denxnis Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 (edited) Listening to really inspired me today... If you and your significant other have been broken up for a while I challenge YOU to write a letter which you will send to your ex a few days before the new year. Preferably by snail mail so they can't reply as easily. Be the bigger man/woman, let go of the hate, let go of the pain. Only then will you know that you have truly moved on. Mine if anyone is interested. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for the wonderful times we shared and thank you for the bad times as well. I can still picture you in piano class tapping the keys with one finger, you were always a goof. Sometimes when I walk by the elementary school the smell of grass reminds me of the first time we kissed. Your back lye flat on the grass, you were between my knees, my eyes shut, and well you know the rest... I fell madly in love with your innocence and goofy sense of humor. It was awesome. Like the kids we were, and still are, we took each other for granted as time passed. No one is perfect, we didn't know any better. Then we broke up, for good this time. It sucked, a lot. I have learned to love you and I have learned to hate you. I've learned that I don't want to live my life for me - I want to live my life for others. I live so that someday the children I have and the children they have can live a better life than I did. At some time during our relationship we drifted off course and I truly believe I needed this "nudge" to set me straight. So again, thank you [her name]. If it weren't for all of the good times and bad times I would not be the person I am today. Happy New Year Edited December 22, 2012 by denxnis 1
th90 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Is this really necessary after all the struggles to stay NC? The only thing I have left to tell my ex is how sorry I am for all the mistakes I've done (do not involve cheating/doing things behind his back) with or without intentions. Just wanna ask for forgiveness if I've hurt him in the past. Anyway I'm reluctant because I may regret breaking NC.
Author denxnis Posted December 22, 2012 Author Posted December 22, 2012 Is this really necessary after all the struggles to stay NC? The only thing I have left to tell my ex is how sorry I am for all the mistakes I've done (do not involve cheating/doing things behind his back) with or without intentions. Just wanna ask for forgiveness if I've hurt him in the past. Anyway I'm reluctant because I may regret breaking NC. Only if you've moved on. 6 years we spent together growing up and she cheated. I would never be able to trust her again therefore I am moving on regardless of how much I miss her. If you are still uncertain then stay no contact.
th90 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Only if you've moved on. 6 years we spent together growing up and she cheated. I would never be able to trust her again therefore I am moving on regardless of how much I miss her. If you are still uncertain then stay no contact. Ya you're right haha
cavalier99 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Listening to really inspired me today... If you and your significant other have been broken up for a while I challenge YOU to write a letter which you will send to your ex a few days before the new year. Preferably by snail mail so they can't reply as easily. Be the bigger man/woman, let go of the hate, let go of the pain. Only then will you know that you have truly moved on. Mine if anyone is interested. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for the wonderful times we shared and thank you for the bad times as well. I can still picture you in piano class tapping the keys with one finger, you were always a goof. Sometimes when I walk by the elementary school the smell of grass reminds me of the first time we kissed. Your back lye flat on the grass, you were between my knees, my eyes shut, and well you know the rest... I fell madly in love with your innocence and goofy sense of humor. It was awesome. Like the kids we were, and still are, we took each other for granted as time passed. No one is perfect, we didn't know any better. Then we broke up, for good this time. It sucked, a lot. I have learned to love you and I have learned to hate you. I've learned that I don't want to live my life for me - I want to live my life for others. I live so that someday the children I have and the children they have can live a better life than I did. At some time during our relationship we drifted off course and I truly believe I needed this "nudge" to set me straight. So again, thank you [her name]. If it weren't for all of the good times and bad times I would not be the person I am today. Happy New Year Denxnis. It is a nice letter and the idea of forgiveness, letting go ect is great. But are you really going to send this? I say no. Just put it away. Trust us. Keep on writing these and you will see how you change and will definitely be glad you didn't send. Send one 6 months form now if you still want to and feel like this. , I can see the emotional rollercoaster in your posts. Disbelief,Depression, ANGER, forgiveness ecetera. This is normal. However don't let your emotions dictate your actions which you have done on occasion. You need more control now. You are still to close to this emotionally and when still suffering thru these emotional up and downs YOU NEED TO DO NOTHING! This will help you even out. Eventually you will start to think more logically. Again DO NOTHING 1
NavyAirTraffic Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 But are you really going to send this? I say no.... you will see how you change and will definitely be glad you didn't send. Crazy that you posted this! 2 days ago I found a letter I wrote and never sent. It was very hard to read, I almost cringed while reading it, I'm very glad I didn't send it. Don't send it, just hide it somewhere. "Sending emails/pouring your heart out, and reaching out to her, aren't as meaningful to your ex as you want them to be." 2
cavalier99 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 (edited) Crazy that you posted this! 2 days ago I found a letter I wrote and never sent. It was very hard to read, I almost cringed while reading it, I'm very glad I didn't send it. Don't send it, just hide it somewhere. "Sending emails/pouring your heart out, and reaching out to her, aren't as meaningful to your ex as you want them to be." Agreed. However i think he is doing this for himself more than for her. Which unto itself is progress! Nonetheless it still would be a bad idea to send even if it is meant as a final farewell. I know what you mean. I had great email composed when i was feeling VERY spiritual...very similar ...forvging her and myself etcetera. Didn't sent it. Read it weeks later and cringed. It is now deleted. I also felt very peaceful when i wrote it but cycled thru different emotions after that and viewed it as WEAK..still do. I was deceiving myself as to how far along i was in my recovery. Edited December 22, 2012 by cavalier99
Jono85 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Only if you've moved on. 6 years we spent together growing up and she cheated. I would never be able to trust her again therefore I am moving on regardless of how much I miss her. If you are still uncertain then stay no contact. dude no offense, but no one, including yourself, or her, will believe you've moved on b/c of this letter. it's a terrible idea b/c you haven't moved on (you've had posts/threads in the last couple weeks showing this). and when u DO move on, you really won't care to send any letters b/c well, you just won't care anymore. this letter is nice and sweet, but comes off pathetic. she's sleeping with another guy and not giving a thought to you, this will just creep her out. give it up man, stay NC. that's the real path to moving on. not sending letters of "acceptance". 1
na49 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 I get the intentions of the letter, to try and show her that you've moved on. Well the real way to show her you've moved on is to forget about her and pay no attention to her. If you have to tell her you've moved on, you haven't moved on. I'm not at that stage and I'm not going to rush to get there. I wish my ex the worst possible, hearing that she was in danger of failing two classes and losing her scholarship made me feel great. Not afraid to admit it either. If it makes you feel good, then you send the letter. My ex won't be getting anything from me though.
LostOne1 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Crazy that you posted this! 2 days ago I found a letter I wrote and never sent. It was very hard to read, I almost cringed while reading it, I'm very glad I didn't send it. Don't send it, just hide it somewhere. "Sending emails/pouring your heart out, and reaching out to her, aren't as meaningful to your ex as you want them to be." I agree the letters I sent my ex.. it was like it had no meaning. It was if someone read it and had no response at all. it hurt a lot too when my ex said it was nice I sent it... which means nothing. Or I guess it means I don't care, but I wanna be nice about it. NC is the best way to let a dumpee suffer. No letter, text etc.. can give the same results as complete silence.
Author denxnis Posted December 22, 2012 Author Posted December 22, 2012 Denxnis. It is a nice letter and the idea of forgiveness, letting go ect is great. But are you really going to send this? I say no. I can see the emotional rollercoaster in your posts. Disbelief,Depression, ANGER, forgiveness ecetera. Again DO NOTHING If I still feel the same way come December 30th then I will send it. You are 100% correct in saying this is all a roller coaster, one day i feel like she is out of my life, another I hate her more than anything. NC is the best way to let a dumpee suffer. Almost every morning I wake up hoping that she is suffering, gets cheated on, or something downright bad happens to her; I hate it. I do not want to be the type of person who feeds off of others downfall. I'm afraid that this hatred towards her will never truly go away, regardless of how much I try and hide it. this letter is nice and sweet, but comes off pathetic. she's sleeping with another guy and not giving a thought to you, this will just creep her out. give it up man, stay NC. that's the real path to moving on. not sending letters of "acceptance". I honestly don't care how pathetic it sounds at this point. I am a good person and will not let someone elses selfish behavior dictate the type of person I become. She doesn't have a real future ahead of her, neither does her new boyfriend. She may be happy now but in the long run I will be the happy one - and I don't think I can truly be happy in the future knowing the last words I said to her were "you're a cheater and a liar". Looking back 10 years from now I think I would be more happy with myself if I did send this letter, even if it delayed the time it took me to "heal". Even after she doesn't respond I will feel like the bigger man, the one who said what is on his mind even if it made me look like an idiot. A lot can change in a week and you are all correct in saying no contact is the way to go in-order to heal. I guess I'll post an update come 2013.. Just my 2 cents.
NavyAirTraffic Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 will not let someone elses selfish behavior dictate the type of person I become. Let's put this another way (a harsher way). Picture her reading your letter with him while their naked in bed (or worse). Hard to swallow but how much affect will your words have in that situation? You can call me a "cheating whore" and I won't care because I don't have an emotional attachment to you (neither does she right now). Save your words to her. It won't impact her and she simply isn't worth it.
Author denxnis Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 Dammit... You guys are always right, no contact.
NavyAirTraffic Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Dammit... You guys are always right, no contact. I hope you're being genuine?? It's not NC, it's "she doesn't DESERVE another breath from me!!", then NC is a natural step. I promise, you'll thank us 2 months down the road.
Author denxnis Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 I hope you're being genuine?? It's not NC, it's "she doesn't DESERVE another breath from me!!", then NC is a natural step. I promise, you'll thank us 2 months down the road. It's genuine. After reading your responses it helped me realize that it doesn't matter what she thinks about me. By not cheating and jumping into bed with another girl after the breakup, which I had the chance to do, I automatically become the bigger man/person. She is the one who took the easy way out, not me. Thanks all. 1
Jono85 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 It's genuine. After reading your responses it helped me realize that it doesn't matter what she thinks about me. By not cheating and jumping into bed with another girl after the breakup, which I had the chance to do, I automatically become the bigger man/person. She is the one who took the easy way out, not me. Thanks all. exactly. not only that, perhaps you want to find forgiveness towards her eventually, and feel ready to get rid of the hatred/anger/bitterness towards her, well you don't actually need to tell her that you forgive her/accept everything. you can find this forgiveness on your own and keep it to yourself. not even saying u have to reach that point lol, i know there'll be a large part of me that's going to resent my ex for a very long time, maybe forever, for the way she treated me post breakup. just very cold. but anyway the point is, u don't ever have to give her the validation, nor does she deserve it, if u come to peace with everything. it's all about you. by all means write those letters if it helps cement your feelings about everything in a positive way, and then stash the letter somewhere, or burn it, whatever. 1
Hopeful714 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 and I don't think I can truly be happy in the future knowing the last words I said to her were "you're a cheater and a liar". Once you are healed, Yes, you will be happy these were your last words to her because that's what she is/was. You owe her nothing but the sweet revenge of living well and moving on.
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