area to mount a successful claim for false arrest or defamation of character? 9. Look for support though various mens groups. You can find them through Internet searches. There you can read stories from other men that are so very similar to your own and get other support and ideas for your defense. 10. Get over the idea that you love this woman (which head are you thinking with?). She is sick in the head so accept that fact and get her out of your system. Congratulations, you are now one of the statistics that various special interest groups will use to justify their existence. Have a look at the rates of arrest for stalking and the eventual outcomes of those arrests. Many arrests for stalking never get to the trial stage because they are false claims. A good number of cases that make it to trial result in acquittals. You are also about to discover that there is no such thing as justice in this world. You have been screwed by her and by the (pseudo) justice system.
pitprincess Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Originally posted by jtree Not cause I am wrong just cause. Um.... You been arrested, posted bond, got a court date.. Now your wanting to send flowers?? You would think you learned your lesson, but once they pick you up again i guess you will learn.
Donna Jones Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Originally posted by jtree now I face either felony or misdimeaners for the 2 charges and have to go to court for the restraining order. Plus i had to pay a lawyer $3K. All the statements she made were lies and I have emails to prove that, but $15K I have already spent just because she lied and charged me with some bull****. I know everyone can see she used me and screwed me hard, but I really love her. she has destroyed me and may ruin my life because she isn't dropping the charges. there is more but it would take pages to fill. Anyone have advice besides stay away from her? What in the hell is love to you? Abuse, control, extortion, self destruction, Oh stop me at any time man. Anyone have other advice you need besides stay away, Keep on calling, emailing, trying to send gifts or flowers, go to her job, hang on the steps of her house? You obviously enjoy all the fines & police records she is racking up against you, not to mention the bashing of your reputation, and your letting her do this to you by contacting her. If you don't like it, then stay away. My God man, it does not take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. You not in love, your obsessed. Donna
pitprincess Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Originally posted by Donna Jones You not in love, your obsessed. Donna Don't hold nothing back donna... lol
faux Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Originally posted by jtree I called her 10-15 times from Sunday afternoon til Monday night, Teusday morning I get arrested for stalking and terroist threats against her. I go to jail, post a $12,500 bond to get released and then get a restraint order from her to have no contact with her. All this within 2.5 weeks of breaking up. and she was all cool and nice the last week or so, emailing me and ****. Hopefully you can get hard copy print-outs of those emails, and get whatever email service you use to verify that those emails are, in fact, real. From what I gather, however, these emails won't help unless she claims she wished to have absolutely no contact with you at the time these transactions were being made. Apparently, if you were arrested, there was already enough solid evidence against you for a conviction. I have a feeling there is much more to this story than you have told. Now that she has a restraining order against you, I'd advise you not communicate with her by any possible means, unless you wish to go to jail again. I assume you have a TRO right now, which is why you need to go to court to see if a FRO will be granted. If she contacts you in any way before this time, SHE is also breaking the law and can face jail time. Restraining orders work both ways, so she cannot communicate with you in any fashion, either. Be sure to obey that order. now I face either felony or misdimeaners for the 2 charges and have to go to court for the restraining order. Plus i had to pay a lawyer $3K. All the statements she made were lies and I have emails to prove that, but $15K I have already spent just because she lied and charged me with some bull****. Again, you'd better hope that you have the emails to prove her statements are lies, and that you get a good criminal defense attorney on your side. If you were arrested, then the police had enough solid evidence to convict you. Since you were convicted, apparently not everything this girl is charging you with are lies and bull sh---. Even if what she said on the restraining order is not entirely true, your past convictions involving her will NOT help you. I know everyone can see she used me and screwed me hard, but I really love her. she has destroyed me and may ruin my life because she isn't dropping the charges. there is more but it would take pages to fill. Anyone have advice besides stay away from her? It sounds as though you got yourself into more trouble than she caused for you. Seeing as you have prior convictions involving this woman, I'd say things don't look good for you. I'm almost willing to bet that the TRO will become a FRO. I have advice: Do not communicate with her or her friends or family, in any method. Follow the terms of the TRO. Cross your fingers and hope that you nabbed yourself a VERY good criminal defense lawyer. If your lawyer doesn't specialize in criminal defense, I'd leave him and find one who does, and find one quick. Also, don't talk to anyone about this aside from your lawyer. Don't talk to the police under any circumstances. If they want to talk, then they don't have enough evidence to convict you. As you're fully aware of by now, when the police have solid evidence they book you then and there.
Craig Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Originally posted by faux Apparently, if you were arrested, there was already enough solid evidence against you for a conviction. faux, I have to disagree with you regarding your statement that if there was an arrest then there must be enough evidence for a conviction. Conviction rates for domestic violence offenses including stalking range from in the mid 20 percent to mid 90 percent depending on the State. Those stats are for cases that actually make it to trial, not all cases even make it trial. For example in recent San Francisco cases only 45 percent of all felony domestic abuse cases brought to the DA office were prosecuted, compared to a state average of 85 percent statewide. The conviction rate for San Francisco is 27 percent compared to 60 percent statewide. Just because someone is arrested doesn't mean that they even committed the crime for which they are charged. Many innocent people have been convicted of crimes they didn't commit and have served time or are now in prison see the following link. The Innocence Project http://www.innocenceproject.org/ In some of these cases there were genuine errors made by the police and DA however in other cases the complainant, the police, the expert witnesses and even the DA have misrepresented the facts or outright lied to get or attempt to get innocent people convicted. For example Joyce Gilchrist a forensic scientist under investigation for lying testified in the cases of 12 inmates who are on death row in Oklahoma and 11 who have already been executed. These cases are being re-examined as are more than 1,400 cases she worked on. An FBI report said Gilchrist gave testimony "that went beyond the acceptable limits of forensic science" or misidentified hair and fibers in at least six criminal cases. DNA Clears Oklahoma Prisoner http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2001/05/07/60II/main289880.shtml More stories on Gilchrist http://www.newsok.com/news/gilchrist If that weren't bad enough the rate of prosecution for perjury is effectively zero in many jurisdictions.
JTREEE Posted August 22, 2004 Posted August 22, 2004 thanks for all the advice, to clear up some things, I haven't been convicted of anything. I already have a lawyer and the things are going my way in a sense. I wasn't going to send flowers it was sarcasim I guess you guys are a little too serious. I am not obsessed, just want to know why someone would go off the deep end immediately. In california you can be arrested and detained for up to 72 hours and never get charged with anything. Its up to the DA to weather or not to charge, and in my situation my evidence was enough for them not to press charges, they are now sitting on it to see what happens. Unfortunately, they pulled some bull**** tro violations and I went back to jail for the last 3 days, its all a bunch of **** and my lawyer agress. Thats all I can really say without getting to specific but I think I have a good shot a beating this whole thing. Its just costing me a fortune. And no there is'nt much more the story than I have said thats why I am confused to begin with.
Recommended Posts