sophiez Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 My ex and I have been broken up for a little over two months now (after an 8 year relationship). It was a pretty horrible break up, with him essentially telling me that in order to make progress with all of the important things in his life (school and work), he had to cut me out of the picture. Needless to say, that's definitely a blow to anyone's self esteem and self worth. I've been in NC for a little over a month now, and have been surprised at my own strength and willpower. Optimism and hard work combined prove to be quite an effective motivator for change! The only problem is sleep. My dreams are filled to the brim with worst case scenarios. I see him with other people. I see him rejecting me, over and over again. The thoughts I work so hard to keep out of my mind throughout the day, are played out in detail while I sleep. It's absolute torture. I wake up miserable. Cold sweats, heart physically aching. Full fledged leaps backwards in my progress. Has anyone here ever experienced EXCESSIVE dreaming about their ex? Did it slow down your healing? When did it stop? Any similar experiences or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!
na49 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 I've had dreams about my ex too. Most of the time they are dreams where we are together and are happy, which sucks. I wake up and feel like crap the whole day. Try thinking about other things before going to bed. I don't know much about how to control dreams but I think there are things that can be done to stop them. 8 years is a long time, I'm really sorry for your loss. Keep posting here, everyone here is very helpful and they will make you feel much better. They've helped me out a lot.
geegirl Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 My ex and I have been broken up for a little over two months now (after an 8 year relationship). It was a pretty horrible break up, with him essentially telling me that in order to make progress with all of the important things in his life (school and work), he had to cut me out of the picture. Needless to say, that's definitely a blow to anyone's self esteem and self worth. I've been in NC for a little over a month now, and have been surprised at my own strength and willpower. Optimism and hard work combined prove to be quite an effective motivator for change! The only problem is sleep. My dreams are filled to the brim with worst case scenarios. I see him with other people. I see him rejecting me, over and over again. The thoughts I work so hard to keep out of my mind throughout the day, are played out in detail while I sleep. It's absolute torture. I wake up miserable. Cold sweats, heart physically aching. Full fledged leaps backwards in my progress. Has anyone here ever experienced EXCESSIVE dreaming about their ex? Did it slow down your healing? When did it stop? Any similar experiences or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!! I remember when we ended. I couldn't catch a break. I consistently had dreams of him being mean and avoiding me. Dreams of him flaunting women infront of me and in the dream I would be crying and as I would wake, my face would be drenched. It was horrible. As I was progressing, the dreams were transitioning into me avoiding him and soon after, they were few and far between. It took months. It's normal. It's not an indication that you are facing setbacks. It's part and parcel of grieving and going through the stages of healing. You had an 8 year relationship and have spent only 2 months trying to overcome. Everything that you are doing otherwise is testament that you are capable of recovery and change. The dreams will be there but it won't always be this way. You're well on your way. Keep going. After I let go of my ex, the dreams stopped. I lost my Nana three years ago and I consistently get dreams of her and I always wake up crying and anxious. It's because I haven't let her go. I think of her everyday.
Billyjo Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 oh yes! a few weeks ago I was having them so bad that I would wake up and feel worse than the actual BU day! I would dream about her with someone else and I once had this dream that I was losing her and trying desperately to hold on..waking up from that one was the worst feeling I've ever felt. I make it an absolute point now to think of something else before I fall asleep- even if I think of her all day I make sure right before I doze off I'm thinking of something else and I haven't had the dreams in a couple weeks now.
cavalier99 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 (edited) Not dreaming much. Could be the excessive partying, new adventures , and tons of alcohol the last couple weeks! Woke up fully dressed hung over on couch this morning. More concerned about my liver than dreams! However did have really bad dreams before.made a thread about one...seems to have ended. Im 11 weeks NC. Edited December 21, 2012 by cavalier99
datdude Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Unfortunately, my problem has been getting any sleep these past three weeks. I feel like there are a million thoughts and questions running through my mind that surface when I can finally relax. Last night, though, my first dream about my ex... definitely set me back a bit today. It's as if every time I find a way to take that next step, those two steps back find their way into my healing.
th90 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 Previously when I thought of my ex all day and felt like crap, I only had 3 dreams about him in 4weeks and they definitely made me felt worse. This week I started thinking less and doing better and feeling happier but he came into my dreams 2 nights in a row now. It's almost like the lesser I think of him, the more dreams I'm getting about him. They make me feel horrible but I'm not gonna let them take away my happy days.
Samilia Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 My ex and I have been broken up for a little over two months now (after an 8 year relationship). It was a pretty horrible break up, with him essentially telling me that in order to make progress with all of the important things in his life (school and work), he had to cut me out of the picture. Needless to say, that's definitely a blow to anyone's self esteem and self worth. I've been in NC for a little over a month now, and have been surprised at my own strength and willpower. Optimism and hard work combined prove to be quite an effective motivator for change! The only problem is sleep. My dreams are filled to the brim with worst case scenarios. I see him with other people. I see him rejecting me, over and over again. The thoughts I work so hard to keep out of my mind throughout the day, are played out in detail while I sleep. It's absolute torture. I wake up miserable. Cold sweats, heart physically aching. Full fledged leaps backwards in my progress. Has anyone here ever experienced EXCESSIVE dreaming about their ex? Did it slow down your healing? When did it stop? Any similar experiences or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!! Not about my ex, but about other things. The brain heals up at night, that's why Alzheimer patients usually are more receptive in the morning. Your brain is processing your emotions when you sleep. I think you could use a few cessions of counselling, let it out, talk to someone else than your friend and family. If you don't have insurance, you can find clinics based on the revenue and a cession would cost you about 20 bucks. There's also the solution of taking a sleep aid but a lot of them have an addictive effect and honestly I hate putting a blanket over a problem, that won't make it go away. So, in short, yes, it's normal. Congrats on your "recovery" btw, what a strong will indeed.
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