supermanthatho Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 My ex (of 3 yrs) broke up with me 7 months ago and the past 2 months we've gotten back to talking and hanging out but not exactly seeing each other. I've always wanted to get back with her thought. Anyway 3 weeks ago she was telling me that she's been thinking of "us" again. This was good news for me. But yesterday I went to a farewell party and there was this girl there. We got to talking and next thing you know we went to park and had sex. I've just felt horrible and guilty especially because I want to get back with my ex i still love her so much. Technically I haven't done anything wrong but I still feel so bad. Does my ex need to know this? I prefer to be honest and have no secrets. But technically it's none of her business and she's the one that broke up with me right?
Droplet Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Do you think your ex WANTS to know ? Do you think she would let you know if she had sex with a random guy ? Unless you end up together again and she asks you, do yourself a favor and keep that to yourself because telling her will only make you look like you are bragging and trying to hurt her or, if she believes that you feel guilty, that you are desperate. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 My ex (of 3 yrs) broke up with me 7 months ago and the past 2 months we've gotten back to talking and hanging out but not exactly seeing each other. I've always wanted to get back with her thought. Anyway 3 weeks ago she was telling me that she's been thinking of "us" again. This was good news for me. But yesterday I went to a farewell party and there was this girl there. We got to talking and next thing you know we went to park and had sex. I've just felt horrible and guilty especially because I want to get back with my ex i still love her so much. Technically I haven't done anything wrong but I still feel so bad. Does my ex need to know this? I prefer to be honest and have no secrets. But technically it's none of her business and she's the one that broke up with me right? Sex in the park? Respect.....but honestly, dont ask don't tell. I'd keep a "I don't want to know.what she did and I don't want her to know what I did" mentality.
Author supermanthatho Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 @ Droplet I think she will ask me and thats what im afraid of. I do not intend to brag or cause hurt to her. Even though we are broken up I still feel a weight o my shoulders especially if we may get back together. @ ConfusedHumanBeing Ill try to keep that mentality but i feel it will eat me up inside until she knows. I dont like keeping things from people. I dont like secrets. I want to be honest but I also dont want to lose that shot of having her back because I do want her back. I made a mistake and I disagree on what ive done, I feel like ive let myself down too cause that just isnt me to have one night stands as well.
HaveFaithxx Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Why on earth would you tell her about a one night stand!?! She broke up with you 7 months ago! If my ex bf told me that I would never speak to him again. I don't need to know that. I would feel like he wants to make me jealous or I would think he is so pathetic to think it is something worth telling people about. I would lose all respect for him if he told me. Sorry, I totally don't understand where you are coming from.... 1
Author supermanthatho Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 Why on earth would you tell her about a one night stand!?! She broke up with you 7 months ago! If my ex bf told me that I would never speak to him again. I don't need to know that. I would feel like he wants to make me jealous or I would think he is so pathetic to think it is something worth telling people about. I would lose all respect for him if he told me. Sorry, I totally don't understand where you are coming from.... I'm not trying to brag bout it and im not trying to tell people thats why i have come to this site for help or guidance. All Im saying is that i feel bad. I feel bad because I know its something that my ex would be hurt over. And if her and I were to get back together I know that I would feel like Iv cheated on her even though we have broken up 7 months ago and this one night stand happened yesterday. My ex wanted to hang out tonight but i said i was busy if though i wasnt. I just couldnt bare being in her presence knowing that Iv had sex with someone else. So Im asking what do i do? as in how do i stop this guilty feeling and where to from here?
Treasa Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 She doesn't need to know. You two are broken up. If she wanted you all to herself, she'd make it clear, you two would be together, and you'd be exclusive. Her loss if she doesn't come get you.
Author supermanthatho Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 She doesn't need to know. You two are broken up. If she wanted you all to herself, she'd make it clear, you two would be together, and you'd be exclusive. Her loss if she doesn't come get you. I agree completely but why do I still feel so guilty?
Gottabestrong Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I agree completely but why do I still feel so guilty? Because you still love her and she is the one you want to be with. Even though rationally you did not do anything wrong, your heart feels like you cheated. That's unfortunately how emotions work. Our feelings don't always jell with our thoughts. My advice: Remind yourself of the fact that she broke up with you. 7 months ago. And even though you guys are talking, she has not asked to get back together. 2
Author supermanthatho Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 Because you still love her and she is the one you want to be with. Even though rationally you did not do anything wrong, your heart feels like you cheated. That's unfortunately how emotions work. Our feelings don't always jell with our thoughts. My advice: Remind yourself of the fact that she broke up with you. 7 months ago. And even though you guys are talking, she has not asked to get back together. Thank you so much @Gottabestrong. It just clarified it and Im starting to feel not as bad but still wish it never happened. I think im just going to move on from this and learn from it. What's life without experiencing things hey, thank you
runnergirl_8 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I think if you two do end up getting back together it would be better to tell her the truth if she asks you...I'm assuming she will at some point. I was just in this situation and although knowing that my bf had sex with someone else while we were broken up really hurts, I know it meant nothing to him so I'm trying to get past it. It will take time, but if she really wants to give the relationship another shot, she'll get past it. It seems like you really love her and want to make it work, so hopefully she sees that! One word of advice I can offer is just to assure her, and reassure her, that it really didn't mean anything. Be patient with her and give her the time to process the info and figure out how she wants to deal with it. Good luck! 1
Author supermanthatho Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 (edited) I think if you two do end up getting back together it would be better to tell her the truth if she asks you...I'm assuming she will at some point. I was just in this situation and although knowing that my bf had sex with someone else while we were broken up really hurts, I know it meant nothing to him so I'm trying to get past it. It will take time, but if she really wants to give the relationship another shot, she'll get past it. It seems like you really love her and want to make it work, so hopefully she sees that! One word of advice I can offer is just to assure her, and reassure her, that it really didn't mean anything. Be patient with her and give her the time to process the info and figure out how she wants to deal with it. Good luck! Yeh id rather her know the truth however it looks like the relationship isnt going to get back anytime soon or at all and its annoying me because i have done so much for her but thank you anyways i hope you get past it soon and believe me the other girl means nothing to me, and nothing to your partner either if theyre saying that and reassuring you all the time Edited December 27, 2012 by supermanthatho
soccerrprp Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I have another question here: The girl you had sex with, is she expecting something more? No chance that she will ever tell or expose what happened?
Author supermanthatho Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 I have another question here: The girl you had sex with, is she expecting something more? No chance that she will ever tell or expose what happened? Im not sure if she is. I doubt it and I hope not. However she does know who my ex is and knows where she hangs out and stuff. (I live in a small city)
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