yolatanga Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Two yrs ago I went through a pretty bad breakup with my man after 8 yrs. We did not speak until this past July. To this day he's never explained why he broke up the relationship. Since July he's been pretty nice to me. He buys me things, takes me dinner, fixes my car...etc. He told me he loved me last week. We've never discussed getting back together. So I'm not sure what he's thinking. However, the other day he yelled at me about wanting to go away. Of course without me. Then he apologized and said "I don't know if I'm going away for the holidays". He asked me to send him some info via e-mail. I did two days ago. Haven't heard from him since. I sent him one text to alert him of the e-mail I sent. No word back. He lives via his phone so I know he's read it. My friend told me last night he went to Florida until the mid of January. Really? My problem is he knew he was leaving and was trying to hide it. What gives? Not even a Merry Xmas either. I feel stupid for buying him a gift now. Do I have a right to be upset?
Mcnulty Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Yes, you have a right to be upset. It's not like you hassled him to further the rel. You were supposed to be friends...friends don't off and not tell you what their plans are. BUT, it's a rocky playing field, being friends with the ex, I know, I'm in it right now. Difference between me and you is I'm friends with her at a distance that is safe for me, I speak to her and text her regularly, but dont see her, that's protecting me. Maybe you should have kept the friendship at more of a distance, that way you wouldn't be so offended by his passive attitude. He's not a good friend, he's just proved that, so distance yourself from him, likle he has you.
Author yolatanga Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 Thanks. I think you might be right. I think he has a GF down there and doesn't want to tell me.
geegirl Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Two yrs ago I went through a pretty bad breakup with my man after 8 yrs. We did not speak until this past July. To this day he's never explained why he broke up the relationship. Since July he's been pretty nice to me. He buys me things, takes me dinner, fixes my car...etc. He told me he loved me last week. We've never discussed getting back together. So I'm not sure what he's thinking. However, the other day he yelled at me about wanting to go away. Of course without me. Then he apologized and said "I don't know if I'm going away for the holidays". He asked me to send him some info via e-mail. I did two days ago. Haven't heard from him since. I sent him one text to alert him of the e-mail I sent. No word back. He lives via his phone so I know he's read it. My friend told me last night he went to Florida until the mid of January. Really? My problem is he knew he was leaving and was trying to hide it. What gives? Not even a Merry Xmas either. I feel stupid for buying him a gift now. Do I have a right to be upset? Yola, I remember your story. Your title asks for help in explaining his odd behavior. In the past, this ex has exhibited the same traits, in that he completely dismissed you and you went through a difficult time with him not acknowledging your pain or addresing the end of the relationship. Why would you believe that this time around, he will not be exhibiting the same behaviors? Whether he has a gf in FL is irrelevant. His dismissal and giving you the silent treatment is the same way he treated you before. Why are you going back to this? Love doesn't change his make. His "software" is programmed as such. Should you be upset? Yes. At yourself. Engaging with someone that clearly had zero empathy or conscience or care for your needs or emotional well-being. Why would he be any different now? A gf in FL is the least of your problems. You should be asking yourself why are you going back for Round 2, friend or not.
Appleness Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 He's wait-listing you, most likely. And it sounds like there's residual guilt involved. I think you should just leave him alone. If someone shows you that they can just drop you out of nowhere like that, I'd vanish. It's not your responsibility to chase after him. The other posts are right; whether or not there is a GF in Florida is the least of your worries. This guy is having commitment issues either way. It sounds harsh but he's not available and you need to step back and move on. If and when he does come back, if he's interested he will find you and you can decide from there. Please don't waste time on someone like this.
Author yolatanga Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 He called on Friday night to tell me he was leaving and he left me a gift of money. I left it there. Turns out he thinks this is perfectly normal behavior as we are not in a relationship. Really? It's ok to lie and hurt someone's feelings for no reason whatsoever? I had a hizzy. We had a big fight and that's that. I told him to never speak to me again. The lack of integrity is too much for me to take no matter what he's done for me lately.
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