19 and shes 19. cheated and betrayed. i need some of your words

[this_guy_is_not_fine]

My ex and I were (from what I now look back on) in such a loving and beautiful relationship. This was that first love that will never leave you. We had been together from start to the end for around a year and half (the first 5 months were through summer before college and the rest were through college). Through this time we were best friends, passionate lovers, and we dove into each others souls.

I began to pull back however in the middle of my first semester. I started feeling depressed, maybe it just had arisen as a chemical imbalance but I soon started to get scared of my feelings and scared that I was letting her down. when we would see eachother over break i would start petty arguments such as 'she didnt show me the smile I thought i wanted to see.' stuff that just made me think i was letting her down in some way and letting myself down. This grew in me and then i began panicking about my self identity and who i was without her. she was perfect though, so nice and caring and completely invested in me. I wanted there to be something wrong and i don't know why now. Skype calls became one sided with me just sulking as i saw her pretty face trying so hard to engage me and talk. I felt like i had nothing to say and nothing i said was going to be interesting to her.

I never cheated on her or thought of cheating nearly the entirety of freshman year. but a week before i went home for summer vacation i had sex with a girl at a party. I guess i needed validation that i could be okay on my own in this world without her. I didn't enjoy it at all. but i came home and we worked so hard to fix things even though she didn't know about the girl and we had the most amazing summer of my life. the killer is i went back to boston and for some ****ing reason had sex with that girl again. I'm a lousy ****ing cheater.

Then, wanting to keep it a secret to spare her from the pain and knowing i couldnt live with this terrible thing i did i broke up with her and left her in shambles. but on top of it all my best friend drunk one night doesnt feel like listening to my ex that keeps asking about me and decides to tell her how i cheated. the resulting ****storm has broken me apart and broken her as well. it has been close to 4 and half months since and I'm in love with her still. I can't move on and would do anything and be anything for her. but she's moved on in a way. she still loves me and still cares for me. but she's been through a lot, i mean a lot. and she says she couldn't do it again. she's now talking with another guy and will see him on new years. This is really sensitive for me. i just needed to vent to you guys. i literally love this woman so much. i was just a confused little boy but I've got the heart of a man now.

[sweetkiwi]

Im sorry. It will get better. Don't cheat. Take it from me man, it will rip you both apart no matter what. I left my ex the day after i cheated and it caused such a huge rift that he swings wildly from loving me to hating me every few years. I will always love him but i stay away for his benefit. We were eachothers first loves as well.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude! But, you screwed this one up and good! She tried to get you engaged in the relationship and you pushed her away. SHe tried to contact you to stay active in your life and you pushed her away. Then, you did the cruelist thing you can possibly do to someone, you gave yourself to another girl not once , but TWICE!

 

You guys are young, you need to be a man and chaulk this up as lessons learned. That a man wouldn't be so cruel to the woman that he loves. A man wouldn't betray the woman that he loves on multiple occasions. Welcome to being a grown up!

 

Sorry, dude. But, you lost her and you've got no one to blame but yourself. Leave her alone and let her go. Let her find her way and if you say you really love her, then you would want her to be happy, even if it's not with you.

 

Live, learn, heal and move on.

[HaveFaithxx]

Im so sorry; I feel your pain. I also cheated on my ex when I was around the same age. We were married. I regretted it and hated myself. I was living in a hell, but I deserved it. I learned from it though, and can say that I am the perfect gf in a relationship. I really take care of the person I love and am completely loyal. You have to forgive yourself; you made a big mistake. You are not a bad person though if you learn from it and change (depspite what others here might say). You need to forgive yourself so that you can move on. It's really hard, but you will love again.

[Bumaga vsyo sterpit]

Four and a half months is WAY too long to stay hung up on an ex. Honestly, I operate on under half that time and it was usually my exes, not me, who ****ed it all up. Your girl was very patient and loyal, maybe because she was more attached and the one who cares less has the power. I honestly think you had problems outside of this, because she couldn't make you happy. Whatever problems you had she couldn't solve or even relieve, and you had to vent them out. Lookin' back on it, what difference does it make if this girl comes back to you? If you have all that again you'll be back to square one. You weren't using what you had when you had it, so why do you want it back? You'd like to think that if she just came around and got back with you it would magically solve everything, but in fact it would do nothing at all except take away your sharp pain for a few days. That relief, like all relief, would wear off.

 

Doesn't it occur to you that it's probably only the pain of abandonment and rejection that's making you think you love her so much? You're confusing emotions here.

 

I think the pain is so bad it's making you exaggerate your feelings and promise the world if things were different, but we all know what people are like in their time of need, versus their time of comfort. It's really the same with dumped boyfriends, dumped girlfriends, friends who need favors, or clients who "need' your services now and promise to pay you when they can. Human nature is all the same.

 

At the end of the day your girl's confused because she realizes if she came back to you, it'd be more for you than her. You were tired of her before but you're the dead weight now. I imagine she's had a bit of a sheltered life, just a year out of high school and your being her first relationship and all. The lecture halls, the pubs and clubs, the friends and the new guys are all lookin' good. Put yourself in her shoes: why would you go back? The past was great, but the past is dead. And honestly, long before you started cheating things were getting old and stale.

 

You knew before that you were feeling fine without her - you needed validation that you could be okay on your own, and you got it. It's time to remember that now. For someone with the heart of a man, you're just succumbing to your immediate emotions (i.e. I want it, I "need" it, I NEED IT, IT'S NOT THERE, WHY ISN'T IT THERE?!, WHEN WILL IT BE HERE?!). That's what a little boy does.

 

Neways, when you cheat on a woman you love, just don't ever, ever tell her. Sometimes lying is there to protect the ones you love from purely psychological harm, and to stop a storm in a teacup. Lost trust is a mind****.

[this_guy_is_not_fine]

i tried to keep it from her but my supposed best friend selfishly told her. I guess moving on has to be done. how does anyone deal with having an SO be intimate with another man? so hypocritical i realize, but so amazingly painful.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude. But you had her and you pushed her away. Now, you've lost her and she is going to be with other people. It is what it is.

 

Best thing you can do is go NC on her. Move on with your life and she'll move on with hers.