ellieryan85 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 So, I was dating this guy for about 6 months and everything was going great. We got along fantastically, and even though we both had busy schedules we still saw each other at least twice a week. About a week ago, we were hanging out after an awesome date where nothing seemed wrong. And then, out of nowhere he told me he didn't see a future with me. He said he'd been thinking about it for a week, after his mom asked him if he was going to invite me to Christmas. During the break up he seemed really upset, and even said he hadn't planned on breaking up with me until we started talking. He told me he has never not had an awesome time with me. He said he still wanted to be friends--and we've known each other for a while and have the same circle of friends. He seemed so depressed and said a lot of out of charectar things--like he had no one to talk to about his feelings as he doesn't have close friends, and that I could tell everyone how much he sucks (not my personality at all.) He said he didn't know why he was breaking up with me. Anyway, fast forward a week later, and my friends and I are hanging out and they mention how he has always had commitment issues. I knew he'd had short relationships, but I had thought maybe he just hadn't found the girl. But he didn't even tell his best friend we'd broken up. He hasn't told anyone... I'm giving him some space so he can figure out what his deal is, and then I'm going to talk to him. I'm not planning on asking him to get back together, but I'm not sure how to address this situation. Like I said, we've been friends for a while, we're going to still run into each other as we have the same friends group. Does anyone have any suggestions? I am so lost!
sweetkiwi Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 I want to give you advice but it'd be a "do as i say not as i do" situation. Basically don't contact him. For a while. Give it time. Don't talk to mutual friends about it. Or If you have no one else pick the one least capable of being a rat. (Usually same sex). And even then keep it to a minimum. Keep busy. Do stuff to distract yourself. (Not a bottle of Jack). And when you do see him be cordial but short. Excuse yourself and talk to ANYONE else besides him. Oh and this isn't your fault. Its a pattern and maybe not even the "right" girl can break the spell. (As it sounds like he hits the eject button before solid feelings develop). 1
Author ellieryan85 Posted December 22, 2012 Author Posted December 22, 2012 I already have hung out with his family, and had dinner with them. We've gotten together for casual meetings and hangouts as well as family dinners. He told me to even be friends with them and hang out with them. I know he isn't sleeping around, he's a pretty shy guy and he hasn't had that many sex partners. He told me during the break up that he was never going to find a girl again...
sweetkiwi Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Well he will. And you'll find another guy. Don't hang out with his family or him anymore.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Nah. Just let his sorry ass go and not let the door hit him on the way out. My ex (as of 3 hours) is a commitment phobe , I think. He claimed he had four 5-year-relationships since he was 20, but it's telling that none of them developed into engagement or marriage. Not to mention, it's possible that he was dumped 4 too many times, and is now taking it out his hatred of and frustrations with women on every girl he meets. My ex cycled through hot and cold treatments, threats of break-up and actual break-ups (even though 99% of the time that we were together, things were great). He then got back together with me , claiming the first break-up was never a break-up, but rather, a break. Anyway, this time, though, he seems adamant and serious about not talking to me anymore. He ended it a few hours ago, via text mssg. Didn't even give me the courtesy of a phone call (even when I asked if I could talk to him one last time) (we were in a LDR). Whatever. I am devastated, and it hurts probably worse than if someoen had stabbed me and twisted the knife in, but I guess a few years down the line, I won't even remember this. That's the thing that depresses me: that I might still remember him or the times we spent together. It hurts way too much to remember that stuff. I need to forget. Anyway, I think your bf has made up his mind and there is no use talking to him about it. Even if you convince him to give it another chance, his heart won't be in it, and it iwll only serve to give you false hope, only for your hopes to be shattered again (and make you feel even worse). Good luck and let us know what happens.
Author ellieryan85 Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 I do want to talk to him to see if he can shed any more light on the situation. I'm not going to talk to him right away, I'll give it some time. It is hard to see someone I was friends with before all of this going through this. I do think part of it is depression. I've never felt like this about a guy before, and I don't want to just throw in the towel without an explanation. Either way, he's going to be at all of our friends' gatherings. It needs to be not awkward. There really isn't an option to avoid him.
Author ellieryan85 Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 And that for me, talking to him more about it--which I think he'd be thrilled to do--would probably make me feel worse, not better. Why would he be thrilled to talk about our relationship? Anyway, we've had no problems, so part of me is hoping that after the holidays he'll be in a more stable mental place.
flitzanu Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 just mentioned this in another thread. "commitment issues" = "always watching for something better." seriously, it's a horrible excuse. if you're truly into someone it won't be hard to commit to them unless you're just fickle. 1
Svet74 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I can kinda relate to your situation because my bf broke up with me saying he does not see a future with me. we only dated 2 months but it was intense. like i saw him prob 4-5 times a week for the last month. first month was just a couple times a week. Funny thing is he breaks up with me right after i meet his parents. they asked him serious quesitons and put pressure on him. They liked me a lot which is a good thing. Anyway after he broke things off i went cold! cut contact. Asked him to not contact me for the next 4 weeks, go on his trip and to call me when he gets back. He also asked to be friends and i told him il decided when he gets back. long story short. he ended up messenging one of my friends I work with telling her he wasnt sure if he did the right thing, then later told her he misses me
Recommended Posts