SJC2008 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 (edited) This woman I've been seeing seems to have changed her text tone as of late. We are "slowing down" and seem to be going through a power struggle and I backed of to show I'm willing to slow down so I let her be for a while and 3 days later she contacts me first. Anway she invited me somewhere earlier in the week and I couldn't go as I was hanging out with a friend but later on that night I invited her out and she couldn't make it. Anyway I texted her later asking if she watched a certian tv show (to see if she was gonna get what I was gonna tease her about) and she's like "No but I know about it, what's up?" Anyway a couple days later I texted her general convo and asked her if she heard about somehthing that happened in pop culture and she's responded that she didn't and then said "just got out of bed, what's up"?. So that's two what's ups in a row and she's never responded to me like that. Later on I was on facebook and noticed she commented on some posts around the same time or a little earlier but I get the just got out of bed treatment?? Am I reading too much in between the lines or is there somehthing to take note of? Edited December 23, 2012 by SJC2008 edit
TheZebra Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Woman here. Normally I only use the 'what's up?' text when someone sends me a very pointless text... like just a smiley face, or a bunch of exclamation marks. I absolutely hate it when people do that since I like my texts to have some sort of point. If she's anything like me, she just likes talking with some sort of purpose to it rather than general conversation. If I want to carry out a conversation I save it for a phone call or in person. The fact that she replies is a good sign though. If she was truly annoyed by you she wouldn't even bother responding and would ignore you. 2
Badsingularity Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 (edited) .......................... Edited December 23, 2012 by Badsingularity
NoMoreJerks Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 (edited) OP, I had a power struggle over text with my ex. Mainly, it started after I kept trying to walk on eggshells for months over text. If I texted too much, my ex would get mad. If I didn't text a lot (not even talking about not texting at all, or acting distant), he would get paranoid and accuse me of being in one of my "moods." He would then pull back and not send me any texts, or would send a casual "are u up to much today?" At some point I decided to respond in kind and mirror his behaviour. He got even more mad at me for that. But really, he was asking for it, after making me walk on eggshells... i felt damned if i did, damned if i didn't, so I just decided to mirror his moods/behaviour. Then, after he got mad and told me I shouldn't do that, I tried a different approach. If he acted distant , I would try to just be friendly and talk about some other stuff, pretending nothing was going on. And that upset him even more. Clearly, he was using his distant tone via text to manipulate me or get a reaction out of me, and wasn't happy when I didn't reciprocate either... I just didn't know what else to do. I had tried everything. Honestly, stop overthinking this and doing this stuff over text. Just call her up (at the very least). You can never tell someone's true intentions via text. I hate text, as it ruins everything. My ex was a big text person because he hated anything that could show his emotions (including voice ). You will get a clearer idea about why she's acting the way she is, if you call her up. My ex and I never had a misunderstanding/miscommunication over phone calls -- only texting. I abhor texting for that very same reason and the next guy who tries to text his way into a pseudo-relationship with me, I will show him the door right away. Edited December 23, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
CptSaveAho Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I dont understand this "power struggle" concept. Guy's lead, women follow. Ask her out for a burger hang out and have fun... if she's too busy to hang out... NEXT her
Badsingularity Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I don't think it's a big deal or anything to worry about. My wife used to text like that when we were dating and now we are happily married.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 This is an example of why context is important. Texting "what's up" is not a problem in itself. But given your previous threads on this girl, she is just not as interested as you are. You know this, so you are on edge, obsessing, over-analyzing little meaningless details while forgetting the big picture. The big picture is that she told you she doesn't want a relationship. In a dating context, this always means "I don't want a relationship with you". 1
Author SJC2008 Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 This is an example of why context is important. Texting "what's up" is not a problem in itself. But given your previous threads on this girl, she is just not as interested as you are. You know this, so you are on edge, obsessing, over-analyzing little meaningless details while forgetting the big picture. The big picture is that she told you she doesn't want a relationship. In a dating context, this always means "I don't want a relationship with you". I should of never messaged her. Her profile said date but not serious but in the actual profile it was worded like she wanted one. We talked about it on our 3rd date and I should of ended it then but she came on really strong after that and even initiated contact right after the 3rd date. She was plenty "available" for someone who wanted to date around and initiated A LOT of contact and invites. Way too much for somene who wants to "test the waters". Anyway, when we had a big talk after our 5th date we decided to slow down. I backed off for a while to slow down and to send her a sign that I could walk away too but she contacted me first. But I think I should walk away as I'm already invested in someone who doesn't know what they want and I don't want to be used as a warm body...
CptSaveAho Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I should of never messaged her. Her profile said date but not serious but in the actual profile it was worded like she wanted one. We talked about it on our 3rd date and I should of ended it then but she came on really strong after that and even initiated contact right after the 3rd date. She was plenty "available" for someone who wanted to date around and initiated A LOT of contact and invites. Way too much for somene who wants to "test the waters". Anyway, when we had a big talk after our 5th date we decided to slow down. I backed off for a while to slow down and to send her a sign that I could walk away too but she contacted me first. But I think I should walk away as I'm already invested in someone who doesn't know what they want and I don't want to be used as a warm body... This is your fatal flaw in dating... and a lot of guys on this forum You read too much into little things and dont focus on actions Always sit in the drivers seat in dating... never let them "drive" You don't have "talks"... you need to learn to play "dumb" make them laugh and chase you. If I am interested in a girl, I'm going to ask her to hang out for a burger, shes going to say yes, or counteroffer, or say something lame... If it's the something lame, I dont waste my time anymore That girl has all the power now and is not interested because you've already had "the talk" women want a guy that's a mystery and exciting, its part of the chase. When a girl is ready... she will have "the talk" and say we should date, be exclusive, whatever Next this girl and try again with a new one 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Yeah, you should find the strength to walk away. It's easier said than done :/ I did similar a little while back when a guy told me he doesn't want a relationship. I slept with him anyway, (stupid me). He had all those reasons how he has severe intimacy problems, his parent's divorce, being single for so long etc. I wanted to help him. Well, he now met someone else and had no problem getting into a relationship with her. I have him on Facebook which helps me learn my lesson.
Author SJC2008 Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 This is your fatal flaw in dating... and a lot of guys on this forum You read too much into little things and dont focus on actions Always sit in the drivers seat in dating... never let them "drive" You don't have "talks"... you need to learn to play "dumb" make them laugh and chase you. If I am interested in a girl, I'm going to ask her to hang out for a burger, shes going to say yes, or counteroffer, or say something lame... If it's the something lame, I dont waste my time anymore That girl has all the power now and is not interested because you've already had "the talk" women want a guy that's a mystery and exciting, its part of the chase. When a girl is ready... she will have "the talk" and say we should date, be exclusive, whatever Next this girl and try again with a new one That wasn't what the talk was about, nothing about me asking her about being in an r or any of the sorts. It was to talk about her texting me out of left field that she was going on a date and didn't want to hurt my feelings. I tried to next her (bluffing) and told her if she thinks she's gonna hurt me then "end it now" and she said lets be friends than I told her I don't have time for friends then she said she didn't want to cut me out of her life blah blah blah. So after agreeing to "slow down" I went NC on purpose to show her I wasn't sprung like some puppy dog and she caved first. As to her actions look at her actions I wrote about in the thread. Her actions aren't matching her words. Who maintains almost daily contact when they're "testing the waters" Hell she came on stronger than I did and this is what I'm confused about. She either want's me around as a warm body or is more interested than she's letting on. Either way it's not a good situation for me so mabye I should next her??
Author SJC2008 Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 And if she wasn't invested as she says why would she contact me first after I fall off the radar? Why would she then take the same amount of time to respond after I responded to her? She wouldn't care??
Author SJC2008 Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 I must admit I'm hoping she likes me like her actions show but is afraid to get hurt again so I wan't to weather the storm if you will but I don't know if it's healty to put myself through this? It's taking a toll on me look at how much I'm posting.
CptSaveAho Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 (edited) She's a user - you already know it It was to talk about her texting me out of left field that she was going on a date and didn't want to hurt my feelings. I tried to next her (bluffing) and told her if she thinks she's gonna hurt me then "end it now" and she said lets be friends than I told her I don't have time for friends then she said she didn't want to cut me out of her life blah blah blah. STAY IN THE DRIVERS SEAT - if you give a woman the wheel, she will drive you and her off a cliff... and sure enough you let her drive and you are paying for it Reread my advice and follow it It prevents you from being used, keep your emotions in check and listen to your gut and follow it Edited December 23, 2012 by CptSaveAho
snowflakes88 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Lots of people maintain daily contact for attention or an ego stroke. She doesn't sound legit interested, sorry.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Lots of people maintain daily contact for attention or an ego stroke. She doesn't sound legit interested, sorry. Yes, I have done it on occasion. I have had it done to me too. Mutual high interest is very hard to find. 1
Mary Shadows Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 ughh I hate texts from guys I'm interested in. Here's why--if a man is really serious about a woman, he calls the OP. He doesn't cut corners and try to have a conversation through texts. Good you called her. Wait a day, and call her again. Good luck! 1
CptSaveAho Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 ughh I hate texts from guys I'm interested in. Here's why--if a man is really serious about a woman, he calls the OP. He doesn't cut corners and try to have a conversation through texts. Good you called her. Wait a day, and call her again. Good luck! LOL STOP projecting Dont call her OP
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