Eternal Sunshine Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Did you get a feeling that the person is special and stands apart from the rest after reading their profile and seeing their pictures? Even before you met?
Andy_K Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Nope. Getting the idea in to your head that someone is special, before you've even met, is generally a disastrous way to approach OLD. For one thing profiles can be misleading in both text and pictures, and for another, the more you view one profile as special the more inclined you are to ignore other profiles from people who ultimately might turn out to be a much better match for you. The idea is you find someone who you think is attractive with a fair chance you'll have enough in common for things to work out, then you meet up. Anything beyond that is ultimately setting yourself up for disappointment, and (particularly for women IMO) is the reason many say it just doesn't work for them and there's nobody worthwhile out there. This is because if you focus on only the profiles head and shoulders above the rest, and even they turn out not to be great, you'll soon dismiss everyone as not worthwhile, whereas the reality is that often the best relationships will come from profiles that didn't leap out at you from the word go.
Brit Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Can anyone give their reviews of the various sites. The difference between Match, Eharmony, and Wealthymen.......and others! Thanks!
tigressA Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Feeling that way is possible--it's happened for me, anyway--but I wouldn't say it leads you to a LTR. It just indicates that you could have a lot of chemistry with this person when you meet. I felt my man was special after reading his profile, and sparks did fly immediately upon meeting, but I wasn't expecting to enter a relationship with him. When I first started OLD, there was another profile I thought was special, and we did have a lot of chemistry, but he was only looking for casual dating. Also, when I first saw my ex's profile I didn't think it was anything special (in fact I had posted here about something on it being a possible red flag), but we dated for over a year and lived together. Speaking from my experiences, I'll say to just give everyone who messages you a once-over. Don't focus just on the ones that really stand out--there are not many of those, anyway.
edgygirl Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 The guy I dated for a year had a profile that indicated we had the same interests - we belong and like the same subculture - musically, aesthetically etc. and that's probably the main reason we connected. I usually look for this kind of guy when browsing OLD sites, but in my case it's quite hard to find as they are rare. Honestly though I am starting to think that values and goals are much more important than interests, so the way I browse now is trying to get a feeling if the guy is looking for the same things in life as I am. Problem is, as someone pointed out, a lot of people write a fantasy version of themselves that they think others might like, so it's hard to tell even when they seem to have the same goals. I think I'm learning to read between the lines though.
salparadise Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Did you get a feeling that the person is special and stands apart from the rest after reading their profile and seeing their pictures? Even before you met? Yes, we both got that feeling. We wasted no time getting to the phone and it was still feeling quite promising. Two weeks later I rode 500 miles on my motorcycle to meet her. We hit it off immediately and our first date lasted 6 days. I turned out to be a wonderful relationship in many ways, although not perfect, and it lasted a year and a quarter. It was special in a way that I doubt I'll find again. Perhaps the next one will be even more special but in a different way. Anyway, the answer to your question is that I did feel she stood out from the others dramatically, and she felt the same. It was an unlikely string of occurrences.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 I DID. I never expected to; it was not something I was requiring, but when I saw my husband on Match.com, I liked him SO much from his pictures and what he wrote in his profile. He had a very wry and humorous look on his face in his pictures, like, "can you believe I'm posing out on my deck?" and at the same time, he was working it. His writing - super funny and tongue in cheek. He communicated a lot just in the tone of what he wrote. I strongly got the impression that I was encountering one of my kind of people. You know - kind of like we, here on LoveShack can get a very solid impression of who we're dealing with by reading what is written. I was aware that I might be misinterpreting it, but it was worth a try. Turns out I was right. I'm not suggesting that people should look for this - I think it's rare for a person to be so adept at transmitting a lot about who they really are through pictures and a short written introduction. Plenty of people who might be a great match for you may be poor at doing this. Both my husband and I happen to be the type of people who have that skill and we recognized a lot of common ground in one another right away.
CarrieT Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 I did not because his profile just seemed too good to be true. I thought it had to be another scammer (I got taken in more than once on that accord). I also didn't feel it on the first date - it took several dates and getting to know him for us to click...
carhill Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Did you get a feeling that the person is special and stands apart from the rest after reading their profile and seeing their pictures? Even before you met? Most of the women I've met in the last 20 years were via a method other than real life chance encounters and, IME, uniformly, none has generated a 'connection' virtually, though a number of them did, when meeting and getting to know in real life, did generate such a connected feeling in spades. In fact, a few I met incidentally through online interactions, not even connected to OLD, developed into significant attraction in real life. Perhaps these anecdotes underscore my natural attraction style, which is based upon intimacy and connection and 'pressing flesh' in real life. I just don't get worked up over electrons when the person is otherwise unknown. Other people are different. Big world, lots of people.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 (edited) Yes, definitely. His profile didn't have much to it, and there was no picture. He messaged me through the site when I was online. We chatted, and he e-mailed me some pictures. I could see that he was really cute, and it was obvious from the chat he was very intelligent and we had a lot in common. I had set a goal for myself to line up a date for that weekend, since I was tired of sitting home lonely and not doing much about it. I chatted with about a dozen guys that week, and he was the most appealing to me. So I said yes to going out with him that weekend. We chatted, texted, and had a couple of phone calls that week, and yeah, I was very excited to meet him. I was nervous, too, but I kept my attitude light and positive. Then we met that Saturday night, and I felt a lightning bolt right when I met him. We've been together for 6 months, and I keep wanting to end it for various reasons. I told myself we'd enjoy Christmas together and then I'd make a decision. But now everybody I know is telling me they think I should stick with it. So I don't know. A guy friend of mine even said don't end it until you get someone else lined up! And I'm like really? I could never do that! We'll see how Christmas goes and how I feel. Edited December 22, 2012 by Ruby Slippers
salparadise Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 I keep wanting to end it for various reasons. I told myself we'd enjoy Christmas together and then I'd make a decision. But now everybody I know is telling me they think I should stick with it. So I don't know. A guy friend of mine even said don't end it until you get someone else lined up! And I'm like really? I could never do that! We'll see how Christmas goes and how I feel. Waiting until after Christmas to bring up issues is a kindness indeed. I'm suffering through the holidays because my GF didn't seem to give a flip.
KathyM Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 My sister met a man through OLD that appeared to be a gem from the start, and he was. She married him and is very happily married. A friend of mine also found a wonderful woman through OLD, and has been happily married to her for several years now. My niece met her SO through OLD, and she has had a LTR of 3 years now with him. There are some quality people on there, that are obvious quality from the start.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Waiting until after Christmas to bring up issues is a kindness indeed. I'm suffering through the holidays because my GF didn't seem to give a flip. That sucks. I'm sorry I hope you have someone to hang out with, or at least a bunch of movies and silly fun to entertain yourself with.
FitChick Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I use OLD as a weeding mechanism and try not to make any snap judgments until I meet someone. My intuition is pretty good though so the meeting will generally confirm my impressions. I don't believe in love at first sight. Lust at first sight, yes.
salparadise Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 I use OLD as a weeding mechanism and try not to make any snap judgments until I meet someone. My intuition is pretty good though so the meeting will generally confirm my impressions. I don't believe in love at first sight. Lust at first sight, yes. There is absolutely no better way to find large numbers of potentially suitable dating partners than online dating sites. My advice is to use it only to become aware and make contact with potential dates, then meet after a few emails and take it from there. You cannot get to know anyone via a profile and messaging. You can eliminate people who are obviously not suitable but it's only good for rough cuts. Don't waste any time or invest any emotion in a person who is hesitant to meet in person. When you meet in person, if there is interest, exchange phone numbers and email and get off the dating site. At that point it becomes a traditional dating situation and you're able to discern if there is real potential. 1
tuxedo cat Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 (edited) One thing I've noticed from comparing my impressions online vs. in real life is it's really easy for me to pick up on people's flaws through their profiles and more difficult to see their positive qualities. It may be because most people lack the self awareness to present themselves well. Or I should social self awareness. On the other hand, if I don't see any flaws in a profile, if someone seems too smooth, I sometimes get uneasy. I've dated a few people like this and they were usually hiding unsavory parts of themselves. So I guess the key is finding people who aren't too smooth and have flaws you can tolerate. Edited December 23, 2012 by tuxedo cat
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 I did the other approach, where I just met up with anyone who wasn't a complete turn off. My profile impressions are nearly always confirmed. Especially regarding how intelligent a guy is which is important to me. Having said that, the few guys I did feel feel a connection to - I wasn't super excited upon reading their profiles/seeing their pictures. They were among better ones for sure, but it was only after meeting them and getting a sense of them as a person that I was really attracted. So who knows what's the right approach.
Recommended Posts