Would I Stand a Chance With a Guy?

[OctEmber]

This is more of a question for guys, but girls please do chime in too if you have advice.

 

I seem to have developed a crush on a long time acquaintance. He’s a nice guy and attractive. He’s in pretty good shape, but I wouldn’t say he’s a gym rat. He has some fat on his bones. He is nice and fairly outgoing, but can also be just a touch on the shy side too. He’s pretty down to earth, we’re mere acquaintances so I don’t know much about his family life or friends. He may have a girlfriend that I’m unaware of. In talking to him I’ve discovered we do have quite a few things in common.

 

As for me, I’m very shy. I do have some pretty bad social issues and I’ll also say that I have trust issues too. Things have happened in my life which contributed to this, but I don’t want to get into that. Anyway, as I said I’m shy. It takes me a good couple of months at least before I can really start to feel comfortable talking to new people. I’m also overweight. I’m not morbidly obese or anything like that, but I could definitely stand to lose some weight. I’ve already started making life style changes to better myself. I consider myself average looking. I’ve also been spending more time on getting myself ready in the morning which seems to be starting to give me some confidence

 

Anyway, with all that said I’m just wondering if in general a girl like me would stand a chance with a guy like him. So please do chime in guys. Would you consider dating an average looking heavier girl if you had stuff in common? If you did decide to date a girl like that would your friends rag on you about it? If he does like me, what signs should I be looking for? What subtle hints can I drop to let him know I’m liking him? Any other advice would be welcome

 

Oh and if it matters, we’re both in our lower 30’s.

Edited December 23, 2012 by OctEmber

[Eddie Edirol]

 

Anyway, with all that said I’m just wondering if in general a girl like me would stand a chance with a guy like him. So please do chime in guys. Would you consider dating an average looking heavier girl if you had stuff in common? If you did decide to date a girl like that would your friends rag on you about it? If he does like me, what signs should I be looking for? What subtle hints can I drop to let him know I’m liking him? Any other advice would be welcome

 

Oh and if it matters, we’re both in our lower 30’s.

 

Youre in your 30s, you dont do high school hints anymore. You ask him out and expect he will say no, and get it over with. Otherwise, you will keep dropping hints hanging around hoping he will drop hints back, and in the meantime, you get attached, and get broken hearted when you see him with a skinny women that was more bold. Trust issues is no excuse to avoid/fear rejection at your age.

 

But other than that, if youre really overweight (thats subjective) you have no place to be shy, as youre not what guys that are in shape are after. So the more you weigh, the more aggressive you have to be. But if you are round overweight, a guy like this would not date you unless he had a fetish. Having things in common has no bearing above attractiveness. Physical attraction always comes first, and is always the bug in the ear if its overlooked for an agenda.

 

So you have to stay in your league, and date an overweight guy.

 

Alot of people here will tell you that only personality counts, but they never tell you that only counts with people that have choices, and dont have to wonder if people like them. Im going to tell you the real deal so you can gauge if you have to work on yourself before thinking of a relationship.

 

But since I cant see a pic of you, theres no way to really tell what I would think of your chances.

 

If you think you are overweight:

 

And look like this:

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2006/12/Abefore121206_191x350.jpg

 

YOu have to concentrate on the gym before relationships.

 

and you look like this:

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100925133243/gone/images/b/bd/Overweight_women.jpg

 

Its not bad, and youre not really overweight, and you'll be all good unless the guy likes waifs.

 

Keep in mind, a pretty face on an overweight body wont always make up for the problem.

[OctEmber]

So, basically because I'm currently overweight I don't deserve to happy and in love with someone who make me happy? If I'm not your type that's fine, but to say I need to go to the gym before I can even consider dating,... well, that's a bit harsh.

[Keenly]

So, basically because I'm currently overweight I don't deserve to happy and in love with someone who make me happy? If I'm not your type that's fine, but to say I need to go to the gym before I can even consider dating,... well, that's a bit harsh.

 

 

Idk if thats harsh, I thought I read YOU saying that in the OP

 

"I’m also overweight. I’m not morbidly obese or anything like that, but I could definitely stand to lose some weight. I’ve already started making life style changes to better myself." Use him as your motivation

[Treasa]

I've had hot looking guys and really ugly guys. While I was overweight. My personality and sense of humor were so strong that I never had problems with people liking me. In fact, it was only in the past couple of years that I realized that more people liked me than I thought, but I had this stupid internal monologue going on, and...well, nevermind.

 

Anyway, no one here can tell you if this guy would like you or not, because no one is this guy. Guys who are in great shape date women of all different shapes and sizes. However, if you don't think highly of yourself and are very introverted, that could make things really difficult.

 

I think working on how you feel about yourself and working on being more open and outgoing would be a better use of your time.

[MrCastle]

What helps women in the weight department is the face is usually one of the last places where the weight shows. With men, it mostly shows in the face/chest/stomach. I've seen plenty of facially attractive women who had some extra pounds on them, but considered dating them because their face was so pretty.

 

I believe in sitting out of the dating game until you present your best self. Your odds of getting a higher quality mate are better the higher quality you are.

 

So I wouldn't focus on dating right now but improving yourself in all facets. And put yourself out there.

 

That's how I did it. I was unsuccessful. Never flat out rejected, just friend zoned, but enough so that I decided to take a year working on myself. Improving my dress style, conditioning my personality to fit the mold I was aiming for, that included eliminating bad habits and overall rewiring my brain to think and react to situations differently (in ways that made me more attractive to women). Then, when I felt I was ready, I put myself out there.

[sid3]

So, basically because I'm currently overweight I don't deserve to happy and in love with someone who make me happy? If I'm not your type that's fine, but to say I need to go to the gym before I can even consider dating,... well, that's a bit harsh.

 

Life is harsh.

[Mary Shadows]

You just need to focus on your inner Self. You could always change how you look, if you feel you need to. I don't see how your weight has to do with finding love. Unless you're secure with yourself, no one will be able to fix you. You have to do the inner work on yourself, and start loving yourself. Be confident, and outgoing.Guys pick up on that.

[edgygirl]

So, basically because I'm currently overweight I don't deserve to happy and in love with someone who make me happy? If I'm not your type that's fine, but to say I need to go to the gym before I can even consider dating,... well, that's a bit harsh.

 

This guy might like you or not, we can't tell you that. How would people in the internet know without you giving any specifics on your interaction? You should hit on him and see. Different guys like different kind of girls, so it's possible. I feel like you should try to find a way to have more confidence in yourself.

 

But let me be honest with you. I was overweight for two years and now I'm thin again. My therapist had told me that the pool of men who'd date you when you're overweight diminishes significantly. After I lost the weight I'm sorry to say that she was right. The difference is blatant.

 

The world does suck because the media standards are not favorable for bigger people. Obviously you can find a guy to date now, but from my experience it will most likely be either a chubby chaser or a really nice guy who will love you for who you are (which would be the perfect thing but hard to find these days). I prefer to be the one doing the choosing, so if I were you I'd try to lose the weight. Both for you mental and physical health. If you tried your best and can't do it naturally I suggest you look into this weight loss procedure a friend did and now she is stick thin. The best part is her insurance paid for it (15K+ I think): Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) - Also known as Sleeve Gastrectomy, Vertical Gastrectomy

[MrCastle]

You just need to focus on your inner Self. You could always change how you look, if you feel you need to. I don't see how your weight has to do with finding love. Unless you're secure with yourself, no one will be able to fix you. You have to do the inner work on yourself, and start loving yourself. Be confident, and outgoing.Guys pick up on that.

 

No one will be able to fix her? She can lose weight!

 

Barring a medical condition that prevents her from losing weight like a normal person, she can decide to get in shape and improve her chances of getting the men she wants.

 

This "you are who you are" mantra that some people believe is dangerous. If you don't like aspects of your physical or personal, and can change them--change them.

[runningfar]

This is more of a question for guys, but girls please do chime in too if you have advice.

 

I seem to have developed a crush on a long time acquaintance. He’s a nice guy and attractive. He’s in pretty good shape, but I wouldn’t say he’s a gym rat. He has some fat on his bones. He is nice and fairly outgoing, but can also be just a touch on the shy side too. He’s pretty down to earth, we’re mere acquaintances so I don’t know much about his family life or friends. He may have a girlfriend that I’m unaware of. In talking to him I’ve discovered we do have quite a few things in common.

 

As for me, I’m very shy. I do have some pretty bad social issues and I’ll also say that I have trust issues too. Things have happened in my life which contributed to this, but I don’t want to get into that. Anyway, as I said I’m shy. It takes me a good couple of months at least before I can really start to feel comfortable talking to new people. I’m also overweight. I’m not morbidly obese or anything like that, but I could definitely stand to lose some weight. I’ve already started making life style changes to better myself. I consider myself average looking. I’ve also been spending more time on getting myself ready in the morning which seems to be starting to give me some confidence

 

Anyway, with all that said I’m just wondering if in general a girl like me would stand a chance with a guy like him. So please do chime in guys. Would you consider dating an average looking heavier girl if you had stuff in common? If you did decide to date a girl like that would your friends rag on you about it? If he does like me, what signs should I be looking for? What subtle hints can I drop to let him know I’m liking him? Any other advice would be welcome

 

Oh and if it matters, we’re both in our lower 30’s.

 

I was really concerned about my weight getting back into dating after my divorce. It seems I've had more an issue with it than any guy.

I don't think you can tell who will be interested in who. Just give it a shot. Then you know.

[FitChick]

I believe in sitting out of the dating game until you present your best self. Your odds of getting a higher quality mate are better the higher quality you are.

You'd think this would be common sense. Those who say "Take me as I am" are usually left on the shelf.

[bobsmith76]

OP,

Definitely lose weight, that's a major turn off.

[OctEmber]

Ok, so I know that life is harsh. Believe me when I say I probably know this more than most if not all of you. Everything bad that can happen to a girl has happened to me. I also have a medical condition which does make weight loss difficult, but I am working on it and I’m making progress. I fully intend on “fixing” myself. Not because of my need for a man, but because I want to live a healthier life.

 

As for the guy I’m crushing on, we have had several conversations lately which were not too deep, but we do have quite a bit in common. Stupid stuff really, but we’d have to start somewhere right? The problem is that I’ve always been super shy.I know one of you said I have no right really to be shy, but believe me I do. I’ve dealt with a lot in my life and it has affected me negatively. So because of my shyness I’ve never been the pursuer. I’m not sure how to begin making a move on a guy or how to read his signs.

 

You know what else is weird. When I’m talking to people I rarely make eye (at least not steady eye contact), but when it’s a guy I’m into I stare into his eyes the whole time we’re talking. Is that good or bad? I don’t want to freak him out by constant eye contact!

[crude]

Sometimes women are hard on themselves unnecessarily. Not every man wants a scrawny, flat chested woman who's built like a man. A little meat on the bones can be great if it's in the right places. Pleasingly plump + some self confidence is attractive to many men, not all, but many.

[Eddie Edirol]

You know what else is weird. When I’m talking to people I rarely make eye (at least not steady eye contact), but when it’s a guy I’m into I stare into his eyes the whole time we’re talking. Is that good or bad? I don’t want to freak him out by constant eye contact!

 

Do you at least blink while youre staring at him like that? You dont have to have a constant gaze, but too much eye contact can smell of desperation.

[TheZebra]

No one will be able to fix her? She can lose weight!

 

Barring a medical condition that prevents her from losing weight like a normal person, she can decide to get in shape and improve her chances of getting the men she wants.

 

This "you are who you are" mantra that some people believe is dangerous. If you don't like aspects of your physical or personal, and can change them--change them.

 

So true... the worst part is that the people with the worst problems don't want to date people similar to them. I hang out with some very overweight guys who want women to love them for them, but the only women they're looking at are 5-10 years younger than them and look like they came out of a playboy ad. Yeah, as if.

 

I used to believe the whole 'people have to like you for you' thing and it's so stupid. You know what I did after my ex left me? I lost 20 pounds, straightened my hair, stopped chewing my nails, and got a tan; and that's just in the physical department. For the first time in my life I'm getting noticed by dudes when I go out and I'm happy I made those changes.

 

Physical changes are so easy to make too. Getting smarter or getting a better personality are difficult; most women can't do it. If you're already intelligent and nice, then make the extra effort to primp up on the outside and you're set! It's easy to get a guy then (or easIER at least)!

[todreaminblue]

dont listen to the ones who tell you nto to dat ebecause you carry extra weight some sparky guy saying its a turn off lose some weight/....big fat pfffft to him...you do what you feel comfortable with if you need to build confidence the thing with exercise and fresh air it gives you a boost......gives you a mental boost as well as physical.....it si also how you carry yourself and hwo you walk its in movement, a heavy girl can get dates just being comfortable in her own skin, enjoying life and not caring what the guy is thinking who is staring.....he could be thinking yuck he could be thinking ok how do i ask this girl out...doesnt matter....what he thinks

 

it matters only that you are happy with who you are inside...i asked a guy out recentyl i am overweight working on it too....getting pretty fit.......he said no....others are showing interest ....but i am not ready to move on...if you can be open and honest with people share laughs share some passion for soemthing a few extra kilos suddenly go irrelevant.....works for me.....can worjk for you...ask him if he says no, he says no

 

 

take the time you need for yourself and eventually you will mvo eon from that.....everyone always has a chance......but if you dotn kamikaze you dont get that chance..so ask....ill wish you the best and hope that you find that happiness in your life and love.....deb

[paintedtree]

This is more of a question for guys, but girls please do chime in too if you have advice.

 

I seem to have developed a crush on a long time acquaintance. He’s a nice guy and attractive. He’s in pretty good shape, but I wouldn’t say he’s a gym rat. He has some fat on his bones. He is nice and fairly outgoing, but can also be just a touch on the shy side too. He’s pretty down to earth, we’re mere acquaintances so I don’t know much about his family life or friends. He may have a girlfriend that I’m unaware of. In talking to him I’ve discovered we do have quite a few things in common.

 

As for me, I’m very shy. I do have some pretty bad social issues and I’ll also say that I have trust issues too. Things have happened in my life which contributed to this, but I don’t want to get into that. Anyway, as I said I’m shy. It takes me a good couple of months at least before I can really start to feel comfortable talking to new people. I’m also overweight. I’m not morbidly obese or anything like that, but I could definitely stand to lose some weight. I’ve already started making life style changes to better myself. I consider myself average looking. I’ve also been spending more time on getting myself ready in the morning which seems to be starting to give me some confidence

 

Anyway, with all that said I’m just wondering if in general a girl like me would stand a chance with a guy like him. So please do chime in guys. Would you consider dating an average looking heavier girl if you had stuff in common? If you did decide to date a girl like that would your friends rag on you about it? If he does like me, what signs should I be looking for? What subtle hints can I drop to let him know I’m liking him? Any other advice would be welcome

 

Oh and if it matters, we’re both in our lower 30’s.

 

Ack, this breaks my heart. Of course you have a chance with him!! You're a person, he's a person.

 

Here are some universal truths:

1.) EVERYONE has baggage. Everyone has had some crappy things happen to them. This does not make you undesirable. This makes you unique, this makes you you. These events are woven into the person you are right now, and that person is one-of-a-kind.

 

2.) If a guy doesn't give you a chance because he judges your weight... I'm sorry, that's not a very nice guy and I wouldn't consider dating him anyway. I understand if someone is morbidly obese, okay, attraction would be difficult or health issues would have to be considered... but being "heavier" does not make you an untouchable in the dating world. I am a fit girl, and I have dated my fair share of heavier guys. Why? Because they were awesome guys.

 

3.) No one will love you, til you love you. I know that is so cheesy, but it's truth. You need to work on feeling more confident about yourself. I can guarantee you're a wonderful person, whether he sees it or not.

 

Okay, go ask him out (after you find out if he has a girlfriend)!

[PogoStick]

A cute face with a great personality goes a long ways, but not all women keep a pretty face when overweight. There is no substitute for a killer personality.

 

However, there are cute girls with a great personality AND are proportionate. Which will a guy prefer?

[OctEmber]

Do you at least blink while youre staring at him like that? You dont have to have a constant gaze, but too much eye contact can smell of desperation.

Yes, I blink. It's not a constant stare, but when we're talking I look him in the eyes. For some reason I find it difficult to look people in the eyes EXCEPT for my crushes. I can be in the room without staring at him, or even really looking at him for that matter.

 

I saw him again today and when I walked into the room and looked up at him his eyes were already fixed on me. We made brief eye contact until I guess I got spooked and looked away. Later on we chatted a bit more. Again, light conversation nothing serious.

[OctEmber]

Well... the bomb has been dropped. My crush is officially off the market. He has a girlfriend and kids. The thing is, I met his girlfriend and her and I actually look pretty similar. She's not as heavy set as I am, but she definitely has extra meat on her bones. Oddly enough too, I feel that I'm prettier than she is. I'm usually very intimidated by other girls, but I didn't feel a thing when I saw her. If my crush has a type, I'm certainly in the right category which is a good thing.

 

With all of that said, I'm not planning on interfering in their relationship - especially since there are kids involved. I grew up in a broken home and know how rough it is so until they've split I've decided to just keep my feelings for him hidden and we'll continue on having a casual friendship. When and if they split, since I know what he likes now, maybe just maybe I'll let him know how I feel.

 

Oh, and on a good note. I'm down 15lb and feeling great. I'm feeling good about myself these days so even if it never works out with this guy, I think I'll end up finding someone else.