SharkTooth Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 First Timer here...But any advice would be deeply appreciated... My ex girlfriend broke up with me 6 weeks ago. It was a shock but not entirely surprising. Our relationship was pretty strong and the break up was amicable. I have been down the break up road before and really, I wasn't looking for a serious relationship when we fell in love. Anyway, with my past relationships, I cut off everything. Completely done with that girl at the time. It hurt and I had all the emotions but never wanted them back. I'm very stubborn I guess. But with my ex now, I am feeling differently. I can't shake her from my thoughts. She wanted to be friends and all that crap so yep, no problem, she doesn't know but I'm done, but no, I can't do what I did with the others and cut it off at the knees. Alright long story short. I went over to her house last night for a gift exchange. Yep, stupid, but I can't help it. So I know what to say and not what to say. We spend a couple hours shooting the breeze. Catching up, laughs, etc. But then...I say good bye right? And she goes for the good bye hug. I expect a quickie but hell no, it's a long warm, super close, sweet hug! I mean one of those hugs you remember hugs! LoL. So what the hell? She's smart and she knows that the feeling was awesome. I could feel her vibe if you know what I mean. The vibe was just great! So I'm not sure if I should proceed with my 2013 plan of "I'm done with her" and cut her off. Or what? From the bottom of my heart, I believe she is the one...the last woman I will ever have in my life but I am a realist and stubborn so what advice would you give? Keeping in mind that it's killing me not knowing if there is a second chance in the future...Oh, one more thing, we have been texting small talk since the break up and she did say numerous times how sorry she was about the break up...if that helps Thank you all in advance...
WhatYouWantToHear Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 it's killing me not knowing if there is a second chance in the future I swear, the internet has turned us into a species of passive aggressive cowards. Check out these boards they are constantly filled with problems for which the answer can easily be obtained by asking the correct person a direct question: What is this person thinking? Why did they say that? How come they did this? Blah Blah Blah Go ask her yourself then you will have a definitive answer instead of speculation from some random people on the internet. 1
Author SharkTooth Posted December 22, 2012 Author Posted December 22, 2012 Yeah, you make some good points. 5 or 6 years ago, you'd only be talking to your friends about the awful feelings you're trying to get through. I guess I'm a hopeful coward or maybe I just want to make 110% sure I have not missed any steps that may help my goal of the second chance before I ask the question. I guess that's all I wanted to ask advice on. I like to have the best odds in my favor. So would that be wait it out a little longer, like after the holidays? Bottom line is she broke up with me. The last time I checked, that means she didn't want to be with me. With my experience in past relationships it has been very hard but somehow simple, to just get over it and don't look back . The people on here are hurting and I can relate with that...
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 It sounds like you really care about her...it does. So the breakup was peaceful. Why did you two breakup though? Feelings changed or something? I do not know based on your info...but it sounds like a feelings change. It's Christmas...you'll miss her more. If she's still texting you, well...maybe she meant it when she wanted to stay friends. Or she could mean something else. Only she knows...
Sugarkane Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Because dumpers love leaving everything unresolved. They rarely give us any answers as to what they actually think. I swear, the internet has turned us into a species of passive aggressive cowards. Check out these boards they are constantly filled with problems for which the answer can easily be obtained by asking the correct person a direct question: What is this person thinking? Why did they say that? How come they did this? Blah Blah Blah Go ask her yourself then you will have a definitive answer instead of speculation from some random people on the internet.
Author SharkTooth Posted December 22, 2012 Author Posted December 22, 2012 Thanks for the replies. The reason for the breakup..."I just don't think we can grow as a family" is what she said. You see, she has an 8 year old son and I have a 14 year old son. My son came down for the summer and suddenly stayed forever (another story). At that time I thought our relationship would probably be over but to my surprise, she was extremely excited! My son who had just learned he was moving in with us, leaving all his friends, going in to a new school, and leaving everything he had known behind, was understandably in major shock. It was the best and worst time for him and me. I'm a good father and have always been there for him, but never "raised" him. He lived 1,000 miles away. I was the "Disney dad". Anyway, he came in to dad being in love and was happy for that but was very uncomfortable with my ex. She did everything in her power to make him feel comfortable but he was having a hard time with it. It wasn't that he was mean, he just didn't acknowledge her. She was very patient and I was trying my best to adjust to the whole thing. He continued to say how unhappy he was daily to me anyway. I knew this would pass but I had a hard time disciplining him because of what he was going through. I know that now but at the time, I thought she would understand. The final straw was when he went to school for the first day. She text him and said have a great day at school. He never replied. Then the killer. She told me that she was becoming uncomfortable coming home from work and that she was beginning to build a wall between her and my son. I had begun to talk to my son about how he was treating everyone, never telling him the truth about her. I thought that time would take care of everything but now I guess the wall was to big. I offered to move out and back in to my house and see how that would work and there was a spark of light. So I moved and we saw each other on weekends and I thought it was great and going well. This would give me and my son a chance to get to know each other and I would be able to be the real father with all the responsibilities. After 2 months, that was when she told me the news... Now please know that my son will never ever know that he might of had something to do with our break up. As his dad, I will protect him from that, forever. The good news, is this is the best thing that could have happened for us. We have gotten closer and he talks about my ex. He knows I am sad even though I hide it pretty good. He wanted to send Christmas cards to all his family and friends and he did. He wrote a small note on everyone (he's a writer) and then he asked me for my ex's address and he sent one off... So she tells me she received the card and continues to say she is going to give my son a big hug. I guess he might have apologized or something because that wall she built would not come down for a simple card. I do know that she loved the hell out of me and really wanted the same things I did. I totally understand her position because if the roles were reversed and her son treated me the same way, love isn't strong enough to over come that... Huh, after writing all of my story, I think I have more clarity. This wasn't a typical breakup. It was complicated. What do you think?
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