ActionJ623 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 This is my first post on here so bear with me guys Recently my ex girlfriend and I have been off and on for about a year now. This constant state of not knowing has put a strain on both of us, and it is really starting to show.I'm ready to give it a final shot and really settle down, however, i'm afraid she isn't in the same mindset as me. This time I was the dumpee around October and we kept talking, acting like friends, while she told me she was crushing on a new guy! She told me about this new guy like the night she told me, "I need space right now, and I don't know about our relationship." I shoulda just let her have her space right then and there but I was distraught about this guy. She always wanted the romantic fairytale relationship but I guess I couldn't give her that so this new guy is her dream escape. Recently I realized I needed to back off and on day 7 of NC (It's felt like a lifetime ) and I wonder if she will figure out what she wants (preferably me) or just move on without giving our relationship another chance. She post things on facebook (and yes I know i should not look at them but it takes much will power and it seemed bad to delete her if i want her back) about finding somebody new and "true" love. She also told me things wont work out between her and the other guy and she acted like she wanted to try again ever since day one but all my advances were rejected so she must be sad about this new guy not liking her i suppose, and i was plan b. So down to the real question...based on my situation should I continue NC (I want 3-5 weeks until I start to heal and feel better not just get back) and if so how long until she realizes what she wants!! I mean gah I would have more peace if she just told me to go F*** myself at this point. Or should I let her go completely..which will be hard because I still love her completely. Tips on surviving NC and heartbreak?
Amelie1980 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I should take my own advice here. but you should not let he have this power over you. you should decide to have.nothing more to do with her as if you get back together, will you ever trust her again anyway Go NC and leave well alone. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Give her all the space in the world. Do not bother with her. She wants to have her cake and eat it too, or soemthing along those lines. She's playing the field, and stringing you along, kinda. Go NC and maintain it. It won't be pretty, but it's prettier than the devastation when you do give her a chance and she bails on you AGAIN, this time for good. You will probably not be able to eat solid foods for a while. I didn't during my first break-up, and can't now ( a few hours ago my bf dumped me yet again, this time for good). I haven't had anything to eat, and that is probably not unusual and will keep on happening for a few weeks until you get back into your previous lifestyle without them. That said, the timing does not help at all. Christmastime is usually depressing enough for people who can't find someone to be with, let alone for people who were dumped 2 days before Christmas..
Author ActionJ623 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 Thanks to the replies, I managed to get through another day of NC and i'm glad because she changed her new profile pic to her and this new guy....needless to say I wasn't extremely happy, but this time idk it struck a chord to see she's moving on...but it's a day by day thing and NC seems like a step I shoulda took a long time ago to move on myself.
denxnis Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Relationships born from infidelity have less than 1% of surviving - I recently learned this I was/am in the same boat as you, no one can give you a time limit on how long it will take to heal or for her to come around if she does, but if you do the following I promise you will feel better in a few weeks. (1) No contact whatsoever. No facebook, calling, texting, emailing until you see something along the lines of "I f**ked up". (2) Hit the gym, drink protein shakes if you have no appetite. (3) Read or watch something motivational everyday - I have some material if you are interested. (4) Don't worry about trying to find someone new, start worrying about making more $$ and improving your look.
na49 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I'd imagine seeing your ex with a new guy would be a dagger to the heart. Luckily I haven't shared the same fate, I stopped looking at my ex's facebook almost two months ago and am deathly afraid of seeing her profile now. (Literally scared of seeing it like a kid is afraid of a monster in their closet lol) As for your situation, NC is obviously the best way to go. She wants you to wait around for her just in case her current situation doesn't work out. Despite what she tells you, she isn't sure if it will or not. It probably won't, but why should you wait for that to happen? It may be a year, it may be a month, but you'll have waited however long and missed out on opportunities to improve yourself or meet someone else. If I were you, I'd save myself the heartbreak and BLOCK her on facebook. Seriously, nothing you see on her profile will make you feel better. She's loving life without you? She's head over heels in love (yeah bullsh*t) with her new guy? None of this will help you move on. So if I was in your situation I'd block her. You don't need to explain anything to her. Just disappear from her life, she WILL miss you and WILL contact you. Trust me. 2
Author ActionJ623 Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 The only part that really bothers me about this new guy is how fast it all happened, and it's a shame because she was probably getting closer and liking him while we were still together ...nobody should have to see their ex with somebody else so soon, and especially if they haven't moved on but NC is definitely being maintained. As she still has some of my stuff I asked a friend to just contact her and pick it up for me, and i'm pretty much done with her until I heal and she contacts me on the terms of getting back with me (I doubt this but even then I will probably end up rejecting her...oh irony). Thanks to everybody that responded and if anybody has anymore tips please feel free to reply.
nsteen87 Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 Action, I'm going through the same thing currently on the same exact time frame..BU on first week of October. We tried to talk through it for weeks but I've been NC for 3 weeks and I honestly don't think we will ever talk again. I dated her for a year and we were on and off for a year. Successful relationships should ALWAYS move forward, not backwards. Cut the cord and move on, there is no point in waiting for someone who isn't sure of themselves and what they want. She wants to keep you around for the convenience and you deserve better buddy
Author ActionJ623 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 It sucks though because she seemingly moved on and acts like I never existed...plus I got the dreaded "Merry Christmas!" text but I never got it (a friend told me she was upset because she thinks i'm bitter and mad at her) to prove a point the next day I simply explained and told her a late merry Christmas...but even that little exchange seemed to damper my moods.:mad:Then add that my friends seem to always bring her up I'm aggravated and just want to get to the point where I just don't care.
Inviv_girl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Im sorry for your situation, but dont worry I, too at the same page as you right now! except I dont even get merry christmas whatsoever from him. Doing NC now, it reallt hard for me. Really hard! but I know that Ishouldnt hang around waiting for someone that doesnt want me. I love him so much, more than anything in the world, he left me and broke all his promises. He hurt me like hell! and Im devastated. But I know I should move on! Not having him on my facebook do me great favor to get over him but certainly Im not! I still think about him every single day and cry still! I know it takes time and I dont dont know when I will be heel but there will be! trust yourself and people here that we will all get through this together and we all will be happy again one day! Cheers and big hug to you and all of us who suffer the same. We will be happy again one day!!
Author ActionJ623 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Well i'm still going NC and I was doing good about the no FB thing...but I broke and looked at it. All she said is, "For once I want somebody to not give up on me so easily" and I nearly broke right there and tried to resume contact....I maintained my composure and came here instead....it's almost like she thinks I initiated the breakup somehow.....I guess I learned my lesson never to look again:mad:
Recommended Posts