DanP Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Hello all I'm in a pretty poor situation... Guess that's how all of us ended up here for the first time right? A couple of months ago, I ended things with my ex. Didn't care or speak for a few weeks after that, because I guess I thought we would end up back together. This was actually something I did a few times during the relationship, and we were always fine in the end. Except this time was the final straw for her. She is no longer in love with me because of all the times I hurt her this way. Basically, as usual I realised my mistake, but when I went back she was no longer interested. We talked, I threw all my dignity out the window, begged, cried, you name it. We have met a few times in the last couple of weeks for dinner etc, but she still says her feelings haven't come back. I asked her to do some serious thinking last night about what we should do, and this is a copy and paste of what she said to me this morning:- "Hey. I done all my thinking last night. Still don't really know what to say to be honest. But I know how much you love me and what I mean to you. But it took way to long for you to realise that and during that time I got hurt a lot and it made me feel the way I do now. I do love you and always will your a big part of my life but I'm not ready to just get back into a relationship with you. I just think we should leave it a few weeks go to your sessions do your work and not speak to me. Then after you have has a few more sessions we might be able to talk about us again. I might even miss you in that space of time I just feel like i need time ok. But this isn't its over or anything it's just I need some time and space I hope you understand" Now as you may guess from that I am speaking to a professional about some issues from my past that cause me to treat her that way. I just don't know what to do. I am gonna be strong and not contact her like she has asked, and she said she will contact me first in time. She has told me she will not be meeting anyone else in this time, and I believe her because she has a heart of gold. I just don't know if I should be hanging on when it drives me crazy 24/7. Any advice GREATLY appreciated!
Chi townD Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Do as she asks. But, don't cling onto hope. Start living your life as if she isn't coming back. Because, there's a good chance that she's not. She may end up emailing you again stating that even though she loves you, her life has been stress free and she has been happy for the first time in a long time...blah...blah.... (I seen it before.) So, start your NC program. And start living your life as if she's not coming back. I mean, just look at what she wrote, " We MIGHT be able to talk about us. Or she MIGHT miss you in the time that you're away." Which tells me she doesn't miss you at all right now.
Author DanP Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 Cheers for the reply fella! That's exactly how I took it as well. I think I'm just clinging on to something that isn't there anymore, and need to start living my life again without her. I guess if I can learn to be happy on my own it will put me in a better position if she was ever to get back in touch. Feeling quite positive at this moment in time, hope I can keep it up.
Chi townD Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Dude, you're feelings are going to go up and down for a while. It's called the roller coaster of emotions and it's completely NORMAL. Yeah, just start moving forward as if she's gone. But hey! If she comes back, then it's a pleasant surprise. But, don't cling on to false hope. Just move forward.
Jono85 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 this was my situation earlier this year. i screwed up my relationship and by the time i told her i loved her and put everything on the table (for many months she was saying it without an ILY back from me b/c i just wasn't sure) it was too late. we tried again but only lasted a couple weeks. her feelings had disappeared. now b/c of this, i've maybe stupidly, spent months (very limited contact mind you, ie. a couple phone calls and couple emails) clinging to hope and trying to prove to her that i'm serious and i'm sure about her. but if anything it's probably distanced her even more and made her less attracted to me. she's now finally seeing another guy, and i've given up as she flat out told me a few weeks ago that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore and does for this guy. point is...quit now. give her all the space in the world and don't bother her anymore. u can't change her mind unfortunately. she's gotta want it. just let go and try to heal the best u can. there might be hope for u guys in the future some day, who knows. but she's not going to believe you can change without lots of time (months, not weeks).
Author DanP Posted December 22, 2012 Author Posted December 22, 2012 Completely agree, you make a lot of sense. I have been clinging on to the 3 years we had together and the future we planned, but once feelings are gone I think they are gone for good. All about me, gonna do the usual, sort my head, get a car, hit the gym etc.. Then when the next relationship comes around, whoever that's with, I'll be in a much better position :-)
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