stingray115 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Ok so long story short i met this girl online and she was telling me about her past and she had a very bad past, it was so bad that she had cutting problems and she was grounded and was not supposed to have a phone nor was she suppose to date long distance but she did anyway because she thought i was worth it, but while we were dating she often seemed scared he would find out and said she wanted her old life back. Months pass and we break up because i got clingy but we start talking again and this time i change and take things slow..3 weeks into talking i take a vacation for 4 days i have no service but before this she was feeling down for her dad grounding her i cheer her up big time and then she tells me she hates me being so far away, i let her know that i can be there soon. So after the 4 days i get back and she is not herself we get into this huge fight and afterwards she tells me she is going to delete me but dosen't...next day she is saying she is going to date her best friend which she does..They get along horribly they fight almost everyday and they are rushing into a relationship really fast. The next day i question why she is acting this way and says she is going through a lot. I kinda annoyed her because i was really confused and just wanted a answer and that pushed her away. And kept bugging her. The thing is i saw a post on facebook that had her picture and something that she said to me when we were dating, this isnt to make me jelly because this is her other facebook i just recently found out about she dose not know i know about it. I know now she needed someone actully there but our relationship was so good is she trying to reflect that with her new bf? or does she do this with every guy? I told myself that i want to visit her to know for sure but i dont think she wants anything to do with me right now.
salparadise Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Sounds like a classic Borderline to me. If so, that means she will generate chaos wherever she goes, interpersonal relationships will always be unstable, and it can't be fixed. Blowups, impulsive, irrational, destructive. She is someone else's problem now--time for you to exit and close the door behind you. BPD 1
meeji Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Whatever it is, she cant handle the distance. Unless you are picking up to go be with her I would move on.Sounds like drama
Author stingray115 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 Thanks for the input about the disorder, i read up on it and its exactly how she acted and know i know why is it so hard to let go and it's like she lured me in being the "perfect girl" thank god it ended when it did before i completely got dragged into her little game i feel horrible for her new boyfriend. Poor guy but thank you again, merry Christmas
salparadise Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I'm glad it helped and hopefully you will be able move on with understanding. Cutting was the tipoff but the other behaviors were consistent as well. Another feature of BPD is problems with object constancy. When you're not there, it feels to them like you don't exist. Their needs aren't being met, emptiness prevails and it feels to them as if you have abandoned them. Of course fear of abandonment is a primary issue for them. They do the "I hate you, don't leave me" number.
Author stingray115 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 Yeah the thing is she wanted to break up with me at a point but the next day told me she just needed a break and still "loved me" It was weird she always had these mood shifts like throughout the day she wouldn't text me at all then suddenly send me a text saying she missed me or something. And whenever i did something wrong like one thing she went crazy, she always twisted words around and she needs serious help but i'm thankful for it ending where it did before things progressed, i should be more careful next time and hopefully she will get help one day but thanks again this has really helped.
salparadise Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 (edited) The mood shifts are called "splitting." Borderlines cannot integrate the concept of good and bad existing within the same entity, so their concept of the other person is good or bad, with no gradation or coexistence whatsoever (black and white thinking). They also do not have good borders between the self and other, so they become part of the other and the other is part of them in close relationships. When the other is not making the feel good they are all bad, however, since this includes the part of them that is not distinct from the other they too must be bad. They cannot tolerate thinking of themselves as bad. It produces existential anxiety about their self concept. The result it a meltdown, blowup or "splitting." They attack the other for producing this anxiety within them. So the other is responsible for their state of mind. This is a no win situation for the other. Edited December 24, 2012 by salparadise
Author stingray115 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 Wow i never knew it was so serious and i know it was just a long distance thing but this had me worried for weeks and i just didn't know, i never even heard of this disorder, when i saw her treating her new boyfriend(victim) the same as me i was confused because i thought i was special to her but now i see the light. I know it does not seem like much but i cannot thank you enough, letting her go will be so much easier and i feel so free.
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